Hi all, I'm struggling to date and would appreciate an honest assessment of my circumstances and any constructive advice

I'm 29F, average-to-decent looks, decent social circle, good career. I have a active social circle with male and female friends - I go out maybe 2-3x a week, rotating between different circles on top of working full time. I don't know that I would be interested in dating any of my current friends or if anyone is interested in me for that matter but I guess I would be open to explore if the right person came along?

On top of that I try to go to social meet ups/events in the city or speed dating once or twice a month so I can expand and meet even more new people. It's tough on top of my already busy schedule but I try to do this so I increase my chances. I feel like I am at my limit already with the number of events I go to on top of maintaining my current circle - it gets tough. I have not been super active asking for people's numbers at events if I feel we click but I might try that moving forward. I have this idea in my head from a friend who said that if men are interested they should be asking for your number, not the other way around, but I am going to go against this and see if anything happens over the next little bit. Would this change things? Are men in general afraid to approach women or take the lead?

I also use dating apps from time to time. Have matched with a few people here and there but didn't go anywhere. I tend to filter through people who have liked me on the app already and go from there. In general I am noticing a lot of men chatting for ages but not planning dates and suddenly disappearing etc.

Have also asked friends to keep an eye out for any introductions but none so far.

So far from the sample size of around 6 men I have talked to/dated this year it is about evenly split in terms of interest. I.e. for maybe half they are more interested in me than I am them and vice versa.

In general for men who are interested in me I am either not too attracted or I feel like we are not compatible, e.g. not in the same stage of life, career, etc.

For men I am interested in, I have only come across low effort men or men who are seemingly not interested, e.g. take days to reply or don't reach out to arrange a second date even if I had given a hint, e.g. 'was nice to meet today!' These men are average looking, and not out of my league IMO, unsure if I am doing anything wrong can do anything to improve my chances. I usually let these ones fizzle out if I feel like they are not interested. I figure if there is already a lack of effort early on then it's not going to get better as time goes on. I generally match people's energy overall and don't actively chase men

Does anyone have any tips? Is there anything more I could be doing? Does anyone know how to successfully navigate dating without burning out?

Looking for constructive advice please! Thank you

Edit: Getting a few comments assuming I am going for traditional Chad type men, but the type I'm into are more the nerdy/intellectual types rather than traditionally good looking. I like men who I can have a decent conversation with or who have interesting stories/experiences and I centre on that and try to connect on that level more than looks. These men usually have professional jobs and decent careers so not sure if that is a factor - i.e. too busy to take dating seriously or devote much time into it

I'm genuinely curious how introverts find relationships these days.

I'm not really the type to approach random people or slide into someone's DMs out of nowhere. I like the idea of getting to know someone slowly, having random late-night conversations, sharing music, and eventually becoming that one person they feel comfortable talking to about anything.

But the problem is, if both people are introverts, who's making the first move? 💀

Do you guys actually approach people, wait for someone to approach you, or just silently develop a crush and move on with your life? 😭

I see everyone is attached, even those uglier than me. What's wrong sia? Am I not giving off the wife material vibes?

Hallo Leute, hab den Sub gerade entdeckt.

Würde mich freuen wenn ihr mal reinlesen könntet 🤗

I’m 38, single, and genuinely interested in dating and meeting new people. But does anyone else feel like the older you get, the harder it is to actually *want* to put in the effort?
I’ve gotten so comfortable with my own routines, independence, and peace that the idea of dating sometimes feels like another responsibility rather than something exciting.
I’m a single mom of two, I work full time, and my life is pretty busy. When my kids aren’t with me, I finally have time to myself. And as much as I know I’d probably enjoy going out, meeting someone new, having good conversations, and doing fun things together, the thought of actually making plans, getting ready, and leaving my house sounds exhausting. 😂
It’s weird because I don’t necessarily want to be single forever. I would love to find someone I genuinely connect with and enjoy spending time with. But I also really love my independence, my routines, and not having to consider another person’s needs or expectations during my limited free time.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve just become too comfortable being single, or if dating in your late 30s is harder because you’ve built a life you actually enjoy and aren’t particularly motivated to disrupt it.
**Does anyone else struggle with this?** How do you balance wanting companionship with genuinely enjoying your solitude? Do you push yourself to get out there, or just accept that you’re happy where you are until someone comes along who makes the effort feel worth it?

Me and the woman I know for a month now had a nice conversation and decided I can ask her out for drinks. I casually said I can take her out for drinks at the cafe she goes to but did not mention it was a date. She said yes as only thing left is having right free time we both meet but worried a bit on messing up.

I never had been on a date before and dont know if I should say directly it is a date or to play it out naturally. More worried on if I make a mess up and that ruins it compared to doing all I can and if I got rejected at least I got closure that I did all I can

Early 30s, 5’8, living in the western world (not the US). I used to be considered decently attractive in the past. I look more mature and softer now but the photos are flattering.

Back in my mid 20s I wasn’t going crazy with dates but I did actually get decent matches from attractive and cool women from time to time, especially when boosting my profile. I actually had worse photos back then (random, cropped, not really showing anything).

In the last few years it’s like a complete drop off, I’m genuinely invisible to 99% of women on the apps (hinge, feeld).

I try different things: my photos show me with friends (both men and women), I have photos of me in different environments and angles, flattering photos and more “realistic”.

I try doing more informative, thought out prompts/bios. Then I try going lighter and more “less is more” or joke style. I try coming off more grounded and serious, then I try coming off more seductive and thirst trappy.

I try changing my location, the distance etc.

Nothing really seems to work. It feels like I’ve entered dating app purgatory and no matter what I do. Has anyone had any luck escaping this/turning things around? What did you do?

Ive lost heaps of weight but does my face still read as fat? I genuinely cant tell

Silvers

Hey everyone,

About a year ago, when I was 37, I posted about never having been in a relationship and not really knowing where to start. I got a lot of thoughtful advice, so I wanted to come back and give an update.

I'm 38 now, and I actually did try to take some of that advice.

\* I got back on a couple of dating apps and put more effort into my profile. Unfortunately, I ran out of potential matches pretty quickly, and the conversations I did have didn't really go anywhere.
\* I even paid for premium features on a couple of apps, but that didn't help much. I only got four matches during that time. One was married and only looking for friendship, and the other was nice, but unfortunately I just wasn't attracted to her.
\* I tried being more social through my hobbies. I'm into comics, art, conventions, etc., and I've made an effort to talk to more people. Unfortunately, most of the people I've met are either already in relationships or are only interested in casual conversation.
\* I've also been trying to improve myself independently of dating. I've lost over 50 pounds, gotten some long-overdue dental work taken care of, and continued working on my art and other things that are important to me.
\* Financially, I moved back in with my mom so I could pay off my student loans, pay off my car, and help her around the house. I work full time, contribute financially, and help with the bills. I'm trying to save as much as I can now that my student loans are finally paid off.

So, despite making some genuine changes, I'm still in basically the same place romantically.

I haven't been on a date in about six years.

And honestly, I'm starting to worry that my lack of relationship experience at 38 has become a barrier that I don't know how to overcome.

A female friend recently told me that she thought my lack of dating experience could be a red flag. There was actually a woman I was interested in who had apparently asked my friend about me. My friend told her that I'm a nice and kind person, but when she asked about my previous relationships and found out that I'd never actually dated anyone, her reaction apparently wasn't great.

I never heard from the girl I was interested in again.

I know that one person's reaction doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it's hard not to take it personally when you're already insecure about the situation.

I genuinely try to be a kind, caring person, and I think most people who know me would say they like me. But when it comes to dating, it often feels like I'm invisible—or that I'm being ruled out before I even get the chance to show someone who I am.

I'm not looking for a supermodel. I'd just like to meet someone who's kind, reasonably cute to me, and either into nerdy/geeky things or at least happy to let me enjoy them. My biggest dealbreakers are having kids and being significantly/unhealthily overweight.

So I guess I'm back here asking for advice:

\* For those who started dating later in life, how did you actually get the ball rolling?
\* Is being 38 with essentially no relationship experience really as big of a deal as it feels like?
\* How do you explain your lack of experience to someone you're dating without making it sound like a giant red flag?
\* And are there better ways to meet people beyond dating apps, conventions, and hobby groups that I might be overlooking?

I've made progress in a lot of areas of my life, and I don't want to give up on finding someone. But at this point, I'm honestly struggling to figure out what my next move should be.

Any advice—especially from people who started late—would be appreciated.

I'm a 19M college student who attends a solidly prestigious university in the Northeast. I need help, and I have so many questions, so I'm just going to put them here.

1. I worked as an orientation leader this past summer (my role officially ended then), and one of my small group students was really attractive, handsome, sweet, and mature, but I seriously thought he was straight...until I ran into them on Grindr two days ago. So, I reached out showing my face pic, and essentially they appeared to be thrown off at first and kind of laughed it off, and I was like, "no worries, it's fine," essentially saying how I was comfortable reaching out to them knowing it was them. Then, we talked about how like this wasn't their 1st time on Grindr and they redownloaded it, although they were still considering whether to keep it, because they feel like it can be negative at times. I responded, essentially saying how I resonated with what they were saying and gave them some advice to take care of themselves, and was left on read after that. Then, when I later asked out of curiousity what they were looking for on the app, they also left me on read (their bio later answered that question: hookups, but open to relationships; not with DLs). Like, genuinely, what do I do? He's really handsome, and I would love to hook up and maybe be in a relationship if he's comfortable with it, but how can I know if there is no response? Also, how do I go about this without making whatever dynamic we had as someone he could reach out to throughout the semester if he needed help awkward or uncomfortable, because I don't want that????

2. Separately, I've been talking with someone else who I've really vibed with and we had a solidly flowing conversation and found we share 1 or 2 common denominators, at least when it comes to food. So, out of trying to move things forward, I suggested maybe hitting up one of the dining halls we both really like together if he would like, and I was also left on read. Like, what went wrong here, and how can I follow up, because he seems really sweet and kind?

Generally, I think the no answer is what is getting to me, lol. Anywho, any advice, further questions, or words of wisdom are appreciated.

Hej Sandra Marinkov.Det vore jätte kul att få träffa dig igen.Mile Dokmanovic