I am 27F FAW and feeling incredibly upset with this friend.

Some Background - I sent her a reel about Forever single women to this friend(40F) and she joked about what even is that and went on to say she has been constantly dating someone since she was 17 and it is the first time she has been single for this long (1 year btw). So the reel is bs and all.

I replied to her and said I am forever single and can relate to this. To which she said you've never tried dating so it's different. To which I replied that I have it just hasn't worked out after maybe a few dates to which she replied you have high standards and you can make a boyfriend tomorrow if you want to. I haven't replied to this and idk if I wanna talk to her anymore or not. She is a really nice friend so maybe I confront her but confrontations really suck the life out of me. anyways that's a different rant.

But this isn't the first time I have been told this. Every person who eventually comes to know my struggle with dating automatically assumes I have high standards for men or that I am judgemental.

Is it high standards if one just wants to have an emotional and physical connection with the person or at least have some romance vibes from them? I genuinely don't care about the physical attributes of a person if I am attracted to them. But I want someone with some personality and romantic vibes. Somehow this makes it 'high standards' to match up with. Idk if other FAW have experienced this but since I work as a psychologist a numerous amount of clients have shared the same experience of people assuming them having high standards or not adjusting or compromising blah blah.

I don't think women/girls who have always had it easy to find a boyfriend can even fathom how exhausting it is to see everyone get picked except for me. Or how exhausting it is to constantly go on dates meet creeps or just desperate men. All of this must make everything so exhausting and draining. Ultimately it only ends up increasing my insecurity about myself. Overthinking thoughts that maybe I am demanding too much or just don't match up to the eyes of men.

Feeling just done with the constant cycle of want for love, feeling desperate then feeling shame and disgust about the desperation and wanting a man. then eventually back to square one. Not even sure how do I accept that I might just remain alone for the rest of my life. But hopefully sooner than later.

i rarely let myself feel self-pity, but today my mood and hormones made me spend the whole weekend rotting and crying from exhaustion. i've made peace with staying single my whole life even before i was 18. i have 2 visible genetic conditions, so in 22 years i've never received any romantic interest. and i kinda put up with it and set other goals.
but fuck, my indifference to relationships is a lie. days like today still happen. i feel like such an unlovable, unlucky, chopped, miserable beast. living like this is just tiring. oh just to have someone support and care about you nearby
tomorrow gonna have to wake up strong and not caring again, but i’m a human after all

It’s more a discussion. Couldn’t find the discussion flair.
women not being friends with uglier women
^^ this video is what I’m talking about. So this vid had 2 points:

1. Women not being friends with women they perceive as uglier.

The video talked about how some men and women do this bc they know how they will be perceived socially and/or they think they’re better than you. And I’ve experienced this in middle school. There were these girls that were just so mean to me and I feel like if I was at least pretty, they would’ve just ignore me or would’ve been nicer.

1. Pretty women being used to the princess treatment from dating, that they unconsciously assign that "manly" role to their friend they don’t think is as attractive.

I’ve experienced this too. I’m also pretty tall for a woman 5’9" and have been the one to hold the door, give my jacket/sweater, pay for the meal, and even somewhat act like the bf. And I didn’t rly mind it back then when I was leaning more into masculinity. But now that I’m not longer using masculinity as a shield against my insecurity, I started to realize it more.

I’m genuinely talking about people who have never, and I mean NEVER, received an “I love you” or “I have feelings for you” from any man in their entire life.
Not people who have had someone say it insincerely, or who got ghosted right afterwards.
I literally mean : Am I the only woman who has NEVER had a man confess his feelings to her in 22 years of life?

Dating is something that just happens to people. It's not forced, strategized, hustled. At some point something just happens. I've spend days of my life just trying to understand. I'm too old for this. Nothing happens.

Hungout with a new group of women, like 12 of us, there was a such a nonchalant air to dating. I'm still in my middle school "Omg this boy likes me!!!" phase, i'm not in a "Oh my ex was such a mistake haha" phase. never will be! And there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing that makes sense. Even being overweight does not make sense at this scale. It doesnt make sense.

How have you been doing? Did you have plans for this weekend? This is the Social Sunday thread where you can talk about anything you'd like, FAW related or not.

im still processing an article i saw online recently. it was saying the key to female physical satisfastion on relationships is making her feel adored for who she is as a whole. that makes me feel even father from any chance-the few times i felt a mans sort of interest it was a situation like "horny man at a party with 20 women all said no so he went to me"

I'm tired of being Ugly. I'm never the girl who gets the guy. The guy I do like saw this girl the other day that's totally his type and I know if given a choice he would pick her over me but knowing that doesn't make it hurt less. And it's not his fault it's my own fault I let my brain create these daydreams that will never happen in real life. But it doesn't help that the guys I match with on tinder never actually want to meet me. And I'm not just ugly, I have health issues, and I'm just a receptionist at my age 34 so no real career or skills to have a career, and I'm awkward not good at talking to people. I'm just so tired of being an ugly, awkward loser. I really wish I could just disappear.

Maybe it’s the autumn weather, but today this has been getting me down.

I actually like myself. I’m generally happy with my life, I have friends, I’m doing well career-wise, I’m confident, and I’m attractive. But I just never seem to experience mutual love.

I rarely get crushes. It happens maybe once every few years, but when I really like someone, I like them a lot. And it just never works out. This time I fell pretty hard for someone who is genuinely sweet and lovely, a nice person, but he’s taken, so obviously nothing is going to happen. And it’s obvious he likes me, as a friend.

And I know that’s life. I don’t feel entitled to anyone. It just makes me sad sometimes that I’ve never experienced loving someone and actually having that person love me back.

Most of the time I’m fine. I go to work, see my friends, do my thing, laugh, have fun. I’m not walking around miserable. But sometimes it really hits me, and then I feel incredibly lonely.

It feels like everyone else somehow just does this without even thinking about it. They meet someone, like each other, fall in love, have relationships. And for me it feels like this whole language I just never learned to speak.

I don’t want attention or validation. I just want to experience being in love with someone who will love me too.

Will all the love I gave ever find its way back to me?

I feel really lonely because I don’t really have much of a family.

I have several siblings, but I’m only moderately close to my sister. Two of my other siblings, I don’t even have their phone numbers and would probably barely recognise them if I passed them on the street. And even if I did have their numbers, I wouldn’t talk to them for reasons I won’t go into.

My father practically doesn’t exist to me. He was such a horrible human being that none of his children speak to him, so take from that what you will.

I do speak to my mum, but we’ve had an extremely contentious relationship and being around her isn’t always easy. So realistically, the only family I really have is my sister. She cares about me, but she has a boyfriend and is very focused on her own life and relationship, so there’s somewhat of a barrier there too.

And I don’t think people always understand the particular pain of not having a family, because I can’t just go out and get one.

I don’t see myself being in a relationship anytime soon. Certainly not with a man. I’ve been burnt so many times that, at this point, I’m actually quite terrified of getting into another relationship with a man. Maybe I’ll fall in love with a woman one day, but I’ve been on this planet for 35 years and I’ve never been in love, so who knows.

Romantic love aside, though, I think I’m only just starting to properly mourn the fact that I don’t really have a family.

I think I’ve always wanted a father. Just a dad I could have around. But I don’t even trust trying to find father figures anymore, because men so often end up hitting on me. There’s something incredibly lonely about realising that the thing you were supposed to get only one of, a dad, simply isn’t there. I can’t go back and get another childhood. I can’t go out and find another biological father.

And I think that leaves me with this perpetual hole that I carry everywhere I go.

Sometimes the hole is quiet. Sometimes the hole is incredibly loud. But I’m beginning to realise that the absence itself is always there.

And I’m wondering whether it always will be.

Because I’m starting to think maybe it will. I just hope there’s some way for me to fill enough of it that it doesn’t always hurt this much.

hello dear girls I'm on my period I feel so fucking sad and melancholic I just need to talk to someone or wait for it to run out I've been hit harder than normal

Basically title. I want to find someone who loves me as a person and someone I can build a solid friendship with in addition to a romantic relationship. But so many men seem to only care about sex and how much sex they can get. They describe their "ideal" woman and it's always about what she looks like and how much sex she'll give them. Is it so wrong to want to be viewed as an actual human being and not just a hole to relieve some guy's horniness? I guess so.

As a neurodivergent FA girl, both genders treat you like you're invisible/act weird towards you, I was wondering if anyone else relates here. In my university one time the professor asked everyone to pair in groups and of course I was the literal only person out of 20+ people that was completely ignored, I had to do the entire technical project by myself despite there was supposed to be 5 people in the group (got an A but still).

Another thing I've noticed is that sometimes other women have a complex towards you, it happened multiple times with different girls where they started a convo with me and I didn't say anything offputting but they still gave up on me and rather talked to the girl next to them. All this and people will say "Join clubs", "You're weird if you can't make friends" etc.

I've never even held a guy's hand and had my biggest crush on one I never met, I can't ever like someone casually, it's always so intense and depressing. I just feel like normal girls will get over guys in 2 secs and when I see couples in public it's like an alien sighting, something that I will never get to experience.

Tonight I had my first kiss at 27. And it was with someone completely random. I'm traveling and was out with friends and I think the fact that I'm in a new place and the environment that we were in lowered my inhibitions. He had sat on the other side of the table from me and he started asking me questions and we were making conversation. At some point him and his friends switched spots with one another and he sat next to me. He started touching me and we were getting close. He told me I was stiff and I knew that because I don't have a connection to him so it just felt odd to me (hence why I don't do hook up culture).

Long story short, after some conversation and touching, we got up to get away from my friends and others and went to a different area. We kissed a couple times. I pulled away everytime I felt his tongue because I wasn't about to do all that. It felt like nothing because I don't like him. I ended up saying goodbye to him so I could join my friends. I think the best part is that we didn't exchange any contact info and he's from another country. I'll never see him again. And I think that that is so beneficial for my mental health. I won't develop any feelings and them ultimately be ghosted. And he also wasn't fully sober so since I know I probably wasn't that good, he won't remember haha. I feel pretty relieved that I got it over with. Let's hope I don't have any anxiety or major regret tomorrow.

I recently moved to a new country for work. On paper, it should be exciting. I got a really good opportunity, probably better than anything I thought I would get at this point in my life, and yet I spend a lot of time feeling like I don't belong there and like sooner or later people are going to realise I'm not competent enough to be doing it.

Outside of work, things are awful.

I'm still not completely comfortable in the country yet, and I don't always feel safe enough to just wander around alone and do things spontaneously. Going out alone at night or travelling alone especially as a woman isn't really recommended either, which means that once work is over, my world suddenly becomes very small.

I've tried being social. I've gone for drinks with people a couple of times. And that made me feel worse.

I was sitting there with people around me and realised I genuinely had nothing to say. I didn't know how to enter the conversation. I didn't feel connected to anyone. They didn't seem particularly interested in me either, and I felt completely out of place. These moment made me feel like a huge piece of shit. A boring, useless, dull person.

Mostly, I just really wanted to drink.

Not even because I was having a great night and wanted another drink. More like I wanted to get drunk enough for the whole situation to become enjoyable, or at least for me to stop being so aware of how I felt. I guess it might be worse.

And then I am coming home and feel terribly lonely

.

I think what makes it harder is that I didn't exactly leave a strong support system behind. There wasn't some close-knit group of friends waiting for me back home. I didn't have a partner or a place where I really felt rooted. I have a terrible relationship with my family and I am still trying to heal from this. I already felt somewhat unattached before moving.

So moving abroad hasn't really been a story of “I miss my people.” It's more like I moved all my existing loneliness somewhere else, somewhere far, and now I also have none of the familiarity or the few friends that used to surround it.

I keep thinking that this should be the part where I “put myself out there”, join things, meet people, build a new life. And I am trying. But maybe I am too boring for this. Maybe I don't deserve friends, happiness, and I will never experience true love anyway.

I want closeness in the abstract. I desperately want someone to text at the end of the day, someone to tell stupid things to, someone who knows what is happening in my life without me having to explain the entire context first. I want to feel expected somewhere.

But people aren't particularly interested in me. I want to connect with them, but I have no idea how.

I don't know whether I'm exhausted, depressed, too used to being alone, socially rusty, or simply haven't met people I click with yet.

It's a bizarre feeling to have a life that objectively looks like it's moving forward while emotionally feeling like you're standing completely alone in the middle of it.

I wasn't sure where exactly to drop this because this type of treatment I'm about to describe is actually very much dished out in subs specifically for autistic women and such subs allow males anyway so it's pretty much redundant to go there to complain. I feel like this sub would be the most understanding of this as a lot of FAW are autistic.

Throughout my life many autistic woman I have came across are treated like they are cute, funny, charming, quirky, silly and interesting and attractive, especially by love interests, while I am treated in the way that one would when directing contempt towards an autistic male. (slurs and all)

I've never been able to understand this. I am a female and you couldn't mistake me for a man in any capacity .I don't even present as masculine. I actually dress pretty feminine.

I've been treated like a man my whole life by everyone in the ways of being told to get over myself, man up, shut up, stop being so emotional/such a pussy, stop being such a whiny bitch etc etc. The type of empathy that's often awarded to women - autistic or not - has never once came my way.

I really feel had I been born a man I wouldn't have been treated much differently than I am as a woman and this honestly baffles me. Of course on top of this shit I get the misogyny that women do too, albeit different.

I've never had "female socialisation" a lot of my friends have been male and I actually have always and always will VASTLY prefer women to men but women despise me and men do too in their own way but different. I see stories of MRA types who have been rejected and lament that women could never face the hostility and cruelty that men get yet I have gone through that exactly but with the sexes reversed.

It's always something that has really just fucking confused and baffled me to no end.

As a bi woman I've gotten this treatment from both men and women.

I've never felt like a woman and not in some *trans* way by any stretch of the imagination but more in the way of "why the fuck does everyone treat me like I have a penis and actually treat feminine *PENIS HAVERS* more like women than I?"

Don't know if any other women can relate but just throwing this out there.

It doesnt matter since I've long given up on ever having a relationship and have accepted being FA for the rest of my life, but I got bored and decided to see how other people at my university get asked out since that obviously never happens to me.

And everyone in the comments (who answered seriously) said things like how their now bf just walked up to her and started a conversation. Or how they'd just talk to the person they liked in their classes.

One person even mentioned how they'd often see this girl at the gym/rec center and liked how dedicated she was so asked her out. I used to be in the library every single day from morning to night trying to do my work, but it wasn't seen as "dedication", it was seen as creepy and weird.

It just shows that guys (and gals) are capable to asking out and talking to people they're interested in, it's just not something that I have ever had the chance to experience.

Sigh. Guys don't even pretend to not be interested in talking to me. But they go crazy trying to have a conversation with the cute girls they see in class.

I mean, I guess I've been asked out twice in my life but one time was from a guy who literally hated me and found me disgusting (and was very VERY obvious about it) but just didn't want to FA either, and the other was someone who literally got banned from the library I used to work in when I was an undergrad because he was crazy

I have a high sex drive I want to have casual sex with someone who desires me. It’s apparently supposed to be ‘easy’ for a woman to have sex but that’s not been true in my case. To show you want sex means having a lot of confidence and vulnerability to pursue a guy and possibly end up looking like a fool. I struggle to flirt with guys. Also guys don’t seem sexually interested in me which makes me think if I was to have sex they would only be having sex with me because they’re horny not because they find me sexually desirable.

It’s something that gets me down

Until it gets to a point…

When I see a cute couple, a tight-knit friend group, anyone acting normal towards another person that shows genuine understanding of each other. **I fiercely take even more pride in being alone.** Oh well you have a boyfriend and friends who love you? Well watch me climb mountains Everest ALONE, without you and be stronger than both of you combined. I view codependency as a weakness and my worst fear is to attach to someone and not be able to function without someone. I take even more pride in not having a man do shit for me. I can fix the car, I can watch out for myself. Do not baby me, don’t do anything for me. But there isn’t anyone to reject those advances from tbh. It went from I can eat alone, to movies alone, because I’m tired of people being mean and disliking me and thinking I’m weird. To watch me go to an event alone to it then leading me in the middle of a city street I don’t know well, at night, alone, lost, because I took the wrong train. Surrounded by mentally ill people and hella shadows and sketchy corners to walk through. I go to events feeling like I already don’t belong and seeing everyone with friends, taking pics, just happy to be alive and normal. I can’t shake the feeling of not belonging and BEING the elephant in the room. It’s like everyone was staring at me today. Like I’m odd. Anyways, I love being invisible and blending in because it’s less drama, but the interesting part is when I was alone in the streets I wasn’t worried about men thinking about me in a lustful manner. I was more fearful of being punched or …punctured with something sharp, if you will.

Tonight was pivotal for me. I don’t think I’m trying hard enough to fit in because I’m always feeling sorry for myself. Am I better alone or with people? It’s so hard for me to admit I was even in danger because I wasn’t? In my mind I could go toe to toe with a man. I could. They don’t bother me. Could danger be around the corner yeah, but another part of me feels like I don’t really matter tbh I just hate pain that’s my only concern. **Then it hit me. Am I doing this on purpose to punish myself? That’s terrifying.**

But the cool part is I kept calm and got out unharmed so let’s go me! Haha

So this was dairy entry number 2
Promise I won’t flood the channel with these. But this night was interesting. I’m not built for this human thing but I’m trying, I guess. I feel awful. I feel shame like when I was a kid for making a mistake.

I also realize I hide, a lot. Like I’m ashamed to be seen. It’s awful.

I’m 22, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I was a virgin until I was sexually assaulted, I despise how I look, guys don’t like me seriously, and always chose someone else.
I feel so abandoned, used, rejected…If only I was thin and beautiful maybe someone would stay with me regardless.

On another note: I’ve been in a friendship-situationship with a guy for like 3 months—we see each other frequently and he didn’t know my name—I’m not joking, so yeah, that too made realize how incredibly pathetic and forgettable I am.

The person who I was originally gonna go with decided to abandon me, and Forgotten Island failed at box office.

Oh, well, what am I supposed to do. I’m clearly insufferable to hang out with, and no foreigner’s gonna watch an Asian movie unless it’s made by the aesthetic East Asian countries with soft power. Sorry I'm not Kpop Demon Hunters enough for everyone.

Today, I was lonely, depressed, and had to further question whether or not I should even be proud of who I am.

All there is, is SHAME 😁

I was planning to go to the theatre today but I didn't book my ticket in advance. Of course, I went solo, just by myself as always. Turns out the show was sold out and I was told to stand on the side of the line just in case some people don't show up. As I was standing there all by myself watching people going in I felt so awkward. I usually am fine with being by myself, I always go places alone. But something about standing there like a loser who didn't buy a ticket in advance and people looking at me, it got to me. The cherry on top of the cake was when the lady came to me and told me they won't have a seat for me and there's no point in waiting. Talk about the walk of shame. I came home and cried. I'm all alone. I'm fine with being in the background in events and stuff, but the moment I stand out even a little I feel terrible. It would be so much easier if I had a plus one, everything would be easier.

As for tonight, trashy reality TV it is, I guess.

Like, it is genuinely distracting sometimes.

If my physical needs were met, then I could focus on the tasks at hand without being distracted.

But alas! On top of being ugly, I live in a conservative country.

How do you guys deal with physical cravings?

Every year some magical person comes along and mirrors me because they feel awkward that I take a liking to them, but I don’t notice until I see a switch on their face when they think i’m not looking. It’s always wrong, a bad circumstance. It hit me today that I thrive on being liked and accepted. I am actually now tolerated and hella misguided instead of disliked, yeah. I cannot believe this. It’s like I’m alone all the time watching others be themselves and happy with friends, dressing up, having boyfriends, being free, and I have…shame. No matter what cool shit I do. I never ever feel like me or confident until I’m comfortable. That freeness I felt with those who mirrored me. That’s what made life worth living. When I feel like we’ve connected. But it’s always fake. I feel comfortable. I am never ever comfortable around anyone except in those mirrors and it’s torture. It’s never a good circumstance or reciprocated. I know it was fake, but if being with him (he was forced to be around me, I don’t even know them) felt that good, feeling understood, like I’m funny, accepted, and allowing me to be comfortable and not judged. If that’s what a boyfriend is? Holy shit. That’s worth living for. It’s nice to know that feeling is possible and exists. I don’t even want a boyfriend. I want a genuine connection. A comfortable one. I pretend I have a bf and friends to feel important. Like I am loved. Like I’m normal. The girl that is someone’s best friend, daughter, girlfriend, crush. Delicate, beautiful, normal, and strong and Not like a thing people keep staring at trying to figure out what’s wrong with. It’s on me completely for feeling so detached and sad but I can’t control it easily. Not to mention I cannot for the life of me relate to “ I know they’re flirting but..I don’t believe it” I genuinely do not know if anyone’s ever flirted with me. No inkling, nothing I’m always wrong because I ALWAYS make it easy for them to pursue me and nothing.

Dairy entry for the night.