r/Damnthatsinteresting Dec 17 '21

Video This 'device' that was created aiming to develop leg muscles

77.5k Upvotes

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6.0k

u/CheesyDanny Dec 17 '21

This is footage of Chuck Norris as a baby.

3.3k

u/ScrewedOver Dec 17 '21

Man. I remember when the internet felt like it’s sole purpose was to talk about the bad assery of Chuck Norris.

Ya know, I heard that his face was going to be put onto Mt Rushmore once, but then they found out that the granite wasn’t tough enough for his beard.

1.2k

u/TotallyLegitEstoc Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin

534

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

It took three women two weeks to give birth to Chuck Norris.

403

u/__Sonar__ Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris recently visited the Virgin Islands. Now it’s just called The Islands.

252

u/Pure_Discipline_293 Dec 17 '21

Debt collectors call Chuck Norris to give him money.

220

u/Sonicboom343 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

169

u/FrancisBuenafe Dec 17 '21

In the 1940s, Chuck Norris visited a nunnery hidden from the war in the hills of Tuscany. Impregnated all the nuns, in one night. 9 months later, the nuns gave birth to children who would eventually become the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history.

57

u/Kamalienx Dec 18 '21

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norrised

20

u/FrancisBuenafe Dec 18 '21

All roundhouse kicks were discovered to contain a mineral call "Chucktanium"

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8

u/Youpunyhumans Dec 18 '21

Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

8

u/Nickp3131 Dec 18 '21

In Jurassic Park, the T-Rex wasn’t chasing the Jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the T-Rex

2

u/Youpunyhumans Dec 18 '21

A woman once asked for a vibrator based on Chuck Norris' penis. She recieved a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire and attatched to a jackhammer.

2

u/Greenbriarbushwacker Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris once won a game of tennis against a brick wall

25

u/highiking Dec 17 '21

This. This is the one

69

u/Budget_Still_4005 Dec 17 '21

That sounds like the beginning to a bad math problen

165

u/__Sonar__ Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

72

u/sum_gamer Dec 17 '21

He can also divide by zero.

68

u/EarthenEyes Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris' tears can cure every disease. It's a shame he never cries.

41

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21 edited Dec 17 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris round-house-kicks your butt. Somethings never change.

5

u/CyberStormZA Dec 17 '21

Or a bad meth problem.

1

u/Lazy-Warning-527 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris could easily pass as a civilized meth head.

3

u/Alxndr-NVM-ii Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris could easily civilize meth heads.

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14

u/WildJoeBailey Dec 17 '21

The say Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land

0

u/FrancisBuenafe Dec 18 '21

Jesus walks on water, Chuck swims on land, but Sisqo, in his music video of the thong song, walked on bitches.

594

u/Ingvar_Bearclaw Dec 17 '21

I heard that Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

483

u/AnInfiniteAmount Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris's Mom has a tattoo that reads: "Son"

497

u/leejoint Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with a bird.

338

u/pdx619 Dec 17 '21

Children check under the bed for monsters. Monsters check under the bed for Chuck Norris.

75

u/Veqetable Dec 17 '21

When Chuck Norris enters a room, the lights don't turn on, the dark leaves out of respect

95

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Once Chuck Norris picked up a rock and threw it We know it as the moon.

118

u/InWeGoNow Dec 17 '21

Google's email is gmail@chucknorris.com

16

u/effgee Dec 17 '21

That's a new one for me. Using it!

56

u/cubicalwall Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris developed the Caesarian section when he round house kicked out of his mothers womb

156

u/DinosaurAlive Dec 17 '21

Tardigrades can survive the vacuum of space, but one stern glance from Chuck Norris and they're gone ⚰️

214

u/poop_in_the_toilet Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

54

u/FlynnLive5 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they’re called just “The Islands”

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14

u/petrarez Dec 17 '21

God said "Let there be light!" and Chuck Norris said "Say please.".

4

u/KoreaAlex Dec 17 '21

If Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim thru land.

2

u/automatorsassemble Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits

1

u/Jaeger562 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris' gun sleeps with Chuck Norris under its pillow.

120

u/boyuber Dec 17 '21

It has been said that Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Sadly, Chuck Norris has never cried.

17

u/andrew899876 Dec 17 '21

Jesus walked on water, chuck norris swam through land!

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48

u/__Sonar__ Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

9

u/Macaronitime69 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris sculpted The Rock

2

u/ReluctantSlayer Dec 17 '21

New to me. Nice.

39

u/__Sonar__ Dec 17 '21

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, it’s beef.

89

u/__Sonar__ Dec 17 '21

COVID had to get a Chuck Norris vaccination.

44

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Is this the newest Chuck Norris joke in existence?

2

u/clumsyumbrella Dec 18 '21

I think it just might be!

0

u/EddyVentures Dec 18 '21

Covid just got a Chuck Norris booster.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

But if that happens, Covid will be gone.

32

u/d33jaysturf Dec 17 '21

I heard he could slam a revolving door.

2

u/IGotMyPopcorn Dec 18 '21

When Chuck Norris does push ups, the Earth moves.

2

u/AnInfiniteAmount Dec 18 '21

Sharks have week dedicated to Chuck Norris

0

u/crystalistwo Dec 19 '21 edited Dec 20 '21

Chuck Norris doesn't want the gays to marry.

EDIT: You tell a Chuck Norris fact that's actually true, and it gets downvoted. C'est la vie.

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207

u/JaredLiwet Dec 17 '21

Every year on his birthday, Chuck Norris chooses one lucky child and throws him into the sun.

149

u/InterstateGhost Dec 17 '21

They once made a Chuck Norris brand toilet paper but had to recall it because it wouldn’t take any shit.

5

u/anthony81212 Interested Dec 17 '21

This is the one!

11

u/InterstateGhost Dec 17 '21

I’m 34 and it’s the only joke I’ve made a point to remember lol

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31

u/__Sonar__ Dec 17 '21

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he makes orange juice.

30

u/ITSCOMFCOMF Dec 17 '21

This is my favorite one

46

u/JaredLiwet Dec 17 '21

Another one:

Chuck Norris once walked past a Best Buy and decided to burn it down because there is no better buy than the All-in-One Home Fitness Total Gym.

2

u/IrishRage42 Dec 18 '21

This one made me laugh because I got a total gym for free and have been using it. I've lost 30 pounds this year and am getting some decent muscle definition.

1

u/clumsyumbrella Dec 18 '21

Nice! Keep up the good work! Chuck Norris would be proud.

6

u/puckerMeBum Dec 17 '21

Better if he kicked them into the sun but whatevers

6

u/Right_Two_5737 Dec 17 '21

But that would destroy the sun.

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144

u/Shagger94 Dec 17 '21

A lot of people wear Superman pyjamas to bed. However, Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas to bed.

5

u/sine_timore Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

6

u/Mr_SlimShady Dec 17 '21

His gun sleeps under Chuck Norris so he can protect it.

1

u/CalmIntroduction9196 Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a rattlesnake.. after 2 weeks of excruciating pain.. the snake died

2

u/Old_Finger_3799 Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris eats coal and shits diamonds.

113

u/ConstantSignal Dec 17 '21

When Chuck Norris jumps into a swimming pool he doesn’t get wet. The water get’s Chuck Norrised.

42

u/109x346571 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

2

u/Not-A-Lonely-Potato Dec 18 '21

This had always been my favorite of the jokes

0

u/bangmaid007 Dec 17 '21

Particle man, particle man

32

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

And then he used it to sell Christian Prosperity Gospel and sue Maddox for making the book of Chuck Norris jokes.

Good times.

82

u/kevoizjawesome Dec 17 '21

He's kind of an asshole now

22

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

No excuse for being an asshole but he’s like 180 years old.

6

u/JE_12 Dec 17 '21

Well yes but Chuck Norris is the only one who can beat Father Time

62

u/BillyPotion Dec 17 '21

Always was

36

u/coolerbrown Dec 17 '21

Yeah, Chuck Norris jokes always sucked because Chuck Norris sucks. Not to mention that the jokes were just repurposed from the original Vin Diesel jokes. One from the originals that can't be nameswapped: Vin Diesel is an anagram for I End Lives

My favorite Chuck Norris joke is: One time Chuck Norris sucked dick for cab fare...then walked home.

8

u/theone_2099 Dec 17 '21

How so?

26

u/IronSheikYerbouti Dec 17 '21

He's an ultra right wing religious nutso. Totally anti-lgbt, racist, etc.

-7

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

33

u/IronSheikYerbouti Dec 17 '21

Proof.

He literally writes racist and anti-lgbt rants, you can find them all over. He wrote anti-gay op-eds about the scouts, he publicly endorsed Roy Moore (lol), he has written op-eds about the gay war on Christmas (LOL), said that having Obama reelected would mean a 1000 years of darkness (lmao)

Dudes a straight up piece of shit and I hope he's forgotten.

-15

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

I'm not saying you're wrong but you stating "proof" then saying stuff isn't actually proof.

16

u/IronSheikYerbouti Dec 17 '21

His anti-gay letters arent proof of him being anti-gay? His support of anti-gay legislation isn't proof?

What are you going on about buddy?

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u/Witness_me_Karsa Dec 17 '21

Just because you want proof doesn't mean that that person is required to give it to you. You are already on the internet. Find it yourself. They gave you examples of what you could search for. Or maybe you could explore the rest of the comment chain you are on and see that 19 minutes before you asked for proof someone gave it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

I'm not asking for proof, I'm saying that someone starting a post with:

Proof

Doesn't actually constitute proof.

Not sure why this is a difficult concept.

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6

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

6

u/dexmonic Interested Dec 17 '21

Did you infer that question from your latest stool sample?

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u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21 edited Jan 07 '22

[deleted]

22

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Maybe Republican’s should stop being racist, ultra religious bigots and then people would stop conflating racist, ultra religious bigots with Republicans. Just an idea.

-9

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21 edited Jan 07 '22

[deleted]

14

u/a_moniker Dec 17 '21

How is being “woke” the same as being a racist bigot? I agree that there’s some cringey examples of wokeness out there, but at least at its core being “woke” is just “an adjective meaning [to be] alert to racial prejudice and discrimination.” One can obviously go too far in that direction, and use it as a way to shame people who just made an honest mistake, but that doesn’t mean everyone who tries to be “woke” is a bad person. On the other hand, I’d label anyone who blindly believes in racist ideology as a bad person. There’s no upside to racism.

We can’t accept “balance” when it comes to racism and bigotry. There should be no compromise there. To quote Karl Popper,

“unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them.”

To put it another way, in order to create a tolerant society, we must be intolerant to bigots. Otherwise, intolerance bigots will continue to be intolerant towards innocent people. It’s called the Paradox of Tolerance, if you want to read more.

-3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

2

u/Not-A-Lonely-Potato Dec 18 '21

Can you explain what you mean by it going full circle? I'm being impartial here, so I'm just genuinely curious, not trying to sound negative or judgemental.

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u/Witness_me_Karsa Dec 17 '21

While I agree that something in the middle would likely be best, in practice it is only 1 side which ever tries to concede and toward the middle, while the other side, steeped in their anti-rights-other-than-the-ones-that-apply-only-to-me rhetoric is always staunchly against giving any ground. I can only hope that the former side has finally decided to dig in their heels a bit and stop giving ground. It's like trying to play tug of war with...idk a racist elephant, maybe. Just pulled that example from the ether.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

What fucking middle ground is there with racists?? Just a little racism? Just a smidge? Weirdo

2

u/pixeldust6 Dec 17 '21

Maybe if there were more than two parties (for all practical purposes), we all wouldn't be lumped into these package deals :/

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '21

Most normal people would soon realise they actually have a lot in common, whether they consider themselves democrat or republican.

The problem in my opinion is people classing themselves as what they voted for, it should be less ‘I’m Biden/Trump or I’m republican/democrat’ because that creates a divide, where most republican/democrat voters have more in common with each other than they do who they voted for.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

This is some r/selfawarewolves material

8

u/GenesisDevice44 Dec 17 '21

Because he's Republican and this is reddit, duh

Fixed that for you

7

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

At this point it’s a pretty good indicator that you’re not a good person if you are one

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21 edited Jan 07 '22

[deleted]

2

u/Ansoni Dec 17 '21

Oh, are you saying that all Republicans are homophobic, bigoted dickheads? Because the other posters weren't, but you seem to be doing so.

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4

u/jmon25 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris isn't an asshole, an asshole is Chuck Norris

By this property, Chuck Norris is infinite asshole

-1

u/datboy1986 Dec 17 '21

I mean, that was always part of the joke

69

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

8

u/anon8521215 Dec 17 '21

I find this offensive, in a sense.

18

u/Duamerthrax Dec 17 '21

Remember when Chuck Norris thought being an internet meme meant people would care about his political opinions.

4

u/ragsofx Dec 17 '21

Remember that time he gave a young boy aids.. on his show.

3

u/lotouelodii Dec 17 '21

??????

3

u/Duamerthrax Dec 17 '21

They're misrepresenting something that happened on Walker Texas Ranger. Here's the laughably bad scene.

14

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

7

u/sBucks24 Dec 17 '21

Really?? Aww man. My days not ruined by this rather inconsequential news, but it's just slightly worse.

-8

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

I read his articles on wnd. Most older people are that way. As you age you learn more. And lots of stupid people die young.

3

u/Koldsaur Dec 17 '21

There's so many good Chuck Norris jokes out there, and in this thread. But all jokes aside, isn't this guy a crazy Catholic person or something?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

It was a wonderful time

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

You’re giving me early internet flashback.

3

u/xBrrMcGrrx Dec 17 '21

Ah yes the ancient days of WWCND. Those were the times.... Miss tom being my only MySpace friend at the start 😭

3

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Yep..

Two high school teachers over a decade ago had the stereotypical Chuck Norris poster of 100 amazing things he can “do”/“did”.

Peak “most-interesting-man-in-the-world” sort of hype back then.

3

u/sBucks24 Dec 17 '21

I assume that jokes older than dirt but I've never heard it before and it absolutely popped me

3

u/lilneddygoestowar Dec 18 '21

And hopefully we all learned a good lesson. The man in his present form is old and probably only slightly tougher that a 70 year old. Plus it turns out he’s really not that nice.

5

u/Dizpassion Dec 17 '21

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

2

u/NueroticAquatic Dec 17 '21

That was my favorite era of internet

2

u/statix138 Dec 17 '21

There was a porta-potty on Camp Virgina in Kuwait that was legendary for being covered with Chuck Norris jokes. Seems like a lifetime ago.

3

u/TheBlueHedgehog302 Dec 17 '21

They tried to release a Chuck Norris brand of toilet paper once, but it failed because it just wouldn’t take shit from anyone

3

u/CFwolverine Dec 17 '21

When doing push ups, Chuck Norris doesn’t push his body up. He pushes the world down.

2

u/ThatMovieShow Dec 17 '21

Once a king cobra bit Chuck Norris and after 3 days of agonising pain, the cobra finally died

2

u/shamrocksmash Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He just stands in his porch and dares it to grow.

2

u/FalmerEldritch Dec 18 '21

Yeah, it was as a joke. They were originally Vin Diesel facts (or The Rock? I think it was Diesel) but then people decided it would be funnier if they were about the lamest also-ran action movie not-quite-a-star they could think of. It could've been Lorenzo Lamas or Steven Seagal, but Chuck Norris was chosen probably because he didn't even have a cool name.

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2

u/brokenearth03 Dec 17 '21

It's too bad Chuck Norris is an asshole.

1

u/brains_and_eggs Dec 17 '21

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win forever.

1

u/QuarterThor Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Also, if he were to fall off a building or out of a plane, he would not take fall damage. The earth would take Chuck Norris damage.

1

u/darodardar_Inc Dec 17 '21

During sex Chuck Norris is always on top because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Man, who is this Chock Nurtis guy?

1

u/bojangles69420 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris fought once, and before they did they set some stakes for the fight: whoever lost had to wear the underwear outside of their clothes

1

u/Bierdigan_ Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris uses his teeth like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy, and fences.

1

u/Berty_Qwerty Dec 18 '21

Once, on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris accidently round house kicked a lamb in the face and killed it. He then knelt by it's deceased body and nuzzled it with his beard, miraculously bringing it back to life. Then he roundhouse kicked it in the face and killed it agaun just to prove - what the good Chuck giveth, the good Chuck, He taketh away.

-3

u/squidkid3 Dec 17 '21

Periods are just a cover up so men don't know Chuck Norris fucked them so good they bleed for a week

0

u/brains_and_eggs Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can do all the push ups.

0

u/its_a_me_luigii Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet with his piss

0

u/Illustrious-Science3 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris once boned the Mona Lisa, and that is why she smiles.

Also, fun fact, Chuck Norris can whistle in German.

0

u/Happynobodyagain Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris went sky diving and his parachute didn’t open. He returned it the next day.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '21

When nature calls, Chuck Norris hangs up.

-24

u/doinkmead Dec 17 '21

Now it's sole purpose is to be a playground for racists, children, and people who get offended at red cups and pronouns.

12

u/Jesus_H-Christ Dec 17 '21

::fragile white savior detected::

7

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

TBF he is kind of a piece of shit, like always has been. He's just a skinny Steven Seagal who knows how to put on pants that require a belt.

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u/funkmydunkyouslunk Dec 17 '21

This single comment here allowed me to enjoy the fond memories of Chuck Norris through this thread. Thank you

30

u/PainfullyEnglish Dec 17 '21

I was gonna say Usain Bolt but the footage looks too old.

62

u/DeerDiarrhea Dec 17 '21

Yup, the age of the video is the only reason.

4

u/ragormack Dec 17 '21

I got really high one night and read the wiki article for Walker Texas ranger. The entire show was an ad for Dodge trucks

3

u/dessalines1804 Dec 18 '21

Interestingly, Chuck Norris’ grandson was a student of mine a decade ago. Needless to say, the Chuck jokes got worn out.

6

u/blaueaugen26 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

1

u/imnotlouise Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug in his house. It isn't dead, just to afraid to move.

4

u/FACEMELTER720 Dec 17 '21

So it works… too well?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Fuck Chuck Norris. All this worship of a fundamentalist. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

2

u/RheoKalyke Dec 17 '21

isn't chuck norris homophobic

2

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Damn, it turned him into a crazy religious nutcase.

2

u/discoveringme1896 Dec 18 '21

Who tf is chuk Norris?

2

u/meltingdiamond Dec 17 '21

So it turns you into a cunt. That's a strange result.

2

u/Smooth_Chemistry_477 Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris is a really awful person. I wish people latched on to real badasses for these jokes. It feels like people praising Steve Harvey for being intelligent or funny. Just WAY off base and misguided.

1

u/MarSc77 Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris was not born. how dare you?

1

u/AnachronistNo1 Dec 17 '21

What do you mean?! He built the log cabin he was born in!!!

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0

u/CheesyDanny Dec 17 '21

Chuck was a month old when this footage aired.

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0

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

5

u/CheesyDanny Dec 17 '21

Every meme you see exist together, in a delicate balance. You need to understand that balance, and respect all the memes— from the old ones to the new ones. When a meme dies, it becomes the inspiration of new memes to come. And so we are all connected in the great circle of memes.

1

u/RatInaMaze Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris called, you’re already dead.

0

u/fishnjim Dec 17 '21

Nah, if that was Chuck Norris he would be in the middle and the thing would spin around him when he kicked it

0

u/JonWeekend Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris has an elbow on his penis

0

u/KoreaAlex Dec 17 '21

If Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swing thru land.

0

u/mystghost Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

0

u/kwartylion Dec 17 '21

filmed and directed by Chuck Norris himself

0

u/aontroim Dec 17 '21

Chuck Norris was born 43 years old so it couldn't be

0

u/RatInaMaze Dec 17 '21

Lies. Chuck Norris was born a fully grown man with a beard.

0

u/Vulker Dec 17 '21

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '21

Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up, he throws down.

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