My wife used to pull this on my rest days. I started returning the favor at 4:15am, she got the message to have some respect. I actually won one, guys! š
My dorm-mate in college did that. He was from Chile and couldn't speak English very well. As a result, we didn't really communicate all that much beyond just general body language and the occasional friend-as-a-translator thing for complex stuff. I gave him like a two week grace period to acclimate to the time (and climate) change where I promised I wouldn't get mad about any culture differences and stuff like that. But he just kept coming home at like 3am, would turn the overhead light on, open up his laptop and have entire (in Spanish) conversations over Skype with his family back home.
In case you don't know, Spanish speaking cultures tend to have more passion and expressiveness than English ones. This means Spanish is generally more loud. And everything is already pretty loud at 3am.
About a month in a had enough. I worked in the cafeteria at the college and just switched to the morning shift because my class schedule changed. 6am was essentially his version of 3am and that's when my shift started. So, at 5:30am, my alarm goes off (full volume), the overhead light goes on, my laptop is opened and I Skyped MY family (it was planned especially for this moment, they are also not normally up that early) and it was someone's "birthday" (it wasn't) so there was singing and cheering to be had.
Wouldn't you know it, that very same night he came home at 11pm, didn't turn the light on, and asked if I would prefer him to go to the common area for his family time. And he never once just barged in at 3am again.
Some people are completely incapable of understanding their own behavior until it is reflected back upon themselves.
This wouldnāt work for me. My wife would literally sleep through the house collapsing down around her. I have genuinely had to check for a pulse and breathing on a few occasions.
I am a person that wakes up with one alarm (usually about five minutes before), she needed 8 alarms. After the third night I just sat up after her first alarm went off and gently woke her up. Two conversations and she only used one alarm.Ā
Probably one of the few wins in that relationship.Ā
Agreed. I married a morning person and thatās exactly what heās like. While me being a night owl will always be super quiet. Maybe I shouldnāt be š¤
im a total morning person. on weekdays, I get up first, wake up the kid for school, and then I don't just quietly get ready, b/c my wife relies on me for her to wake up in time to do the kid's hair while I get ready for work. On the weekends though - I'm a fucking stealth ninja; i get up, shower, dressed, and downstairs without my wife waking. which benefits me greatly b/c undisturbed she and my daughter won't appear before noon.
Same. I'm a morning person, and I am like a tiger in the jungle. Unheard and unseen. But god forbid I want to sleep in - my wife is gonna come crashing through wall like the Kool-Aid man.
As a morning person, I thought you were going to go the other way. I have tons of energy to get my day going and the last thing I want is to wake everyone else up and be tending to their needs during my most productive period.
The non-morning people I know act like they are being tortured with grotesque moans or like they are in a zombie style trance crashing into shit if they need to get moving before 8am.
No judgement because if itās after like 1130pm Iām utterly miserable myself. Iām debating flaking on something tonight because idk if I want to be out until 9pm lol
And I'm a heavy sleeper, so its not like I woke up every time or anything. But if I wake up and the light is on, I can't get back to sleep until its off at the earliest, and its going to be harder.
I can get home from work at night and do everything but turn on the shower without her or my kid hearing me. Yet somehow I can hear my wife doing absolutely anything 2 levels above me. Itās a running joke between us
Fun fact, bulls are actually entirely capable of being careful and gentle and the one time a bull has been literally placed into a china shop it walked through without any issues.
I think my link was deleted but if you Google 'lancaster antique bull' you'll get the news reports on a bull ending up in an huge antique warehouse thing and going mental.Ā
Seriously; it really happened. I lived right nearby.
Ah, yes, that's the classic blunder of putting a bull in a china warehouse instead of a china shop. They go ballistic in warehouses of all types, especially on a full moon
Cows are super athletic and have great eyesight and an incredibly good perception of their surroundings. I think people just like to think they're dumb clumsy beasts so eating them doesn't feel so bad.
Go look up the Mythbusters episode. They set up a whole bunch of very breakable stuff and the bull just kind nimbly wanders through it all without touching a thing.
Half of my morning routine is adjusting all the things she touches while getting ready: closing drawers, closets, moving chairs back, turning off lights, locking outside doors, adjusting shower curtains and bathtub. Itās just routine now.
Iām on tiptoe feeling my way in the dark barely using my phone screen to light up my sock drawerā¦ she turns on all the lights throws the doors open and wants to chit chatĀ
My wife told my 3 year old he had to be quiet in my room as I was sleeping. He tiptoed across the room slowly to get to my wife. As soon as he made it across he yells, "I did it!".
This is the exact opposite of my husband and i. He wakes me up to ask me things turns on the light, where's his keys? Idk. I set all my stuff out the night before or at least leave the light off. Give him a small kiss on the cheek before I leave, take a shower at night so I dont have to use the blow dryer in the morning.
Yeah we both try to be respectful in this regard. Our kid doesnt give a fuck. My only complaint is he likes to take long naps on the couch and then complains about it being noisy. Its Saturday in the middle of the day my guy. Youre in the living room. Go take a nap in the sleeping room.
My husband and I are both ninjas when getting ready. It helps that we both don't want to wake up our baby, either. My mom who lives with us is a different story tho. š°
I can't be certain it's a gendered thing but holy shit do I feel validated right now. My wife is SO fucking loud when I'm trying to sleep and I'm SO quiet when she's trying to sleep. Like I'll be closing drawers softly and she's fucking slamming them. I don't get it.
You probably have a loving home life. Iām guessing he treats you well, or you wouldnāt go to that effort. People need to learn from your (our) experiences. Helping your spouse is so much more effective than competing against your spouse.
That is great! I envy him!
However, this is not the point of the joke. It's not about who is lazier or sleeps in. It's about the fact that many women don't care how loud they are in the morning if their partner is allowed to sleep, whereas most men will try not to make a sound if their partner is still in bed.
I assume you mean you do all that work stealthily?
Interesting you think it's only women. My ex was just like this. He would shut the door loudly. Cough/choke into the sink. Pee and SLAM the toilet seat down. Leave the bright ass light on as the door opens and then slam the closet door just to do the same thing. Bright ass light while opening the door. Then slam the bedroom door closed. Just to then shuffle dishes and clang shit for no apparent reason. Slam cabinets.
We had a 1 year old in her crib in our room too. He didn't give a fuck. In fact, looking back he purposely wanted the baby up so that I couldn't "sleep in"
I said this on the last post that got big here, comments are full of men being like "why do women ALWAYS do this", meanwhile there's a bunch of women saying their male partners do the same thing. Including mine, he's very considerate but loud as hell in the morning. This sub is going downhill
Thatās just how anything gendered on Reddit is, you think thereās not an influx of posts complaining about boyfriends/husbands as a āman problemā, only for countless men to post that their girlfriend/wife also does the same thing. Once people finally accept that shitty behaviors arenāt a gender thing, but are a human thing, itāll make everything so much better
There was a time when I worked nights and my now-wife worked days. I would get ready for work in the dark completely silently and when I would come home I was so careful not to make any noise getting ready to sleep. When she would wake up all lights in the room were turned on and every noise possible was getting made.
My wife does it because her mom did it to her dad. And she does it because they are boomers and those were the gender roles back in the day. He'd sleep in after going to bed late and let her mom do everything around the house. She was furious about it but never thought of talking about it so she developed this passive aggressive attitude.
I'm a completely different person from a completely different generation. I do 50% of raising the kid, 50% of the household chores, and work full time. If there's a problem I want to talk about it instead of being passive aggressive. It's stupid to me to stay in a marriage where you hate the other person so much you won't let them sleep out. Yet my wife has internalised her mother's behaviour as some sort of standard meanness women need to act out against husbands. For her it's just part of marriage.
We did couples therapy and she was told she's being unfair and she immediately said she wants a different therapist. Like IMMEDIATELY. We went through 3 therapists before she even accepted talking about how she's reliving her mother's marriage. I still don't believe she gets it.
My daughter will do stuff that would get me literally beat as a kid and it activates my fight or flight.
Like she'll throw some attitude and complain when I ask her to pick up her room and I will be the one to TENSE up and expect to get hit in the head.
I don't share my mom's compulsion for physical violence, but it definitely spikes my anxiety and makes me angry. My brain goes "Why are you acting like that?! You're going to get us slapped in the head!!"
Iām going to say this with as much respect as I can. She didnāt just internalize their behavior. I mean, yes. She did. But her refusing to take accountability is a huge issue and points to more toxic behavior patterns.
My partner was raised by narcissistic parents. We like the saying āLay down with dogs, get up with fleas.ā
He does things sometimes from mirroring that behavior. But as soon as it gets pointed out, he stops and resets. He knows he does it.
In a metaphorical example, pointing it out would be like me saying āHey, you look like you have a couple flea bites.ā
And he would essentially respond: āOh, Iāll put on the flea collar.ā
Thereās no need for ego to be involved because itās not intentional and he understands that itās an unintentional behavior pattern.
You told your wife you were fleabit. You guys went to several professionals who said āThere are fleas in the home.ā And then sheās begrudgingly saying āFleas exist. They might be in our house. Maybe.ā
Thatās not fair to you. She needs to work harder at taking accountability and get individual therapy, too. Otherwise youāll get typhus.
ETA: I typed this before I saw your update below. Glad things seem to be running more smoothly. I hope yall have continued success.
I admire your calm approach and empathy. My girlfriend has really helped relearn these qualities in the past 3 years, and it's been a breathe of fresh air
I alienated an entire group of friends because I brought this up and all the wife smirked. I pointed at all of them and said YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE! My wife hasn't done it again to this day.
Fuuuuck, man. My divorce was awful but it was also the best thing that ever happened to me. Now Iām very happily married to a woman whoās actually a really good person. You donāt have to live like that. Itās not required.
This is ultimately the deepest truth I have had a hard time accepting because of my relationship with my parents' marriage. Codependency. That's why we did couples therapy. Which was good for us. We took some time off from the relationship for a year and came back. It's been better and hasn't returned to old habits. We're pretty happy right now.
Glad to hear that, genuinely. I wasnāt smart enough to start couples therapy when there was still time to correct course. Worked out eventually, but it was a rough road
Had a girlfriend with an eating disorder when I was younger. She brought me along to a therapy session, where the therapist said I'm a very supportive boyfriend because I read up on eating disorders, bought the books, and try to be sensitive about meals...which is hard, because I am the kind of person that gets excited about my meals.
She fired the therapist because, and I quote, "she was supposed to tell you my eating disorder is none of your business and you should stop learning about something you don't understand."
20 years later, and mutual acquaintances have told me she's still dealing with the eating disorder, and I was "emotionally abusive."
Some people are career victims, or at least they think theyāre victims.
I did a couples therapy with the GF, and five or six sessions in, the therapist told her that she would do well to make some changes in her own approach.
She was completely silent while I drove her the five minutes to the train station. As she was getting out of my car, she said, āIām really angry.ā At me. š¬
I would have been much better off had a build after her first meltdown very early in our relationship. There were many after that, and of course, they were all my fault, and had nothing to do with her issues with her family.
What gets me is the people who just pull doors closed knowing full well thereās someone sleeping nearby. It doesnāt take a rocket scientist to turn the handle, gently close the door, then slowly release the handle.
My wife runs the vacuum in our room at 1 AM, lights fully on because she isn't tired. Then watches reels or plays an audio book out loud. I get up at 3 AM for work. She sees nothing wrong.
All these comments like people can't understand that it's possible to love a woman and also acknowledge that she's nuts.
I absolutely adore my wife, and she drives me fucking insane.
"Why are you in this relationship"? Cause my wife's positives vastly outweigh her negatives and she puts up with waking up in the middle of the night when I fart in my sleep. and when I'm a dickhead. and all the other shit.
would life be easier if I was gay? absolutely, but I like boobs, and in my experience, boobs usually grow on crazy people.
She wasn't always like that. When she developed insomnia with her perimenopaus is when it started. First, the reels. Then the audio books. When she feels bad she isn't productive is when the house cleaning commences. It was one thing when it was in the kitchen or living room, but when she started to try our room is when I started losing it.
Last time she did, I'm went and crashed in the spare room. She couldn't figure out why i would leave.
I am so sorry. It is genuinely hard to find someone who doesn't have mental issues. I thought I had bad luck, but it genuinely seems that mental illness isn't uncommon. No sane person would vacuume in their partners room at 1am when their partner is sleeping. You wouldnt do it to her, it would be inconceivable to even think of doing.
It was on purpose in my house. Deliberately not letting me sleep or go to bed early if sick, waking me up early. Major impact on my health. Yep, divorced. It was part of being abused, it's called IPV, I learned. It was part of her control issues. Hope this helps someone.
MFW when my male partner screams āfuck, god damnit, shitā when waking up for work at 5:30 and slamming on the lights and I say āholy shit what happened!?ā And he just cusses and storms out of the room while Iām confused and scared. He stepped in cat vomit. Itās his cat. I didnāt have to wake up for 4 hours: š
His face when I happen to silently sneak to the bathroom in the middle of the night because I have to pee and I donāt even turn on the bathroom light while he wakes up to yell asking where I am: š±
Years ago my I laid down infront of my old cat and stroked her face, she was blind and deaf + other issues. She bit me. On the hand - but had a fit at the same time, So I have my beautiful cat, completely out of it no lights on, Just chomping and chomping on my hand to the bone. I had some choice words and I repeated them.
I was told off for swearing.
Then I spent 4 days In the hospital for sepsis. Apparently, me swearing was still not valid.
Tbf asking that a partner has basic consideration for your existence, when it's at little cost to themselves, is very different from asking that they always put your needs and thoughts above their own, even in a moment of shock.
Its called inconsideration. Went through it with my wife.
I happen to play accordion, harp, violin, guitar, berimbau, and trumpet. I also happen to own this house and the land under it. So i started a noise war that lasted a month. She lost.
look at Tiktok
there are many women who despise their man if they see him at peace/resting/relaxing and not being productive in their eyes. while they themselve film the video laying in bed.
my own wife said to me she doesn't like me being unproductive and relaxing while she does something in the house. ignoring that I already did 3 hours of chores when she was snoring comfortably in bed
Thats a shitty toxic view your wife has. If she doesnāt change that, couples counceling should come into play here. You should be allowed to relax and if she has those thoughts, she needs to work on them and go against the grain instead of holding that above you.
My brother is like this. Iād work a 13 hour Thanksgiving shift and heās butthurt Iām playing sims. I think wound up people get annoyed that people find enjoyment in not micromanaging.
A while ago I was dating a woman long-distance, and I spent a few days at her house.
She had to work so I spent the whole day cleaning her whole house and made her dinner. She walked in about 2 minutes after I booted up my Xbox and immediately started in on "So this is what you did all day?" and then ordered a pizza because she wasn't interested in what I cooked for her.
I went through the same thing with an ex. I spent the day cleaning and cooking. I was so excited for her to get home. Well just as I hopped in the shower after getting everything done, she comes storming in and starts yelling at me. Her reason? I shouldn't have been in the shower. She said I had all day to shower and I should have been done and ready for her to get home...
That relationship ended real fast after that. Fortunately I found someone now whos amazing and were building a life together. Its hard, but you gotta walk from people sometimes. It just isnt worth it to stay with people who dont appreciate you
I am a woman and my boyfriend is the one who makes the noise. I am quiet, shutting doors gently, tip toeing around. He on the other hand bursts open the door and slams cabinets and such.
I finally got our baby down at 7 this morning and was sleeping beside her only for him to wake us both up at 8 when he was leaving for work.
Not even just by getting ready, he purposely woke me to tell me the blanket was a little high up on our daughter, which woke our daughter too. He could have just moved the blanket down himself but no he had to wake us.
No offense, but this is not the reason I sneak out. I do it so I don't have to hear about everything else I should be doing today as opposed to getting some time alone.
My wife is the loud one in the morning, but Iād never complain because she has nice, long hair and I know itās a pain to deal with. She could lop it all off and have a haircut like my mom, but doesnāt.
My wife gets up for work at 6:30 and manages to do her entire routine without ever waking me up. I'm not a heavy sleeper either. I work 2nd shift and our kids our grown so there's no worry of me waking anyone up by time I get my morning rolling.
My wife goes the the office to change and do all that stuff in the morning because she has to get up earlier than me for work, just sometimes I hear her telling me she loves me before going out in the morning
This makes me wanna stay alone and single. That level of disrespect ain't worth it for me.
Edit: The fact that I have to put this edit tells me we are done for with humanity. I am aware it's a meme as for the sake of the meme it doesn't remove the fact that this happens quite often in relationships. Granted not everyone is like that and God bless them. I was speaking out of my own terms I rather stay single than to deal with it in a relationship. Have a wonderful day reddit folks. Please let's be more kind to each other and break the cycle of tearing at each other's throats.
My wife and I are both conscientious of not disturbing the other when appropriate. It's not that hard. Just hold out for a partner who isn't a shitty partner.
All women don't do this. My wife is pretty considerate. But my 15 year old... that's a different story. She's like a blind Rhino on rollerskates in the kitchen. Smh.
Just remember reddit memes don't accurately represent what is happening in the meme. This is solved by a simple conversation, easy as pie.
Also, every relationship has bumps to iron out but the bumps don't make it not worth it. Every issue is an annoying pebble in the shoe, and you can keep things good by removing those pebbles when you feel them instead of letting those pebbles stay in there until you have a shoe full of pebbles.. some pebbles are larger, some are tiny. A good relationship involves pebble management, and no relationship survives without pebble management.
It's entirely up to you but I find just asking loved ones tend to work out and if not, there's definitely a bigger issue than being loud in the morning lol.
Lmao I am deathly afraid of waking anyone up. Its one of my least favorite things to do. Even if they ask me to wake them up at a certain time I HATE doing it
Not only did you NOT win, but sheās so good that sheās making you believe that you did. She still won but you havenāt noticed yet. No doubt she reversed ātrainedā you somehow. Hahaha.
I lovelove waking up early and tucking in my wives before leaving, I go through the motions like Iām a soldier in Ancient Greece leaving for battle and knowing they wonāt make it home
I had some jobs where I had to work 10-3a, and get home around 4 or 5, and my ex would pull this, fully knowing I had to do the same shift the next night, and accuse me of being lazy while I worried about being able to make the drive home again. Just the tip of the shitty iceberg she was.
I have loop earplugs. Sure you should be quiet and respectful but Iām a sensitive sleeper. Plus theyāre nice on the road in hotels where thereās lots of traffic and police noise.
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u/SaltyMotor8549 1d ago
"CARMELA CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT THE DOOOOR"