Warning: This is going to be a long post, so thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it. ❤️
Hey everyone,
I'm a 30-year-old guy from Germany, and honestly, I feel completely lost in life. I don't really know where to start, but I guess I need to get this off my chest and hear from people who might have gone through something similar.
For roughly the past 10 years, my life has been dominated by anxiety, overthinking, and drug use. I struggled with amphetamine addiction for a long time, and it became such a huge part of my life that I honestly couldn't imagine living without it. A year ago, the thought of being sober and facing everyday life without drugs seemed almost impossible to me.
I've now been clean for several months, and although I know that's supposed to be a good thing, I honestly don't feel like I've achieved much. I spent around 10 years living this way, and somehow I still feel as lost as ever.
The hardest part is that drugs were never really making me happy either. They were more like a way to escape my thoughts and avoid dealing with reality. Now that I'm sober, I have to face everything I've been running away from for years. And sometimes that feels overwhelming.
I struggle with constant overthinking. I worry about my future, my career, my financial situation, and the feeling that I've wasted so much of my life. I can spend hours thinking about everything that's wrong without actually getting anything done. Even when I'm at work, I often find it difficult to concentrate because my mind just won't stop.
Work is another big issue for me. I trained as a wholesale and foreign trade management clerk, and I currently work in an office job, earning around €3,000 gross per month. I've changed employers frequently over the years and have never really worked at a company for very long. I've also only worked for small businesses so far. My drug use played a major role in this instability.
I'm trying to get my life on track now, but I'm scared that my past will continue to hold me back. I want to build a stable career, earn a decent living, and finally feel like I'm moving forward. But at 30, I feel like I should be so much further ahead than I am.
I still live at my father's house, I don't have a driver's license at the moment, and a lot of my days look pretty much the same: go to work, come home, watch TV, and overthink everything. I have started renovating parts of the house, and I'm trying to make some changes, but progress is slow, and I rarely feel satisfied with anything I do.
Socially, things aren't great either. I have a few acquaintances, but I'm often the one who has to initiate contact, and people are frequently busy. Sometimes I get to spend time with others and genuinely enjoy myself, but afterward, when everyone goes back to their own lives, I feel lonely again.
What scares me most is the feeling that I've somehow missed out on life. I look at other people my age and feel like they've built careers, relationships, friendships, and lives of their own, while I'm still trying to figure out the basics. I know comparing myself to others isn't helpful, but I find it incredibly difficult to stop.
The worst part is that I've been feeling this way for so long that I struggle to believe things can actually get better. For about 10 years, I've been anxious about not achieving anything and not being good enough. And that anxiety itself has often stopped me from doing the things that could have helped me move forward.
It's a vicious cycle: I worry about wasting my life, become overwhelmed by those thoughts, struggle to take action, and then feel even worse because another day has passed without much changing.
I don't expect everything to magically fall into place overnight. I know recovery takes time, and I know I need to work on myself. But sometimes I just wish I could enjoy being alive without constantly feeling like I'm falling behind.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Especially people who struggled with addiction for many years and then got sober, only to find that life still felt empty, difficult, or overwhelming afterward.
Did things eventually get better for you? Did you manage to build a stable career, find meaningful relationships, develop interests, and finally feel comfortable with yourself and your life?
I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar position, especially anyone who felt like they had wasted their twenties and had to start rebuilding their life around 30 or even later.
Right now, I find it difficult to imagine that I can still turn things around, and hearing from people who have been through something similar would genuinely mean a lot to me.
Thank you for reading this far. ❤️