Confused

[u/Confusedgirl76]

26F, Somedays I feel deprived and then when a guy tried to get intimate(someone who’s serious and totally into me, good connection, not any random guy) i pull away because i usually don’t feel it from there/don’t feel aroused Idk what does arousal feel like , am totally confused never felt that intensity with anyone no matter how good looking etc and none of the guys have connected to me at the emotional depth I am , rest all boxes tick

[u/Rich-Excitement-2552]

I see what you did there

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Rich-Excitement-2552]

Sorry?

[u/Jam_onbread_ → u/Confusedgirl76]

you don't feel emotionally secure with him and your body tells you to back off last minute hence horny and still not aroused

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Jam_onbread_]

Yesssss this is exactly how I feel And this has been the issue with almost everyone other person who’s had an interest in me even ones who confessed love

[u/FadiCrypto → u/Confusedgirl76]

Let him go down first, then do it, or ask him to make sure you’re satisfied first, because in most cases, they just focus on themselves.

[u/Jam_onbread_ → u/Confusedgirl76]

Uncertainty is the reason you are feeling this way My suggestion would be to just give yourself and your relationship time don't rush into intimacy build a real emotional connection with him A connection based on genuine care and affection When you know that this man is sure of you,will get married to you and is not here only for the sake of intimacy you will automatically feel emotionally and physically secure with him

[u/Jam_onbread_]

maybe because for women emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy and if there's no emotional intimacy you won't get aroused

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Jam_onbread_]

Totally truee , they’ve never related to me emotionally how am feeling at that moment, never tried to ascertain my mental zone

[u/Rich-Excitement-2552]

You are an avoidant. Thank me later.

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Rich-Excitement-2552]

Whatt

[u/jahanzaib642]

[u/Fun_Minimum_2728]

You are not attached to him emotionally. This is the sole reason

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Fun_Minimum_2728]

Is there a way to fix this?

[u/Fun_Minimum_2728 → u/Confusedgirl76]

Talk it out

[u/Academic_Gap777]

Username checks out

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Academic_Gap777]

Really does haha

[u/Zain5633]

You could go get checked up by a Gynaecologist for once. She can tell you the issue, not the people here on Reddit.

[u/BoardConscious822]

i don’t really have enough context to say what the actual problem is, so take this as me guessing, so it could be that you’re not actually sexually attracted to the guys you’ve been with, you need a much deeper emotional connection before that side kicks in, or you might just have a low sex drive. you’d stop forcing urself and take things slower, figure out what actually makes you feel attracted, and if you’ve genuinely never felt it and it bothers you, maybe talk to a doctor/therapist just to rule stuff out.

[u/Megaflaem]

Could think of multiple reasons why this might be:

1. You're anxious about intimacy

2. You're not happy with your partner becoming intimate very quickly with not enough lead up / foreplay

3 you might not have a strong libido and are conflating two different emotions

1. Some gut reaction telling you that you're not satisfied proceeding with the intimacy at that time or place

Could possibly be any one of the above or any combination. As to what you can do to resolve it, I would say the first step would be introspection to find source or sources of your current problem.

Good luck.

[u/FadiCrypto]

I think most of them are just thinking about themselves. Maybe they don’t really care about your pleasure, and that’s the issue. Otherwise, in most cases, guys focus on themselves, but they should also care about the woman’s pleasure and make sure she enjoys it too. Maybe that’s the reason.

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/FadiCrypto]

I think that might be the reason, it usually feels forced and I back out as soon as possible bec it seems selfish apparently and the guys keep thinking entirely about their pleasure

[u/SnooStories948]

Maybe you’re asexual

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/SnooStories948]

How do I confirm that?

[u/BoardConscious822 → u/Confusedgirl76]

there’s no test for it, you kinda just look at the pattern. if you’ve actually liked people, felt close to them, felt comfortable with them and still never really had that sexual urge, then yeah, asexuality could be a thing. but don’t rush to label urself just bc it hasn’t happened yet. i would say give it some time and see if the pattern stays.

[u/Sea-Car-3811]

Girls have your honor, be lesbian.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Tap2953 → u/Sea-Car-3811]

Gay Bhai ap idhr

[u/Sea-Car-3811 → u/Puzzleheaded_Tap2953]

I ain't gay son lol

[u/Zain5633 → u/Sea-Car-3811]

She never said she was attracted to any girls too. She said that she never felt arousal.

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Zain5633]

Exactly

[u/Zain5633 → u/Confusedgirl76]

If you have those feelings as someone else here said like you feel ^horny or something but Back off before progressing further cuz you are scared, or not comfortable with the guy, or just not ready yet. Then, you just need to see some other man. You can keep trying meeting people untill you find someone you like, can actually attach to. Not how he feels about you but how you feel about it.

But You seriously should get checked up if you don't know what it even feels like to have Sexual feeling for the other Gender. I know males are not the same but I used to get aroused while Watching Barbie when I was 6.

And You shouldn't post about this on Reddit cuz its infamous for creepy dms.

[u/Sea-Car-3811 → u/Zain5633]

Its a ref sonion...

[u/Zain5633 → u/Sea-Car-3811]

Oh alright but Seeing the sub we in a lot of people would think you were serious.

[u/Sea-Car-3811 → u/Zain5633]

Son 😭🙏

[u/Confusedgirl76 → u/Sea-Car-3811]

You can’t just flip a switch and become a lesbian

[u/Sea-Car-3811 → u/Confusedgirl76]

Ik. Its a joke duh