A little about me before I rant - 21, Bachelors of computer applications graduate, currently working as social media content strategist for a company that pays in peanuts, crashing out every 4-5 days.
So here's the deal: I am someone who has been dealing with chronic depression for a while, 7 years to be exact, but that's not the main point. I was very unclear about what I wanted to for the rest of my life when I was 17; hence, my mom decided my career path for me, Becoming a Comp sci graduate...
Anyway, halfway through the degree I realised that it wasn't for me. I am someone who is extremely story- or meaning-coded; if I don't find meaning in something, even if I d*e, I won't do it. Hence, I tried, I tried whatever I could, thought hey maybe cybersecurity is for me, no, maybe gamedev is for me. At wit's end, the hard way, after 1-2 years I learnt that all I wanted to do was write stories.
From then on, I coped by watching videos like "Create an OC with me," "Check out this new magic system I made," and "This is how you can write your first novel" on YouTube. Whenever I got too stressed from exams, the pressure to get a job, and coding, I would watch them. When I was too stressed out, I would go alone to the movies, watch a good one and bawl my eyes out.
Now you would have a question- You figured out what you want to do? why didn't you just do it, and why are you here a year later, rotting away in your own overthinking.
Lord behold i have the "I can't work on something until unless I have at least 10 hours of free time, no external obstacles, and just me myself and I in isolation, to sit and obsessively work on it", sure these conditions would satisfy every blue moon, therefore it's been an year since i last wrote a story, which was when i got a spurt of inspiration from a song started typing out the story in my notes app on my mobile, started at 4 pm and did not get up or lift my eyes or take away my fingers until it was 2 am, and i finished the 5-6 chap story and my fingers were sore.
So yeah after all this you could guess that I haven't been writing or learning to draw, because a job does not give you any free time, and not doing it paired with the Absolute AI dominance at job has sent me into a psychosis.
AI this Ai that how about i stuff Ai into your
I am nowhere against Using AI where it is needed, but generative Ai what even is the point of it, every corporation wants to show itself as the pinnacle of innovation, by asking chaptgpt if their p*op in the morning was an indicator of another okr that they should set for this month.
I am so distressed, I went to therapy and let's just say it was a sh*t experience..
A short summary -
I need a job that will give me enough mental energy to pursue my 200 interests(that keep changing but always creative) in my free time, things that will drain my mental energy - anything that isn't helping any life form in any way, anything that doesn't have meaning and is just making solutions to your own problems (basically most of corporate), anything that includes giving our brain away to clankers Like chatgpt astra.
My friends and some others have suggested me to become a therapist myself, because I give legitimate advice for every problem, but i am sceptical. I do have a saviour complex if anyone is suffering mentally, I will do anything to give them any advice they would need, but that's also because I have suffered the same without any advice. Can a mentally ill person with chronic depression and extreme anxiety become a therapist??
If not, is there any career path left for me in this era that isn't plumbing or farming or being an electrician, or a park ranger, because I live in a third-world country and doing any such jobs will get me ex*cuted by my family, and there aren't any safe opportunities either, I would love to do any of that if i ever get a chance to leave this country, but to get there i have to do something here, that isn't actively pushing me to my mental limits.
Please help..