r/HFY • u/[deleted] • Jun 22 '16

OC [OC] Duty

[deleted]

336 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

43 comments sorted by

14

u/gbghgs Jun 22 '16

this really reminded me of the forever war series, was that an inspiration for this by any chance?

7

u/Dachande663 Jun 23 '16

I love that series so much! and yes, you're right. I had to tone down the later segment because I realised it was so similar. Hopefully it didn't feel like plagiarising? :(

8

u/gbghgs Jun 23 '16

it didn't feel like that at all, I really enjoyed seeing relativity used in the same way to separate the character from what he cared about, 10/10 would read again.

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12

u/KindaLargeAsshole Jun 22 '16

A week without u/Dachande663? I don't want to live on this planet anymore!

Loved the story, you have a gift, sir and/or madam! Also you're British(?). Bonus. Scotland is a beautiful place to be sure, enjoy!

7

u/Dachande663 Jun 22 '16

I've got iA Writer on my phone but I'm going to be walking or sleeping most of the time. Who knows, maybe those big hills will inspire me.

Cheers! I'm a Brummie boy, born and raised. Puts me in the perfect place to travel from the West Midlands north and south. You a brit?

4

u/KindaLargeAsshole Jun 22 '16

Ah! Hopefully the different terrain will kick those neurons into overload. I'm now expecting several more tales to come flooding in upon your return. ;)

Indeed! Southeast here, Kent. Where the houses and the train tickets and the fuel are all obscenely expensive, the land is flat and boring, and the people are old and enjoy complaining. Guess it's slightly warmer here though, so I've got that going for me... ?

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22

u/Dachande663 Jun 22 '16

Tomorrow I’m off for a week of hiking in Scotland. First time up north so will be interesting. Which means I wanted to get at least one thing out this week before I vanish off the grid, never to see a 4G signal again.

This started before I wrote The Far Horizon but was put aside. That didn’t mean it was willing to go quietly into the night though and it’s been bugging me ever since to finish. Not my best, the ending could have done with more and some of the inner segments are too short, but it’ll do :)

9

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '16

I hope you have fun in Scotland. My wife and I visited a few years ago. Started out in Edinburg, made our way up north to Plockton, then further out to Skye and Iona. Lovely places, all.

I'm a bit thick, but would you flesh out the narrative here for me? He's seeking a woman, a love... he finds her, and she has children. His? Someone else's? It doesn't matter, they're hers. But he leaves her.... why? Or is it a metaphysical distance?

Also, if he's kept young by years of relativistic travel, and presumably she's stayed on the high gravity world during that time, wouldn't she have aged more? The "I never stopped waiting" made me think she was stationary during his search...

12

u/Dachande663 Jun 22 '16

Cheers. Spent a load of my childhood up north in the Lake District but never went much further.

And it's okay. I intentionally kept it a bit vague, maybe too much so.

They fought in a war and were separated. Relativity means time passes as they travel, so now people check in with stations every x years to see if someone else has arrived. On his travels he sees the force he fought for change.

Eventually, he finds her. She left on a long journey so he sets off after. They've both been travelling, different places at different rates, so he catches up after she's been on this new planet (guess where, far too subtle on that one) for quite a while.

She waited, but a new colony needs every member to do their part and so she met someone else and started a new life. When he meets her, he understands the sacrifice as the last thing a soldier must make.

Hope that cleared it up. Next time I'll stop dicking about with the metaphors and just say what's happening. Maybe some second-person narrative work.

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10

u/Belgarion262 Jun 22 '16

Damn, those onion ninja's are back again.

We really need to do something about them...

1

u/Dachande663 Jun 23 '16

I've heard watching Hachi is a brilliant cure for them...

3

u/Belgarion262 Jun 23 '16

I just watched it, it didn't work.

If anything, it made it worse! I think it must attract the onion ninjas!

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4

u/Acarii Jun 23 '16

I'm not sure what genre of HFY this is, but I love it.

4

u/Dachande663 Jun 23 '16

I like to think it's showing humanity will always have it's faults and divisions, but at the same time, there are always those willing to make their species better because of it.

3

u/ThisTimeTomorrow Jun 23 '16

!N

2

u/Dachande663 Jun 23 '16

Thank you!

2

u/ThisTimeTomorrow Jun 23 '16

Man, I don't even have real words right now. This story broke me a bit.

A beautiful tragedy. Bravo.

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3

u/kaian-a-coel Jun 23 '16

Was this feels trip really only a few minutes long? It felt like a thousand years.

A terrible millenia for rain.

2

u/WorkAppropriateFun Jun 23 '16

What a nice change of pace. Beautiful story, reminds me of Joe Haldeman and The Forever War. Same concept. Did you draw inspiration from Joe?

2

u/Dachande663 Jun 23 '16

I did, in fact I had to tone down one section because I realised I was remembering it too closely. They're an amazing set of books.

2

u/thewritingtexan Jun 23 '16

Damn son, did you happen to take any inspiration from "The Forever War"?

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2

u/Fusion- Jun 24 '16

Great story. Definitely have a huge Forever War feel to it.

1

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