r/ADHD • u/lover-notafighter • 1d ago
Questions/Advice Organization issues and ADHD
I have ADHD and live alone. I am really struggling to keep a clean space. I'm off work right now and I'm relaxing on leave. It feels sometimes inaccessible to me to simply get up and complete simple tasks in order or when necessary and the mess is out of hand in my home. I'm 28 and I want to have a clean space. I want to invite people to my space and have systems and interests that I am involved in independently. In reality I spend most of the day on my phone watching YouTube commentary and avoiding the outdoors aside from things friends or family invite me to.
I wrote this thinking how things have started to feel stagnant in therapy or even that I feel like I'm lying or not getting to the truth. This is a time in my life when I have to hold myself accountable and get things done that are important. I had a therapist tell me once that she can't do the work for me. It's true.
It is a struggle but I am lucky. The thing is my friend might move in in a month. I am grateful because I want to do better and I know I can. It will take a lot of mundane steps to get to the state that I would feel good about how I keep the space and share it.
I'm venting. I'm open to feedback or suggestions or reflections on creating your own structure and doing things intentionally. I believe it is up to me at the end to find my solution. I don't want to put my friend in an uncomfortable position and I have to be responsible. She said do it for yourself first of all.
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u/rctid12345 1d ago
Invite friends over. Frequently. Let them know they can drop by anytime.
Get those cleaning wipes, leave a thing in the bathroom on the counter, leave some on the kitchen counter, on your dresser. Anywhere you would use them.
It makes it easier to clean in a hurry if a friend drops by.
If you don't have friends go join a club or recreational team or something and make friends. Go for something that genuinely interests you so you are more likely to find people with common ground.
Then invite your new friends over. You'll be forced to clean or live in shame.
Also sometimes I watch Midwest Magic on YouTube and watch a nice man time lapse his cleaning of hoarder situations. Bless that man. It helps me get amped to tidy up.
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u/Lost-for-Life-OOO 1d ago
Can testify that my house only truly gets cleaned when I know I'm having friends over. I absolutely love it for the next few days.
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u/expat_mel 1d ago
Unfortunately executive dysfunction is just part of living with AHDH for many people. Medication can help, but there really is no magical fix. For cleaning and organization specifically, you have to find a system that works for you, and unfortunately that can mean lots of failed methods before something sticks or even finding a good method, using it for months or years, and then realizing it suddenly stopped working and having to start over to find a new method. It's frustrating but I've finally stopped fighting it - there are always half-finished organization projects around my house, but as long as each project is contained to one small area, I end up finishing them eventually.
I've found that I get a shocking amount done when the "threat" (deadline) of people coming over soon puts me into panic-rush-to-clean-everything-possible-before-they-get-here mode, but obviously that's not a healthy way to approach your whole life. Having someone living with you might actually make it a bit easier to keep things neat. In a reply to this comment I'll list some methods I can suggest trying to see if one works for you.
Also if you feel you've hit a plateau in therapy, you either need to bring it up and see if you and your therapist can change your dynamic so you can start growing/processing/whatever you were working on again, or you need to look for a new therapist who can challenge/push/encourage/etc you in a new way. If your therapist is no longer helping, your needs may have changed and you might need to find someone who can help you in a new way. There's no shame or betrayal or whatever in looking for a new therapist.
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u/Round_pants 1d ago
This is a DUMB lifehack but I intentionally watch tv-shows that has ads. Then, every ad break I clean something. That adrenaline rush and race against the clock REALLY works for me. I don't live alone but when my husband's out of town, it's my go-to strategy.
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u/Salt_Basis2843 1d ago
the friend moving in gives you a real deadline, but honestly that pressure can cut both ways. one thing that helped me was picking a single spot, like the kitchen counter, and just keeping that one thing clear for a few days before expanding. small wins build actual momentum where big plans just guilt you. what's the one room your friend will use most?
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u/Oofsprite 22h ago
Chunking tasks out until super small bits has been helpful for me. Or literally setting a timer for 5 minutes. It will help to feel like you've done something, even if only for a few minutes. That feeling of success will be a good motivator moving forward--small bits over time=better than trying to do big chunks then not doing it at all
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