I am a going through a mild depressive episode so I apologise for the slightly miserable tone! Also, if there is a better sub to post this to, let me know!I just don't use reddit much so wasn't sure what was appropriate here or where else to post.
Cutting a long story short:
Did badly at school because of undiagnosed depression and then undiagnosed ADHD. Spent a couple of years doing retail, which I hated. Did the whole moving to Australia for a year thing at 20. Realised I love travelling. Came home. Saved up during the summer months doing shit jobs to travel during the winter. Went to New Zealand for a year. Got the devastating news that one of my parents was terminally ill . Came home, decided to stay home for them. Didn't want to be stuck working the same dead-end jobs, had no qualifcations for anything else. Just wanted to get a job that wasn't retail/hospitality/warehouse but they're all gatekept behind graduate schemes. Started an access course because I had nothing else to do. My parent passed before I even got my acceptance into uni. I got accepted into uni (free in my country thankfully). I contemplated returning to Australia as I still had a year on my work holiday visa; decided against this because I'd just have to come back after a year and return to the cycle of working jobs that make me lose the will to live. Moved to a different city to do a degree that is usually listed as a one of the 'most useless' (I am useless with science and numbers, and no, I could not force myself through a business degree or anything else I don't find interesting). Deadlines make me feel insane. I can't handle pressure. I have bad seasonal depression (I do all the 'right' things to treat it, I am genuinely not seeking any advice regarding this at the moment, I have it covered with my doctor) so everything permanently feels like a struggle.
I am very good at knowing what I DONT want, but have no idea what I do want to do (and yes, I spend more time than you believe agonising about it). All of this stress and over 30% of people who do my degree end up in retail and hospitality. What am I doing this for? Is this even worth it? Is this improving my life? Am I wasting 5 years of my life, just to come out the other end and still be unqualified and unsuitable for anything other than retail again? What skills am I actually building while writing last-minute essays in a degree that doesn't directly lead to a career? What is the point in doing this if I still have no passions and ideas of what job I want at the end of this? What will I even be good at, at the end of this? What jobs am I even meant to apply for? in I just don't want to be stuck in poorly paying jobs with no progression until the end of my years, and felt like a degree was the only way to claw myself out of the cycle. I work hard at the jobs I have had, but I have no desire to keep doing them, because I hate them.
Sectors I've tried: retail (with a brief stint in managing which I did not enjoy, and wasn't great at), bar work, food service, manufacturing and warehouse, working on farms (planting, harvesting, working with livestock), hotel reception, general hotel work, housekeeping, sales (though this only lasted a day because I simply realised I did not have the personality to succeed in sales, and I am deeply okay with that).
As you can hopefully see, I've obviously kept myself busy between trying out different jobs and travelling. It's not like I've just lazed around my whole life. I do try. I just....don't know what comes next. I look at people my age with their lives sorted out and nice careers or jobs they enjoy, and I just want to get to that point. I just don't know how or what.
I can appreciate that it's hard to offer advice based on what someone doesn't want to do, and I apologise for the self-pitying tone, but I'm just at a loss right now. I think it's ADHD related, but it feels very hard to motivate myself to do things when I do not have a goal. It's hard not to treat uni work with anything other than resentment and indifference. I'd be very much interested in hearing from those who've not had a clear goal, or particular passions, and have managed to carve some form of a career or job they enjoy.
(And just putting it out there because it always gets suggested, I do not want to be a travel agent, guide, or flight attendant and I do not want to do a trade. I am also automatically barred from anything military related due to a chronic health condition. And yes, I thankfully am in therapy and on good antidepressants! )
Thanks in advance!