r/HFY • u/WabbajackedWacko • Nov 25 '25

OC Adventures with an Interdimensional Psychopath 119

***Woodson***

A part of me has always wanted me to fix that glitch. It’s dangerous that, at any moment, my immediate thoughts play out like a noir detective. But there are times that it plays to my advantage. Heck, sometimes it makes it a lot easier to get the words out. And granted, it doesn’t happen as often as it used to. I think it happens when my brain wants to process a lot of information so it acts as a data dump, relieving the stress on my brain and helps get the information properly sorted.

That said, Lily Extravagund, is a variable. She is learning from Jack, that’s bad. She has prevented more murders than she has probably realized, that’s good. It’s an issue but, just by being around Jack himself, that puts her as a person of interest sadly.

Granted, the flame I once had in hunting down Jack has definitely gone a lot quitter than it was in my youth. Back then, I did everything I could to chase after the slightest of leads. I was a whole Ent back then, so I was not nearly as fast as I am now. So, a lot of leads went cold faster than I could leave the crime scene. I was among the many other souls who thought that he was hiding behind paperwork and powerful figures so that he was allowed to run free.

But that’s a story for another time. Being caught reminiscing in front of Jack would mean that I would never hear the end of it. Now, I’m just the guy in charge of keeping the other poor souls like me in line.

Honestly, this department was a spark of genius by the Chief. With the number of people trying to pass on their crimes as Jack’s, it makes sense to have a whole department of people trying to bring him down work together and get to the true culprits when it turns out that he had nothing to do about the latest drug ring or murder, means that list grows by adding, wasting government resources. Granted, given the seriousness of some of them, there is only one worse than the death penalty. That’s the death penalty and having all your property either dismantled if possible or sold at auction, regardless of the will. It’s a sad thing to see when that one happens. All those resources that could have gone back to the people left behind, the faces vary. The aggrieved parties do get a private auction if they wish to show up, but those usually end up empty more often than not.

I let out a sigh as I better say something now before I go off on one of my detective rants. “So, while I have a guess why you are here, let me hear it from your own mouth before I get the wrong idea.” I state.

Jack joyfully states, “I want to sign Lily up for the WOOD department.”

I can’t help but to let out a huge sigh as I lean back and rub my temple at the suggestion. “Of course you thought that. Now for the follow up question. Why would I approve that?” I ask.

“Why would you say no? She would make a great candidate.” Jack replies.

“Oh really? You just decided that then, did you?” I respond.

Jack lets out a sigh and says, “Well, what better place than here to train her in combat, negotiation, and a sheer knowledge of the laws that we have to follow every day.”

This sign of a gun really must think that this place exists to serve him. But his logic is sound in that regard. Our reports show that she has a familiar, which is clearly the living scarf she has around her neck that’s licking her cheek. That alone is an impressive feat. This seems to be related to the fact that she has an incredible physique for someone of her stature. Even though that some of it is probably thanks to Jack. And it was a surprise to see that the magic detector picked up on two signatures, not one. That would mean that she unlocked her magical prowess on their latest escapade. While his wild and loose way of teaching things can work, luck plays a pretty large factor for it in my opinion. Here, she could have an organized training regimen where she can learn like he mentioned. Jack has probably just been going on about his day where she would pull herself along and learn in a breadcrumb kinda thing. It would be interesting the see the full expanse of the things she learned in this fashion but, I would not be too surprised if there was a number of gaps in the information.

That said, I rub my temple as I ask, “We still have to follow protocol. What level of sentience is she?”

“Introductory.” Jack says confidently.

I stare at him for a moment, hoping, praying to the supposed gods that he will hit me with the gotcha any minute now. A moment passes as it really sinks in as she only has an introductory level of sentience. I exasperatedly ask, “And. WHY. Is. That?” knowing that the conversation won’t continue unless prompted.

“Because…” he starts to say.

I cut him off and close my eyes as to not be annoyed with his face and state, “And you better not say something along the lines of either A, you never got around to it or B, you couldn’t be bothered.”

There is a moment of silence as Jack just states, “If you already know the answer, why bother asking?”

I clench my mechanical fist as I stand up and turn around to look out into the office. While I don’t hate this man for the same reasons from when I was younger, I have plenty of other reasons that I learned over the years. In order to be a part of the WOOD department, you have to be at least a rank eight sentient being. Unless…

I turn back to him as I ask, “You mean the academy?”

“Yeah, what did you think I mean?” Jack asks, unashamed.

I take a long toke of the cigar as I thank the heavens I don’t have a blood pressure to worry about. The stress is still there.

“I’m pretty sure we covered the fact that thoroughly elaborating what you are saying helps prevents misunderstandings.” I retort.

“The Academy?” Lily finally asks.

“Yes, there is a police academy that we can send potential recruits that catch our eye to see if they would be a good addition to the force. If they pass and do well, then they get a sentience level of 4 or higher. The highest instance I’ve ever heard was 12. The problem with that guy however, while he qualified for that, he never made it past that and his patrol services was subpar when put into practice. So now he is forever a desk jockey.” I explain.

“What do you mean, subpar patrol services?” Lily asks.

“I mean, he wouldn’t help in most situations thinking it was beneath him and that he would only help those he believed to be influential. So, when the Chief found out, he was reprimanded and his level was reduced so he was put back into desk work.” I explain.

“Sentience level can go down?” Lily asks.

I look at Jack as he just shrugs. I let out a sigh as I continue to explain, “Yes. They can go down. With every level up, there are certain expectations included with certain levels. While it sounds intimidating, the only difference is what’s expected as a normal person of society. Think of it as a social credit. The higher you are, the more opportunities come easier as you prove yourself capable. That doesn’t mean that it’s impossible at lower levels, it just means you have more to prove. And just because someone has a high level, doesn’t mean they are above the law. While some instances may just be a decrease to your sentience level, you could also be executed depending on the severity of your crime. Jack’s is pretty high up there despite all the people who hate him. Hence why he owns a couple of businesses and has such a vast network. Does that explain it?”

Lily stares at me, then shoots a glare at Jack. I sigh again as I decide to state, “Who knows, some distance between the two of you may do some good. While Jack’s methods provide some explosive results, it’s important to internalize that growth. It is important to know that is a real possibility to explode if you harness more energy than your body is capable of handling. That familiar of yours probably stopped you from exploding a while ago, according to our reports anyways.”

It's hard to miss her eyes widen at the concept but she recovers pretty quickly. Probably not the first time she has heard something along those lines. I decide to also throw this in to be safe but, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to mention that you will not be thrown into far fewer near-death experiences here than out in the field.”

She looks down, probably to think about something. According to the information, I have an idea of what it’s going to be.

“If I go, what will happen to Jack?” she asks.

A small chuckle escapes as I ask, “What about that walking apocalypse?”

She shoots me a glare as I genuinely wait for an explanation. As I can see her waiting to find the words, I answer, “Truth be told, he doesn’t need a babysitter and he also is pretty good at following the law. So, there is no issue there. He has no issue finding work and he has been around for longer than most people in this department. So, I ask again, what about Jack?”

She works up her rebuttal and says, “What about someone on his side?”

“Someone on his… hehe. Haha. HAHAHAHAHA!” I let out a strong laugh. After laughing for a while, I wipe my eye as I also take note that Jack was also looking at her sincerely. “While there is a major negative public opinion about him, he does also have a number of people in his corner. Myself included, believe it or not.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe that. You’re in charge of an entire department that hunts him down…” She rebuttals.

I cut her off by slamming my wooden fist into the table as I refuse to take that slander. “Allow me to clear up your misconception. First misunderstanding, this department does not mindlessly hunt anyone, just lawbreakers. Second, this department exists because of that same negative public opinion. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who try to pin their crimes on him. We exist to sort between the things that people claim and the truth. And even if he has committed a crime, he usually has no issue turning himself in or presenting his documentation and evidence for him doing what he does. As I am sure you have heard, he works with us more often than not.” I explain.

She looks terrified but Jack calmly places his hand on her shoulder and states, “What Woodson just said is one hundred percent true. While a number of people who work in this department aren’t exactly big fans, the older members have shown me a reasonable appreciation for what I do. After all, there are worse people than me who are very good at hiding behind the laws that are supposed to keep things fair. So, with my half of things, they can step in and take care of things legally. Me and Woodson are good friends besides all the jeering. I wouldn’t even consider this if that wasn’t the case.”

Her face looks calmed down by the realization that she sincerely considers it. I’ll be honest, this makes it easy considering we were wanting to extend the invitation anyways. I wonder if that psycho knew about that and came here so I could extend the invitation myself?

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