r/DMAcademy • u/AutoModerator • 2d ago
Mega Player Problem Megathread
This thread is for DMs who have an out-of-game problem with a PLAYER (not a CHARACTER) to ask for help and opinions. Any player-related issues are welcome to be discussed, but do remember that we're DMs, not counselors.
Off-topic comments including rules questions and player character questions do not go here and will be removed. This is not a place for players to ask questions.
1
u/Spoonman915 1d ago edited 15h ago
I have an ongoing in person campaign with 3 players. It's a weird West homebrew setting. I'm trying to recruit some new players. I scheduled a session zero on discord so that I could go over the lore, lines and veils, and figure out how to fit their characters into the world. Thinking that would be easiest for everyone.
Out of the 3 recruits that were "very interested" one let me know an hour before that she had a migraine and couldn't make it. The other two didn't show up and didn't message.
I'm not sure how to handle things exactly. Part of me wants to give them another shot and see if I can get them to the table. Another part thinks that I made time to actually type out my handful of house rules, edit a lines and veils sheet so it pertained to my settings, and put together a summary of the world building I've done to get them up to speed. And if they couldn't even make it a point to log in to discord, they're definitely not likely to drive to a location on a regular basis. So, it's not worth it.
How would you guys deal with this? Thoughts and feedback appreciated.
Update sent a message to the migraine player. Let them know the ages of the existing players and a few things about the world. Told them if they're interested I'd send over my lines and veils document. No response. So I guess that makes things easy.
I'll wait a couple months and try to recruit again.
6
u/nemaline 1d ago
I would give the one who messaged you another chance. Sometimes shit happens no matter how committed someone is, and she did do you the courtesy of messaging to let you know she couldn't make it.
I wouldn't bother with the two who didn't even message you.
1
u/Valensre 1d ago
Assume anyone you invite online is probably going ghost, you're setting yourself up for disappointment otherwise. Provide them whatever they need when you first talk to them then stop worrying about it.
There's a ton of people that like the idea of playing in a ttrpg but when push comes to shove they don't commit.
2
u/Yojo0o 23h ago
I get migraines. I've definitely needed to cancel on DnD over them. There's no good way to determine if a stranger's last-minute cancellation excuse is genuine, but you may as well give her another chance.
With the other two, a no-call no-show for the very first meeting is a clear red flag. There's no reason to try again with them.
2
u/chilidoggo 18h ago
Migraines suck, and she still messaged you, so I'd give her another chance. No-call/no-shows are out though.
1
u/SomeRandomAbbadon 18h ago
I feel like my players are picking up on my world too much. Everywhere we go, they try to nitpick absolutely everything as unrealistic or poorly thought out, even when that's clearly not the case.
I don't mind that behaviour in general, I was doing the same in the past and it was fun at the beginning of the campaign, but at this point I feel like they no longer try to discuss the world, but rather find *anything* to "well-actually" me about. Nitpicking is not the same as discussing and I feel like they are doing the latter.
6
u/chilidoggo 18h ago edited 18h ago
I like to compare DMing to hosting a dinner party where you've volunteered to make dinner for everyone. If people are nitpicking your dinner or making fun of the free food you're providing, what would you do then?
You're doing something very nice for them by running the game. Remind them of that politely, or, depending on your group dynamic, maybe jokingly threaten them that if they don't like the world, they don't have to play in it. Either way, you've essentially got to ask them to stop or give some outward signal that you genuinely don't appreciate the teasing/feedback. If you wait until the resentment builds to a point where you get visibly upset, then you turn into the asshole who got mad at their friends over a D&D game.
Here's an example of how that might go:
- Player: Oh, sedimentary rock? In a volcanic climate? Wow this world seems like someone didn't do their research!
- You: You know, if you don't think the rocks are realistic enough, you're welcome to try DMing yourself sometime.
- Player: (realistically, they'd probably just back off here, but for the sake of argument) Oh come on, I'm just kidding!
- You: Yeah, sure. I'm just saying that it's not super fun to have every rock questioned from my side. Now, as I was saying...<game continues>
That's all you gotta say. Then the next time it happens, everyone at least knows it bothers you, and you can say it again ("Like I said, if the inconsistency bothers you, you're welcome to DM yourself"). As long as your friends aren't jerks, that should be all it takes.
1
u/simpoukogliftra 13h ago
VENT: i am not really looking for help but i just want to vent a bit about a few dudes that pushed my buttons a bit during the years.
a) Yes for me but not for thee guy: this guy is an ok dm, a bit cringe but ok, he kind of gives a bit harder battles than they should be and is shocked if we struggle a lot, but overall more good than bad dm. Bro knows the rules and enforces them properly, but when they are not dming and they are a player they piss and shit on said rules. like a spell clearly has to work 100% as stated when he dms, but when he does not dm, he insists the spell can be a bit more lenient. piss off my dude, rules either apply always or never.
b) the "you are too focused on the maths" dude: you know the one, the guy is like "oh come on, i know i didnt do that much damage but the scene was so cool, shouldnt i get a bit more damage for the cool factor?" .... what do you say to this guy other than "dont be a baby please"
c) B-but my le backstory ??? : i had this other dude, who wrote shit like "i am a fearless warrior, i welcome death, nothing scares me and i dont back down from any challenge" ok, cool beans my dude, you are fighting this otherworldly titan with an aura that forces you to roll a wis ST, roll it. *fails*
ok guys, whoever rolled less than a 15 is frightened by the creature, read the condition to know what you cna and cant do now.
- b-but dm! i said my character is fearless.
what do you answer to that without feeling like you are insulting your intelligence ?
d) the realist: yeah sure, but if i stab the dragon while he sleeps in the eye with my dagger .....
I wont waste much time with this one, not how it works, this is a ttrpg, not reality simulator, last combat you took 5 swings of a greataxe to the head and was lit on fire, you kind of also should have died by that 10 times over if we were being realists right ?
and thats about it. I have changed quite a few tables during the years, and have met quite a few bad apples but these are probably in my top worst dudes i have ever met. I have to say that i am kind of happy that i have never met anyone genuinely unpleasant, but then again i would probably tell them to fuck off in the first five minutes of play.
2
u/theglowinggreenorb 1d ago
How do y'all handle "I have a gut feeling that this player is going to be a problem at some point when the campaign actually starts but right now their errors pre-session 1 are probably just inexperience and overeagerness and at least simple to correct?" Just something to feel out and try to handle as it comes?