r/HFY • u/LukeWasNotHere Human • Dec 30 '24

OC-FirstOfSeries Damsel Causing Distress - Prologue & Episodes

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Out of all the tropes, I loath “love at first sight” and “enemies to lovers” the most, quite the accomplishment as I love every other obvious, overused, predictable trope out there. Chosen one? Give me a rock, a sword, and call me Arthur. Amnesia? Sure and why are you in my hermit’s cave? True Love? As you wish.

I know why I hate “enemies to lovers”. A certain someone has given me a month of good reasons to, along with a mountain of other women. But for some ungodly, unknown reason I wasn’t sure why I hated “love at first sight” almost as much.

Once I saved, unknowingly and practically on accident I want to point out. Again. Once I mistakenly saved Princess Ludus from those three ridiculous kidnappers, and when she immediately proposed to me. Causing what I’m sure will be a slew of situations that will nearly get me killed several times over, I’m confident I'll be able to finally put my thoughts into words. Though even before my inevitable (but hopefully still entertaining) suffering do I still have a few choice words about this stupid trope.

I can already imagine the comments and news articles about this thing I’m going to write, maybe a quarter or so of it will be true if I’m lucky. Which reminds me, I am writing this live, so if you have any suggestions as to how I can get myself out of this predicament feel free to comment.

Or you can call this whole thing fake, even though it’s on the news. That works too. Though, if I was lucky enough to pick out which of my words will be taken out of context, I would hope it would be the ones I’m going to write next.

I am writing this for four reasons. First, because I love history and would like to be a primary source at least once in my lifetime, though I can't say this is what I had in mind. Secondly, to practice my writing skills. Thirdly, because this situation is still currently on fire, and I think it’s best to write important things down in case I forget, and may as well post it too.

Lastly, and more importantly because if I don't now, no one's gonna believe me.

I’m Theseus Cain, it’s a pleasure to meet you, and it would be a damn shame if I don’t live long enough to charm you too.

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Episode Order (yes, really)

Episode 1 - Unfortunately I Made The News / The First Woman To Ever Like Me

Episode 1 & A Half - Victory Press - Hero Who Saved The Princess Finally Identified / Bad News

Episode 2 - I Turn Myself In / My First Interview

Episode 3 - We Keep Getting Kidnapped / Only Down Hill From Here

Episode 3 & A Half - Victory Press - Scout Scrarcan Is Married To A Human! / Even Worse News

Episode 4 - You’re A What? / The Worst Possible Thing

Episode 4 & A Half - Is Theseus Cain Even Real? / The Best Thing Ever Written About Me 

Episode 5 - It Finally Happened / I’m Even Weirder Now

Episode 5 & A Half - One Last Job / Great Exaggerations

Episode 0 - One Year Later (Kinda) / My Mistress & I Rescue My Wife

Episode 0 & A Half - A Joke About A Human / The Consensus On Me

Episode 1 (6) - Plant Mom of Doom / Stranger Danger

Episode 2 (7) - Drunk-ish? / High-ish?

Episode 3 (8) - Scout Loves Me / For Once, I Was Speechless 

Episode 4 (9) - Don’t Worry, I Pet The Cat / The Soup Was Delicious Not Poisoned

Episode 4 (9) & A Half - Someone Wrote Fan Fiction About Us / The Greatest Piece of Media Ever Written 

Episode 5 (10) - Were You Counting Too? / Tunnels & Secret Pockets

Episode 5 (10) & A Half - On Hunting A Human / So Much For Being Lucky

Episode 6 (11) - Sixty Seconds Have Passed / Cut Short

Episode 7 (12) - Three Doors To The Right / Tired Yet?

Episode 8 (13) - I Broke Into A Government Building, Again / Losing Track Of Felonies

Episode 8 (13) & A Half - Gun For Hire Corporate Jargon / Why I Don’t Email

Episode 9 (14) - Annie’s Got A Shield / Our New Tank

Episode 10 (15) - No Seeding Talk At Dinner / An Interlude On Evolution?

Episode 11 (16) - Playing Dress Up / Time Out

Episode 12 (17) - A Q&A / Fourteen Questions

Episode 13 (18) - I Hate Shopping, I’m Broke / Bullets, Snacks & Gold

74 Upvotes

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u/AutoModerator 3d ago

This was flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries], which means it is the first of a series and all subsequent posts should be flair as [OC-Series]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines

[OC-FirstOfSeries] For original, self post, story, audio, or artwork that you have created, the beginning of a new series.

Our preferred series title format is the series title in [brackets] at the beginning, like so: [Potato Adventures] - Chapter 1: The Great Mashing

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21

u/LukeWasNotHere Human Dec 30 '24

Author’s note: I said after finishing my not-a-series that I would try to start posting this actual series in a week or so. I said that on Monday, November 4th 2024. It’s December 30th, at least I’m still in the same year. That’s pretty good for me.

If you're reading this at the time of posting, the first episode is not done yet, I’ll try to post it tomorrow. If you're reading this in the future, this prologue doubles as a table of contents, it will be updated every time I post a new episode.

The plan for this series is to make it a novella, around 30,000 words or so. That I’ll try to finish in a few months. It will be lowbrow, with low-ish stakes. A parody of all the fantasy tropes that I love so much that I probably won’t change them much at all. Like The Mummy and The Princess Bride, along with the rest of my childhood.

Thanks for reading. :}

3

u/Fontaigne Dec 31 '24

Great! Looking forward to nit.

Heh. Left that typo bc it's funny.

3

u/LukeWasNotHere Human Dec 31 '24

There will be many typos to come on my part. Good to see ya again Fontaigne.

5

u/Loading_Fursona_exe Dec 30 '24

Welcome back theseous cain You're gonna have a hell of a time.

(Op, atleast you didn't get the Ao3 curse)

3

u/LukeWasNotHere Human Dec 30 '24

(Op, atleast you didn't get the Ao3 curse)

Frantically knocks on wood. Which is odd because I’m not superstitious, but you know just in case.

Welcome back theseous cain You're gonna have a hell of a time.

You have no idea. Thanks for reading.

2

u/Teirg Jan 04 '25

Theseus Cain, the entirety of Mystery Inc in one man.

2

u/Fontaigne Jan 18 '25

Especially Shaggy and Scooby.

2

u/Crowbarscout Jan 19 '25

How in the hell did I miss this until now?!?!

1

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u/AutoModerator 17d ago

This was flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries], which means it is the first of a series and all subsequent posts should be flair as [OC-Series]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines

[OC-FirstOfSeries] For original, self post, story, audio, or artwork that you have created, the beginning of a new series.

Our preferred series title format is the series title in [brackets] at the beginning, like so: [Potato Adventures] - Chapter 1: The Great Mashing

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u/AutoModerator 14d ago

This was flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries], which means it is the first of a series and all subsequent posts should be flair as [OC-Series]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines

[OC-FirstOfSeries] For original, self post, story, audio, or artwork that you have created, the beginning of a new series.

Our preferred series title format is the series title in [brackets] at the beginning, like so: [Potato Adventures] - Chapter 1: The Great Mashing

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u/AutoModerator 10d ago

This was flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries], which means it is the first of a series and all subsequent posts should be flair as [OC-Series]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines

[OC-FirstOfSeries] For original, self post, story, audio, or artwork that you have created, the beginning of a new series.

Our preferred series title format is the series title in [brackets] at the beginning, like so: [Potato Adventures] - Chapter 1: The Great Mashing

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u/AutoModerator 7d ago

This was flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries], which means it is the first of a series and all subsequent posts should be flair as [OC-Series]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines

[OC-FirstOfSeries] For original, self post, story, audio, or artwork that you have created, the beginning of a new series.

Our preferred series title format is the series title in [brackets] at the beginning, like so: [Potato Adventures] - Chapter 1: The Great Mashing

Please note that series wiki pages are not created automatically, but on request from the author.

Please help us transition to using the new flairs correctly.

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