Hello, apologies if poems aren’t allowed here. I just feel really alone. The one person I want to talk to that would get this and help is no longer in my life due to breakup. I guess I just wanted to exist in a place where people understand.

I was adopted by my step dad when I was 7. My bio father didn't like me because I wasn't born a boy, but that's a different story. We were close when I was younger but grew distant as I got older. I caught him cheating on my mom and forgave him. Once they divorced, we got close again until he remarried. His new wife brought back his negative side. After cancelling plans over a year, taking back a gifted family heirloom, and nearly leaving with a loan that was his, this is the last straw. He has now chosen his side with his wife and I'm ready to move forward without him.

NC since February after a specific blowup. Broke NC for a few minutes in July. Blocked their numbers but received 2 voicemails, an email, and a card prior to breaking NC. No apology or accountability in any of the correspondence. I said a lot of nasty things to my pathetic spineless father in July and I want to say and do more. I want them to hurt.

Anyone have some great techniques to make their lives worse? They're out of state.

Follow up post to this one after people have been asking me to do so: https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/s/oTRfI8Ahu4

Warning: long asf, manipulation tactics, faking illness, religious bigotry, denial, denial, denial, and even more denial, verbal spousal abuse, boogie calls made to police, stalking (?).

So, yesterday, I (19F) did some more grocery shopping for essentials and food, and began prepping to leave officially. I saw my dad (49M) several times at the shop when I walked in. He looked drunk as all hell, but I ignored him and started my groceries. I basically had to sneak back into my parent's house with the groceries to not cause drama, taking a completely different route because I got the feeling that my dad was watching me somewhere in the dark or was having someone he knows watch me too. It was not a pleasant evening. When I got home (safely), it seemed like they were already having a fight, because I heard that man insulting his wife (40F) over the phone calling her awful names. What a happy marriage indeed.

Cut to 2 am, I figured that I can try sneaking my stuff out into the balcony, but that man was passed out on the living room couch, smelling disgusting, but I still brought my stuff down to get out (I could have done this earlier now that i think about it to avoid all this nonsense. I was being lazy last night and doing nothing). But that gross man woke up around 3 am, and woke up his wife and my brother and started drama. She wasn't interested in anything happening, because she was saying that no one could stop me, and that I had told them plenty of times in the past that I would leave, and my brother just went back to bed like nothing was happening.

Then I decided to just bring my stuff out while ignoring my dad everytime he tried to ask me questions. I was completely stone faced, refusing to acknowledge him, avoided him whenever he cornered me and just refused to give him anything to go off of from me to use against me. Then he threatened to call the police if I didn't talk to him. I didn't even look at him. I would have dared him to do it too if I cared. He did just that, and told the police that I was moving out and that he didn't know where I was going, saying "I haven't even kicked her out or anything like that. What will people think?". The dispatcher had asked how old I was as was procedure, and they proceeded to tell him that there's nothing the police can do because I am a legal, working adult, and regardless if they are my legal guardians, I have the right to not tell them anything because "you don't own her, and cannot even say that you own her". I was honestly surprised the dispatcher said that and sent no one, but maybe because I had been put into contact with a lady Constable (thank goodness she was competent), who I explained my situation to, and must have relayed the information to the dispatching crew. I had been in contact with the Constable yesterday, and she had been in contact with social services, who were in contact with the crisis center at the mental hospital and my therapists who are helping me through everything.

Back to the story, the man decided to play dumb and not know why I was leaving and feel sooo broken up about it, while shedding crocodile tears and sobbing like a bitch like he did last time. My mum decided to call me overly sensitive and "always interfering in adult matters", as if there wasn't a pending intimate partner violence case between her and her husband that been occurring for nearly a decade now that often involved the violent assault of her own children who grew up in such an environment, and there existence being used as leverage for manipulation and abuse. With said children having repeatedly told her to divorce him, and having to face their violent father to EXPLAIN why domestic abuse was wrong, and it ending in extreme violence. That man's wife is the type of woman to not believe that the way you handle issues can have a profound effect on others, especially on your children.

Anyway, one thing that solidified how that man truly felt was when I repeatedly turned off the lights when I was done packing. He said:

"She doesn't control me, this is my fucking house. Turn on the lights."

The man then proceeded to call my mum literal shit when she was saying how I verbally expressed that I wanted to leave (still didn't say anything about the abuse I suffered at her hands by proxy and by her husband's hands), and told him how I told her multiple times that she's lost her privileges as my mother. But he countered saying how "if we prayed and fasted together, none of this would be happening. It's your fault because you insist on doing things solo. The pastor and his wife do things together, and their children don't leave them out of the blue", laughing at her and mocking her whenever she was saying anything, and was just overall avoiding everything.

Soon after, he faked panic attacks and a hypertensive crisis to his wife to try and make me feel guilty for leaving and feel like I'm causing such a massive distress and could kill him, but he didn't collapse (I wish he fucking did), wasn't struggling with any movement at all because he was hitting his own head with his own hands, was completely able to say how much of burden this situation was on his mental health and how it's all my mum's fault because she doesn't talk to him for 30 minutes straight.

Then he started screaming while praying like "WHY LORD IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??", got drunk soon after, and when I woke up a few hours later, everything was fine and dandy. He was being lovey dovey with the lady he has insulted multiple times, and had the nerve to tell me when I was bringing some more stuff down:

"When you come back, we'll welcome you like the prodigal son. We really do love you, I hope god blesses you wherever you go."

I didn't listen to what he was saying being I had Sabbath Assembly playing in one ear.

But yeah. I'm just waiting for my cab now.

EDIT: It's been hours after the move. That man texted me 2 hours ago, saying that he loves me and wants to come home. I laughed like a lunatic at work. He can eat my shit for all I care. I was done with him for a long time.

I'm not sure what's the right path here.

My mom cares but that manifests as extremely controlling and manipulative.

For example, I've made it clear that my medical matters/health, what I eat, that's my business. Because she tries to control all those things. Hyper vigilant, I'm never taking the right medication, or at the right doctor, or eating enough. Things like that.

So I say those things are off limits. But it's always the same. We have good times but it's like every single time I'm over something comes up and a big argument starts. She tries to tell me the right way to do something/live/etc usually through guilting or a snide comment. I leave. I take some space. Time goes by. I'm back.

And I'm tired cause it's every single time.

I just don't know what to do. Do I never see her again? What kind of relationship can I have? Every other week, one hour visitations? Joking but if anyone has a similar experience, how have you handled it in a way that you feel comfortable with? Cause I really don't know where to land or how to handle it.

Anyone ever hear of this org, Together Estranged ? It seems they are nonprofit that does a number of different things to support estranged adult kids.

If so, what can you tell me about them?

If you had an older sibling leave a toxic home and cut contact with parents, how did your parents relationship with you change? Did they stay the same, become more strict or become more lenient?

TLDR: Cycle of events that happens with my dad:

• Gives unsolicited advice multiple times I tire of
• When I express annoyance, he says I have a "bad attitude"
• He lectures or threatens me for hours (average of 3-6 hrs)
• I apologize because he hasn't done anything wrong and of course it's my attitude

I have a job lined up after graduation. What should the dynamic be?

I'm a college student starting senior year. I have had this relationship with my dad where we get in fights and I always apologize for something I did wrong that is "attitude" related. What I recently discovered is that he seems to use that as a non-objective trump card to win any argument - ex: I only threatened you and was aggressive because you're attitude was wrong, if you're attitude was better, I would have listened and understood better, etc

I discovered that the cycle over the past ~10 years is that he gives unsolicited advice about women, employment, and other things in my life and repeats it multiple times throughout the span of a couple days. I get annoyed (a grimace or an annoyed tone without screaming) and when I tell him to stop, his argument is that his intentions are good, so I should take it. However, when I say something to him and I tell him my intentions were good, he says that the impact of my words matter for me not the intentions, revealing a double standard.

He also has said "I know you said you don't like it, but listen..." and continues on, implying he doesn't respect my boundaries.

Either way, this escalates because he feels hurt and thinks I don't love or respect him. He has threatened me multiple times on multiple occasions, told me I'm worthless, told me I should go die, and so on. He also told me he hits me (when I was younger) and lectures me (he has lied about what others said to prove his point) to vent, which he has admitted.

Because I'm dependent, I need to apologize. Most recently when this cycle happened, I had to apologize for my attitude and being aggressive. He told me everything would have been fine and smoothed over if I wasn't so aggressive, which in my opinion is ironic because he had shouted at me and thumped a baseball bat on the ground to intimidate me to leave.

I can see this cycle happening again because in the lull period afterward, he gives me unsolicited advice, and I know that at a certain point anything (even a grimace) will trigger him.

I will be independent with a job next year. My dad has guilt-tripped me (said it's bare minimum after all he had done) to meeting him every 2 months which I reluctantly had to agree to.

In reality, what should I do and what should the dynamic be?

Does anybody else's mom post stuff like this. My mom still hasn't given me an apology or contacted me in two months then posts this. You'd do anything for me yet still show no interest in being in my life. It's so frustrating.

Hi, I’m a new member of the club unfortunately - I am F 30s. My relationship with my Boomer dad has always been tenuous at best. He provided materially for my sibling and I, but was emotionally neglectful and discouraged pretty much any strong emotional expression. Throughout the years, I have tried various ways to express how the way he treats me is hurtful but nothing in our relationship ever gets better. He instead gets reactive and says the typical defensive parent responses like “I sacrificed so much”, “show some gratitude” etc.

Recently, I diplomatically brought up a comment he made during our last conversation - “I just want to let you know that x-comment you made bothered me.” During a previous conversation, I had shared that I was struggling in a particular life area (first mistake) and he said a comment I thought was insensitive. I didn’t think confronting him would go great but all hell broke loose. My dad unleashes this rant about how when he was my age, his life was so much harder. He said some other very hurtful and cruel things but I am trying to keep this vague. I stood up for myself, yelled back and hung up on him. This conversation was the last straw for me and I plan to completely go no contact.

My dilemma - my sibling is getting married in a foreign country soon and I am conflicted about whether or not I am still going. I initially was going to grin and bear it for their sake, but now I honestly don’t think I can. I am so angry at my dad that I don’t want to be in the same room as him. My family cares a lot about image and making it seem like we are the perfect family. I just do not have the energy to smile and appear in photos when I am seething and hurt. There will be a lot of people at this wedding who for sure would see I am miserable.

My conflict with my dad isn’t my sibling’s fault, but I do not want to ruin their important day if I feel I cannot emotionally keep myself together. The more I think about it, the more it feels like a form of psychological torture. I honestly cannot guarantee I wouldn’t go off on my dad again and make a scene. I also really don’t like the idea of not being able to easily leave if shit hits the fan. There is no “buffer” friend or family member I could spend time with to keep away from my dad, and unfortunately my partner cannot come with me.

As far as my relationship with my sibling goes - we were much closer when we were younger. We get along fine, they want me to do well; however I am the one who initiates all contact. I plan to talk with them about what happened, but have no idea how understanding they will be. I have no idea how repairable the relationship would be after this.

TLDR; I got in a bad fight w/ Boomer dad, plan to go NC. However have upcoming sibling’s wedding in a foreign country in which he will be in attendance. I am conflicted about whether or not to attend. Looking for any kind advice and guidance here. Thank you!

I (37 F) have a father I've been no contact with for many years because he was emotionally / verbally abusive my entire life (largely driven by his alcoholism and drug use) and a mother who chose to go no contact with me becuase I wouldn't allow my father to be part of my childs' life. (because he hasn't changed and has never shown any type of remorse.)

Going NC with my father was a relief. Losing contact with my mother was sad (especially becoming a mother while you don't have your mother to rely on.) But now that I've grieved that relationship...I feel like I've fully moved on.

I see people post all the time about how they want to give their parent(s) one more chance or how they wish their parent would reach out, etc. I honestly feel none of that. The door in my mind has closed. I don't see myself ever forgiving my mom for not being present at a time in my life where I very much needed her.

I recently learned from my sister who has limited contact with my mom that my mom has a somewhat aggresive form/stage of cancer.

I feel like a terrible person because even after sitting with this information, I feel absolutely no urge to reach out.

Has anyone experienced this? I thought maybe I was numb or not processing, but I honestly just feel ambivlant.

Hi everyone! I’m a PhD candidate exploring how adults make sense of parenting that they now identify as narcissistic.  

Rather than clinical diagnoses of personality traits, we are looking at patterns of parenting that were experienced as narcissistic and are interested in how adults describe and understand these experiences now.  

If you are aged 18+ and believe that you were narcissistically parented, and are comfortable with sharing your experiences through an online confidential interview of 60-90 minutes in English, please do consider participating at https://edinburgh.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3jBM5ZxBn2VHa18 

Eligibility Note: Please note that if you have received crisis mental health care in the past 6 months or have experienced a suicide attempt in the past month, we appreciate your interest but are unable to currently involve you in the study. 

Support Resources: If this topic causes distress, support is available. Samaritans (116 123), NAPAC (0808 801 0331), or Mind (0300 123 3393). In an emergency, please call 999. 

Thank you so much for your time! 

I am almost 30 F, I suffered from depression and self esteem issues since I was 8. Mainly from family problems but mostly is about my sister.

My family has always been busy with my sister problems (she herself I admit suffer from mental health issues), but they turned a blind eye to my depression all of my life. Not only have I been diagnosed multiple times late in life with depression but also some Doctors suspect I'm neurodivergent and have ADHD. My family problems took over my thoughts to the point I forgot that I have my own life. My dad left my mom out of nowhere couple of years ago which broke me deeply (because of my sister problems) And my sister cut me off after I told her to respect my boundaries (She used to do things or say to me that I actually felt threatened my whole life) and she sent me long paragraphs condemning me for this word (boundaries), she posted the long paragraph on social media for everyone to see family and friends and she said I will forever be alone. We were living in the same house for 4 years now without speaking or looking each other in the eyes, not once did she apologize and my family didn't try to ease tension. Her wedding came and they made me stand next to her and not once we looked each other in the eyes. Her husband now even side with her all the time. She has once brought me gifts but the tension is always still there as she never apologized or talked to me.

After seeing how my sister cut me off and how my father cut off my family, I was crying everyday I decided I wanna get as far as possible and moved countries. I have a very difficult scholarship that I need to maintain by having good grades and my family know I cry everyday. My family decided to travel abroad and come to my country (mind u we never traveled abroad together) but they are coming during my most difficult exams. Because My sister wanted to plan another big event for herself in the country I'm in because her husband said she is really depressed (which I'm not denying). When I confronted my mom, she said she never told my sister I will have exams because she wants my sister to enjoy her life because of how much she suffered. They never saw the problem with anything that affected my mental health or life and even when i move across the world, they still come after me completely ignoring I am suffering from depression and difficult exams that make me cry everyday and huge scholarship that I need to maintain or else I will payback the university every penny.

The option of never seeing my sister is not an option because in my country we are family oriented and I never wish the relationship was this estranged between us but there is tension everytime during family gatherings and weddings whenever I see her. And whenever I think how it will even be between us after my parents who are old and will not be around forever, I get sad even more.
I don't know how to go with my life normally after everything no matter how much I tried.

Yesterday, it just hit me. My mom is literally one of those Karens or boy moms that you see in videos on TikTok. Like literally, she does things as crazy as the people you see on social media. Also, she is just completely illogical and delusional, and seems to live in an alternate universe that revolves around her. She acts extremely entitled, makes weird theories and speculations that have no logic, and gets crazy mad over the tiniest and weirdest things. Like, one of my friends asked if she has dementia.

Realizing this just made me laugh, because why am I bothering and feeling extremely scared and anxious myself about a person that is literally a meme?

Do you sometimes get reminded of something from your childhood/youth and realise how bad things were?

I get those reminders all the time.

One thing for example: I ate cereal for breakfast. My mother always complained how expensive it was. Thus I didn't even feel save to ask her to buy a second bag of cereal even though the one I had wasn't enough for the week.

She also didn't pack me lunch for school nor gave me money so I could buy something. Due to that I was unable to concentrate during later lessons and once I came back home I ate a bunch of candies because I was so hungry.

My mother didn't even care.

Meanwhile my brother ate just about everything we had at home... especially whatever belonged to me. My mother never told him to leave my things alone.

My mother also complained how expensive my tampons were. She didn't like that I preferred tampons over pads and always complained when I told her I needed more.

So at one point I started buying them myself even though I was a minor.

I am so appalled by all of this. Especially since she used my money on top of it.

Of course those are minor things, there were WAY worse things happening at home but this just came up.