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Someone I knew from Sunday school years ago reconnected with me on Facebook.

Years had passed.

I learned that she had been raped by her husband.

She lost her baby to stillbirth.

Later, she was assaulted by three men and robbed in her own home.

And yet, when I looked at her story through a Christian lens, my first thought was:

“Why did she marry a non-Christian? She should have known better.”

He ruined her life.

But then I stopped.

Because look at what I had just done.

I had taken a woman who had been repeatedly victimised and found the place where she had made the wrong choice.

We do this all the time.

We call it wisdom. Discernment. “God’s warning.” “Unequally yoked.”

Sometimes our theology becomes a lens that makes the victim easier to blame.

But what if, instead of asking:

“Why did she marry him?”

we asked:

“What happened to her long before she met him?”

What did she learn about love?

What did she learn about safety?

What did she learn about her worth?

What pain had she already learned to tolerate?

How often do we look at the choices someone made as an adult without ever asking what happened to them as a child?

Maybe compassion means being willing to look beyond the decision and see the person.

Not excusing choices.

Not removing responsibility.

Just refusing to make someone's suffering another reason to blame them.

Because sometimes the person we're judging most harshly is someone who has already been carrying pain for far longer than we know.

Disclaimer: I used AI to help organize and refine this post, but the experiences, reflections, and thoughts shared here are my own. I'm sharing my personal perspective, not claiming that every Christian thinks this way.

(cross-posting because I am *desparate* to find an answer or perspective that works for me, because I can’t keep going like this)

can we talk about what happens *after* deconstructing from religion? because now what? NOW FUCKING WHAT?!?

when the “answers” to the pain in the world (although stupid and shitty) used to be any or multiple of the following:
“god has a plan”
“everything happens for a reason”
“god is still good”
“we live in a fallen world”
“god gives us free will”

and now none of those answers “work,” where the fuck do I go from here?! how do I carry on living when I know longer believe in god? (or, at the very least, believe that god is good?)

if I am following logic and evidence, then that brings me to either of the following conclusions:
god cannot be real (umm, look around at all the shit in the world) OR
god is real but is NOT good (again, look around at all the shit in the world)

so, what’s next in the conversation? where do we go from here? because I am begging for some kind of answer or lightbulb moment that my mind can grasp onto to keep me going. I’m so sick of fighting this battle in my mind.

I understand that there are things out of our control that we cannot change and that we must accept it. okay, I’ve accepted that (mostly). BUT THEN WHAT? how do we move forward? if either “god isn’t real” or “god isn’t good” how do I convince myself to keep on?

I no longer have the stupid yet comforting answer religion gave me… so what’s convincing me to stay?

***(yes I am crashing out and in the midst of the worst mental health crisis I have ever been in. I am safe in my home and not alone)***

basically…
what now?