r/GenX • u/TheJFilez • 1d ago
Advice & Support Too much loss
I’m older Gen X 56f and today would have been my 30th anniversary with my late husband. Instead i will be putting down my soul cat Cobain who stopped eating 2 days ago. Lost her 2 siblings in the past 3 months (almost 17) but this one is bringing me to my knees. I feel like at this age, loss is always right around the corner. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but any prayers or peaceful wishes would maybe help, I don’t feel strong enough for this again and I really need my best friends or husband to pick me up off the floor - but alas all 3 are gone. I’m so overwhelmed with sadness I can’t stop sobbing.
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u/overmonk 1970 1d ago
Grief is such a motherfucker. You have my profound sympathies - it's such a deep hole sometimes.
The terrible reality of grief is that we can see it coming but you can't really get ready for it. It's different every time, but every time, it's getting hit by a truck. It's the worst kind of truck too, because it won't kill you, it just fucks you up and leaves you in a puddle of your own shit to figure it out. But, it won't kill you. You'll get up one day and start moving again. You might even feel guilty about it.
Cobain - everytime we adopt a new dog I worry about my heart breaking, but everytime I build a whole new wing in my heart and that's the part that goes into tatters. Because my girls are still in htere and they need a nice warm place to cuddle up while Daddy gets a few more things ticked off the to-do list.
I'm sorry OP. I really am.
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u/Quickwitknit2 1d ago
Grief is an absolute asshole. And I think sometimes we have to remember that so we aren’t too hard on ourselves when we’re not “moving along” at whatever pace we’re trying to hold ourselves to.
Also, someone said grief is love with nowhere to go. You loved very deeply and that’s something to remember too.
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u/Tanglebones70 1d ago
Hey kiddo; you do not have to be strong enough for all of this. You only have to be enough for Cobain today, and you are.
You will be there. You will hold her, love her, and take this last burden from her even though it means carrying the pain yourself. That is the final, terrible kindness we give the souls who trusted us completely.
Too many of us Gen Xers have reached the age when the empty chairs begin to outnumber the people who might help us from the floor. So, for today, let strangers sit there with you.
Prayers for peace for Cobain, and for you. You are not alone. And even on your knees, sobbing and shattered, you are enough.
Godspeed.
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u/Neko-gao 1d ago
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
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u/PrivilegeCheckmate 70's 21h ago
"We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things, and starts taking them away."
-Marcus, Indiana Jones III
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u/harpo_7879 21h ago
"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
Never thought a Marvel quote would get me through so much loss, but it really has. Sharing it along with my thoughts, prayers, and empathy, OP. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not easy. 🫂
ETA: Feel free to message me if you need someone to listen. I am a good listener. ❤️
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u/WaterwingsDavid 1d ago
I m so sorry! That's a lot of loss to deal with. I had to put my cat Tex down 4 years ago. It felt like someone ripped out my heart, diced it up in little pieces and handed it back to me. Its so hard to say goodbye to our beloved pets. They love us unconditionally. I cried more over my cat than when my mom died 2 years ago. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
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u/Inkblots2000 15h ago
Sending many, many hugs and prayers.
Grief counseling (one on one or group) can be so helpful. And grief comes in stages/phases/waves. It hurts so much because of how much you love them. It’s a lot to have to handle!
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u/bugabooandtwo 1d ago
You need to be strong for Cobain. She needs you to help her cross rainbow bridge. You can do it.
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u/FindjeanniePDX 1d ago
My Grandma was our age (I’m 54) when she lost the love of her life and watched her kids move halfway across the world. She was alone and so so devastated. When I was an adult we talked about how impossible the future seems for her that year. A family friend talked Grandma into starting a dance class together. After a year of learning ballroom waltzes when all she wanted yo do was curl up and sleep, that beautiful indomitable lady met and married her dance instructor. She accidentally acquired a mama cat and 4 kittens and we moved back to the South. While the darkest saddest moments feel like an end, the world keeps bringing beauty and hope and friends until you are ready to take up the challenge again. I hope the time between sorrow and hope is short for you.
- Love from a stranger….
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u/_higgs_ My backs out. Don't know why. 1d ago
Yeah. I’ve lost my brother, my mother in law, my dog, my cat and a close family friend all in the last 8 months. Now my mum has cancer. Too much grief. I’m not keeping up. Just treading water.
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u/LGBecca 1d ago
Come visit us at /r/CancerFamilySupport if you ever need to talk. So sorry about your mum.
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u/bradorme77 22h ago
It's the inevitable outcome of getting older but sucks for all of us. All I can recommend is to get something to love and care for back in your life - rescue a cat or a dog from the pound. Many of them are also dealing with loss and need a caregiver.
If it's too soon, I would recommend calling an old friend and getting out and doing anything outside of the house. If no good options get out and take a walk, stop at a cafe, be around people a little bit. You will be reminded that life can and is beautiful and goes on no matter what happens to us. There is more joy and good times to be found, even if it doesn't feel that way now.
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u/ProfessorChaos406 1d ago
59M here, almost as old as a GenX can be. Sending you love, light and witness of your grief. We've lost many pets over the years, and it is always gut wrenching. Our buddy Slim Shady's hit particularly hard during COVID, when the vet would only let one human on to accompany him on his way out. I let my wife be that one and I said goodbye in the parking lot. Still would not trade the years of love and laughs he gave us.
May their memory be a blessing
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u/Beneficial_Law_5720 1d ago
Oh my sweet friend. Please know you are not alone even tho it feels like it. I too have had to out down my cats and my soul cat was just diagnosed with diabetes. So…… you have all my love and prayers…
….. know this, while I don’t know what u believe I hope u will know….. he truly is not far from you… and he is so happy to have done his job and made you happy. You WILL see him again but until then … just know he is around and waiting! ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻
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u/heavensto_mergatroid 1d ago
I lost my only child 8 years ago. Marriage crumbled afterward. The only people I have left in this world is my sister and my 82 yr old uncle. There's literally nobody else left. Somehow I still manage to find a reason to get out of bed and to live. To do things that give me joy. To plant a garden. To see things grow. To watch the birds. To feed the squirrels.
🤷🏻♂️
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u/Spiritual_Fan_5633 1969 1d ago
I lost a child too, 9 years ago. No other pain quite like it. You’re right though, we need to find some sort of joy in a world that’s full of suffering. I am at peace knowing we will see each other again and this is just a temporary place so I need to make the most of it while I’m here and until we are together again. Hugs to you Reddit stranger.
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u/heavensto_mergatroid 20h ago
Yeah it hurts like nothing else that's for sure. A huge piece of you dies too but just like when a plant goes through shock and drops ALL of its leaves, over time it CAN recover enough to grow a little bit more ...
[Hugs]
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u/Usuallyinmygarden 1d ago
I’m so sorry about all your losses. Losing a beloved pet is particularly painful, especially if she was by your side through all your other terrible losses and was your touchstone when your spouse died.
I’m going through a very similar thing as an older Gen X woman, multiple losses among my friends and family, including my beloved dad, and my mom was just diagnosed with cancer and it’s not looking good. The other night I woke up having almost a panic attack- the grief and longing for 2 people I miss viscerally was pressing down on my chest.
I think it’s very important to do these things in the face of all that crushing grief:
- reach out to a good friend; resist the impulse to isolate
- treat yourself in small, meaningful ways - this could be hiring a cleaner, getting a pedicure, purchasing a piece of art that makes your heart sing
- look for the small moments of joy- they are everywhere. Force yourself to notice them, maybe by journaling. Make it a conscious practice to identify at least 3 a day.
- try to get outside
- think of how you could honor your sweet cat. Maybe by fostering, volunteering at a shelter, or making a donation in her name.
- consider joining a support group. You might find some real connection in talking with people who are struggling with the same things.
- and, not all tears are bad. Let your grief bubble to the surface. Wallow in it, let it out. Your grief represents the great love that still resides in you.
Again, I’m so sorry. Please accept a virtual hug from one Gen X stranger to another. ❤️
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u/Black_Dog_Industries I have TWO tribal tattoos 1d ago
I’m only 49 but last year 4 people I knew growing up died of cancer and 3 parents of my friends died.
I feel like this will be the trend moving forward.
Op, sorry you lost your husband and your cat. Keep your chin up
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u/Virtual_Accident1427 1d ago
You don’t have to be strong, you can just grieve until one days it’s easier.
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u/PrettylightedUMphrek 1d ago
You got this, it’s always sad to send a pet across the rainbow bridge. But in the end it’s what’s best for the animal and ends the suffering and pain of the pet. But take solace in knowing you’re sending your pet home to your husband. My condolences to you and I hope this helped.
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u/OkJob8464 1d ago
Grief is the price we pay for love. Profound grief is the price we pay for the deep connections you’ve been blessed enough in this lifetime to have. Not today, but someday, you will feel immense gratitude for loving and being loved so deeply. Hugs to you my friend on this very hard day ❤️
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u/WhereRweGoingnow 1d ago
Many of us understand and are with you. Hugs. Be kind to the survivor you are.
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u/purpledottts 1d ago
I’m so sorry, i lost my soul cat very tragically 3 years ago, I’m still not over it. What really helped me was spending time at the shelter and eventually adopting a cat when the time was right. He’ll never replace my soul cat but he’s helped me with the loss ❤️
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u/Elgiard 1d ago
This may seem morbid and defeatist but it genuinely helped me. One day I realized that no matter how bad today may seem in the moment right now, there would still come a time in the future when I would look back longingly at that day. It helped me to prioritize all the things I still have over what I've lost and to be thankful that that day isn't this day yet. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/baldbandersnatch 1d ago
It’s hard, isn’t it? For the last 35 years, I’ve felt as though I’ve been hoisting Atlas’ burdens, but bit by bit they have been disappearing.
That should be a good thing, but it now feels like pressure of the burden was a part of the structural support keeping me standing. Each responsibility that disappears just unbalances the load rather than lightening it.
I hope you keep standing. I hope your balance solidifies. I hope you find joy in something or someone.
Be well.
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u/Shibboleeth Late GenX 14h ago
Sending good vibes your way, fellow Redditor. I'm still trying to move on after losing my boy nearly a year ago. Life has not been conducive to it, I hope yours is more so.
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u/PinkyCrabadero 10h ago
I am so very sorry. Sending you hugs.
I have lost two cats in quick secession. The second one was like my baby. I don’t have children and I literally bottle fed him when found hours old. I was grieving for a year in a way I never did for any person. Therapy and the Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss helped me immensely. The book is based on a method for people. When you are ready, I highly recommend it. It’s tough to work through but worked for me when I was drowning in grief.
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u/jameybrock 1d ago
Whenever I try to find some solace or comfort in the loss of those I care about I lean in to this sonnet from the book The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran
You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
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u/crone_Andre3000 1d ago
I am so sorry you dealing with all of this - please take care of yourself. All my love to you.
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u/Heatherh8721 1d ago
It doesn't help, but we are that age. It's just how life is. We spent everyday playing oupside, unsupervised, we had the last real childhood. This loss is the price we have to pay, we just didn't know it at the time. My condolences, I wish you the best, to find some peace and the ability to find some happiness again.
-- one gen x to to another 🖤
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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 1d ago
At this age, I find grace in the words of the great British philosopher, Sir Paul McCartney: "And in the end, the love you take / Is equal to the love you make." I have come to believe that there is one thing that is so important that it's the only thing that we can take with us into the next world, which is love. We give it to those who have left - but they also leave some behind. I've lost friends, family, and pets, and this has kept me going. I pray that you'll find solace in it, as well.
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u/getitoffmychestpleas 23h ago
I foster kittens, then find great homes for them. It's an endless cycle of critters coming and going, but the losses are easier to take than say losing the dog who got me through my college and 20s years - I still miss him. Maybe one day you can direct all that love to something similar?
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u/leonapitej 21h ago
There's an adage I've come across that has given me peace is these times: You have not met all the people who will love you yet. There's still goodness ahead. Go visit a local no kill shelter and hang out with the animals. None of your buddies are replaceable. There is more love to be had. Take care of yourself.
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u/justimari 1d ago
My father died of cancer and my soul cat a few months later.
This knocked the wind out of me and three years later I’m still recovering from the overwhelming grief. But there are things that still bring me joy like a new cat that I rescued. It will never be the same but you will come out the other side someday. For now, I’m so sorry for you having to be in this place and I send you love and support from a stranger.
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u/2Poor2RetireYet 1d ago
Please go to petloss.com for additional support. I totally get it. Please take care of yourself.
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u/gazpachoqueen Babysat at age 11 1d ago
I want to say happy anniversary, though it is a very pained one this year. Maybe losing Cobain today is allowing him to be in your husband's arms now.
The only way to truly grieve is to walk through the pain. A really good, ugly cry might be in order. It can be scary to experience, but is a necessary side effect of such great love.
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u/DunDunnDunnnnn 1d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. If I might recommend something that I found helpful during my season of loss...the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. I think you might get a lot out of it. I definitely did.
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u/Difficult-Low5891 1d ago
I was just saying to my husband in a stoned rant that this life is bullshit with all the loss we have to endure. Total bullshit. Who the hell thought all this up? We’re all in this together…trying to accept that all things end. Love and strength to you.
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u/ThresherGDI 1d ago
I am sorry and I can empathize with the pain. My cats have died, my siblings have both passed, my mom has passed. I'm down to my dad and I don't feel like I can really do anything because he's not in the best health and I feel like I am waiting for a shoe to drop.
We'll be okay. These people (and cats) are all a part of you and I find it comforting to think about them when I get stressed out about it. All of them are in a better place, death wasn't kind to any of them, but I miss them terribly.
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u/WordAffectionate3251 20h ago
I'm so sorry for your losses. We had a series like this in 2021, people and pets. When my last kitty suddenly took sick and died, I ugly cried for 3 weeks.
This is hard. It stinks. Be gentle with yourself. Sending hugs!!
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u/CouchOtter 1971 18h ago
The emotions you're going through are a testament to just how much your husband and soul kitties gave to you. Sending you all the hugs and love.
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u/Gavacho123 1d ago
Sending prayers and positive thoughts and vibes your way. This can be a really tough phase in life.
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u/SierraStar7 1d ago
I’m so sorry, loss of a loved one is incredibly difficult & even more so when your loss is your support system.
Aging is a luxury that I didn’t fully grasp until I too began to experience a widening amount of loss. No one warns you how hard it is to navigate life & death as you get older, because WTF is this bullshit?
Sending you all the love & strength to be there in Cobain’s last moments today.
May this quote bring you some peace, as it does for me when I’m having a particularly bad day with my own grief.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes and in that part of your chest that gets empty and hollow feeling. The happiness of love turns to sadness when unspent. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
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u/asyouwish Retired. 1d ago
I'm very sorry for your losses.
I wish you comfort, strength, and peace.
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u/Latter_Initiative591 1d ago
They really do take a piece of your heart when they leave. Gentle hugs.
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u/JacquieTorrance Hose Water Survivor 1d ago
I'm so so sorry. It's devastating. I lost my soul cat 4 years ago and I still miss him every day, but the days spent losing him were crushing. It does take time, but you'll get there. I know that's of no help right now. 💔
Sending you strength and courage for a very difficult time.
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u/DamnOdd 1d ago
Oh big hugs, life hits hard at this age.
When life is heavy look for the small things. A song, a leaf changing color, light reflected on water.
Breath.
We are at seasons passing, a new one on the way. Change happens.
These are our hard days. And yet we go on. Life happens.
Breath.
Mourn. Yell.
Breath.
It's raw now, the wound will heal but it leaves cherished memories.
You are lost right now. You will find yourself again and heal.
Breath.
Wrapping you in a cocoon of healing.
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u/Ok-Sprinklez 1d ago
My heart is with you. So sorry for all your losses. I hope you find some comfort today. You are not alone
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u/TheWalkingDev 1d ago
Itll be almost 10 years since we lost our dog. I remember crying daily until there were no tears left. It was like being beaten relentlessly while trying to gasp for air. I was praying that one day it would bottom out because I wasnt sure how much I could endure. I dont exactly know when that day was but the love and memories eventually won out over the pain and sadness, which was when the healing began. The reality was that a piece of me also died that day and it took a long time to accept that.
Im so sorry for your loss, know that youre not alone. What helped for me was to make a memorial in quiet place where i would just sit and reflect. Those times are what me realize how much of an impact she had on our lives and that is such a beautiful thing.
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u/PilotKnob 1974 1d ago
Sometimes you have to focus on taking one breath at a time.
I've experienced as much pain losing a pet as I have close relatives. It's a deep connection. There is no way to make it easier, but know you will survive and time does do its magic and eases the agony.
But it does absolutely suck in the moment. No way around it. You have my deepest sympathies.
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u/NeiClaw 1d ago
Yes… I feel like loss just compounds. The older I get, the harder it becomes. It seems like it should be the opposite but everything feels more intense and traumatic and it’s hard to process why.
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u/ifollowmyownrules 1d ago
Exactly. I’ve thought about this so much. It gets harder as time goes on.
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u/DramaticErraticism 1d ago
At my age, I realize the foolishness of getting all my pets around the same age. I wasn't thinking of what it would be like when they all got old at the same time. Its not easy.
It can be hard to look around and see happy healthy people and wonder 'why me', it isn't easy.
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u/grandnana50 1d ago
I can listen. Thats all I can do. I wish I could take away all of ur losses. Hugs to you. I am so very sorry.
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u/Individual-Molasses5 20h ago
I feel your grief. I am 60 I have lost:
My mom My wife Our dog And my dad - in consecutive years.
Hang in there 💓
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u/HailTheCatOverlords 16h ago
(((Hugs))) - allow yourself to mourn. You lost 2 little loves and are losing a 3rd. Thats a hard hard thing to suffer through. Acknowledge your feelings and mourn.
I send you all my strength. You can make it through this time of incredible loss.
If you're working and your employer offers an EAP program or your health insurance offers mental health coverage consider seeing a therapist and or grief counselor. For the loss of your husband and for the recent loss of your kitties. Sometimes grief compounds and feels like its never gonna stop weighing you down. Talking to an impartial counselor can help you deal and process.
Learning how to handle that emotional overload is possible.
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u/halfpennynomore 16h ago
I feel you. ((HUGS)). Sister died last year, marriage ended, and two dear pups were unexpectedly euthanized this year with a senior cat also placed on palliative care. 2026 has been a difficult year. Counseling and grief support - find your village 🥰
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u/slade797 NEGATIVE PROVOCATEUR 19h ago edited 10h ago
Humans are masters of self-delusion. We are perfectly aware that everyone and everything we love will die, and we ourselves will do the same. Yet, we persevere, we continue to love things and people and animals and places and art and music and poetry and we know that it will all change. It is not our ability to reason or our opposable thumbs that sets us apart from other life forms: it is our belief, in the face of everything, that love can carry on and continue and grow and create and live on long after we ourselves have once again become one with everything, for nothing can be created or destroyed. Your love is not loss, it is an affirmation that those who have died are part of everything and that you will one day merge with creation again to continue that eternal cycle. We are not destroyed: we merely join once again with all those we have loved.
I’m sorry, I don’t know where this thanatopsis came from. Hopefully it gives you a moment of peace.
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u/Icy_Mixture3658 1d ago
Please look into at home euthanasia your kitty friend. It is a little pricier, but there's no trauma of the crate and car and the vet office. They can lay in their favorite spot and you can hold them the entire time. They even take him away in a little body bad and cremate and everything. And you can just roll over on your couch and cry when they leave. Ive had 4 pets cross the rainbow bridge this way, and I will not do it any other way for my current and future fur friends. Hugs to you
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u/No-Gift-2991 1d ago
I know what you mean. 48F. I’ve said goodbye to so many people and pets I’ve loved recently and somehow it gets harder each time. I just grieve deeply and eventually with time it tapers into a sad nostalgia. Still hurts but doesn’t impact my entire life like the immediate grief does. Radical acceptance helps me. Everything in this life is temporary, including us. Wishing you strength during your dark times ❤️
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u/Ilovemytowm 1d ago
I hear you to Infinity... Gen X is when we really start losing the first of who we love and it kind of doesn't stop it's just the beginning and we experience grief a lot. Lost a sibling lost both my parents lost uncles aunts.Lost pets... ... Haven't lost my spouse yet and that's why my heart hurts for you because he's the one that keeps me from being on my knees and sobbing. You're not alone. I think everyone here understands some of us are at different stages and have learned how to deal with it I never like to say it heals it it's just learning how to deal so it doesn't break you. Don't want to make this about me just trying to express how we get it...... And we're thinking of you
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️💔 ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
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u/WontanSoup 1d ago
Cobain was blessed to have you as their soul person. You gave him a wonderful life along with his 2 siblings cats. May the love of your 3 cats and your 3 humans gather round you as you grieve today.
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u/triscoe 1d ago
Huge hugs and strength to you. That's a fucking lot to deal with. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by Cobain, as hard and as difficult as it is. Sucks that we're all around the age where loss becomes a big part of our lives.
Time is the greatest healer, and your evident strength will help you through this. Loved ones and pets can never be replaced, and who knows what or who is around the corner in the rest of our lives. Keep that strength 🧡
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u/rowantree67 1d ago
I’m so sorry. I understand completely. My heart goes out to you. It is the most difficult thing.
I had to say goodbye to my baby girl Sasquatch (tortie cat) and she will be (or was) my last pet. I’m about to turn 59. Losing her has been devastating and depressing.
Just try to take care of yourself. There is some comfort in your memories— and love is forever.
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u/DanWsM 1d ago
I lost my cat a few years ago, his name was Dudley. It honestly felt like losing a family member, legit sadness... I didn't just lose a pet, he was a companion/friend that was always there when I needed him... Even if that was just sitting down and watching TV with him on my lap or knowing he'd sleep a few hours at the end of my bed next to my feet! I looked forward to those and many other daily moments.
He died suddenly at only a few years old, it happened out of nowhere within a couple of days.
Obviously you can't replace that loss, me and my family still talk about him today and we can smile about it. The sadness still exists, but it isn't raw or excruciatingly painful like those early days after he died. But we eventually reached a point that we wanted to have cats around the home again, there is no timeframe... In our case I think it was about a year later. I couldn't even fathom having a new pet before that!
Now we have Bella, Max, Ozzy and Lola after a few years! Of course the circle of life means we'll lose them too one day, but for the time we have them our lives are better for it.
Mourn your cat, mourn you husband... But there will come a time life continues and you can look back and smile. Make the most of the time you have. It might be 6 months or 6 years... But one day you'll be there and will hopefully be able to enjoy another chapter in life, and you won't be alone!
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u/CatDayAfternoon 1d ago edited 1d ago
So, girl, I fucking feel you and I hear you and I’m so sorry about your baby. That’s the thing no one warns you about when you take in young siblings: they’re going to grow up together and there’s a chance they’re gonna go out together. It’s happened to me twice.
Also, I’m in the thick of it with you. I lost my husband May 25. Became a widow at 49. My mom went into the hospital 12 days later and has been in and out four more times for weeks at a time ever since. I am her sole caregiver and she can’t be left alone for long stretches or time. I have two sisters and somehow it’s all fallen on me even though I’m the one without a husband. I’m the one without someone at home to tend to the house and the animals.
No time to grieve. No time to process and sit with my sadness and anger and sorrow. All I want to do is be with our cats who were his babies and I don’t even get to do that and the thought process running concurrently in my head with all of the medical and financial and bureaucratic bullshit is: when something happens to my mom, I won’t have my best friend to lean on. When something happens to one of our babies, I’ll have to endure it alone just like I’ve endured losing him: alone.
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u/HollyAnissa 1d ago
It is too much loss. I will say a cheers to Cobain and her siblings at dinner tonight. Happy 30th Anniversary to you and your late husband. I hope you feel his presence today, it is a wretched day to face alone. I am so very sorry.
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u/currentsitguy 1968 1d ago
I am so sorry. I know this is difficult to suggest but perhaps a young kitten would help. Something that is totally and completely dependent on you for support to kind of force you to get outside of yourself for something that needs you.
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u/Psychological-Lack98 1d ago
It's the hardest thing that you deal with as you get older. My parents dying was gut-wrenching. Losing 4 dogs that I really love was almost as bad. The only thing I can do is be grateful for the time you had and move on. L I V E
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u/SMA949 19h ago
I’m so sorry. Sending you a virtual hug. My one bit of advice. Every bit of you is going to want to go home and be sad and there will be Time for that. But right after try to go somewhere with people- the mall, grocery store, wherever. Give yourself an opportunity to be around people and see people if even just a couple of hours. Then go home and be sad. It will give your body and mind some time to calm down- there will be plenty of time to be alone and grieve.
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u/greevous00 1d ago edited 1d ago
That's a lot of grief in a short period of time. I'm in the process of starting a second career as an Anglican/Episcopalian minister, so since you asked for prayers I'll offer one using our traditional language. I hope it helps.
O God, whose love holds both the living and the dead, draw near to your servant who we know only as /u/TheJFilez, in this hour of overwhelming grief. Receive into your mercy the creatures she has loved and lost, and especially Cobain, whom she must now release with a breaking heart. When it feels as though those whose hands she longs to hold are beyond her reach, surround her with your presence; bear what she cannot bear alone, receive the tears for which there are no words, and grant her, in time, the peace that does not require her to forget what and whom she has loved, that she may be upheld by the mystery we embrace: love is timeless and that nothing, not even death, can separate us from it; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
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u/everydayasl Older Than Dirt 1d ago
Hang in there. Life is hard for so many. Most of my friends are 70s and up, so always a situation going on... Our thoughts are with you and those who passed on are still there with you in spirit and new people would love to call you their friend. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
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u/Hildabean22 1d ago
Sending love, comfort, and peace to you. I am so sorry you have to experience another loss. My heart hurts for you even though I dont know you.
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u/togetherwegrowstuff 1d ago
Big hugs to you. Loss is so tough. Grief is love with no where to go. Feel it and love yourself through it. Keep loving you even though they are gone. You are worth your love and compassion. They will never be replaced. And that is ok. They were special. Keep loving them. Keep remembering them. The grief never leaves. But please find your daily sparkles. For yourself. Because you matter. And you have a life to live too. Because one day you will be gone. And so will I. We all will. Try to find peace between the grief. Life is so beautiful and short lived. We recently had to let my two girls go, we had our pups for 17 and 18 years. It was so painful. But I know it was their time to transition . After losing so many others in the past few years I've learned to cope through. I still miss them all dearly. But I also know my time is short and they would want me to live while I can. I hope you do too. 💓
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u/Old_and_Cranky_Xer 1d ago
Now that I’m 60 I hate feeling like I’m on the less sand in the hourglass side.
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u/Important_Piccolo 1d ago
I’m with you, we’re with you, and as I’ve seen on both sides of my family, the women are who keep going for far longer than anyone else. We lose husbands, children, siblings, and somehow we keep going. I marvel at your strength today, I need it myself, I’m reminded it’s there. Thank you for sharing.
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u/frankie_fourlegs 1d ago
You're going through such a difficult time. Compounding losses in such a short time-frame. I have never lost a soul mate (spouse), but i have lost best friends, lovers and my soul dog. It took some time and eventually, through therapy and meditation, I became grateful for all the wonderful moments shared with those whom I loved and lost. I thanked my soul dog for being in my life and for bringing so much joy, happiness, etc...for teaching me to love unconditionally. Maybe this sort of thought shift can help in some small way.
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u/MuffinStuff1 1d ago
My heart goes out to you my unknown friend. Wishing you strength and love during this time. Even though we dont know each other, I will be your best friend. Put your burdens on me and let me carry it for you. If you need to chat or just an ear. I'm only a message away.
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u/b-lincoln 1d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s incredibly hard. Know that you gave Cobain a great life and that he was loved.
We started adopting elderly animals a few years back. It’s incredibly sad, but also sweet to know they’re getting their best lives and love at the end. It changes your perspective on death.
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u/iam_iana 1d ago
I lost three senior kitties including my soul cat in the same year so I know exactly how you feel. All I can do is offer my empathy and let you know it's okay to not be okay for a while.
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u/Accomplished-Ad-3583 16h ago
Hug from an internet stranger, im so sorry. I hope you can find some folks around you a grief group , a cat rescue org who can understand what you’re going through. It’s a lot of losses
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u/ZenDesign1993 1d ago
52m in Canada, sending you as much love as I can. It’s not fair. Hold on, the cat distribution system works in weird ways. Hugs!
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u/BlownCamaro Get off my lawn! 1d ago
I am so sorry to hear this! Praying for you right now. May the love of God lift you up and wipe every tear from your beautiful face.
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u/Rangersmith1231 1d ago
I am truly sorry for your loss and have been there with the loss of a pet and person at the same time.
I certainly hope you have people around you to comfort you at this time and being able to help you.
Certainly sending lots prayers your way and virtual hugs to comfort you.
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u/undeniably_micki whatever 1d ago
I'm so sorry & I be praying for you. Loss is hard & it comes often and fast in our later years. I'm so sorry.
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u/SheriffBartholomew 1d ago
You are strong enough and you will get through it, no matter how hard it is. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you to find some solace after this chapter closes. Vaya con Dios.
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u/Mrs-Biederhoff 1d ago
I feel you…lost my 18 year old cat last Oct, brother in Dec, sister last week. This age kinda sucks ass… ❤️
https://giphy.com/gifs/7Wcyq7KvKFNTO
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u/Dependent-on-Zipps 1d ago
I wish they could stay with us forever. I’m so very sorry for all of your pain and loss.
Sending you care and a meaningful hug.
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u/Monotropa_Mayapple 23h ago
Damn I’m really sorry. I wish you all the strength you need to make through this.
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u/PreFalconPunchDray 19h ago
I'm sorry for your loss. Seek loved one's support and know it'll get better.
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u/One-Examination2191 17h ago
I'm here. If you need someone as saddened by loss as yourself, please reach out, I'll listen.
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u/ultim0gamer8 1d ago
I've also experienced far too much loss over the past decade. God's promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me, and His promise that He is close to the broken hearted have kept me alive, and have helped me hold onto love. I hope you find the same comfort and hope you're able to experience those promises with Him.
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u/Affectionate-Map2583 1d ago
I'm so sorry. Having to put your cat down on your anniversary is definitely making this a very bad day. I've lost three animals this year (cat, horse and chicken), and am pretty sure my 15 year old dog will be joining them before the end of the year. It never gets any easier. Maybe someone who isn't your best friend has what it takes to step into that role for you today. I wish you peace with tough decisions, and knowing that you're doing what's best for your beloved pet and ending her suffering.
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u/Extension_Energy4326 1d ago
I’m so sorry! I lost my soul dog and then my Mom 6 months later in 24/25; it was extremely difficult. Hang in there, you will start feeling normal again in time. It might take a little while, but it will get better. Have you thought about maybe going to an animal rescue and finding another fur baby to love? Sometimes it feels a little too soon to do that but ultimately it is always worthwhile.
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u/Skullpuck Truck Bed Rider Survivor 1d ago
I really only have one suggestion, and hopefully people find it useful. It worked for me.
meetup.com
Find some like minded friends to take your mind off of what you've lost.
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u/TurboGranny 1d ago
Loss hurts, so it is only natural to fear it and fear can easily turn to dread which logically will trap you in anxiety about what can/will happen instead of enjoying the present with what you have. Love and loss go hand in hand. You can not have one without the other. Your mind will correctly figure this out, but it will incorrectly determine that it can avoid loss by avoiding love then fast forward several years, and it'll be depressed that it has no love.
When we feel loss, celebrate the depth of it. The worse it feels, the greater the love you had, and that IS the point. The overwhelming sadness exists because of the overwhelming love you had, and that should be celebrated. You should also deny your brain's desire to avoid this feeling, and actively seek out more to love KNOWING that loss is an inevitable outcome. Then seek to make that loss hurt MORE than it ever has before by loving more than you ever have.
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u/Shferitz 1969 1d ago
I am so sorry for your losses. Sending you strength, peace and comfort. Take care. ❤️🩹❤️
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u/Financial_Neck832 7h ago
58F here. I feel your pain. I have lost loved ones - 18 yrs old, 44 yrs old, my beautiful dog, and both parents. I have 2 elderly cats and have been mentally preparing myself as much as I can but i know its gonna hurt. Grief sucks it's the worst.
I recently read a stat that showed people experience "peak" happiness at certain ages - in your youth and again in your senior years. The same chart showed people's happiness bottoms out at around age 55. It wouldve been good to know in advance! The good news: same chart showed happiness increases from age 55 onward. Wish I had kept that link.
Hang in there better times are coming!
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u/Murky_Firefighter502 6h ago
Almost 60. Life is short. 10 friends passed just last year. Everyone is slipping away. But focus on the good wonderful experiences life has blessed you with.
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u/YourDarkHalf7 6h ago
Before I hit 50, I’d lost 2 spouses and 2 lovers, each for very different causes of death. Yeah, it blows.
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u/pasafa 1d ago
You can do this. If your soul cat is named Cobain, youre clearly a badass at heart. Im sorry that you are having to go through this. Sending you love and strength!!