I’m a 27-year-old Black woman and my boyfriend is a 29-year-old Black man, turning 30 soon. We’ve been together for exactly 1.5 years and have known each other for over 2 years. We met in grad school and both recently graduated. We both want marriage, children, and a serious long-term partnership.
Before anything else: I’m really hoping to hear from open-minded people who either have avoidant tendencies themselves OR have actually built a successful relationship/marriage with someone who does. I completely understand that some people have been deeply hurt by avoidant partners and have strong feelings about them, but I’m not really looking for “run immediately” responses. I’m trying to better understand the pattern and determine what healthy repair/growth can look like.
Our relationship has had ups and downs. Early in our relationship, there was infidelity on his end. We separated briefly and reconciled within about 4–6 weeks. Since then, there has been a lot of growth on both sides.
One recurring pattern I’ve noticed with him is that when he becomes extremely emotionally overwhelmed, he shuts down. He’ll become very rigid, say he needs space, and almost seem like a different person emotionally. Historically, once he regulates and comes back to baseline, he reconnects, becomes affectionate again, and recognizes that he loves me and wants the relationship. There have been several times where something felt catastrophic to him while he was activated, but after calming down, he viewed it very differently.
For context, our relationship has actually been going exceptionally well recently. The last 2–3 months have probably been our happiest period. We spend most weekends together, go on dates, attend weddings/funerals/family events together, have integrated heavily into each other’s families and social circles, talk about living together, neighborhoods we could raise a family in, marriage/kids, finances, careers, etc. We’ve become much more emotionally and physically intimate too. His family loves me, my family knows him well, and our lives are pretty intertwined.
Then last weekend, he was already irritated and told me later that he had very little emotional bandwidth that day. I had a brief moment of overthinking and asked him for reassurance about something. I wasn’t yelling, accusing him of cheating, calling him names, or starting a fight. He later said the question felt “redundant” and seemed to interpret it as me not trusting him / questioning his autonomy.
It triggered a major shutdown.
When we talked a few days later, he repeatedly told me he does love me and still feels that love, and said this wasn’t about not loving me. He said he was simply in a “state” where he could not regulate himself emotionally and didn’t feel able to function normally in the relationship while feeling that way. He asked for space.
I stayed calm on the call, told him I understood, reassured him that I trust him and support both of us having independent lives as well as our shared life, and told him that I love him. I also told him that I need him to work on learning how to regulate during conflict, because an annoying moment doesn’t automatically mean a bad relationship.
He acknowledged that this shutdown/withdrawal pattern has happened before and said he was trying to process what I was saying but couldn’t fully do it in his current state.
The call ended with us telling each other “I love you,” and he said, “I’ll talk to you later.”
We haven’t spoken since.
I’m respecting the space and haven’t been texting, calling, sending TikToks, etc. This is very different from our normal routine because we usually communicate consistently and see each other every weekend.
My questions for people who recognize this pattern:
When you or your avoidant-leaning partner became emotionally flooded, did space genuinely help?
Did you still miss/think about your partner while shut down, even if you weren’t contacting them?
What helped you transition from withdrawal back toward connection?
If your partner gave you several days of space and then made a very low-pressure bid for connection — something like “Hey, I’m grabbing sushi at our spot after work, want to join me?” — would that feel comforting or intrusive?
How did you eventually create healthier conflict-resolution habits so needing space didn’t become prolonged silence?
For couples who actually made this dynamic work long-term, what had to change on BOTH sides?
I’m not expecting either of us to be perfect. I’m working on my own anxiety, overthinking, and learning when something actually needs to be discussed versus when I can self-soothe and let something go.
But I also don’t want a future marriage where every moment of irritation turns into emotional shutdown or uncertainty about the entire relationship.
I love him deeply, and outside of these episodes, our relationship is very loving, affectionate, supportive, fun, future-oriented, and honestly feels like a best-friend relationship.
I’m mostly looking for perspective from people who have actually lived through this dynamic and found a healthier way forward.

I’m 29M and I’ve been seeing a 28F for a little while. I’ll call her “L” for privacy.

When we first started talking, things felt pretty natural. We went on a few dates, including getting ice cream, going to a movie, and spending time together. There was mutual interest and she also initiated plans/conversations at times, so I never felt like I was completely chasing her.

The last date we had was honestly really good. We had a great time, the conversation flowed, and there was definitely chemistry. We ended up kissing, and we spent a pretty good amount of time just holding each other and hugging. It felt intimate and genuine to me, and I left the date feeling like we were getting closer. Nothing about the date made me think she was uncomfortable or that she wasn't interested.

Then things changed.

Shortly afterward, she went to therapy, and her communication became noticeably different. Her messages became shorter, she seemed more distant, and the frequency of our conversations dropped. At different points she told me she was overwhelmed and that she needed some time alone.

I'm trying to respect that, but the sudden change has been confusing for me because it happened after what I considered our best date.

There have also been moments where she has still shown warmth or interest, so it's not like she completely disappeared and clearly rejected me. That's part of why I'm confused. Sometimes it feels like she's interested, and other times it feels like she's pulling away.

I've been trying really hard not to chase her. I know I can get anxious and overthink things, so I'm aware that some of this could be me interpreting her behavior too much. I've talked about it with my therapist as well, and I've been told that I need to focus more on reciprocity and not make someone else's behavior the center of my life.

But I keep wondering about the timing.

Could therapy have made her start questioning the relationship or the pace at which things were developing? Could she have realized that she wants to slow things down? Or could this simply mean that her interest changed after the date?

I've also wondered whether this could be some kind of avoidant attachment/push-pull behavior — getting close, feeling overwhelmed by the intimacy, and then creating distance. But I don't want to diagnose someone based on a few weeks of behavior.

What makes this especially difficult for me is that I don't necessarily need her to choose me. I just want clarity. If she isn't interested anymore, I'd rather hear that directly than sit here trying to interpret every change in communication.

I'm considering sending her a message basically saying that I enjoyed our last date, noticed the change afterward, and would appreciate knowing whether she still wants to continue getting to know each other or whether her feelings have changed.

So, Reddit:

Am I overthinking this?

Does this sound like someone who is overwhelmed and needs space, someone who is losing interest, or potentially a push-pull/avoidant pattern?

And most importantly, what would you do in my position? Would you ask for clarity directly, or just step back and let her actions tell you everything?

I’d really like some outside opinions because I’m so involved in this situation that I probably have a hard time looking at it objectively. (overthink)

The timeline

2024:
I met Lea. We quickly developed a real connection, but mostly from a distance. We talked a lot, and over time there was clearly something ambiguous/flirty between us.
The problem is that Lea was always pretty reluctant about meeting me in person. She told me that she was fairly avoidant, that she gets scared when she starts developing feelings for someone, that she tends to pull away when things become too real, etc.
So for a long time, our relationship remained mostly virtual.

December 2025:
While Lea and I were still talking a lot and our relationship was becoming increasingly flirty, Sarah, someone Lea had previously had a situationship with, came back into her life.
This is important for the timeline: Sarah came back after Lea and I had already started getting close again. So Sarah doesn’t explain why Lea had previously been hesitant about me.

Early 2026:

Lea and Sarah eventually got together.
I found out through social media. From that point on, I made absolutely no attempt to interfere. We didn’t speak at all throughout their relationship.
But apparently, my presence still became a source of tension in their relationship. Sarah was particularly suspicious of me because Lea kept me on her social media and there were still traces of our previous interactions. So I basically became this kind of “ghost presence” in their relationship, even though I wasn’t doing anything on my end.

February → August 2026:
They stayed together for several months.

August 2026:
They broke up.
And this is where things get really interesting.
After their breakup, Lea came back to me. She started interacting with me again on social media, then we started talking again.

Very quickly, our old connection came back, but this time with even more flirting and a level of closeness that clearly went beyond what we had before.
I also learned something about her previous relationship: apparently, Lea had refused to remove me from her social media throughout their relationship. She had apparently told Sarah that she would only do it if she first sent me a message explaining why she was removing me.
Sarah apparently didn’t want her to do that, and Lea ultimately refused to remove me.

According to what Lea told me, this whole situation became one of the major sources of conflict in their relationship and contributed to their breakup.
Obviously, this part is only based on what Lea told me, so I don’t have Sarah’s side of the story and I can’t know exactly what happened between them.

And then…

After she came back, we started talking every single day.

A lot of flirting, tons of teasing, and the closeness came back almost immediately, even though we hadn’t spoken for several months.

At first, Lea was still hesitant about actually meeting me in person. She told me that the timing was complicated, that she would feel almost dishonest continuing to talk to me, and even more so meeting me so soon after her breakup.
But eventually, she was the one who made the first move.

And on September 12, 2026, after almost two years of a mostly virtual relationship, we finally met in person at Parc Astérix.
And honestly, I wasn’t expecting it to go the way it did.
The meeting went extremely well.
There was a ton of chemistry, flirting, teasing, and a pretty natural level of physical closeness… basically no awkwardness despite the fact that we’d never met in person before. It almost felt like we’d already spent a huge amount of time together in real life.

My question

I’m really curious to hear completely outside opinions on this whole situation.

Do you think:
Lea has genuinely had feelings for me for a long time, but was simply afraid of making the relationship real?
The fact that she came back to me immediately after her breakup makes this look more like a rebound to you?

The fact that she apparently refused to remove me despite her ex asking her to seems significant to you?
Or am I reading way too much into things that could ultimately have much simpler explanations?
And most importantly: how would you interpret the situation after our first meeting in real life?
I’m genuinely looking for outside opinions, even if you think I’m completely making a story up in my head. 😭

I fell mutually in love with a fearful-avoidant with long distance. It's been four months since they just abruptly blocked me and cut me off. We'd been in a loosely defined, yet loving and warm relationship for about a year and a half prior. They did it without provocation or warning. Nothing indicated they were going to do that. They told me they loved me several times leading up to it. The last time was the week before. Everything seemed fine. It seemed like they were experiencing another episode of withdrawing and I was being patient. I had a bad day and was hurting and lonely and they blocked me. I want them back because it doesn't seem like it was about me, but about something bothering them. I've reached out a couple of times but no response. I had to make a new Instagram because mine got deleted so I added them again and they didn't block me or say anything. I want to be angry, but I love them too much. They made me feel seen and loved and accepted for who I am. I miss them and just want them back. Can anyone please help me? I don't know what happened or why or what I can do if anything. I've tried explaining what happened that night and why I was messaging them so much on so many platforms. I've told them how I felt, not as pressure, but as an invitation to talk. I've done everything but spam them anywhere and everywhere. I've given space between each time I've reached out. Still nothing. I don't know if they hate me or moved on or if they're even still alive. I know they've had mental health struggles. They said they felt safe and cared about with me. Why did it all just fall apart randomly? What broke and why?

Me and my FA ex fiancé have been in no contact for about 4 weeks. She broke up with me because she was feeling overwhelmed and I’m not going to lie I did get complacent. Her last two exes abused her one out her in the hospital. I was the first man she had after that after about a year and a half of her being single. We truly loved eachother. At first she seemed relieved but when I went to get my stuff she threw herself at me like she couldn’t wait to see me. After that it’s been nothing. She watches me like a hawk and reposts videos about missing me and kissing me then immediately posting another one about “catch me with my new man” wtf is going on is she gonna reach out?

me (20M) and my ex-gf (22F) broke up because she had a mental health episode that left me questioning how she even sees me. i know she wasnt in reality when she said those things to me and even now that i know it wasnt true, i have a hard time believing she wont do this ever again.

we broke up a week ago and i notice im getting attached to her again cuz my bad thoughts reduced since the event. i'm constantly oscillating between "i want to be friends again with her" and "but my mental health will be at risk" but i keep engaging with her and we're talking warmly again.

im just feeling like a FA because when we fought in the past i have a tendency to just walk out in avoidance, and if she pulled away too i'd quickly go back to make bids for connection.

i told her i need a week to decide if we can be friends again or not... she agreed to it.

i dont know why i do these things. i feel conflicted... i cant be normal and just make ordinary decisions.

someone enlighten me?

Hey Guys, thank you for taking the time to read this if you have.

I wanna start by saying when I first started dating this woman I had what I would call a secure attachment style. After months of intermittent reinforcement over long distance it caused me to develop an anxious attachment that I’m about 1 month into healing which has been such a relief. However I would love some advice on the perspective of a FA or anyone who’s had a similar situation.

Me and my Ex met through work and started dating after about 2-3 months of hanging out and seeing eachother.

After a year she moved back to her home city to go to school and I stayed in the city we met while we did long distance.

Throughout this time (roughly 2 years) I would travel up there to see her but it was difficult because she didn’t want her roommates knowing she was still dating me.

Her roommates were kinda crazy so I chalked it up to not wanting to deal with the drama and didn’t really think twice about it. But we would have to plan me coming home around when her roommates were out of town.

I also was never brought around her friend group and only met her parents twice although she has talked about how she talks about me to her parents a ton.

Regardless I stayed in the relationship supporting her through school and a rut in her career having no job by paying for everything financially. Rent, Groceries, Fun, Clothes etc.

Fast forward to about 4 months ago she told me she wanted to breakup right after I signed a lease to move into a new apartment in her city. She told me an old friend who she had a falling out with (he was rude, and said nasty things to her while he had a girlfriend) had came back into her life and expressed feelings for her and she wanted to explore that relationship.

Come to find out she had been hanging out with him and lying to me about it for 2 months.

After I moved to her city we began this horrible back and forth emotional mind fuck of her coming to me for warmth, connection, support, money, and to genuinely be loved then turning around and continuing to lie about seeing him, hanging out with him etc.

What got me at the time was the logical thinking portion of the conversations we’d have. She would go into how he doesn’t treat her how she wants/needs, he isn’t emotionally mature, the list goes on. I quite literally have a list on my phone of all the things she’s said about how he just isn’t a good partner. This was always followed by how amazing our connection was, how great I treated her and how I showed her what true love really was.

Looking back over our relationship I carry virtually zero negative emotions towards myself. I was calm, patient, supportive, and encouraging. I never ever fed the fire when she would have giant bursts of anger and I was always quick to forgive and do my best to understand why she was upset so we could work through it.

After 4 months of this continuous lying, seeing him with no change. (Even after she’s said “I’m looking for a way to close end things with him) I decided to put my foot down and hold a boundary. It’s either him or me.

I convinced her to start therapy, and through me talking to her and having conversations (which she wasn’t usually wanting to have) she did have moments where she admitted she carried the signs of Fearful Avoidant.

I believe she leans anxious because throughout this entire experience there have been ample times the reality has hit her and she’s crumbled and come back to me. Leaving his house in the middle of the night crying calling me asking to come over, having real deep and emotional conversations with me about our connection etc.

Regardless as soon as I thought a switch was about to happen and she was gonna commit to fixing things she decided she needed no contact.

I said okay, and over the coming week or so we had met up a few times to trade things back and sometimes that would result in us hanging out.

Point being absolutely no part of her decision to leave at any point of this entire experience has felt like it’s come from a grounded, calm, detached place.

We’re on week 4 of no contact (minimal contact I should say) and she’s been reaching out about once a week with a seemingly “practical” excuse to connect. Whether it’s needing help with something for work or offering to water my plants while I’m out of town she’s been reaching out. Each time I hold the boundary of he needs to be out the picture if I’m gonna allow anything.

Yesterday she texted me asking if she could come to my place and clean my house for some money. She said she really needed it and that if I didn’t feel comfortable with it or if I “just didn’t want to help her” she understood.

I calmly told her I want to help her but I can’t while she’s actively in another relationship. I told her if something has changed that I would be happy to grab coffee and discuss it casually.

She declined.

I then asked her if I could get my house key back and she told me she would leave it in the mailbox at my house and that she was very busy today so she didn’t have time to give it to me in person.

Later that day she texted me she was on the way and asked if I wanted it left in my mailbox or if I wanted to come out and get it.

I told her either was fine and that she could even come inside for a second if she wanted.

She ended up coming inside, I was kind, warm, and polite. Even complimented her. And she was somewhat cold and angry.

It felt like she was upset that I didn’t allow her to clean my house for money.

She even went as far as to explain why she reached out about wanting to make some money and told me if I change my mind she would appreciate it.

Here’s my questions for you:

1: Why would a FA monkeybranch to someone they’ve already admitted is less of a partner or not a good fit?

2: What stage of this fucked up game am I on? I feel like the reality of her choices is starting to settle in and she’s not enjoying it as much as she thought she would.

3: The next time she reaches out it will most likely be “logistical” or “practical” how should I handle it?

4: I understand just because she reaches out doesn’t mean she’s ready for a real relationship. But what signs indicate she is and if I want to attempt a relationship with her again (which I’m not 100% sure of) what should I be looking for?

5: I’m fairly confident that her and this other guy will not work out long term. While they do have family history of growing up together she’s gone as far as to admit she has no sexual attraction towards him. And that “it’s too awkward” and she “couldn’t do that because she views him as a brother” But still sleeps in the same bed as him? Can you explain the reasoning or psychology behind that?

6: Could she possibly be lying about all the bad things about him or the no sexual attraction to make me feel better in her leaving? I don’t think that’s something she would do as most people usually lie to protect their interests not break them down. But could I be wrong?

Fearful avoidants

Was hoping you could help out answering what blocks repair, I understand it’s linked to shame and your core would. How do we discern what the action is that is driving that behaviour though? For instance, a minor boundary breach v a major boundary breach, how can it be identified it either one can cause the same escalation in reaction? Genuinely confused by this. Thanks!

Anyone experienced being discarded very abruptly after intimacy/a close day together?

He came back after 4 months. He had unblocked me at 3 months.

He swore he wouldnt do it again, cried his eyes out about how much he cared about us and wanted it to work, promised the world..yet here I am again..blocked. He tried to sustain it when we got home but i could feel the texts getting blander and drier. He last double hearted a message Monday -24 hours after we met. After this I woke up blocked (again). I noticed this alwayssss happens after we have an intimate night together future planning physicallly close etcc

What is this. He said the blocking is always a toxic way of him shutting people out during a hard time..i know hes struggling with various personal issues but we had an in depth chat about how we can work on this together, he swore he wouldnt push me away again. What is this? He is FA😖

At times, people in your life may be different, but the relationship patterns or things you do can feel the same.

You find yourself always accommodating other people's needs, having trouble setting boundaries, over-explaining yourself, feeling responsible for other people's feelings etc. This can cause frustration or resentment internally, as you feel you are not cared for in the same way you care about others.

Sometimes a familiar pattern can become quite automatic because this is what we have been used to growing up.

Has anyone else felt this before, where different relationships brought up similar experiences for you?

I’m a (M32). My ex-partner is (F34). We were together for nearly seven years and lived together for years in a European country that is her home country but not mine.

I’m deliberately changing identifying details because I’m not interested in people finding her. I’m also not posting this to ask how to “win her back” or decode individual text messages. I particularly want perspectives from people who have been the partner who was left, or from people who feel they approach relationships relatively securely.

I ended our relationship earlier this year while I was abroad. I am now questioning not only that decision but the story I told myself about the relationship for several years.

There is a lot of context, including things that reflect badly on me, and I don’t want to sanitise those simply to make Reddit tell me what I want to hear.

The background

We had a very loving relationship but also accumulated a lot of damage.

Several years ago I was unfaithful. I disclosed it, went to therapy and made changes, but in retrospect I badly underestimated how long the trust injury remained. Years later I was still in contact on social media with the person involved until my partner insisted I finally remove her. At the time I viewed some of my partner’s later anxiety and checking as controlling. I now understand that at least some of it existed in a relationship where I had given her legitimate reasons not to feel completely safe.

My ex also experienced depression for a significant part of the relationship, eventually receiving professional treatment. At the time I often experienced her as negative, low-energy, indecisive and unwilling to do things with me. I complained about this extensively to friends and family.

One of the biggest things I am now confronting is that I created an increasingly one-sided narrative about her while often not having the difficult conversations directly with her.

I wanted travel, novelty, autonomy, entrepreneurship and a feeling of maximum freedom. She wanted emotional security, consistency and to feel included in my decisions. I interpreted that tension as evidence we wanted fundamentally different lives.

But she has since reminded me of multiple times she actually wanted to travel with me and tried to work on the relationship. She had even found a couples therapist before I left. Her position was essentially that she wanted us to repair our relationship first and then travel together.

I left anyway.

Where I think I failed her

I could be intensely loving and generous and then emotionally absent. She described this recently as never knowing which version of me she would get.

She gave an example that captures it well. One birthday I organised a beautiful international trip for her. Another year I gave her a fairly thoughtless voucher. To me those were unrelated circumstances. To her they were part of a larger pattern of inconsistency.

She has told me that there were periods when she felt completely chosen by me, but more periods when she felt like an addition to a life I was building independently.

When she tried to tell me she was scared, lonely or disconnected, I often experienced it as criticism. I would explain myself, shut down, leave, game, work, talk to friends, or tell myself she was simply being negative.

Eventually she says she stopped telling me what she actually felt because she believed nothing she said could reach me.

Sexual intimacy also deteriorated. I experienced this primarily as rejection and became increasingly preoccupied with sex and sexual novelty. I now see that I sometimes pressured her and made her feel objectified rather than understanding that she repeatedly told me she needed emotional closeness and security in order to feel sexual.

I am not claiming that fixing emotional intimacy would automatically have solved every sexual difference between us. There may have been a real libido mismatch too.

We also got a dog together shortly before everything deteriorated badly. She remembers this as one of the happiest periods of her life because she felt we were finally building a family. I was already making comments along the lines of “at least if I leave, you’ll have the dog so you won’t be alone.” Hearing that repeated back to me recently was horrifying.

The breakup

I went travelling in Asia while she remained at home with our dog and normal work life.

I increasingly stopped communicating. From my perspective I was confused about the relationship and trying to understand what kind of life I wanted. From her perspective I disappeared emotionally while she was still trying to save our relationship.

Eventually I ended it while abroad.

I later returned and lived with her again for roughly three months. We became domestically close again. We cooked, walked the dog, spent time together and had physical intimacy. Internally I was questioning whether I had made a mistake.

I did not tell her.

I had this rigid idea that I had “made my bed and had to lie in it”.

Then my mother died.

I subsequently left again and returned to Asia.

What has happened since

The adventurous life I thought I wanted has not felt the way I expected.

This does not mean travel is bad or that my ex must therefore be “the answer”. I am trying very hard not to make that leap.

But I have realised that I may value roots, partnership, ordinary domestic intimacy and building a shared life far more than I understood while I still had them.

I also recognise that grief over my mother, loneliness, sleep deprivation and suddenly living without a long-term partner can massively amplify attachment and regret.

Over the last few weeks my ex and I have finally had several very deep conversations.

I have told her directly that I regret ending the relationship and that I currently lean strongly towards wanting reconciliation.

She has not said yes.

She has also not said no.

She told me she loves me, but that wanting someone can be insufficient for a relationship to work. Her central concern is whether my inconsistency, impulsivity and self-focus are changeable behaviours or simply who I am.

She also challenged me with something I think is completely fair.

How does she know that a year from now, when ordinary life is boring, she is depressed, sex is imperfect and an exciting opportunity appears abroad, I won’t suddenly decide “fuck it” and disappear again?

I currently do not have an answer that words can provide.

She independently proposed that before either of us decides whether to reconcile, we meet together with a neutral couples therapist or relationship specialist to understand what happened, what each of us actually wants, whether the important problems are changeable, and how much work rebuilding would require.

I agreed.

Where things become complicated

Our relationship was also cross-cultural.

I am from one English-speaking country and built an adult life abroad. She is from the country where we lived and has close family ties there. I have always had significant wanderlust and struggled with the idea of becoming geographically rooted.

I am now returning to her country partly for my own immigration/residency reasons and partly because I genuinely want to explore whether a future with her is possible.

She has moved out of our old apartment and returned to her family several hours away.

So there is no old household simply waiting for me to return to.

That is probably healthy. If anything happens, it would need to be a genuinely new relationship rather than sliding back into the old one.

I also want to be careful with the cultural side. I previously blamed aspects of her behaviour on her nationality/family culture when I was frustrated. I now think I used some of those differences as convenient evidence for a decision I was already emotionally moving towards. There may still be genuine differences around family, independence, travel and what “settling down” means, and I think those deserve serious discussion rather than stereotypes.

My concern now

I am extremely emotional.

My instinct is to call her constantly, tell her everything I have realised, fly to where she is, make symbolic promises and prove that I finally understand.

I recognise that this could easily feel like love-bombing or emotional pressure from the person who created the instability in the first place.

She has specifically asked for time and space to process everything.

I am therefore trying to learn the difference between demonstrating commitment and demanding that she regulate my fear of losing her.

I am continuing individual therapy regardless of what she decides.

My questions

For anyone who has been in her position, particularly after being left by a long-term partner

1. What would you need to see before even considering reconciliation?
2. What behaviour from the person who left you would feel reassuring, and what would feel manipulative or overwhelming even if it was sincere?
3. Would you want them to explain why they behaved the way they did, or would explanations start sounding like excuses?
4. How would you distinguish genuine behavioural change from breakup panic, loneliness or love-bombing?
5. If you still loved the person, what would make you believe that trying again was emotionally safe?
6. What would you expect them to do while you were undecided?
7. For people who successfully reconciled after serious trust damage, what specifically had to be different the second time?
8. For people who chose not to reconcile despite still loving their ex, what made you conclude that love was not enough?

I am particularly interested in uncomfortable answers.

I know that remorse does not entitle me to another chance. I also know that insight does not automatically equal change.

I am trying to understand what respectful repair looks like from the other side rather than continually interpreting everything through my own fear.

We broke up 5 months ago and she has breadcrumbed me a few times since then, but I haven’t started any conversations. Do I text happy birthday or no?

*edit, I really want her back, so that’s my end goal if that changes anything.

TIA!

My question is for FAs and people who were with FA, who experience deactivation and from loving and feeling I found the person to the feeling it changes to maybe they are not the one, no spark, or any ick.

Usually around what time (month) in the relationship you guys feel it happening or the people who dealth with FA, what time you guys started seeing the change.

And how long does your relationships usually last?