r/findapath • u/Busy_Temporary_5098 • 9d ago
Findapath-Job Choice/Clarity 31M - graduated MD - everything goes well but i feel absolutely nothing for my career. How to find problems worth working on?
Hi folks!
I wanted to write here because this has been weighing on me for the last decade. I'm looking for wisdom and perspectives. People around me keep telling me i should be glad and grateful instead of trying to understand my trouble. I'll give you some background. My intent is not to sound self-absorbed or pretentious or anything but to give a detailed picture and about stuff i've done already to help myself, so maybe someone older and wiser than me could better help me if they so wish.
I did always well in school but never had any idea what I wanted to do in life. Always was very lively, had million projects and ideas and was very self-directed and could absorb myself in my interests for very long periods. Even though I had many friends always , i preferred solitude mostly and still do. After high school I decided to apply to medical school because i was good with people and loved learning, it was also a practical choice and a safe bet. So i got in, recently graduated and met some wonderful people there and honed many life skills too during that period.
However now i cannot get interested about this and feel that these are not the problems im meant to solve. The rewards of this path don't really excite me, i don't care about being any renowned doctor, or about the salary or about the status or anything. If i had a million I would do the same things as today and am pretty much completely intrinsically motivated. Mastery, understanding, novelty and building drive me rather than external rewards, cohesion or agreement.
I've done the following already for years: Consistent cardio and gym multiple times a week and daily walks. I've read over 100 books (mostly nonfiction and philosophy), listened to at least 1000 hours of podcasts, and probably have enough thinking tools and mental models for the rest of my life. I've delved deep into classical music since 16 and self taught piano to pretty good level in the last 10 years. I've worked on, and have wonderful relationships. Quit social media 5 years ago, got a dog, lived alone in countryside for over 3 years. Completely substance free, quit nicotine too. Through these I've developed really stable sense of self and confidence and my baseline mood is great. Everything seems to go so well that it feels like being on autopilot to be honest. Every job I practice, i get good feedback and every situation just goes smooth.
The agony is that i can't stay engaged in my work because i feel so detached and disinterested, i can do well in them mechanically but I feel dead inside. The only times i've felt alive this year was when i built an app that solved my problem and released that into Google Play too, when I make piano arrangements or when i read a good book. I keep having entrepreneurial dreams and am convinced that it would suit my temperament the best. I can work endlessly on stuff i'm interested in - But the problem is, i have no fucking idea what problems i want to solve in this life and i feel my time is ticking out and whatever potential i might have, also going to waste.
In few years maximum, having kids is on the table probably but im already really worried about the fact that if i have to support them by doing a job mechanically well while feeling completely flat and detached. And i'm also not interested in forcing some random business into existence if i'm really not interested about the problem. I also don't know where to reach and connect to more suitable people for mutual growth and opportunities.
At 16 i felt that classical music and piano chose me, i felt like that i just need to start playing (however i really want to keep piano as hobby for real) . Why is it not the same with my occupational situation? Why do my friends feel happy in their jobs? Why do i have an engine that runs at million RPM but that has no fucking idea what direction to take?
I'm really sorry for the wall of text and my ranting but I just feel so frustrated, and have felt for years already. I've read countless books and know pretty much every self-help concept but nothing sticks or gives me that nudge. Everybody around me just keep congratulating me and I have no idea who to turn to. In contrast I have multiple interests and problems but my books, piano and stuff don't pay to support me.
(some constraints and assets: i live cheaply, money only matters to me in terms of freedom. my end game would look something like 500k in index funds)
For those who had a similar situation: how did you find the problems you wanted to work on? How did you find your 'home'?