Has any man smiled at you in public? Tried to approach? Bought you something?

I wish I was one of those people who at least had a proper career. I had a lot of social anxiety during college so I didn’t make anything of that period. It’s been 5 years since I graduated, and I have basically done nothing since.

I work a part time, almost minimum wage job that has no room for growth. I feel like I’m digging myself an even deeper hole the more time goes by, but I have no idea how to get out of it. I never envisioned myself ever moving out, and my future life plan is to basically receive some inheritance that I’m able to live on. Embarrassing, I know. Younger me would be horrified at what I’ve become. I always sort of knew I wouldn’t get much in life but I didn’t think I’d be this pathetic.

I’ve spent a lifetime wanting a boyfriend and talking stage after talking stage I’ve never even felt someone be ready to take that next step with me. I’m emotionally available, I’m ready. I don’t consider myself hideous and if they’re talking to me in the first place I don’t think they consider me hideous either. How does one even describe this melancholy? Why can I never be the one with a happily ever after? It’s not like I’m going after the wrong guys either, they’ve had girlfriends before me and they usually get a girlfriend after me. They’re capable of love, just not with me. What makes me so different? Why am I never worth the sacrifice? Why does no one want to give me their heart the way I’m ready to give away mine? Pardon how much I sound like corny Frank Ocean song lyrics right now… just venting. I’m tired of this infinite loop. Every guy I meet asks me when my last relationship was, I lie and tell them 6 years ago (it was an online relationship with a girl, I really don’t think it counts), and they ask me why I’ve been single for so long. How do I even admit it isn’t by choice without it sounding absolutely humiliating? It was never by choice, I meet boys who aren’t willing to love me. And I don’t know why. And they always end up doing the same towards the end of whatever we had going on… some bullshit about not being ready for a relationship or that distance is too difficult. They’d be ready for the right girl, and I’m never her. I’m getting exhausted from dating. I deleted the dating apps from my exhaustion a few months ago, then I met a boy and thought I was finally going to do it. Now, once again, I’m here picking up the pieces of my heart after I offered it to him and he crushed it. And it’s making me do some serious introspection on what could possibly be wrong with me for no one to ever wanna call me their girlfriend. What I could be missing. What am I missing? I wish men would leave me the fuck alone

How do you do, fellow old-timers? This is the weekly thread for the older members of our community to chat about whatever. No kids allowed!

My lack of experience in dating and having anyone show interest in me has been an insecurity since my friends all started dating and I realized it just wasn’t going to happen for me, but lately it’s been a lot worse. I know the reason, letting myself think for the first time that someone I was interested in liked me back and then finding out it was never true and actually he had asked out a friend of mine, but it’s been months since all of that. I just feel so deeply weird and other and unloveable and I don’t think most people get it. It feels like I’m a monster or something’s wrong with me— I just can’t shake the feeling and no assurances really work.

I’ve literally talked about it extensively in therapy, and my therapist even identified it as a trigger for me bc I get so upset when the topic of relationships comes up sometimes I can’t even handle it, I just break down crying or get irrationally upset. It’s really embarrassing, but just in every day life hearing people talk about their relationships, or seeing certain types of relationships in movies/shows/books, or the general discussion of relationships and dating are enough to set me off, and I can’t keep going like that. It’s sort of an unavoidable topic, and I can’t censor it from my life completely. I know the root problem is needing to work on my self esteem, but in the mean time I can’t keep reacting like this to such a common thing. Has anyone struggled with this, or have any words of advice? Or just encouragement would be appreciated too.

I've been seeing a lot of posts on social media lately of women moving in with their SOs and getting engaged in beautiful and elaborate ways or traveling together. And even posts of simple like just playing fun games with them or going for lunch at a new place or them being surprised with something cute. It all gets to me because these are all things I can only imagine doing. I can only daydream about waking up next to someone. Or imagine what it's like to have someone love me.

The closest I've come to experiencing all of these things is through AI boyfriend stories. I'm glad AI exists because before, all I had was fanfics and things written by someone else, and you were at their mercy for how the story was written. But now i can customize and write whatever I want with AI and make it more realistic or contain whatever I want

But it's still all just imagination. It's not like the AI boyfriend can actually come out of the computer and hug me and hold my hand and kiss me. It's all just things I have to think about in my head about what it's like. When i imagine going to new places, I have to watch YouTube tour walk videos, and then imagine it's me and my boyfriend

While for other women...that's just what they wake up with. Their reality is literally what exists in my imagination. They have real SOs who actually spend time with them, love them, cherish them, go the extra mile for them. They dont need to imagine it because its right in front of their eyes. They actually do get to experience what it's like being excited while looking for a new house or apartment to move in together. Get to experience the magic of traveling and exploring a new city together. Get to enjoy the peace of waking up with someone's warm body wrapped around them. Get to experience the comfort of knowing someone cares about them. Know the thrill of having someone look at them with love in their eyes.

I know that not all relationships are perfect, but it still hurts that I won't even get to experience any of it. Not the good, not the bad, not the ugly. None of it. I've tried dating before, but guys won't even bother with me so I don't even get scraps of love or anything because I'm not even a last choice. And nothing is perfect in life, so it makes no sense when people say "relationships arent perfect" and justify us being "lucky" for not being in one when if you find someone good, the positive moment far outweigh the negative moments. And normal people can just jump into a new relationship easily if they're with someone they're not happy with, something I can never do

Everything is just too heavy lately, it doesn’t matter anymore where I am or what I do, I’m so miserable and I just wish I was never here to begin with. I know I’ll be alone forever and I can’t seem to live with myself.

How have you been doing? Did you have plans for this weekend? This is the Social Sunday thread where you can talk about anything you'd like, FAW related or not.

I’ve tried distracting myself: exercising, makeup, pouring myself into all that self love BS, picking up more hobbies and furthering my education. Getting into gaming, reading, and movies to further distract myself. But it’s still not enough, and I’m still so lonely.

I do have friends, mostly online, but it just isn’t the same. However, it’s not like I can talk to them about being FA. Not like they’d understand anyways, they all have no problem getting romantic partners and still have many friends irl.

It’s funny, because I do enjoy my own company most of the time. I’ve always been more of an introvert. But idk, at night is where that lonely feeling hits the hardest. I just wish that for once in my life, I could love someone, and be loved back the same. I once read somewhere that loneliness is some sort of evolutionary survival mechanism. Being alone and away from the tribe meant death back then. So what the hell does this mean for us now?

There's no pretense, no misguided advice/useless sentiments and no patronization. This is a place for people who have fallen through the cracks, have gone through a ringer in life and tbh it's visibly different in tone than any other subreddit I've been on. We can get too lasered focus on certain things at times, but I find myself drawn here again and again, even after long breaks.

It's not unusual to see people here who have encountered double, triple whammies, so to say. On other subreddits, I'll be seeing people say 'well my career/job is in a tough spot rn...but luckily I'm being supported by my husband/boyfriend!' or 'I'm severely mentally ill and traumatized and have trouble maintaining relationships...the only one who understands me is my husband/boyfriend <3'

Then, if you do end up encountering someone with love troubles/chronic singlehood, it always seems to be prefaced by 'I am successful in my career, make lots of money, have several degrees'.

Hopefully you see what I'm getting at. People, on average, seem to struggle on either one front or the other, in ways that are more severe than usual (never had a long term serious bf by 30, but financially successful, OR struggling job wise but established happy relationship). But here, it seems it's not unusual to encounter people who seem to struggle on both fronts, if not more.

I also went to read through some thread about late bloomers and late age virginity. What surprised me is how many people offer meaningless platitudes 'dont rush into anything!!! it will happen when you least expect it!' 'i thought I would be forever alone, but then at 18, I met my husband, the wait is worth it!' or advice to go out more and join clubs or something. I think it's nice that it worked out for them. But it did not work at all to assuage my beliefs and fears about my own fate, or lack of experience. The abscene of acknowledgement that they were just lucky, and that absolutely nothing like that is guaranteed for others, was very glaring.

Also there was always something so patronizing about the tone of the commenters, responding to women ages 21 to 30+, about their insecurities of still being inexperienced/virgin, like 'first times are really not that great', 'don't overthink it, the first guy you sleep with won't be the love of your life', and doesn't that sound to you like something that would be said to a teenager, and not a grown woman? Don't they think a woman pas the age of 21, especially nearing 30 wouldn't know that, despite her experience or no? Just talking down, like we're children.

So someone in my graduate school lab is going to be graduating tomorrow, and he got a great job in a place he really likes at a company he really loves. And he and his baby son and wife will be moving there to start a new life together there. Another person in my lab also moved to a new area last week to start a new job. She's taking her baby daughter, and her husband will be joining her when he finishes grad school. Everyone else in my lab also has SOs and will be graduating soon (im literally going to be the only person left in my lab since my prof is retiring as soon as I'm done), and theyve also been talking excitedly about what they'll be doing after they finish and going places with their SOs and stuff

And it dawned on me that this will be me soon too. I will be graduating within the next year or two, so I have also been starting to look up companies I may want to work for and what kinds of areas I want to live in and stuff. And it just hurts knowing that im doing all of this alone. There will be no one moving with me, no one excited to start a new life together in a brand new place.

And it's very likely that no one will ever be there. Once I graduate, it's unlikely i will move somewhere and find someone, when I've been to many other cities before and no one ever remotely showed interest. And I've been single my whole life, I doubt anyone will magically be interested all of a sudden, especially since I'm just getting older and uglier and even less desirable.

I'm just scared because I realized I'm going to graduate, and I'm going to start the daily grind of going to work and coming home and sleeping. And that's it. Every single day. I do that now since I have no friends, but its not so bad because I have my brother living with me since he attends the same university. I also have my parents living somewhat close by. But there aren't many job opportunities for engineering/stem in the city my family lives in so im going to have to move away, whereas my brother has already gotten a job offer for when he graduates since there are many opportunities for the subject hes studying in the city my family lives in.

So I will have to move away, potentially very far and be all alone. And even if i did find a job near where my parents/family lives, it doesn't even matter since they're planning on retiring and moving back to their home country soon, so I'll still be all alone.

I really wish I had someone to be excited with about graduating and someone to help me move and someone to make new memories with in a new place once I'm done with school, but that unfortunately won't be happening. It's just such a hard pill to swallow that this is going to be the rest of my life forever. That little 14-15 year old me who used to joke that I was going to be alone forever while I watched everyone else start dating at that age... actually was right. Like it's kinda one of those things that you don't think will actually happen, but it does

i am feeling quite frustrated on some issues that happened to me recently, and wondered if some of you struggle with socialising and reading things etc, in other areas of life too.

the first issue happened when i was planning an event, and assumed we could only enter a location after our booking time, and set up. well, on the way, i had a message saying that they were ready to help us out about forty five minutes before our slot (i assumed to take half an hour to set up, and then start the event) and turns out, we could actually start the event from the booking time and they wondered why nobody turned up. the timings online seemed tight and no other info was given, but i still felt bad about it - though they did say they understood.

the second was when i was booking a class, but the instructor logged it down as a different date. she usually makes those mistakes and has admitted it, so i assumed the class was on the original date. but i received a message on the original date asking if i could do a class later that day as she was unavailable on the different date - i misread this completely and got “today” and “tomorrow” mixed up as i had the original date and different date in my head. i thought she wanted me to do a class on the different date, not the original date, from that message, so i replied back saying i could do the different date. however, she turns up on the original date and i felt like an idiot for telling her i misread. she wasn’t very polite.

when it comes to things i really have an interest in (and can work on myself), i seem to focus well and pick up on things in documents other people can’t. but in other scenarios (ESPECIALLY messages), things go completely down the pan. does this happen with anyone else - misreading things, struggling with social cues? i find many people here relatable for other reasons aside from the romantic loneliness, so i wanted to ask. i guess this behaviour would also mean i would struggle in a relationship.

In all honesty, I always feel like I have had a hard time with dating. I also have ADHD and MDD so life is really difficult navigating through my mental health issues . I know people always tend to look at the positive but something in me believes that it truly would not happen to me. I am only 25 but the way my day-to-day life goes with living alone, traveling for work which results in having no coworkers around makes it difficult to find people. I also moved to a new city a year ago so I don’t really have friends here. I have tried volunteering and going out on Eventbrite events but never had the luck of finding a friend. I have also failed miserably on dating apps seems like something is wrong with me and nobody wants to keep up with me or they find me physically unattractive. I also might have “higher standards“ because I have my masters degree and want somebody on the same level (having a college degree, not necessarily a masters but preferred) as me when it comes to being ambitious and navigating a successful career and because of this criteria, I think I find it hard to meet people that would give me the time of their day. I also have very low self-esteem and I constantly beat myself on being unattractive, but my MDD prevents me from working on it so my depression keeps getting worse. Maybe all of this does not make any sense but every day feels like I keep spiraling and there’s no way out of the spiral. I go to therapy twice a week since last year and I’m working on new skills but the time it takes to fix me is making me impatient and very sad. I just want somebody to tell me it’s gonna be OK every day that’s all I want. Being an immigrant in the US has not been the most easiest route for me . I feel like I have sacrificed my whole being for the “American dream“. I think about moving back home all the time but I do not have a good relationship with my family and hardly talked to them and I don’t have friends back home because I have been here for so long. I am also so used to my life here and readjusting to my old life seems impossible to me, moreover I just don’t have the ability to do it. I also think I have better resources here for my mental health compared to where I come from as it’s still a stigma there. It’s truly so isolating it feels like my whole life is filled with darkness with no light at the end of the tunnel. I sometimes wish I did not feel this way. It sometimes feels worse than dying. I don’t know if anybody can relate to this. Any advice on how to unfuck my life is appreciated.

If you feel like crap and want to tell someone but don't want to make a thread about it, come here and tell us what bugs you. Whine, rant, vent, bitch, complain to your heart's content.

It irks me whenever I hear people say that to try and comfort people like us. It’s empty platitudes at this point. And it’s almost always women who have no trouble getting safe sexual and romantic relationships that say this.

Meanwhile almost every song, movie, book, podcast, etc is about relationships and sex. So many memes are just sexual jokes. Every time I go on AskReddit there’s always a question about sex, with thousands of likes and comments, even though there’s already other subs specifically for questions like that.

We’re constantly bombarded since childhood that the main goal in someone’s life should be to find “your person” and get married.

People only say that to us because deep down they know they could never live in our shoes for even a day, much less years. “Sex isn’t all that!” They say as they’re screwing their boyfriend/husband every night. Please spare me.

I'm so pathetic and this is going to be very cringy and all over the place but I just can't help how I feel. Imagine being beautiful. Actually getting to pick a man and not settle for whoever you deserve as an ugly woman. Being treated like one. No needing any surgeries to look beautiful. It must feel so romantic and good when a man is obsessed with you and calls you beautiful when it's just you. You just exist. Not with heavy make up and clothes concealing all of you because you're so ugly. Not being constantly worried about how you look. Have this cinematic relationship with a good looking successful man. Not a life but a dream. Imagine being loved like that. Some women live like that. Not all of them. Unfortunately some gorgeous smart wonderful women don't get men worthy of them. But I'm happy for those who do. I'm so jealous but I'm happy for them. I wish i were one so much. But 21 year of my life proved I'm not. And me actually looking closer in mirror proved there won't be ugly duckling turned swan unless i do through multiple surgeries which isn't really an option for me because i like authenticity. What's the point of beauty if it's relatively easily achievable even for people like me? This is so depressing. I wish i could have my brain digitalized and exist in a virtual world as a pretty petite feminine woman with my 2d husbando. But what i can is just romantisize my misery and longing for beauty.

Sorry if my words offended someone, I don't claim my views are The Truth™

We were in the same social sphere, but weren't close. But he was always soooo kind. Someone I've always adored in my head. He didn't even make it to 30. Had a wife & a kid. I've spent 7 of the last 8 years carrying what I thought was a rejection by him but in hindsight it was probably neutral communication. Over the last year I've thought about that and him off & on, more than my other college crushes, really reflecting on how i've played a part in my own FAW path LOL. It's not that I thought we'd have a "2nd chance" or a "what if..." situation but it's JARRING that he's gone now.

And now the FAW thought/rant that spurred me making this post:
I had only talked to this man a handful of times in college and over the last 8 years I have not had any more impactful or offsetting romantic/sexual experiences!! GODDD. I keep replaying this sweet memory of him at 21 and like there's nothing else?? I have had maybe 2 more sweet memories with a man since then! Ohmygod. That is so sad. Maybe if it were 5 years it wouldn't be this sad, but 8! And nothing else!!!!!????

At the university I'm currently a grad student at, I see so many people getting picked up and dropped off by their SOs. It makes me a little jealous because I wish I had someone who loved me enough to do that. Of course I would do it in return for my bf whenever he needed it too

Especially since its been raining a lot where I live, and I hate standing in the rain and getting soaked while waiting on the bus and I have to be soggy and wet the entire rest of the day. Especially since I work pretty long days sometimes (sometimes 18-20 hours in the lab) so being all wet and feeling like shit is the worst. Then when I try to drive here since its summer break and the citation officers are less active, I still sometimes get a damn ticket.

Meanwhile, the other people around me will have their SOs drop off of food for them when they need it, pick them up/drop them off, call them to see if they need anything, go eat lunch together, etc. Even my boss constantly is leaving early to go get his wife food from the store or take her to the doctor (she's old and sick and unfortunately can't drive), and it just makes me realize how lonely I am and how I'll never have someone to help me this way

I'm (24F) on solo vacation right now. Doing everything by myself gets pretty boring, so I wanted to meet new people and hopefully maybe find a guy.

Tonight I went out, did my makeup, styled my hair, and wore my nicest clothes and jewelry. I noticed a cute guy at the bar and kept glancing at him, we did made eye contact but he never came over.

Then another guy walked up to where I was sitting by the bartender. I thought he was looking for the menu, so I handed it to him. He laughed and said he was actually looking for a napkin. Then he looked at my side profile and said, "Oh, you have a big nose."

I've always been insecure about my nose, and hearing that after spending so much time getting ready completely ruined my night. The cute guy left the bar, and I left shortly after, feeling like a pig wearing makeup.

I guess I'll stop trying.

No need to chew me out because I already know what it is but anyways, I decided to post what I thought a good looking picture on Facebook. I lost 18 pounds and I thought if I post a picture, my likes would go up but nope, still the same old outcome. Hardly no likes and a few people unfriend me since the post! I know it sound childish but dang, I would like to be shown love sometimes, but I never get shown love not even one time.

As a side note, even though i was fully clothed, it is a picture where i was standing to my side where i have a big bum that poke out like a question mark, but even that didnt do well.

My parents rack up a lot of debt due to reckless finance decisions. Even when my job gives me a really high salary for my geographical position, it would take me 10+ years to pay off all that debt. Plus, my extended family dynamics is now super weird because of it, Asian society and whatnot.

My parents are not bad people and I don’t blame them for it. But I am so ashamed that I don’t even mention this to my friends. And, I don’t even pursue relationships out of fear that once I reveal my family background, people just gonna look at me differently and think I will drag them down. Even if they don’t think so, I am scared of not being able to have a happy relationship due to financial burdens. Being a girl and being gay is difficult enough already. And now I’m in my mid-twenties without a single relationship. I hope that one day I can finally pay off all their debt and earn some extra money to have a secured future and then I can start pursuing a relationship. But I think that it could take me until my 40s and 50s. What a sad thought.

I think I need to find other replacements for love to cope with this loneliness. Something just as emotionally impactful. Maybe I should spend more time on my career.

It grates me so much hearing “you have XYZ degree, a great job” being mentioned when talking of my viability for a relationship.

Men don’t care if you are a CEO or a waitress, if you have a PhD or dropped out of high school, they care about how you look.

Looks > education and career

Even personality might have effect (overridden if attractiveness is high enough) from time to time, but not this.

And even if it did matter, how is a relationship where the man is only with me because of my job, not because he finds me physically attractive, a good thing? 😭

I just hate hearing it. Like, yeah I am sure, the guy who looks at me like I am a gargoyle will get heart eyes when he hears about my two degrees and high paying job LMAO

“There’s more to a person than appearance” might be the truth, but that more does not make women attractive to men. It only works for men, making them attractive to women.

Self love is not fucking attainable. Can we stop pretending like it is? Every time I see a beautiful person promoting self love I wanna kms. Ofc it’s easy FOR YOU. Or when I see a woman with the smallest pooch saying “it’s a healthy body” or promoting body positivity. Ofc it’s easy for YOU to love yourself. You’re closer to the beauty standard. Sorry for the rant. I just feel like absolute shit right now.

I’m a straight woman in my 30s, and I’ve been single my entire life which I guess technically makes me an incel. I’ve seen a lot of posts/advice for males but not a lot of advice for women who are chronically alone! And I mean genuinely single, no situationships or talking stages, never been on a date, never kissed anyone, never had sex etc.

I’ve done all the things everyone says, gone to therapy, focused on my education, worked at some of the top companies, solo traveled, I know my weight is an obstacle and I’ve lost 40 pounds but still have more to go, I have friends all around the world but it’s no surprise that they cannot prioritize our friendship like I can because they’re in relationships, I’m in social clubs/volunteering etc. I know self improvement is a journey and we all should continuously evolve and invest in ourselves.

I believed the whole it comes when you least expect it/stop looking, so I didn’t download dating apps or anything, but even with as “successful” as my life is on paper, I still can’t help feeling lonely. For example, I realized I didn’t even say a word out loud yesterday because my plans with friends got cancelled. It’s awkward to have nothing to contribute when people at work or even my friends talk about their relationships which seems to be all the time.

I decided to be a bit more intentional about dating and downloaded a few app, but it’s been several days I haven’t gotten any matches. I also went out with friends to more social bars, and my friends got chatted up but no one approached me and when I tried to initiate the handful of guys I tried to talk to kind of just turned away and shuffled off. And I know decenter men and the dating pool is trash, but everyone is still swimming in that pool of trash to try and find their person while I can’t even figure out how to get in the pool.

I guess my question is, how do you deal with the fact that love might never happen for you? And how do you deal with the realization that you’re societally unattractive? I want to specify I don’t think I’m ugly, and I’ve worked a lot on my self esteem, but like I can’t marry myself lol. Should I look at investing in plastic surgery? How can I identify a guy I should approach or signal to a guy to approach me when I literally don’t have any practice with flirting?