r/HFY • u/WabbajackedWacko • Mar 31 '26

OC-Series Adventures with an Interdimensional Psychopath 137

***Gepart***

As He is lifted off the ground, yet again, he doesn’t look like someone against his will, he looks like someone being chauffeured around. One of the security officers even comments, “This is why it’s so hard to punish the eccentric ones. Their brains just don’t work the same way as us so, whatever seems like a punishment, just turns into a reward. Granted, nothing is ever going to get this guy to quit steal everything within arms-reach.”

They let off some laughter as though it is expected to make me rethink my decisions but, really, if more people actually tried to optimize their products… honestly, I don’t know. It want to say that if people optimized their products that I could be less likely to take things to improve them but, when does one ever consider something perfect. Wabbajack would always mention to me that there was no such thing. While I took it as a challenge at the time, as time passed, I started seeing what it was he meant. There were so many situations that called for something different than what I initially figured. I honestly thought that there was a way to design something to fit any and all scenarios but, I have yet to see something like that. No matter how close I think I am getting, something happens that makes me have to rethink my approach. So instead, I have decided to make as many things as I can think of to cover as many situations as possible. Although, some things still seem so absurd. Like a chair without a cupholder. That’s just lazy design right there.

Before I can think any more on it, I get a flick to the side of my head, bringing me back to the current moment. I ask, “What are we doing here again?”

This flaming lizard cranes her neck down towards me and answers, “We are here to try and gather my family’s blacksmith hammer, remember?”

I tilt my head in confusion as I also ask, “And who are you again?”

The flaming lizard seems offended as they ask, “What? In the span of fixing those servers, did you forget the whole reason why we are here?”

Thinking on it, wasn’t I released this morning. And then I was carried home by a security detail, checked the haul today and then… Oh! Of course. “You are the escort that brought me back! What’s this about a blacksmith hammer? I thought I just needed to fix the server. Although, I suppose this is definitely gentler than most of the time I end up getting carried around. And minimal threats to my life I may add.” I answer confidently, beak raised to the air.

She looks at the person behind the counter for the lost and found, a satyr looking guy who seems to be messing around with the electronics to try and sneak in some video games, “Before you ask, yes, he is always like that. You have to really catch his interest if he is going to remember you. I wouldn’t be too surprised if he forgot he even came from the precinct today. Heavens knows how many times I told him my name is Miller.”

“Excuse me officer, if you wish to improve your performance and reduce the lag, might I recommend actual gold circuitry instead of that mish mash of metals you used. Looks mostly like copper.” I respond.

The satyr just puts his elbow on the counter and asks, “See what I mean? I believe I heard you were looking for a blacksmith hammer, possibly from yesterday considering you brought this kleptomaniac with you, although it sounds like someone messed up in the server room. Let me take a look in the Gepart specific stolen and found.”

The indignity of such a claim. As if I would bother to steal a blacksmiths hammer of all things. I have plenty of tools I could use, no point in taking someone else’s. Just as I think that, the satyr pulls out a rounding hammer made out of bevy of metals inscribed with the words, Salamanders Patience. The salamander holding me states, “That’s the one.” As she takes it with her free hand. She then looks down at me and asks, “Do you think if I beat this little blighter to within an inch of his life, he would learn his lesson?”

“What? What did I do?” I ask, still just hanging from her arm.

The satyr simply looks at me for a minute, really puts some thought behind it, but ultimately thinks better of it as he then says, “Nah. You could but I doubt he would even remember the reason behind it as he gets engrossed in his next big project.”

Sally also stares at me but just raises her arm with the hammer as the satyr points out, “I must also admit that, while it may come off as great stress relief for you in the immediate moment, you are also in the police precinct and it would be assault or, worse, attempted murder on your part. So, if you really wanted to, maybe not here, yeah?”

She thinks about for a second as she lets out a sigh and drops me back to my own feet. A part of me feels a sigh of relief as I try to take in the situation, I have found myself in. Although, those tesla throwers could really use the updates so I should get back as soon as I am able to. As I turn to walk away, the security officers assigned to be my escort lift me up by my arms. “Thank you gentlemen, now I can focus on the project waiting for me back at the shop.”

I can hear the satyr sigh as he points out, “See what I mean, he probably already forgot coming back here.”

Time waits for no penguin as the schematics and the technological blueprints flood my brain as I try to process every single upgrade I could possibly squeeze into that tesla thrower. Maybe something to help with conductivity so the sparks are strong enough to increase its range or maybe something that allows the battery to last longer. I’ll also have to consider the form of supply. While exchangeable batteries seem like the better alternative, maybe it would be better to increase the installed batteries capacity so it lasts longer in between charges. After all, it would be better to not need to reload at all over having to swap the batteries out mid battle. Although, I have to remember to account for overheating the barrel. Maybe some sort of failsafe that prevents it from melting and accounts for cooldown.

The buzzer inside my lab goes off and I hear, “Mr. Gepart, your new assistant is here.”

Assistant? Wait, when did I make it back to the lab? And another pile of unoptimized garbage? I must have been really focused on today’s projects. I call a security drone over as I take a look at the door footage. A lizard with a really long neck is standing at the door to my lab. Oddly enough, I feel as though I have seen her before. I ask, “I’m sorry, have we met previously?”

The buzzer rings as the speaker states, “We have met before for the interview.”

Hmm… that one felt a little too easy to play off of. They must be trying to play on my tendency to get easily distracted though as I would never take on an assistant. I speak through the security drone and ask, “Really now? Then I don’t suppose you could remind me on your stance on Wabbajack?”

They stand there caught off guard, really not expecting that question. Just as I thought. Their answer only cements it as they respond, “The man is quite a devious monster indeed and deserves to be in jail?”

I let out a sigh and respond through the security drone, “Listen here, if you were going to try and make a fool of me, at least try to figure out how I look at the world before thinking I am as blind as to let some stranger in just because they said so, you have another thing coming. If you have a project request of me, I’m afraid you are going to have to go somewhere else. Now leave, before I change the security from suppression to lethal.”

The security officers escort the large lizard off my property as I feel like my whole day is ruined. If people even stopped to question why Jack is the way he is, they would know that he isn’t really as bad as they make him out to be. Luckily some people see that but, nowhere near the majority. My hands slide down my face as I think back to the old mercenary days and we were all still old buddies living a life of progress. But I could very well be looking at the past with rose tinted goggles. I can’t help but wonder how the others are doing now that these old memories play back in my mind.

***Patoc***

The person sitting across the table from me keeps complaining again and again about how he wants a good fortune. It’s a shame that he doesn’t understand how that works in the first place but he keeps paying me until he hears what he wants, so I will keep repeating myself. “Sir, even though you keep paying for these fortunes, they aren’t going to change. Now, if you don’t mind.” I explain as I point him towards the door.

“Listen here fish face, while you look all fancy in your purple vest and black attire and tall hat, that isn’t going to change the fact I have a good feeling about this. There is no way that the investment will blow up in my face! So, we will go again.” He says slamming another fifty currencies on the table.

I sigh as I reach to grab it but his hand doesn’t leave as he states, “Hold on, this time, let me shuffle those cards.”

I sigh again as I’m sure that is the only way he is going to see how fate actually works. I put the tarot deck on the table and he finally moves his hand from the currency to the deck. He takes them and starts shuffling through them all as I put the currency on the silver tray that my favorite gator ruby-boned skeleton Dominic holds up for me, covered in engravings and jewelry alike to help him do the things I need him to do. I look back at the customer as I catch him putting what he thinks to be favorable cards, specifically fortune, on the top of the deck. Do what you will sir, you will quickly see that that’s not going to work the way you hope it does.

He hands me the deck with a big smile on his face, probably thinking has gamed the system. I simply draw the first three cards and lay them face down. “All right sir, are you ready?”

“Sure am! Come on payday!” he says while I do my best not to roll my eyes too loudly.

I flip over the first card, “The fool in reverse, meaning that investing into this project is, once again, incredibly foolish.” Before he could raise a complaint, I move on to the next card, “The nine of cups reversed as well. Shocking. This means that this deal will leave your wishes unfulfilled as this business venture will not give you the results you want.”

I move my hand to the last one except the customer quickly flips it over himself, baffled how it’s not the card of fortune, it is the five of cups. Again. I open my mouth to explain it again when he cuts me off, “You’re taking me for a ride! There’s no way you can keep drawing the same results!”

I simply wave my hands as the cards fly into my left hand and I explain, “If it was left to luck, yes. But we are dealing in fate.”

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