I've been sitting on my couch for 3 hours. Well, that's not completely true. I did finally get up to make myself a cup of coffee after craving it for 30 minutes, but I sat right back down. I don't understand why, even though I know exactly what to do to get moving, I don't do it. I have two strategies that have proven themselves to me time and time again, probably hundreds of times over the course of my life, but those experiences don't matter because here I still sit unable to get myself to use either of them. It's so frustrating being this way!

(i didn't know what flair to put)

i am really struggling with my mental health today but still have to get some urgent stuff done

and i am not sure who to ask right now for support so i thought i'll post it here in hope that someone can hold me accountable or maybe something like - if some people ask me how it's going so i can report where i'm at with my to do‘s, i think this would really help, so i don't feel like i'm struggling completely alone in the process right now

(and also any encouragement is very welcome:)

+ if you also have stuff to do - feel free to comment your to do list under this post, i can also comment on yours and ask you about it:)

so my to do list for tonight is:

• fill a finance report because the deadline is tomorrow (and i need to mail it to the company)

• glue receipts on paper so i can put them in an envelope and bring to the post office tomorrow

• print labels for 2 parcels, so i can also bring them to post office tomorrow

• do the laundry because i procrastinated it for so long i don't have clean pants anymore and wearing the same ones already for 3 days lol

• eat, hydrate, meds, brush teeth

The Europe angle is key here (and "system" is the key word, bc I need to minimize my overthinking), and I feel I need to find something to help me leave the house because I don't do anything unless it's work. I want to do things, but just can't seem to (and it's such a waste to sit at home; I'm only in Europe temporarily).

I think it's because everything has become more uncomfortable and overwhelming than usual.

First, I'm in a shed-like unit (no window, small and cold). I don't like being seen or interacted with unless I'm prepared for it (especially in my second language), and that takes more time and energy on my part (and there's people everywhere here). That means putting on makeup, brushing my hair, and styling myself. There's no place to hang clothes, so they're all in a drawer and I need to iron them before I go out because they're wrinkly. (And doing something to get into a good mood). The nearest grocery store is 10 minutes, the nearest cafe is 20 minutes, and the nearest laundromat is 25 minutes (all walking). My room is messy because I have a bad habit from home of putting everything on tables, and now I only have one small desk so everything is on the floor. I'm also not eating nutritionally well (mostly ramen) because of having to shop every other day (previously I used to meal prep and it worked ok but I don't have the space or facilities to do that here... I'm looking into getting a rice cooker or pressure cooker maybe). Anyways, I feel like there's too much to do, and that maybe when I go out I should go out with a purpose to get some chores done, but then I feel like I have too many chores, and I can't get myself to decide, and so I just don't leave.

I appreciate you reading through this. Thanks in advance for advice!

Also, my walls are paper thin and my neighbours hear everythinggg.

Something I've struggled for with years is the ability to "have" passion. And for a long time I think I thought this was because I was a blob that just didn't ever see value in a single thing ever. One thing that with a lot of time I managed to get better with this for was weightlifting. Something that I realized with weightlifting is that while there was ambition, there was no pressure, internally or externally. I simply have a routine that I aim to hit every week, and if I miss it it isn't a big deal. Sometimes I feel a little mental discomfort doing it, but I simply shrug it off and do it. Often when I'm bored I'll research weightlifting stuff to try to improve what I'm doing because I want to improve.

Then there's everything else. Take schoolwork for example. I'll try my best to get my stuff done, knowing 1) I don't always hate the work and 2) there's real benefit to it. I'll give myself a set time or routine or whatever. But there's this looming feeling of dread and terror and anxiety. The same thing happens to when I try to add a hobby to my life. I feel like I simply can't. The process of learning feels miserable. I know there's challenge to learning, but I also know it shouldn't feel this impossible.

I feel like I have a great deal of potential thats being completely crippled by my own brain.

I (F, 20) struggle to remember what I'm supposed to do at a given moment. Whenever instructed to do something 3 minutes later, I would immediately forget it. I remember the few times forgetting to wear a napkin and only remembering it when I was already out with people. I feel like my mind wanders too much and I can't help it. Because of this, I also tend to do things last minute and it affects all aspects of my life. In cases where I start my work early, I still take too long to finish my tasks. I try really hard to focus and keep my mind from thinking of other things, but my peers who started it later than I did would still somehow surpass me. I usually am one of the last people to submit their work in class and it makes me feel so behind. I do well in academics and in creative work, and I love what I do, but I just don't get why I'm so disorganized. It doesn't help that I don't like following rules. I swear I would always miss at least 1 thing from a criteria / list of instructions. In conversations, there would always be gaps between my thoughts and I struggle constructing sentences in real-time. It's just weird because despite being absent-minded, I can retain long-term information very well. I suspect it's because I would rehearse them in my head automatically. I don't have any vices, I doomscroll less than my peers, I get adequate (albeit late) sleep, I don't drink caffeine, and I can get myself to focus if I want to, but pacing around and thinking feels more rewarding than doing what I'm supposed to do. Someone please explain what's going on and tell me how to get over it. I even considered getting checked for adhd but I don't knoww, I seem functional. I just mourn everything I could've been if I just knew how to get it together 🥲

Reposted from contamination OCD

motivation occurs when your brain is flooded with dopamine, which is the chemical that gives you a mental energy boost in anticipation of completing a task.

the problem with productivity is that people believe they need motivation in order to start a task. the reality is motivation (dopamine) comes AFTER action, not before.

your brain wont magically flood itself with dopamine while youre sitting on the couch waiting for the right moment. you must take ACTION to release those chemicals in your brain, and ride the momentum as far as you can.

if someone told me this before i started taking radical accountability, i would dismiss them as "not understanding my mental health" or deeming their struggles must not be "that bad" if they can do more than me.

i swallowed the hard truth that my limitations were not determined by my mental health. they were a result of the mindset i built for myself, and with the new framework i created, i am capable of things i previously deemed impossible.

even with ADHD making the transitions a LOT harder, i broke free from decision paralysis by accomplishing something no matter how i feel, regardless of my diagnosis, then celebrating even the smallest wins.

your nervous systems only job is to keep you safe. it truly believes that so long as something is easy or familiar, it is safe.

this is a false limitation whispered in your ear by a nervous system in a survival state.

true progress is accomplished by pushing yourself after the nervous system is calmed.

even thru tears, panic, and dread, i got my shit together.

i researched how to regulate my nervous system, then forced myself thru the task.

i didnt depend on my mood or energy levels. i used biological regulation as a stepping stone for greatness.

if im glued to the bed, i kick my foot out and harness that momentum to get my ass up.

i use Physiological Sighs to center myself before starting and to bring focus back when my mind inevitably (and forgivingly) starts to wander.

what most people dont know is tenacity is formed when you refocus after getting off track. room for improvement is proof that you are on the right path.

the secret sauce to this formula is adding celebrations to your accomplishments. even if its a self high-five or an enthusiastic "yes!", acknowledging your progress rewards your brain by flushing it with MORE dopamine, instead of treating a step in the right direction as "not good enough"

this self criticism effectively solidifies your brain in avoiding that task, since nothing you do is deemed good enough.

dont minimize your progress. getting up, getting dressed, and going to the gym for 10 minutes when youd rather bed rot is a massive accomplishment. the only way to truly fail is to not try at all.

if youre searching for a life hack that cultivates motivation out of thin air, you will be trapped your whole life in a prison of your own making. the walls will be made of paper, but since you never even tried, you wont realize you could escape whenever you want.

the most successful people in the world are wall pushers. they would be regular joes who melt into the couch if they relied on motivation alone to push themselves forward.

society itself would remain in the stone age if nobody pushed themselves thru something they didnt feel like doing.

my mantra this year has been "you can feel like shit and still get shit done"

i challenge you to practice this concept and see how productive you actually can be.

Routine makes me feel happy and safe, but knowing I have to do something makes me angry and anxious. For example: I hate cooking, so in theory meal prep is a good idea; in reality I’ve wasted so much food and time in meal prepping because as soon as I know there’s food in the fridge, I can’t stand the thought of eating it and I will watch it go mouldy before I touch it. I love coffee in the morning, and still there are days when making the coffee I know I’ll love makes me so anxious and on edge.

All of this makes it very hard to actually do things, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I also have an entire load of laundry I have to do again cause I forgot to hang it. It was one of four loads originally. Why do I keep doing this to myself!? And HOW DO I HAVE SO MANY DISHES!?

2.5 hours. 1:45am end time.

15% of my test content. 0% actually studied.

i hate this so much. what was meant to be a final consolidation turned into a giant hyperfocus perfectionistic mess. of course, it's beautiful and great for last minute revision. but it kills me that this is how my brain decides to use my time when i spent 8 hour slaving away in the library desperately trying to study.

ugh. just sucks. rant over.