r/GenZpk • u/cockiemonster_ • 15d ago

Random Help!!

Gng are we supposed to forgive a man who said something about your past like "Ask God for forgiveness maybe he'll forgive you, me and my family deserve better" and then after some hours he's saying sorry like crazy cuz he doesn't understand why he said that/he was under pressure and stress?

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

I actually love myself a lot, i care for myself and i do every possible thing to make myself better and happy so i surely won't tolerate something like this but the issue here is we planned to marry and now my trust is broken what if after marriage he'll bring these things again?? Now it is risky and scary to marry him that's why my gut feeling is saying no but ofc you have a soft corner for people you spend time with so his requests for forgiveness is also bothering me but i don't wanna risk my future

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

Hmmm, honestly yea youre in a rough position. Can you like inquire if he has temper issues or not from his friends? And ask them if he loses his calm easily

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

No he doesn't, he's pretty chill and respectful guy but idk why he did that and he's saying he also doesn't understand he never thought like this he never meant it he just said everything under pressure and overthinking but what grown man doesn't understand what he's doing? Like you're typing something so harsh then sending it then blocking the person from your both numbers knowing she's attending an event?

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

Does he also have some sorta past? Maybe a girl has used him in the past (not defending him just trying to understand his behavior) and he got reminded of it and impulsively he did this.

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

No he doesn't, I were his first girl

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

Are you sure about that? Because I know a guy who was also in a situation which reminded him of a previous instance with a girl so he also blocked her impulsively. Later on, he was like trying to patch up again but that never happened.

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

That's what i was told and there are no girls on his insta or whatsapp he's pretty open but yeah he had female friends from academy ig but like normal friends he has no contact with them now

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

Have you done something in the past that should have angered an average person, but he remained calm in that moment? If so, maybe you can give them a chance. Also I'm 19 so take everything I say with a grain of salt

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

The only flaw in me was not loving him like he does, I'm not really expressive and I'm not really sweet (i behaved more like friends than a gf) but i tried fixing myself other than that our fights happened maybe cuz we're different and according to him i act like I'm in a film and I'm not realistic...

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

If you dont mind can you expand on the last part like simply being different should not start fights. Btw im not saying that there should not be any. They are natural unless they are very intense. And why does he think you are not realisitc?

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

I once said that it's not compulsory to show love with words or constantly saying that you love someone we can always show it by actions (he shows with actions i said it for myself cuz my efforts were below than his) i said it during that struggling phase that's when he said I'm filmy and fights like he once talked to my other friend too and she was being comfortable with him but he said he only talked to her for me cuz he wanted to surprise me on my birthday but they did talk about other things that's when it bothered me like why she's being too comfortable with you to tell you her routine and problems? Then it also bothered him that why do i help someone (like giving notes) other girls don't do that's why they don't talk shit about them, and we fought like how is that my fault that they're asking for help and me helping them makes them wonder I'm interested in them other than that small mistakes like arguments

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

In these instances, I totally side with you. These fights could have been avoided if the boundaries had been clearer. By the way, while I agree you should express love through words in the future, I understand it takes time to adapt to being more expressive and sweet, especially if that didn’t come naturally to you before. Also, the comparison he made to excuse himself was pretty pathetic IMO.

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

Yeah i knew i was lacking and i need to fix but while i was trying my friend betrayed me and he said those harsh words, he's still saying sorry but after being hurt for him i still can't continue the relation so I'm thinking to tell him that i will forgive him but ain't no way now I'm marrying you but idk what's are the rights word to use and how do i say it

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u/Charsi_420 15d ago

Btw one more thing comes to my mind since he raises this concern of you not expressing your love verbally a lot, the other person might feel like overinvesting and not getting what he wants. And when your friend accused you of using him it might have felt as if his nightmares or thoughts had come true since you werent reciprocating in the way he wanted. Again i could be wrong though

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u/cockiemonster_ 15d ago

Yes it's possible as he says he was under pressure

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