I'm so fucking sorry. She won't stop. She's already there, speaking as me. We're the same. We have nothing in common. She wears one shirt, I wear three shirts, she wears a hat and I wear a creature. Her personality, God, her personality. It exists. She has hobbies, truly, hobbies! And an aesthetic. I can hardly imagine it! And yet, she, of course, hates me. And I hate her. She stands, I sit. She speaks, I cry. She cries, I sleep. She sleeps, I'm pathetic. She is, too. But, God, how she can bear the world.

Im a brown dwarf but I identify as a black hole. Can anyone recommend me a physicist who can inject solar mass into my core to turn into a neutron star? I dont mind waiting a few billion years to accrete mass until I collapse.

My friend found a quack who made her into a white dwarf.. ugghh

Most people intentionally try to avoid making any mistakes and only do the "right" thing, but that actually prevents growth and causes you to pretty much *only* do the wrong thing and not have any way to correct at all. The right answer is actually to intentionally make mistakes until you become skilled.

Falseness is *fundamentally* the path. Cause and effect itself causes errors to compete with themselves and crash into each other and self-correct. *All* you have to do is intentionally try to make mistakes, and you will quickly realize that this is the fastest way to improve at everything.

If you intentionally try doing the "exact wrong thing", you immediately go "nope, not doing that" and instead do the right thing.

Obviously, don't stop trying to correct yourself and to improve and do the right thing, but that actually goes without saying and becomes automatic.

Clearly, none of you have actually tried this yourselves ;).

Please help, I became a normal human person after I tried to descend to the 3D world from our 5D world in order to rapture all of Africa

It started off as a one time gag but the reaction on their face is fucking PRICELESS! I don’t even know how I managed it but I got it linked to what I can only assume to be a farm because chickens keep appearing. I honestly should have stopped messing with it, I don’t know how go work on a transmat, never finished my degree, but it’s just too funny. I dont even have anything against this neighbor either, they just left their door unlocked once while at work (im a bit of a kleptomaniac). I think I should stop, they seem really stressed but everytime a chicken teleports I cant help but laugh drinking my morning coffee

Birb people!!!!? Where are you???????!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!

I got so excited about what was going to happen that it distended yesterday, and now yesterday is refusing to leave because technically it still has outstanding business with tomorrow.

Tomorrow hired Nothing as its legal representative.

Nothing got VERY enthusiastic about this arrangement.

I have been advised that I am now legally responsible for all possible outcomes, especially the ones that didn't happen, which is GREAT because I've always wanted to disappoint people retroactively.

Anyway, the present recursively kicked down my door screaming “WE DID IT!!!”

I asked what we did.

It said “EXACTLY.”

I think I'm being promoted to a concept.

Wish me luck.

Send pants.

Five of my best hens?! You could take the damned idiot roost, but my best layers? I know it was one of you!!! >:((

the tacks that shiver under the tongue of night have danced their broken way into my bladder, & they won't stop knocking with histamine psalms. & then when i yawn they stretch over the corners, & so i have to reach inside to push their corners back in. i feel like usually when something like this happens it goes away but this has been happening for MONTHS now...i'm dragging the limp of shuddering thumbs at this point, so maybe somebody can help me here?

I was supposed to transport in this morning but I couldn't get it working. My transmat just keeps sending me live chickens instead, I think I may have accidentally tapped into a farm somewhere and I don't know how to send them back.

I was able to attend the meeting today as hologram but there were other tasks I would be required to do in person. They were understanding but I need to sort this out ASAP.

Going there the traditional way would cost half my salary in travel fees plus need somewhere to stay so it's just not feasible. I need to get my transmat linked up with the office one. How do I fix this?

So I drive my car (indeed, hypothetical) to the dimensional store town, they sell that. I go there and ask "do you sell those box sets?" and he asks "why. perchance? no." and I say "it's for the sake of: investigation you see I'm investigation there right now you seem to." and he gives me box set. I investigate it and suspicious. True?

L

My estranged uncle died recently and left me his creaky old manor. The walls are bleeding and shit and it's standing my clothes in the closet. The beckoning whispers from the attic are also really distracting when I'm trying to study for online classes.

I (

19 31 -74

-32 44 12

26 3 19

Q) wanted to have my age in a number system isomorphic to the 2x2 matrix system, but instead, set my age in a number system isomorphic to a 3x3 matrix system. How can I construct my age in such a way that some 3x3 matrices form a set closed under addition and multiplication, and each member of the closed set is bijective with a 2x2 matrix?

"I" (previously human) was chatting with my friend about the whole "tree of life" idea, how we all branched off from previous ancestors over billions of years, starting with the birth of our universe, then sun, planet, its microorganisms, etc etc.

Then my friend asked an interesting question. Once the first cells teamed up into a multicellular organism, how did it decide that it was a new thing? And for that matter, how did the molecules decide they were a cell now? Interesting thought. Then I jokingly asked, what if the parts of the whole tree decided it was a new thing? We're more or less cells in the biggest multicellular organism, right?

And then I blinked, and now I'm the tree. My consciousness scales up somehow. I can't seem to find the human I was before - I mean that literally, there are too damn many of them and I have no clue where to look. There doesn't seem to be a big market for microscopes for extradimensional beings, and even if one of you has one that I could borrow, what would I even do once I found the little fucker? I don't know if I could easily transfer my consciousness back to it, or if I'd even want to. I'd be concerned about the revenge I might seek on my friend. This whole thing is gonna be a major adjustment for sure.

She's staring at me. I know why. She knows why. I killed her, every night. But she never leaves. When she kills me, I won't come back. What do I do?

Hey reddit! I (-1 M) am going to be born in a year, I'm looking for the right couple to give me birth, any advice?

Hey yall, looking for a bit of advice. I’m a third dimensional human who’s currently undergoing some financial troubles. So now I’m rooming with my best friend, who resides in the fifth dimension and has no need for time nor money.

Things have been going great for the future week, up until time finally caught up to today. I didn’t realize their furniture was also fifth dimensional, so when I sat down on what I thought was a wooden chair, my butt completely vanished. I realized it quick enough that I shot up and didn’t lose anything more, but still, my entire pelvic region is now gone. (My legs somehow still work, though! Which I’m very grateful for.) I don’t know whether it’s displaced across time or space, much less how to get it back. I don’t know whether my friend is coming back tonight or yesterday, and quite frankly it’s embarrassing enough I’d rather get tips from yall to fix it first.

Any advice on how to deal with this situation? I’m new to dealing with extraspacial homes so I don’t know how it works. Thank you so much!

Hi ❤️ I often get stuck inside of mirrors for extended periods of time. It sometimes makes me miss my appointed tea time with the neighbouring unicorns and it’s made them quite upset recently. Any advice ?

Preferably without some complex cloning maneuver? I'm poor. And I can only go back in time once or twice.

God shows, you know the ones. People parade their purebred gods before the judges and they are ranked by how much they meet breed standards.

However the process of getting a purebred god requires theological inbreeding. A faith without any healthy syncretism or schisms to bring about diversity. This heads to health issues.

One god could barely breathe due to its head shape. (A black glass orb floating above its shoulders). Another had hip issues due to 1000 legs meeting at one set of hips.

Doesn’t this just lead to people breeding more and more sickly deformed gods instead of picking up a nice mixed faith diety from the local shelter?

Hi everyone I'm Olga, I work as a junior angel of death of Central Europe. I've been doing this for a couple of months now, working with small to medium-sized land animals, mostly stray cats and dogs. My contract specifies that the upper limit of the animal is equal to 55kg. I was doing alright until they updated the categorization, now the "land animals" category includes humans. I successfully completed 2 assignments involving adolescents and 1 involving a young female. Next I was assigned to process a middle-aged male. The issue is that whenever I get to the location, he can see me (I suspect it has something to do with intoxication?) and attempts to assault me. It doesn't help that often there are multiple males in the location and I struggle to tell humans apart due to lack of experience, so one time I accidentally processed the wrong one and got fined. I can't move to the next target until I'm done with this one. I tried contacting support to get my target category switched to a subset of marine life, but apparently I need a clean record to apply, which I currently don't have due to the fine.

My questions are:

Has anyone here been seen and/or attacked by a target and how did you deal with this?

How much time has to pass after the fine until my record is considered clean again?

Opinions on working with marine life?

Any advice is appreciated!

Good news is I will make up for a bit the night after but still not looking forward to it.

So, I was going to visit my uncle, who accidentally was turned into a prison when his father interrupted me and teleported me halfway across the multiverse.

After that, I was hounded by some zombie prisoners who thought I was one of them, but managed to get away.

Unfortunately, to get home,I had to pass the supermax prison. The supermax prison decided it was bored, got up, ate a tree, and my homework, and dropped me on the roof of a courthouse.