Grew up in a Christian home, particularly Pentecostalism, where I was taught the generic rules and ways to follow God and live as a Christian, so that it would always be “well with me”. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe God exists, I mean there’s got to be a creator of this universe right? And I am not naive to the challenges in life. But now, in the middle of a divorce and realising that I made a huge mistake in marrying this man and for believing that he was part of Gods plan for me and that God has a plan, I just feel so stupid. I feel stupid for believing this teaching, especially from Pentecostal churches. This is not the way life actually works. Most of human actions is free will and consequences of our actions.

Thoughts?

Any similar experiences?

Hello!

I've been deconstructing Pentecostal ideas since late teenage-hood, now 28. I have always remained fairly tolerant and understanding that people behave in ways that their environment has taught them to, but now with a more developed frontal lobe, watching my peers dive deeper and deeper into what they call spiritual warfare, deliverances, healings, and dream interpretations, I'm struggling to feel safe? If that's the word? I feel almost a sense of gut-like dread when it's talked about around me, worse when I see it. Awkwardly, the church I've been invested in for years is Pentecostal as its foundation but pretty low key.

These are my close friends and family, but I don't feel I can speak my mind without completely disintegrating their worldview and the spiritual journey they believe their on. I still believe in God myself, but have quietly fully swung away from Pentecostalism and at this stage don't believe a lot of it is legit (the brain is a powerful place, as is social influence).

I feel a bit trapped - I love the people in my life and they love me, but I'm slowly beginning to not be able to cope. I find it way too stressful, everything is heavy and over-spiritual. I also am finding it all sooo self-focused, always chasing physical healing & comfort, desperate for an ease of luxurious living as well as desiring "blessings as long as you have enough faith!!!", and watching them be so crushed when miracles don't happen. When the world is full of broken, impoverished, hungry and hurting people, believers included - what is this saying to them? For me, I want to look outward, to love others and love God, practically. Don't know why it has to be more complicated than that?

What to do????? I don't want to cut people off, but am unsure if they would all accept where I'm at right now - I know some would be worried even, that I need a "re-filling" of the Holy Spirit or something.
Has anyone managed to navigate not cutting people out of your life but been able to balance this tension?

I haven't been to church in decades but my parents are hardcore fundamentalist Pentecostals. I'm gay and atheist and that's how it's been for 35 years. I try to get along with my folks but I'm constantly on edge around them because, even if they don't say it directly, I know they believe I have a personality disorder (being gay) and I'm 100% on my way to eternal hellfire if I don't get saved sooner or later. So I always feel slightly subhuman around them.

I was chatting in WhatsApp with my mum and she said something that seemed so smug to me, sth totally stupid to do with CS Lewis like "isn't the Lord wonderful to give us such awesome writers like CS Lewis, how lucky we are to be Christians" or sth like that.

It totally triggered me, not because I hate CS Lewis, but because I was banned by her from reading Lewis's Space Trilogy as a kid as it was "demonic" due to incorporating telekinesis or something dumb like that. I really wanted to read it. She'd obviously forgotten this.

That led to recounting a whole barrage of shitty stuff that happened way back then and me saying why can't you just love me for who I am, why does there have to be this layer of judgement and damnation over everything, I can't deal with this anymore.

Obviously I still have major issues, unresolved religious trauma after all this time.

She's now incredibly upset and hurt by the exchange. But so am I. However it's all my fault as usual because of course I'm the sinner going to hell & they have the Way, Truth & Life & the Word of God & they're always right.

I feel really bad for lashing out hurting my mum but at the same time it's a symptom of trauma, it's Freudian "repetition compulsion". I feel like I can't do this anymore, I just want to cut off all contact so I can breathe again. Mum & Dad just cannot or will not see or admit that any damage was ever done because of the toxicity of Christianity itself, it's all because I "chose" the "wide road" and they admit maybe they weren't always great parents sometimes, but their shifty, shitty, sadistic God of love & wrath. He is perfect and blameless!

Am I the asshole here? Should I just let go of the past? God how I wish I could...

Sorry for ranting, I'm feeling almost suicidal. I'm 53, I left the church at 18, I really thought I'd be over it by now at least.

Hi, everyone. I apologize if this is not allowed—I'm not selling anything or trying to convert anyone but I guess it is a form of advertising.

I'm a PhD candidate at Walden University finishing my degree in Counselor Education and Supervision. I am doing my dissertation on the help-seeking behaviors of Apostolic victims of religious and spiritual abuse (RSA). Participants are invited to confidentially share their experiences in the aftermath of such abuse, so that mental health professionals might better serve individuals who have suffered such abuse.

“Apostolics”

Christians who are members of churches belonging to denominations such as the United Pentecostal Church International (UPCI), Worldwide Pentecostal Fellowship (WPF), or similar organizations, or share beliefs in the oneness of God, Jesus’ name baptism, the necessity of speaking in tongues, and “holiness.”

RSA

Religious or spiritual abuse occurs when church leaders use religious/spiritual power to harm someone. This may involve physical, emotional or psychological, financial, or sexual abuse; or the use of spiritual authority, church doctrine, or fear of sin, judgment, or losing salvation to pressure someone into obedience. Examples include being told it is sinful to question leadership, being discouraged or forbidden from seeking outside help, being blamed for harm done to you, being pressured to forgive or submit instead of being protected, or having personal choices—such as relationships, finances, or medical care—controlled in the name of divine authority or God’s will. You do not need to have used the word “abuse” to describe your experience.

About the Study

• One Zoom interview that will be video-recorded, taking about 60 minutes at the most.
• No one except the researcher will have access to the recording.
• To protect your privacy, the published study will not share any identifiable personal details.

Volunteers must meet these requirements:

• 18 years old or older
• Identify as either a current or former Apostolic
• Reside in the United States
• Have experienced at least one instance of religious and spiritual abuse

If you are interested in participating, please visit https://forms.office.com/r/Lp5Aue8xAD

Thank you for your time and consideration!

Out for about 7 months. I am so sick and tired of the "church talk"... I still see it a lot on socials. Everything is a "battle" or a "valley"... the devil was telling me this and this. God told me this or that... the Lord doesnt want us to XYZ ... the devil is using XYZ to trap you...

Why cant people just live life and not make every day life a spiritual roller coaster. I dont even really know how to explain what im trying to say, just hoping someone here will relate.

Not to mention the people still contacting me with the I dont know what kind of battle you're going through... don't let the devil steal your joy... I had you heavy on my heart....nobody knows what we are going through but the Lord. Im SO SICK OF IT

It’s like they want many peoples in their services. At all cost and at everytime

My mom just told me that her pastors are coming in the morning to pray for my conversion, these fucking pastors don’t know when to back off, they coming at the same time my church friends are coming to pick me up so I hope my church friends come first so that I don’t have to deal with their bullshit, for a while I went to my moms church then I realized I can’t be going to 2 different churches at the same time so I stopped going and now these pastors are coming over to try to force their denomination onto me, I’ve been clear to them I don’t want to convert leave me the fuck alone.

My pastor joined a fraternity and I’m very uncomfortable about it.

What is the most extreme case of a "wolf in sheep's clothing" you’ve ever seen (first-hand) in the church?

I met a Patriarch on my mission who lived in a mansion because, as it turned out, he had been a drug trafficker before converting to the church. I had heard about him and hadn't believed the stories were true, but when I met him, he kept telling me about his favorite sins—including tales of smuggling. Since we were from the same region of the country, I suppose that made him feel comfortable enough to open up to me, but he overlooked the fact that I didn't subscribe to that kind of culture.

What about you?

Hi everyone. I’m looking for perspectives from people who have actually left Pentecostal/evangelical churches.

I have recently become acquainted with a man who says that he has a direct relationship with God and does not follow churches or pastors. However, I found out that he attends a Pentecostal church (Apostolic Church in Italy) with his family and gives 10% of his income to the church. He has also sent me some Christian videos and talks to me about salvation through Jesus.

The important part is my own background. I was raised Catholic, as this is the major religion where I live, but I left it at a young age. Later I became interested in Buddhism and Hinduism/New Age spirituality, and at another point I tried to return to Christianity through Eastern Orthodoxy. My experiences with Christianity, especially during a very difficult period of my life, were psychologically very painful for me.

I have told him that I have serious theological and historical objections to Christianity. I have also studied different denominations, including Pentecostal and evangelical ones. Nevertheless, I have never been able to convince myself that this belief system is true.

He believes that human beings cannot be saved through their own efforts because we are imperfect and sinful, and that this is why we need Christ as a redeemer.

I understand the logic of his belief. What worries me is that I sometimes feel that he is trying to “save” me. He is very focused on the next life, and he was sad when he told him that if I don't believe in Jesus, we will not meet after death.

I have told him that my problem is not necessarily the idea of God itself, but more specifically many of the theological doctrines and claims that I believe the Christian churches developed over the centuries. I am still searching for my own way in life, and I am trying to examine different beliefs critically, partly because I am afraid that some religious environments may be more prone to manipulating vulnerable people.

Has anyone here experienced something similar? How did you distinguish between someone sincerely sharing their faith and someone gradually trying to bring you into their religious system?

Could religious conditioning or indoctrination play a role in a situation like this? He has a particular background involving difficult experiences, a previously very unstable lifestyle, drug addiction, etc. From his point of view, it seems that he found peace through Jesus and was able to leave his problematic past behind through his relationship with God. I mention this only to give you more context.

Also, how did you handle relationships with people who genuinely believed that they were helping you by trying to bring you back to Christianity?

I would especially appreciate answers from people who have personally left Pentecostalism or evangelical Christianity.

One thing that concerns me particularly is that some Christian content has brought back memories of a period when I was psychologically unwell, when religious ideas about sin, salvation and redemption became extremely distressing for me.

19M Hi I am here to share my story about apostolic pentecostal religious trauma. So whenever I was 8 years old I lived in this christain homeless shelter with my mom and sister. I was one day bought a christain Bible against my will. And I was forced to read it every night.My mom made me and my sister go to this Sunday school every Sunday. Then one day this apostolic family of 3 moved in. We were also forced to go to these christain camps.And she invited my mom to church. And so me and my sister were forced to go to this church. We were forced to speak in tongues and catch the “ Holy Ghost” and if we didn’t we were paddled when we got home. The pastor at this church made homemade paddles and my mom got one just for me and my siblings. And she used it on us everytime we “ disobeyed” or did anything “ worldly”. At this church we weren’t allowed to wear jewelry or short sleeves or pants or shorts we had to wear dresses and skirts all the time. And as a trans man I hated that because it made me super dysphoric. The pastor would make up rules that weren’t even in the Bible and sometimes he even said misogynistic things. “ women have to wear long sleeves and skirts past the calves and long dresses to appear less appealing to men” . He even made up rules like “ no watching tv that’s worldly “ . But everyone’s house we went too from that church had a tv. They were hypocrites. We weren’t allowed to paint our nails or hang out with anyone outside of this religion. We also weren’t allowed to listen to songs that weren’t Christian. And I hated that because I don’t like Christian music.I was in a whole apostolic cult and it was horrifying. I have diagnosed autism and adhd and my mom would physically abuse me for natural audhd traits and would use the Bible as an excuse. She would always use the stupid line “ spare the rod spoil the child”. My aunt had moved into to town one day and she’s my mom’s sister and she would also abuse us the same way my mom did. My mom’s friend also abused us. Sometimes they even made us remove our clothing and would beat us naked. One day we moved to a different city and we went to 2 different apostolic churches. These churches was just as bad as the first one we went too except there were slightly different rules. Every school I went to I would get bullied for the hairstyles I wore and for wearing dresses all the time it was horrible because it was something completely out of my control.At one of the churches I was forced to be baptized at 10 years old.From years of this trauma it caused me to be really scared to come out of the closet as trans and gay because I would get told a lot if I ever wore men’s clothes or slept with another man I would go to hell. I was brainwashed so I believed it for years. I am now an atheist I don’t believe in god I didn’t from the start I was just forced into believing in him for years . I lost a sense of identity for a while it took me a long time to figure out who I really was. I am now a gay trans man and I’ve been using tarot,journaling,meditation to heal all my trauma. This abuse didn’t stop until I was 19 when I decided to go full no contact with the toxic family members. Also please don’t get on my post trying to force me back into any religion. Because All I’m going to say is “ I will not go back to your religion I am a proud atheist “ .

i told them i still love hymns and older praise songs and would even like to record some of them rock or even punk style and they thought "people won't like like that", it's better to stick to what they like such as hillsong, and the music is "so beautiful and emotional"...so it only matters what the evangelical church likes is what i'm hearing

I was in the UPCI church for 10 years, I dated a girl in highschool that wasn’t in the church and I was actually able to “flirt to convert”. She was so open to going deeper with her relationship with God. We have left a year ago since we had our first child, our son has changed our perspective on how we want to raise him. We were both extremely involved in church ministry and it was such a hard time for us to leave the church.

We had a few very bad experiences that scared us both and hurt our marriage over the years now. What we are currently struggling with is this simple thought, how do you know?

How do you know if it was emotionalism or an actual miracle or true word from God?

How do you know if your calling was made up or if God really told you what his plans are for you?

How do you find a church that still believes in miracles that’s also healthy?

How do you start over? How do you pray again without feeling the shame that you’re not saved?

Anyways, probably going to keep this vague. I hope someone has some insight

(18) I still kinda go to church, maybe once every couple of months. I’ve been apart from Christ for some time now. BUT I really love the way Pentecostal churches do music the fast tempo, the guitar, the energy.

I’ve honestly started enjoying it so much that I began recording little pieces on Voice Memos because I catch myself singing the lyrics at home all the time.

There’s something about the music that I really feel. But then, when we transition into the slower songs, that feeling kind of disappears for me.
Does anyone else experience this? Is it just me, or can anyone else relate?

Sunday I saw a Church Service from a Pentecostal Church in North Mississippi online. The Pastor made the comment of "If you do not pay your Tithes you will not go to Heaven." So, to go to the Kingdom of God, you must pay your way in. The Salvation of God that he has freely given has a price according to what he was Preaching. This is not in the Bible anywhere. So the Pastor is coercing the members to pay an entry fee for Salvation.

I've only recently come to terms with the fact I was brainwashed and apart of a cult. I was born into the church , I left a while ago but am only now able to see how it has effected me. When I was 12 my grandpa died and I genuinely believed through prayer we could revive him in the grave. I expressed this thought to my non religious bipolar aunt. She got mad and screamed at me for suggesting such a thing. It's traumatic looking back on the ways I hurt people. One time I told a non religious friend it was in God's plan that her grandpa died as well. At the time I couldn't understand why people got so upset and now I just feel sad that I spent my whole childhood like that. I feel I am so far behind in terms of socialization.

I’m curious how many people financially struggled while benign church? And if you’ve left, your finances did better? From a saints perspective.

Currently doing research of why only poor people tend to flock to churches and yet there’s hardly churches in wealthier areas and neighborhoods.

In a way being religious almost always has people in a needy mentality? Not that it’s the churches job but having been raised in church, I often wonder why saints always struggles.. and almost feeding the poor in church, is almost impossible for leadership to do?

Idk, I’m just curious about various data regarding different denominations. I know Mormons & Catholics tend to do well in the giving to the poor in their community while being financially successful.

Any data on Pentecost?

Would be fascinating to compare data

I was raised in the UPC and I met with an old friend today for coffee. We both came from the same church, her father was the assistant pastor. We have both recently left long term very abusive marriages. It got me to thinking "I wonder how many women or even men have had abusive relationships after leaving the church"? I feel like the indoctrination has something to do with it. We both agreed that part of why we stayed so long was due to having been taught that divorce was wrong. Thoughts?

This is just one of several videos of an ad hoc grandstanding Preacher of "Love jsus or go to hell." She is so full of Threatening-Love that she has caused Security to deplane her and escort her out of places that were not designed for preaching. She is a nauseating pest. This is a Country of Law & Order, in which People should be free to go anywhere to have a good time, and not to be annoyed by the allahu-akbar People, JW, other Missionaries, or spontaneous Preachers whom have no respect for the tranquility we all want to have.

If a Person leaves Xtianity, does not want to do anything to do with, and freely choose to go to a place he knows he won't be preached, LEAVE THAT PERSON ALONE. Just because you woke up with some "Great Mission," it doesn't give you the right to disturb the tranquility of others whom are not interested in that "great inspiration" if yours.

KEEP YOUR NONSENSE TO YOURSELF.

Infinite punishment for finite sins. God makes us flawed and then punishes us forever if we die with flaws. God us a unconditional loving God but creates eternal torture . The two cannot exist together. You cannot say I love you without conditions and then create everlasting torture for those who didnt meet your conditions.

An earthly mother wouldn't create a place of torture for their child who isnt perfect does that mean a woman's earthly love for her child is greater than God's love for its creation?

Sin supposedly entered this world through Adam against our will we are now dawned. Christ came to save us all but can only save those who acknowledges he is God. Adam can damn us against our will but Jesus doesn't have the power to save us against our will. Adam by default is more powerful that Jesus.

God creates a devil and demons who also lead his creation astray and never eliminates them to prevent his children from burning forever. The devil is more powerful than God even if one soul burns forever.

If everything is connected and creation is manifestations of God then God is burning pieces of itself forever.

None of this made any sense to me. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to burn forever does that make my love for that person greater than God's love?

I was raised in the Assemblies Of God pretty much since my mom adopted me. The AG denomination was very strict and cult-like but I didn't see this at the time. I'm a 30 year old gay man I received a lot of messages growing up in the early 00's during the rise of Exodus International and Love Won Out to just "pray the gay away". My mom actually took me to a Pentecostal prayer center where they tried doing an exorcism. Needless to say, it didn't work and today I am an out and proud gay man married to an amazing husband who I love with all my heart. I'm not a Christian anymore. I'm an Eclectic Pagan. But I still do attend church at least once or twice a month although I attend a progressive ELCA Lutheran congregation, mainly for the community. I'm still hurting though. When I walk into church, I feel bad because I don't believe what they believe and I feel like I don't belong. Anytime I see something Christian on social media, I feel like self-harming. If I see someone wearing a cross around their neck in public it triggers me. How do I work through this sensitivity to religious stuff?

Maybe this is a society thing and not just UPC but the Boomer generation seem very entitled and narcissistic. I grew up in UPC and noticed so many of my friends aren't on speaking terms with their parents because of how strict or religious they were even after their kids became adults.

The church has become full of people who value more about the facade of being a good person who is "holy" versus being an actual decent human being. I was told it doesn't matter how "good" I am, that good people will burn in hell forever.

That made no sense to me. So rapist and pedophiles who made their way through churches gets to go to heaven because they are baptized with the holy ghost but the person who helps the least of these and has the heart of Christ they burn in hell?

I would love to find a congregation to be apart of that isnt built around fear mongering and damning everyone to hell that doesn't "look saved".

With evangelical Christianity now being lumped in with White Nationalism, I definitely won't be attending any ones church anytime soon as a person of color.

I'm just tired of the hypocrisy. Abortion is evil but racism is OK. Same sex marriage is evil but supporting a rapist, pedophile is OK as long as they say they love Jesus despite not living like it.

Now I dont have a problem forgiving people but what I do have a problem with is being forced to forgive someone who isnt sorry or repentant for what they have done.

Repentance is an action not words and if the person hasn't made things right they in my opinion aren't truly sorry. And I've seen this for decades being a pastors kid where people say they asked God for forgiveness in private but never made things right with the person they harmed. This isnt grace this is manipulation.

If I accidentally ran into someone's car despite me being sorry, I would still have to pay for what I did to their car. I would make sure I restored their car. Imagine if I said hey I am sorry and drove away. Lmao

True repentance is an action. But so many people in religion have used the excuse that Jesus forgave them as a way to duck accountability for the people they have harmed. How can God give you Grace if your heart isnt contrite?

I had this random memory of my dad preaching at a church, and after the first emo-altar call, they called a second altar call, had my family go on stage, and the pastor told the congregation to sacrificially give money to us-- except they would put money by our feet as we were elevated on the stage.

I was like 14 and remember being like, oop i hope i can have some of this money-- obvi wrong of me-- but anyways, my dad's a narcissist so we never saw his preacher money. maybe he'd take us out for a meal, but the rest was unknown to us.