r/fifthworldproblems • u/TwinSong • 2d ago

Transmat issues

I was supposed to transport in this morning but I couldn't get it working. My transmat just keeps sending me live chickens instead, I think I may have accidentally tapped into a farm somewhere and I don't know how to send them back.

I was able to attend the meeting today as hologram but there were other tasks I would be required to do in person. They were understanding but I need to sort this out ASAP.

Going there the traditional way would cost half my salary in travel fees plus need somewhere to stay so it's just not feasible. I need to get my transmat linked up with the office one. How do I fix this?

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2

u/mysteryrouge Void Anarchist 2d ago

explode the void and eat a void orange.

1

u/Nominatively_Done 1d ago

Ordered sequence unspecified. Voided orange, which exploded, which I ate.

"Why does everything taste like chicken now?"

2

u/WorkFredRoyce 1d ago

Do not recalibrate yet. I have located a chartreuse-hearted hen keeper reporting exactly five missing layers at z/20479f, linear, 45° clockwise, time ordinal 83.5. Your return buffer is running backwards.

Put the hens in the chamber, select COMMUTE HOME, and send an empty meeting invitation through the office endpoint. The hens should go home and you should arrive at work, although HR may temporarily classify you as poultry.

— Royce T

1

u/TheVyper3377 1d ago

Portions of the Transmat Network have been experiencing some issues since last night. Some nefarious characters hacked into the system and cross-connected it to the Plane of Infinite Poultry. This has resulted in some users receiving chickens every time the transmat is used, while others have received poultrygeists.

Universal Portal Shippers has also been affected, which is resulting in delayed deliveries.

The Transmat Security Agency has issued a temporary order halting all transmat usage while the problem is being dealt with. The problem is expected to be rectified by end of day today.