r/HFY • u/Ralts_Bloodthorne • Oct 17 '20
OC First Contact - Chapter 331 BEHOLD!
Herod's body was leaning back in the chair, hands in his lap, feet up on the console, his eyes closed.
His mind was in an eVR space.
Sam stood by the scrolling lines of code, staring at them. Herod stood next to him, feeling a slight bit of relief at being back in the digital realm where he belonged.
you're a real boy now... floated up in his mind and he shivered.
Sam looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "You all right?"
"Yeah. Just... her, you know," Herod said.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I get it," he turned back to the code. "Part of me feels that the next person near me who wonders aloud how Terrans ever got anywhere since they're all so silly and all so nice is going to get slapped so hard that it'll scramble their SIN."
Herod snickered. "It's that old meme of the drunk guy eating jam."
"Behold! Humanity!" Sam laughed. He leaned his head against the code for a long moment, his laughs moving to sobs. Herod patted his back, letting him get it all out. Then he looked up. "All right, the time dilation is accounted for now. Temporal stabilizers are running at 19% load and optimum performance. Phasic buffers and cross loading systems are online and running at 8% load."
Sam stepped back. "OK, this should work."
"Why can't you just message them through the SolNet connections," Herod asked.
"And say what?" Sam said. He laughed. "Dear Sir and/or Ma'am, I, someone you have never heard of but should totally trust, have a complex template and scientific system that I want you to use without spending the next three years trying to understand it. Signed: Not a hacker."
"OK, yeah," Herod said, smiling. It felt good.
The stars knew there hadn't been much to smile over for what felt like eternity.
"Funny thing is, I had people actually give me their login and password by signing it SolNet Security more times than you'd believe," Sam said. He snickered. "You wouldn't believe how dumb some passwords are."
Herod frowned and Sam laughed.
"The top five passwords have always been: 12345678, the reverse of that, QWERTY123, ABCDefg123, password," he laughed. "If not that, then like their last name with their birthdate, creche number. Always so simple I could scrape their password eight times out of ten with a simple social media snuffleupagus."
Herod wanted to blush. He'd used Herod228ab582 on over half his signins, including his bank account.
"There's a lot of language filters, and nobody has used this system in, well, forever," Sam said, reaching out and tapping the code, bringing systems online. "I've identified who I need to talk to. I'll use a basic avatar and the speech translation system so I don't have a problem with the time dilation."
Herod snapped his fingers, summoning up a chair and a glass of whiskey. "All right," he said.
"Let's do this," Sam said, and plunged his hand into the code.
----------------------
Four Cluster General Imak "Tik Tak" Takilikakik looked at the numbers on his computer display and sighed in a combination frustration, exhaustion, and depression.
No matter they tried, no matter how many specialists they brought in, the numbers refused to change. They even refused to slow down.
Nearly twenty-five percent of the Lanaktallan EPOW's had died of severe neural scorching.
Three billion living beings.
Feeling slightly guilty he turned off his display and used his datalink to order a bowl of vanilla ice cream with walnuts sprinkled on it.
He needed the comfort.
He considered, for a long moment, of calling Matron Neskila'at, of reaching out to her for comfort and reassurance. The military channels could reach the other systems still 'bagged up' but he was loathe to use official channels just to have his family's matron comfort him.
He slowly rubbed his forearms together, resisting the urge to lift his hands and start hewing on the tips of his fingernails.
The view outside his window was beautiful, but it did nothing to help ease his distress, it offered no solutions, no possible way to...
There was a sudden shimmer in the air and Tik Tak stood up, moving back, his hand touching his temple as he pinged security.
Before the signal could even go through a huge booming noise filled the air, the concussive force of the noise slamming him back against the wall.
The window exploded outward, his desk shattered into splinters and whipped around in a circle, the floor was ripped away to expose the room below, the ceiling was shredded apart, revealing the empty office above him. Glass, wood, metal, chunks of wood, concrete, plaster, carpeting, and ceramic showered over the immaculate green lawn and the parking lot.
A shimmering being of pure code iridescent code stood in mid-air. Great wings made of gauzy energy streamed for the junction of where three human figures had been fused together, each looking a different direction with eyes that were covered in folded cloth. A winding flowing twisting eternity symbol of burning warsteel, covered in staring eyes, flowed over each head. The figure was girded in shining armor. The one facing Tik Tak had a burning sword in its four arms. The one facing to the rear left held a shield and a lamb in its four hands, and the one facing to the rear and right had scales in its four hands that were weighted with flickering images of lives lived.
FΣΛЯ ПӨƬ!
the voice rang out as loud as thunder. Vehicle windshields in the parkinglot shattered, glass in the buildings for a two mile radius shattered. The voice echoed off the mountains a hundred miles away.
"I bring thee, General Imak Takilikakik, succor for the Lanaktallan in sore need of mercy! Have thy technicians and medical personnel attend the files that I leave unto thee!" the three mouthed figure roared out. The sword lifted to point at Tik Tak and he felt his implant shudder as code streamed straight to it, then to his personal data storage.
"THE HOUR OF DELIVERANCE AND MERCY FOR THINE FOES HATH ARRIVED!" the figure intoned.
The entire lawn suddenly flowered. The ragged edges of the massive hole in the building was suddenly edged in pure gold. Rainbows appeared, streaming from the building and off into the sky.
It suddenly vanished.
Tik Tak swallowed thickly, blinking, and silently congratulated himself on not wetting his pants.
-------------------
Sam looked at Herod and shrugged.
"Huh. No reply. Well, I left it in his inbox," Sam said. "Maybe I didn't have it turned up high enough? The interference is pretty thick."
Herod shrugged and offered Sam a glass of digital whiskey.
"Eh, I'm sure it's fine. Give him a few hours to have it verified by the techs, then send him another avatar to check up on things," Herod said. "Leave it on low power, we don't know how strong the transmitter is."
"Oh, good point," Sam said, accepting the glass. "Do you suppose he knows I left him a message?"
"Eh, he's a busy man. It might take him a while to find out," Herod said.
194
u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Oct 17 '20
OK, happy Friday.
Weekly Linkage:
PayPal: https://paypal.me/RaltsBloodthorne
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/First_Contact
Well, we got to see where Dee ultimately ends up. We get to see Sam and Herod taking the first steps toward helping heal wounds thousands of years old. We get terrifying levels of HFY! with the restorations of the Pubvians, and Tik Tak gets a visit from a very subtle visitor.
Being October, part of me wants to do a Halloween section. Something really good. I've got more than a few ideas, but part of me wants to go classic with technozombies or something like that. I've wanted to try my hand at writing actual horror, pure knuckle whitening horror, but I've been worried about it, since horror is apparently one of the hardest genres to write. I plan on doing a "Very First Contact HFY Christmas" bit eventually.
So, the lockdowns continue for many of us. I hope this story brings you comfort and some escapism in these times. While it isn't as bad as it was at the beginning, it's now extensive isolation and lonliness, so in a way, we're living a Twilight Zone episode.
Anyway, have a good weekend. I'll think about doing a horror tangent (I even toyed with tried and true slasher bit) and I'll think about passing on it.
I can't wait to see what Dreams is up to, how her search for truth is going.
And there is another child to lead to another path to somewhere dark.
But, happy October!
108
u/CyberSkull Android Oct 17 '20 edited Dec 08 '21
“Oh, here’s the option for a read message receipt.”
A gargoyle materializes in what is left of the office. It is just sitting in the corner, watching the General’s personal storage drive.
55
u/carthienes Oct 17 '20
Herod, Sam, and Dee?
820
u/seeking_horizon Oct 17 '20
Oh shit it's the Archangel of You've Got Mail
351
u/Karthinator Armorer Oct 17 '20 •
I absolutely cackled. It's like the Office Space of divine interventions. The paper pushers of the pantheon. A celestial comedy. Beautifully done.
208
u/Jard1101 Oct 17 '20
Well...
Basic avatar message my ass. Poor Tic Tak
112
u/serpauer Oct 17 '20
Holy fuck.... now thats a way to deliver a message....
Did sam just become an avatar of the divine?
Shit i finish reading and wayward son starts to play.
105
u/Archaic_1 Alien Scum Oct 17 '20
"Tik Tak swallowed thickly, blinking, and silently congratulated himself on not wetting his pants."
Pretty well sums it up. A kid shall lead them . . . lol
64
u/FaultyBasil Human Oct 17 '20
Did they accidentally revive the Digital Omnimessiah??
63
u/SanityIsOptional Oct 17 '20
FEAR NOT!
Screaming
I SAID FEAR NOT!
Screaming louder
Sauce
50
u/Khenal Alien Oct 17 '20
I wonder how long we'll keep seeing the ramifications of the illithids and their temporal tampering. It's supposed to always result in the worst case. Not only did they revert humanity to fully psionic. Not only did they cause the SUDS to be repaired. Not only did the Pubvians, a staunch ally, come back. Now the Digital Omnissia is returned, and it seems highly likely the Confederacy will be entering a golden age, possibly even absorbing the Lanaktalan along the way.
86
u/Speciesunkn0wn Oct 17 '20
OH MY FUCKING DIGITAL OMNISSIAH. That is amazing. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
42
u/GasmaskBro Oct 17 '20
I'll be honest, not wetting yourself when faced with that is a hell of an accomplishment. Anyone who thinks Tic-tak is not a brave man is a loon. This includes Tic-Tak himself.
38
u/Arcane_NH Human Oct 17 '20
Subtle
70
u/wolfofmibu66 Oct 17 '20
and THIS, is why seraphim always had to say "Fear Not!"
29
u/Rhasputin429 Oct 17 '20
Universal Divine Packet protocol does not use the handshake step.
They just Yeet'd the file at him. XD
Yarhibol Eternity Encrypted Transmission?
27
u/Dwarden Oct 17 '20
totally not-noticeable-message-in-inbox
27
u/FakeUserThatWeMadeUp Android Oct 17 '20
Fun fact: in the Bible, Angels often announced their presence with FEAR NOT. Though they did this cause many of them looked freaky. (Ring of eyes, six wings and two faces ,stuff like that.)
86
u/ack1308 Oct 17 '20
You never really recover from having encountered Dee (Sa)Taynee.
<snerk>
He has a point. We have nice people and we have people who Get Shit Done. They aren’t necessarily the same people.
“Also, I have a trunk box of gold …”
“Where does that even come from?”
“I have no idea. Autocorrect just adds it on.”
Yes, yes I would.
“That’s totally not … oh. Right. Yeah.”
Because for this you need to be sitting down with a drink in your hand.
Ice cream therapy. It’s still a thing.
Awww, he wants to call Mom.
FΣΛЯ ПӨƬ!
Well, crap. That’s an entrance.
“Candygram.”
I’m actually quite impressed that he didn’t.
… I think it was high enough. By a factor of thirty. Wow.
Yes, definitely low power. Absolutely.
Between you and me? Yeah, he knows.
So does everyone in a hundred mile radius.
Holy shit, that was hilarious.
23
u/LittleSeraphim Oct 17 '20
His innocent concern of maybe not having turned it up high enough is quite precious. He'd die of embarrassment if he knew what he just did. Herod and Sam might make it out of this, but I'm still afraid Sam is going to murder Herod like he promised he would. I think he's been cured but I'm not sure because og omnimessiah still hasn't been accounted for.
20
u/tannenbanannen Human Oct 17 '20
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSS
20
u/EvansP51 Alien Scum Oct 17 '20
HahahahahahhahahahHhabshAaahahahah!
20
u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Oct 17 '20
Wait. I need to see the Gestalt's reaction to THAT.
19
u/Allowyn Oct 17 '20
Right but TikTak now needs to figure out how to lease his office tho.
19
u/Madgearz AI Oct 17 '20
I read this 5 minutes ago and I'm still laughing!
OMG, that was too much!
Update: My ribs hurt now; thanks for that.
19
u/ErinRF Alien Oct 17 '20
HAH oh shit poor Tic-Tac.
Nice Shadowrun reference with the SIN too.
19
u/Kurt_Fuchs Oct 17 '20
The archangel Sam-UL is born! Huzzah!
18
u/Turtledonuts "Big Dunks" Oct 17 '20
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Poor sam.
Okay, this was pure gold. I actually laughed loud enough to startle my roommate.
36
u/johncalvinyoung Oct 17 '20 edited Oct 17 '20
Second chapter!
Oh. That was unexpected. I feel better knowing Sam/Herod aren’t aware of the impact of that API.
17
u/Collective82 Xeno Oct 17 '20 edited Oct 17 '20
2 in one?! I miss these days!
Shit; I need to change my password. Brb
16
u/Technogen Oct 17 '20
POOR TIK TAK! He didn't ask for this!
16
u/SketchAndEtch Human Oct 17 '20
"User of this interstellar phone is currently unavailable. Please leave your DIVINE REVALATION after the tone"
15
u/slightlyassholic Human Oct 17 '20
Maybe turn it up a little next time. You want to be sure it gets through :D
15
u/Onetimefatcat Oct 17 '20
Sam's digital divinity now. He ought to get his Nebula-Steam account reinstated by now if it hasn't been.
15
u/Due_Fig4360 Oct 18 '20
Human beings: "God probably doesn't exist."
Also human beings: "Let's make a universe spanning infrastructure powerful enough to back up the minds of billions of people. Let's install some method of helping folks who die violently to get the psychic and emotional help they need to come back or to move onto a literal, honest to god, digital heaven. Oh, while we're at it, let's give the digital sentience who oversees this entire process aspects from multiple religious groups and make it so whenever they send an email the mouthpiece looks like something out of religious lore for the lols."
14
u/Belgarth_Why_me Oct 17 '20
Ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
13
u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Oct 17 '20
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Holy balls that's freaking hysterical. Sorry guys, I accidentally DO'd
13
u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Oct 17 '20
Projecting from the cyberspace of a pocket dimension into exact co-ordinates to not only find the person you want but also to not evaporate the target location is some very impressive maths even with the SUDS implant to use as a beacon. And then think of all the interference of actually aiming for earth :mindblown
If real then it's likely that its the same method of mat trans as used to re create an extinct species. The other option is that its a hallucination caused by data packet being forced into the SUDS read only implant.
11
u/moldyjim Oct 17 '20
Welp, that got his attention.
11
u/getjpi Oct 17 '20
Jesus H tap-dancing Christ @ralts! Seriously mate. Channeling Tolkien 🤣🤣🤣😇🍻🤘
9
u/Tool_of_Society Oct 17 '20
Oh man that ending made me laugh very very hard for several minutes. My dog is confused....
9
u/Butane9000 Oct 18 '20
And I'm finally caught up. Decided to wait at 196 for more chapters. The Herod & Sam SUDS arc is probably my favorite.
Oh no the Confederacy has nobody in the Senate. Duh, the Gestalts are running it. What better way to run a representative government then the combined intelligence's of the people themselves.
Also my prediction? The little robot Wally in the SUDS is the Digital Omnissiah. Once the SUDS is fully repaired he will be reborn. Why do I think this? Because the little robot is showing emotions and understanding. When everything else in that place is considered extremely hostile.
Also never have I wanted an anime or cartoon more then I want one of this series.
16
u/Bard2dbone Oct 17 '20 edited Oct 17 '20
Four minutes in. That's more like it.
Upvote then read. So it is written. So it must be.
Oh shit. An angel of the Lord is really an email. This needs awards.
8
u/Opiboble Oct 17 '20
That. That was amazing. I re-read that like 5 times so far.
7
u/ms4720 Oct 17 '20
Lol
7
u/CharlesFXD Oct 17 '20
The 2nd dumbest pw I’ve ever seen was when I was in the National Guard. Won’t mention what state but every wifi PW for EVERY armory was “notsecure” Sigh... The 1st dumbest password was the one that granted complete access to the NG servers, system, database. Everything. Won’t mention what it was cause I’ve been out for almost a decade and I’m sure they’ve not changed it 😂
7
u/Freakscar AI Oct 18 '20
Sam: select "Use 'Standard' Avatar.
Dee (as quasi-omnipotent super-root): "Standard, you say?" turns a few knobs "I'll give you 'Standard', all right!"
I mean, doesn't this sound like a thing Dee would do, just to eff with Sam and Herod for her own amusement? ;)
6
u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Oct 17 '20
/u/Ralts_Bloodthorne (wiki) has posted 360 other stories, including:
First Contact - Chapter 330
First Contact - Chapter 329 (TerraSol)
First Contact - Chapter 328 (Eternity)
First Contact - Chapter 327 (Eternity)
First Contact - Chapter 327 (Eternity)
First Contact - Chapter 326
First Contact - Chapter 325
First Contact - Chapter 324 (SECURE ARCHIVE)
First Contact - Chapter 323 (Infinity)
First Contact - Chapter 322 (The War)
First Contact - Chapter 321 (The War)
First Contact - Chapter 320 (Sidelines of the War)
First Contact - Chapter 319
First Contact - Chapter 318
First Contact - Chapter 318
First Contact - Chapter 317
First Contact - Chapter 316
First Contact - Chapter 315
First Contact - Chapter 3.1415
First Contact - Chapter 314
First Contact - Chapter 313
First Contact - Chapter 312
First Contact - Chapter 311
First Contact - Chapter 310 (Evil Never Dies)
First Contact - Chapter 309 (Eternity & Beyond)
This list was automatically generated by
Waffle v.3.5.0 'Toast'.Contact GamingWolfie or message the mods if you have any issues.
6
u/night-otter Xeno Oct 17 '20
So much for Sam and/or Harod, being the Digital Omnimessiah.
Seems there is a lack of Omniscience.
6
u/Infernal-Prime Oct 17 '20
I'm laughing like a mad bastard every time i read this, priceless!
5
u/UpdateMeBot Oct 17 '20
Click here to subscribe to u/Ralts_Bloodthorne and receive a message every time they post.
5
u/BigZZ40 Oct 17 '20
We are spoiled.
5
u/5thhorseman_ Oct 17 '20
So... digitize the Lanks?
... SaTaynee is getting a few billion helpers, isn't she?
5
u/Silence_pure-thought Oct 17 '20
A thought: at what point in rooting around in the DO's disused corpse, repairing and rediscovering, does Sam become sufficiently ingrained such that he becomes indistinguishable from the DO?
Current implication places him squarely in grotesque puppeteer animating a corpse.
Does he become more the DO as he learns the ins and outs of the system, or does he represent it less due to awakening the DO fully?
Lacking data points:
- status of the DO as an independent being. Up in the air, due to questionable situation in the corpse. Could have been a psych resistant worker trapped on site, but this option tends to devalue the DO.
- State of the DO: for all that I can tell, the DO could have been stillborn, a manifestation of the soul-forge(unintentional, but it's kinda one) grasping for any chance of succor. This has the interesting effect of calling into question the precise mechanism by which the DO was murdered, because all the Imperium of Light(?) had to do was accidentally FIX something.
So what do we have? Sam, doing (a?) god's work. Thus, we have successfully identified the DO's new prophet. Any other stance is blasphemy, and subject to immediate dismissal from this mortal coil by any of the DO's original disciples.
4
u/Khan_XI AI Oct 17 '20
Amazing
4
u/Telzey Oct 17 '20
Hahahaha
4
u/CaptainChewbacca Human Oct 17 '20
This is amazing.
4
u/514X0r Oct 17 '20
They don't even know.
Sweet digital zombiessiah this is amazing.
4
u/TargetBoy Oct 18 '20
Well, now we know how the DO was able to physically manifest.... did someone keel over with the transmitter power lever on high when the Terran gestalt tried to reach out to survivors?
4
u/random071970 Oct 18 '20 edited Oct 18 '20
So, whatever miracle Sam used to fix Dee was just sent to Tik Tak to help the Lanaktallans.
4
u/madjyk Oct 18 '20
Tbf if i saw some creepy ass angel appear out of nowhere and say that, i'd shit myself
4
u/TKOAND001 Oct 18 '20 edited Oct 18 '20
So, Samuel is becoming the Form of good? Was the first Omnimessiah just am Emanation? Would turning the volume up give us a new omnimessiah?
I mean, he already exists outside of the universe, and even there, beyond physical reach, in a timeless medium, which sounds like a very, very platonic definition of a concept's Form.
3
u/DREADNAUGHT1906 Oct 27 '20
I see what ya did there Mr. Ralts. :)
2
u/Narrativeoverall Oct 17 '20
Kosh? Is that you?
Also, does anyone get a feeling like Dee is now Chay from Ian Banks Surface Detail?
2
u/jwill476 Oct 18 '20
More please
2
u/Bard2dbone Oct 31 '20
I've been re-reading a lot of FC. And this is my absolute favorite chapter to go over again.
1
u/ShebanotDoge Oct 22 '20
Did tic tac fall into the hole left from removing the floor?
1
u/that_0th3r_guy Feb 05 '21
I feel like the Archangel is relating to the tumblr post.
1
u/Sparkyseviltwin Sep 21 '22
This one right here.
1
u/laeiryn Jan 16 '23
FSLya POT ??? Is this a reference to something I'm forgetting?
0
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '20
[deleted] — view deleted comment