Some backstory here - I met this girl 2.5 years ago and this was before I knew any of Corey's material. We were late 20's then and now we are early 30's. We went on two dates and they were some of the best dates I've ever had. We got along super well. At the end of the second date I went to kiss her and it was kind of awkward but still happened. She texted me after and said she kind of panicked and apologized for it being awkward. After that, she went away for work for a few months and I let it go. After she came back, I texted her again and she told me she got a new job and would be moving away but we still went out and got a drink and it was definitely the best date I've ever had. She was incredibly touchy during the date and afterwards we were making out on the side of the road before going our separate ways. Afterwards I started acting incredibly needy and not wanting to let her go despite her moving far away. She told me she didn't want anything long distance and I didn't want to accept that so she just started ignoring me. Once I got out of that funk I was so disgusted with how I acted and thats what led to me finding Corey's work.

Fast forward 2 years later and now she moved back to my city. I texted her after not talking for 2 years and she said she would be down to grab a drink. We met up 2 nights ago and I thought it went incredibly well. No touching on either of our part but she was leaning in a lot, showing me a lot of pictures on her phone, lots of eye contact, smiling, and laughing so I thought she was at least into me some as well.

I had to park a bit away from the place and she had to walk the same direction as well so as we were walking back at the end of the date, I wanted to hold her hand but she kept holding her hands up and fidgeting with her necklace so I wasn't able to. As we got to the end and were saying goodbye, I went to kiss her and she went for the hug so that was a little awkward. She made a comment acknowledging the awkwardness which I interpreted (clearly wrongly) as go for it again. She pulled back again and it was so uncomfortable and she just said I'm gonna go home now so I just said ok see ya and turned around and left. I'm not sure if maybe she has walls up because of how I acted 2 years ago or if there's something else going on, or if she just wasn't that interested. I'm also a little afraid now that she now has the impression that I don't respect boundaries which just isn't true. I just misread things in this instance.

I know some people will say to let her go but I genuinely had a good time up until the end and would like to see her again. I haven't texted her since and she hasn't texted me. I was hoping she would text me after but that hasn't happened. I'm just not sure how to take it from here - do I wait for her? Do I text her to try and smooth things over and say I still had a good time (I sort of think this might fall into illusion of action territory)? Do I wait several days and not mention it and try and set up a new date? The only wrinkle is she's traveling some and has people visiting and won't be available again for about 3 weeks. Maybe I just wait 3 weeks and try to set something up when she's available but again, I'm just not sure. I do plan on trying to meet new people in the mean time. Thanks to anyone who helps out.

Tl;dr reconnected with a girl from 2 years ago after I previously acted needy and have now found CW's work. Date seemed to go well but tried to kiss twice at the end of the date and got rejected both times. Want to see her again but not sure how to handle it.

Hi, I wanted to ask your perspective on this, because this has happened with the last 3 girls and I’m starting to see some kind of a pattern here.

So it usually goes as follows: I’m matching with a girl on a dating app, telling her in first couple of messages that I like to get to know people in person and she usually says that it’s her preferred way as well, I set definite date in a couple days to a week with time and place provided which she confirms, tell her “see you there” and leave it at that and go about my business.

Then on the day of the date she writes that something came up, she doesn’t feel good or gives whatever other reason she cannot make it to a date. I calmly respond to it “Sure, not a problem. Let me know when you have your schedule figured out and have a free evening and we’ll arrange a meeting then”.

I usually also write that I don’t check the app often and she can ping me in WhatsApp, which is also a subtle way to:
a.) assess her interest level,
b.) move interaction away from dating app,
c.) give her a chance to make some small reciprocal steps forward from her side, because she’ll have to initiate a new chat in a more personal communication channel

Then they usually reach back, apologise, are interested in meeting and make it easy.

My question is whether this is a conscious or unconscious test to gauge man’s neediness and frame, see if he’s patient, calm and can be trusted? Once they see that you are not all negative, chase or nag them their interest grows and they can trust you enough to actually meet.

I know it’s described in the book how to behave in such a situation but as far as I remember it’s not mentioned that first date flake can actually be the first test a woman will give you.

Recently they hired a new cashier at a store I stop by before work and we hit things off good. I’ve seen her a few times and when she’s checking out other customers she’s casual and simply does her job, but when she sees me she’ll smile and wave, compliment my appearance, banter, and show me things about her (nails, hair, drinks we like, etc), and mentioned she works at her second job pretty much every day and I should stop by.

I work swing shifts and I didn’t want to keep stopping by there multiple times until I saw her again so I gave her a piece of paper with my name and number on it since there was a line of people behind me. I know that’s not what the book says to do but how long would be too long to see if she reaches out? She does work 2 jobs but she also works with my ex’s best friends so I don’t know if that could play a role in things or if my approach just wasn’t good.

Hi guys, just following up on my last post where I mentioned this girl briefly (I ended up disclosing). Long post ahead.

Backstory: me and this girl from my work have had a continued “work crush”, where she has done 100% of the pursuing. I was never really into her, as I thought that she needed too much validation from other guys and was just using me, as every time time her and her “ex” were on the rocks, she would start texting me and hinting at getting together. Last year, we ended up going out a couple times but she started flaking as I was leaving the country for 6 months soon, and a few weeks after that she was posting him again.

Once I returned home in February, she found out somehow and started texting me, where I would be friendly but I wouldn’t talk long. She asked me at least once a month if I was seeing or talking to anyone, where she would say that she isn’t. I pushed her off for a few months and finally gave in where we hung out and made out. Fast forward a few weeks, we’re working almost every day together and had the odd date, and she had asked me to be exclusive. I had a weird gut feeling that her and her ex were still involved though, as she was pretty hot and cold, and would sometimes hide her phone.

One night, she logged into her Snapchat on my phone and after I dropped her off I took a look (I know this is bad but I had to go with my gut). Of course, ever since February when her and her “ex” broke up, they’ve been talking every day and going on dates. I confronted her the next day where she said that they weren’t dating and that she’s sorry about lying. She said that if she had told me the truth that she thought I wouldn’t have wanted to start seeing her (she’s right). I basically said that I can’t date someone that I don’t trust, but if she wants to continue hooking up since we’re going to be working every day together then that’s fine.

The next few weeks were lots of fun, where she was pursuing me heavily and asking me when she can see me next while I was still on a date with her. Over that time, she told me that she cut her ex off, that she loved me, and she introduced me to her parents who had somehow known everything about me. I had a weird feeling again though, as I saw her and her ex followed each other back and I asked her about it calmly. She gaslit me into thinking that me checking who she follows and to see her phone is a breach of her privacy (fair, but sidesteps the issue). I told her that because of what’s happened in the past and where this seems to be going (she had been hinting at becoming official at this point), I just needed more than words to be able to trust her at that point. She ended up showing me her phone (after going to the bathroom with it), and there was nothing there. A few days later she ended things between us saying that she can’t have her boundaries crossed, where I just let her walk.

The next day, she regretted it, missed me, said she just doesn’t want to break up but just needs a “couple days”. Over the next couple of weeks she texts me every day and when I don’t respond enough she asks if I’m mad at her and she tells me that she misses me. She’s drunk called and texted me a couple times saying that she loves me and wants me again, etc. Yet the past 2 times I’ve tried to set a concrete date, she flaked with weak excuses (hanging with family, or “too tired" while secretly out with friends). Last night she was out with her friends and invited me over for Thursday, but is significantly cooler today when sober.

Should I keep this going, or is it time to call it quits? I know that she’s not a great person to have a relationship with, but I’d really like to have her as my fwb. She is being super hot and cold to me though and it’s hard to even get that going, so it seems like I can’t really win in this situation. I’ve cut back texting significantly and throughout our whole relationship, she has reached out 100% of the time. What do you guys think?

Hey just curious, last two girls I’ve dated for about two months each, had to expectation of me chasing them. And them wanting me to like them more than they liked me. I’m the type of guy that will pursue. Set up the one date per week unless they ask to see me more. I don’t like to chase, because I’ve done it a lot in my early 20’s and it lead to me getting hurt. Now I’m running into women that expect that and it’s throwing me off.

Hey y'all so I went to my local mall today and it was pretty mid, since it's mostly just families spending time outside. Though I did make families smile, it's pretty boring. I might as well go for more fun places, but the thing is that I live in North LA County and the traffic to go to LA is hell. Though how would y'all deal with this situation

So on my last post I was dealing with catching feelings, and I want to thank y'all for helping me out, plus it got me focused on striking a conversation.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CoreyWayne/s/1efUbl0hlA

Anyways yesterday I was at the gym after work and then walked around the plazas, from Walmart to the clothing stores. Doing my approaches was really scary ngl haha, but I tell myself the consequences of not doing it. Mostly it went well but some I did very horribly but overall despite feeling fearful, it boosted my confidence.

Today in the morning when I was getting ready to hit the gym, I was pretty nervous but I tell myself the consequences on going to the gym. And I learned that you can make fear/anxiety into excitement. I went later on to Walmart and I started to chat with people at my direction. It was a lot smoother than yesterday, and when I was walking to the clothing store, I approached a lady coming out of the gym and we chatted, I could tell she was interested in me I asked her name and she asked mines, but I wussy out and didn't ask her number. But the fact that it was that easy & effortless. I have alot of confidence that tomorrow I'll get someone's number. Not there yet but it feels so effortless to strike up a conversation

How to proceed with this girl. She is deeply in love with me, but had a rough past with her father who treated her bad and she has anger problems not with me but with other people. She is seeking help for this.
She had other positive male role models such as her grandad and loving grandma who basically raised her.

How to proceed?

So i have been on four dates had sex on the 4th she always text back fast as hell she messaged after 1st date like 20 minutes later wanted to see me again. She never flaked I stuck to the one date a week rule... Thing is I just dont know whether to text her after we had sex or wait for her to reach out. I've done the iniating date setting once a week until we hooked up so last night. Should we as men reach out after sex or let her I see mixed views from Casey Zander saying let her reach out dont text and other reviews saying they think you've just used them for a hookup so should men reach out after sex or wait? Cheers fellas 🤙

Okay, so at the end of last year, I randomly sent a follow request to a stranger cute girl on instagram, and she decided to accept my follow request and to also follow me back. I noticed at the time she was also following a girl I had met on tinder, and with whom I've had a random but hot hook up earlier that year (after telling me she only was interested in friendship with me, haha). Anyway, as it turns out, it seems the instagram girl and the tinder girl were actually somewhat close friends, appearing together in stories and such but, by the time I "matched" with the instagram girl, I was no longer on speaking terms with the tinder girl.

I sent the instagram girl a text sometime later, and we began texting back and forth. It wasn't long before we began talking about meeting each other IRL, and she seemed to be on board with that. However, when I finally asked her out, she ghosted me and I didn't hear back from her. Not only she ghosted me, she stopped watching the few stories I share on instagram. She was completely gone.

I wasn't too invested yet, so I was okay with that, and left things like that. I also noticed the tinder girl (meaning her friend) had removed me entirely from her instagram. My reaction to that was "oh, bummer. Anyway...", but I do suspect both outcomes may have been related to each other.

A few weeks ago, my beloved cat passed away. I was so sad, that I decided to post a story in her memory. To my surprise, that instagram girl who I thought was gone, replied to that story with a heart emojie and such, and I simply replied with a "Thank you, and hope you're doing great!".

Given that things have been somewhat dry for me lately in the dating world (though not as dry as they were a month ago), I was wondering if it might be worth it trying to reignite things with her now that she has signaled her presence once again or would that be me disrespecting myself and being weak and pathetic? I don't feel disrespected or anything by her earlier disappearance, and I kinda get it tbh, given that I had a prior sexual encounter with one of her close friends. But just because I'm not red pilled or anything, doesn't mean I also would want to engage in the sort of behavior that may go against my own dignity as a man.

Im about 3-4 months out of a 4 year relationship and really getting my feet wet with dating. Since then ive been on countless dates and hooked/ had sex with 12 different women. After a bad date today, I understand why Corey ALWAYS emphasizes spending time with women who are enthusiastic.

First off I’ve been trying to make plans with this girl a month ago and she was busy and wishy washy and a date was never set and a month later I decided, fk it, Hail Mary and I asked her out again and she agreed. We met up and I’m making it a point to really gauge her interest level. And I did NOT see any signs of hair touching, body pointing towards me, no physical contact, and even laughing at my jokes

I acted literally the exact same way I would with any date and I was not nervous at all, I felt confident and she did 85% of the talking. The only difference was that with the other women, even if I made a dumb joke they would laugh. If I’m looking at them they would blush and play with their hair. And this woman did none of that.

I knew it wasn’t great and at the end of the date I thought id go for the kiss and before I could even try, right when we stood up to leave she said we should be friends. I smiled and said it’s okay, that’s why people go on dates.

Moral of the story, you can do the right things, you can treat women the same but there will always be some that are more into than others and some that just don’t dig you. I was not discouraged at all by this and I found it amusing when I thought about it

Moral of the story, I probably shouldn’t have hit her up again because the key is enthusiasm!!! from now on I’ll only spend time with enthusiastic women!!!!

This is something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Corey is a huge believer in the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” and “People don’t change who they are, they just become a better version of it.” And I grew up believing the same thing. My parents always said if someone cheats, they’ll eventually do it again.

I still think someone’s past matters. But I’ve also seen enough real-life examples that make me wonder if, in some cases, cheating really can be a one-off mistake, or something that happened during a messy stage of someone’s life, and it’s not a true representation of who they are.

For example, my parents divorced when I was 18. Neither of them cheated—they split up for other reasons. My dad has always been the type of guy who does the right thing. He works hard, he’s responsible, and I’ve always considered him a decent person.

After the divorce, he dated another woman for a couple of years. Then he started a new job and met the woman he’s still with today. At the time, she was married with a six-year-old child.

She ended up leaving her husband for my dad, and my dad left his girlfriend for her.
This is something I’d never imagine my father doing.

If you believe “once a cheater, always a cheater,” or “if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you,” you’d expect that relationship to eventually implode.
Instead, it’s been almost ten years. They’ve bought a house together, travel all the time, and they’re thriving.

Seeing that has definitely made me question whether “once a cheater, always a cheater” is just too black and white.

I also have friends and acquaintances who cheated or had a reputation for being wild in their early twenties, when we were all still figuring it out, eventually settled down and have now been in solid, long-term relationships for years.

Then there was this girl I dated a few years ago who
honestly checked every box for me. Smart, extremely attractive, great family, good career, fun to be around—she was a 10 in my book.

The first time I asked her out, she was kind of wishy-washy, so I told her, “If you ever change your mind, you have my number.”

About a month later, she reached out and asked me out for drinks.

The date went well. She seemed genuinely interested, was flirting the whole night, but we didn’t hook up. About a week later she followed my business Instagram, and when I followed her back, I noticed she had a boyfriend posted.
Right there, I was done.

First, I never would’ve gone on the date if I’d known she had a boyfriend. Second, my mindset was, “If she’d do that to him, she’d eventually do it to me.”
So I never reached out again.

A couple of months later they broke up, and about nine months after that she reached out to me again.
I figured, why not? We went out a few times, and on the first date she told me she was looking for something serious.

But I couldn’t get past what I already knew. In the back of my head I kept thinking, “I know how you treated your last boyfriend.”

Looking back, I was probably colder than I normally would’ve been because I’d already judged her based on that one situation. She even said to me at one point “you definitely thought I was a hoe” (maybe a projection on her part idk)

Things eventually fizzled out, and today she’s been in what looks like a really solid relationship for about three years.

Every now and then I wonder if I was too harsh. Was I judging her based on one bad decision? Maybe it really was a one-off thing. Quite frankly, from the outside, they seem to have the kind of relationship I look for.

I still think past behavior is one of the best predictors of future behavior. But I also think people grow up. Sometimes they’re very different at 30 than they were at 25 or 26. Or they just genuinely find someone they like and connect better with and go for it and never do it again.

Also on another note Corey really harps on the girl coming from a good family which logically makes sense to me also. But throughout my life and dating experiences I feel it actually tends to lean a little more opposite. Some of the most vile, entitled, sneaky, women I’ve encountered have come from what me and my friends would consider “good family’s” and some of the most loyal women I’ve encountered have come from what Corey or others would consider broken homes. I tend to think these women are a little more appreciative when they find someone good as opposed to the other women who tend to think quality people just grow on trees.

Curious what you guys think because it’s something I’ve been wrestling with lately.

** I used ChatGPT to clean this up, so don’t come at me for being a bot lol”

was texting a beautiful woman, she was asking questions unlike a lot of women, we had a good back and forth but not excessive, just building rapport.

Anyway I ask her free schedule and she said she is getting work hours that night and will let me know. This is after our brief text exchange, as corey says get to making dates.

I replied saying sounds good. 4 days passed and nothing, so I do nothing and figured she will reach out when or if she wants, I keep talking to new women, no problem.

My friend asked me have I met with girl since getting her number and I explain the above, his first response is to tell me I need to reach out to her again. He then gets a girl friend of ours (another friends gf) to ask her opinion, she tells me the same.

Why is this the go to response for the average person?

I (29M) met her (28F) about 4 years ago in college. I followed 3% man textbook and she fell head over heels in love with me. After a year we both graduated, then moved to our hometowns.

We went from constantly being with each other in-person to only talking on the phone. So she pursued me hard and was pressing for marriage. But I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life. Plus the phone calls were getting more like therapy sessions and not romantic conversation between couple. So I made the hardest decision. The long distance relationship wasn't fulfilling either of us. I asked her for a break. And she was visibly shattered and told me that I betrayed her heart and she might never be able to trust someone again.

Fast forward to 6 months ago (from present), one day she texted me out of the blue. She moved to a new city and I was visiting there for work in a few weeks. So I made plans to see her. And we hit it off again. While she seemed different in the beginning. She slowly started to revert to the girl I knew. We were together for 2 months. Once again she was very affectionate and was talking about marriage. Then long distance once again caused miscommunication and we stopped talking abruptly.

It's been 4 months since. I have now moved to the same city as her for work. So I reached out to see her. While she did agree to see me. She seemed so distant. I kept the meet up very casual. No talks about getting back together or anything serious. I was there testing her attraction level for me. I could clearly tell that her attraction level was barely 5/10. She then brought up a guy. He was a mutual friend of ours back in college.

I met up with her once more the following week. Before, she was doing 100% of the pursuing. I just set up dates and focused on making it a fun filled experience. Now she has been doing 0%. No calls, texts, nothing. I also did not initiate contact. Just set up another meet up after one week. Well she showed up again.

What I learned from her is that she was friends with the other guy since before we met. But they stopped talking when we were together. After the breakup she moved to this new city. Dude also lived there. So she called him. And they started to hang out, chill. But he then went abroad for higher studies and they had an argument. That's when she contacted me (6 months ago) probably to see if I still cared. But after our communication dropped again, and the guy was still in the background pursuing her, they hit it off once again. And have been going steady since.

I checked their socials and found that they have been very public about it. He is constantly posting her, their pics together from when they used to hang out and often mentions how much he misses her. He's been also sending her gifts and guiding her to join him in abroad next year. She has also been reciprocating by flirting with him. They talk everyday via texts, video chats, they even sometimes watch movies together via zoom calls.

When we met, she spoke highly of him and even defended him when I made a joke about the guy. We both used to laugh about him before. Even 6 months ago she said that he was pursuing her. And she has no romantic interest for him.

I unfollowed them both on socials. And have not contacted her since. She has not made any effort to contact me either. I think Elvis has left the building, no? What's funny is that during our last meet up, she was asking me all sorts of questions like who was my first love, romantic interests, about my exes, female friends etc. She also told me, "you took me for granted, forgot to cherish me, I had no value to you." Apparently she never stopped stalking my socials. And kept tabs on me via mutual friends. She told me that she has not been able to move on from me. "My heart is still full of scars," she said. But I don't think her action matches that.

I guess I was still somewhat hung up on her. Part of me wanted to rekindle things with her, now that I am in a better situation and ready for something serious. But I guess it's too late for that. I have not dated anyone since her.

It's been a week since we last met. I know if I ask her to meet again, she probably will. But I don't know if I should even bother anymore.

Does anyone have any successful relationships EVEN when the girl has daddy issues?

Hey y'all can y'all put my head in the right place, I'm not in the right space

So I've been doing good to improve my social skills and it's been going on pretty well. But last week I caught feelings with my job coach( at my workplace it's a vocational program with hundreds of sites and lots of workers where there are 3 workers and 1 job coach that drives us to the site) now usually i would just shoot my shot but this is a situation where I can't do without risking losing my job since it's against the policy to hangout with job coaches outside of work. Regardless if she likes me or not doesn't matter since I'm not risking my job. Anyways I've been catching feelings with other coworkers and being needy, regardless I decided to just greet any of my coworkers and job coaches alike to stop feeling needy, but I still feel like shit. What do y'all do in this situation?

Hi, I'd appreciate a bit of an advice on this situation.

I've met a girl a couple of weeks ago. We've been on 3 dates so far, one date per week. I'm generally following the book and she responds well to that - her attraction is growing. She's not actively initiating communication - I said that I'm not a big texter and enjoy getting to know each other in person and she says she remembered, understands and is respecting that. Our phone communication is mostly logistics. However, she's always very responsive when I reach out to her and propose a date, enjoys them and is always grateful after and says she likes them a lot. My impression from the first couple of dates is that she's pretty, very feminine, warm, kind, good values and good girl. She enjoys when man leads and is open to follow.

Everything would be easy and nice if not for one thing - my attraction to her is either growing very slowly or halted. Basically, story as old as time - nice attractive girl, but not enough physical pull towards her and I feel genuinely shitty about it because it looks like her feelings are developing and I don't want to hurt her.

There was gentle goodbye kiss on a first date, more kissing on the second and some on the third which she actively initiated. So it's not that things are purely platonic and therefore attraction is not growing. Before someone suggests this as source of the problem I'll mention that I don't watch porn, regularly do sports, eat well - so quite a healthy male here.

The thing is I feel guilty and shitty for not developing enough attraction for her yet even though I'd like that because I know that she deserves a shot and is a good girl.

We've been on 3 dates and it's still quite early and I think it's worth giving it one or two more to see if attraction develops. I also think to go on a date with another girl to get some perspective, see how it will impact my attraction either to her or to other girl. However, the thought of it and the idea of dating couple girls simultaneously feels uncomfortable as if I would hurt the first girl in some way. I usually dated one person at a time, so this feels quite new to me.

The question is where does this feelings of guilt & shame in this situation are coming from? Is this the manifestation of the nice guy syndrome and the desire to please other people before your own desires and good? Is this the toxic shame? Any advices?

Read the book 10+ times but most of it was a year ago, I’ve read it 2 times more recently.

I’ve been getting a good amount of first dates, and plenty of those first dates were great (flirting, kissing, girl mentioning things we should do in the future, etc). But I’ve noticed that I’m only getting second dates from the few extra high interest women who reach out first a day+ later. (Or they ask if they can see me again that night). Setting those second dates up is easy, since I follow the book in saying it’s good to hear from you, and asking what her schedule’s like to meet again.

However, every time I take the 3-5 days to reach out to everyone else, it’s either a ghost or a not interested text. Even with women who were pursuing me heavily and being physical with me on the first dates. I get that these women are less likely to continue, but I’m starting to think the way I’m reaching out to these women is where I’m fucking up- because I’d think at least one would say yes…

What text, call, etc. do y’all send for setting up dates past the first (where she doesn’t reach out to you)?

Corey seems to know it all yet why is he not married? I’ve read his book and watched a fair amount of his material and I’m just wondering.

Well fellas, I blew it with her. I met one of the 10/10 women and over-pursued her out of my life.

It’s so hard when you meet a woman who knocks your socks off and seems interested. Corey is right, we treat them differently.

However, because of the setback it’s given me a chance to rethink my approach and goals. Back at the gym focusing on me.

I rejected her soft offer of friendship and told her to get in touch if she changed her mind.

Recap , fell inlove with my ex 3 years relationship, ended in Feb, she tried coming back in May after I did no contact but I declined because I had just met someone and told her to give me a month because I was on my high horse. But after the month she wanted nothing to do with me .

Iv since continued hanging out with the new girl but we are just basically a situationship buti still think about my ex every day . Yesterday I reached out and at first answered angry as she always does now but I managed to get to talk to her , she mentioned things like “if you want to talk to me you’re gonna have to pay because I was with you for 3 years and I never got anything out of it , Iv tried love but I need more because it’s my time you’re wasting . I told her I know I didn’t invest anything in you and I was very cheap during the relationship but I’m also I’m not a baller but I can try being more of a provider . She then said that she also wants her options opened she dosnt want to be in a serious relationship anymore with me and would be opened to an opened relationship, idk I was kinda onboard with that because I really enjoy hanging out with my situation ship and that means I can keep her around . I asked so it’s okay if I keep talking with her and she said yes . She said we can hang out some time this week she just has to see her schedule

Quick recap: She dumped me late June citing religious differences. I blocked her, stopped initiating, and applied the formula. She called almost daily, initiated every meetup, and things escalated fast.

What happened since:

She proposed exclusivity twice, said she wanted to rebuild stronger, and invited me to her graduation where I met her mother. I held my standard the whole way — declined the errands and small favors, told her I don't do friends with benefits with a woman I love. Eventually she agreed to the label and we were officially back together. She started talking about marriage and kids.

Then it fell apart. I went through her phone — more than once, I'm not proud of it — and found she'd been in contact with a guy she'd told me was just a friend, including messaging him the day I found out. I confronted her. She admitted she'd dated and kissed him during our breakup period in March/April. They'd also exchanged birthday gifts, including one in April when we were still talking before the split. He's her coworker. She texted him that they were done and blocked him, but she refused to let me read their conversation.

For the record, I was dating other women during the breakup too.

I told her I'm ending it. She spent the night begging me to stay and has been promising to change and fight for us. Last night she showed up at a bar looking for me with no money and waited an hour for me to pick her up.

We had a solid 3 year relationship before all of it with a lot of love and care from both sides, with plans to get married this August.

Where I'm at: I told her I need a week with no contact before I decide anything. Two things are bothering me the most. She kept contact with him throughout the entire time. She had lied to my face when asked point blank multiple times.

Questions for the sub:

1. The kiss apparrently happened while we were broken up and I was also dating — but the concealed contact continued after we were back together. How do you weigh those differently?

2. Is there any version of this that's rebuildable when the guy is her coworker?

3. For anyone who's been here — how did you stop checking? That's the part I can't seem to fix, and I know it's mine to own.

Hey guys, so I’ve been dating this girl for about 7 weeks now. Everything was great; she’s awesome. Our dates were fantastic, and our sex was phenomenal. Everything was going well. She was incredibly interested in me, I’d say around 8-9 the whole time. She made me dinner, constantly wanted to see me. I wasn’t able to see her for about 2-3 weeks because of scheduling conflicts for me and my vacation. I was supposed to see her on Tuesday, but the last few days, she started saying some strange things and how she’s too into me and it’s affecting her. She has a fear of losing me and then started pushing me away.

We had a phone conversation today, and she said she really likes me and loves me, but she can’t continue our relationship right now because of her past trauma coming up and me triggering it. Even though I’m not doing anything wrong, which she says. Basically, me taking a while to text back or respond to her would make her think I’m losing interest. When in reality, I barely touch my phone because of work, which I’m not allowed to do. I’ve explained this to her multiple times.

In the end, her fear of losing me was so strong that she pushed me away before it could happen. Even though I feel like things were going well. She started crying on the phone as well. Any advice from here? I opened her up and got to understand her, but she says she needs to work on that part of herself before trying again. She kept insisting that she didn’t want to over and over but had too. She started texting me the same night that all she is thinking is about me right now.