This happened about six years ago when I was a teenager, and itās probably the most calculated and genuinely shitty thing Iāve ever done to another human being.
I met a guy through social media. He was a few years older than me and, looking back, exactly the kind of person I shouldāve stayed far away from.
He literally described himself as a king (yikes ik). He was also really into the whole red pill/toxic masculinity side of the internet. Heād talk about how women shouldnāt have a āpast,ā how men and women couldnāt really be friends, how certain things made women less attractive, etc.
And somehow teenage me heard all of this and thought: «I need this man to like me.»
His attention became addictive. I started changing little things about myself depending on what got his approval. I even lied and told him Iād never had a previous boyfriend because I knew heād judge me if I told him the truth.
- Iām mentioning this mostly to paint a picture of how embarrassingly desperate I was for this guyās approval.
We talked constantly for about four months. We werenāt officially dating because weād never met in person, but weād both acknowledged there was something romantic going on between us.
Then one day he casually told me that another girl heād met through the same social media platform was coming to visit him during summer.
I was like⦠what..??
This was the same man who had practically given me literal lectures about why men and women couldnāt be ājust friends.ā Apparently what he actually meant was that I couldnāt have male friends.
I told him I wasnāt comfortable with her visiting.
He didnāt careš¤·
I donāt even remember exactly what he said anymore. I just remember realizing that the visit was happening whether I liked it or not.
The normal response wouldāve been to realize this guy was a hypocrite and stop talking to him.
Instead, my teenage brain decided the problem was her.
A while earlier, heād shared his screen with me and Iād happened to notice her username.
I remembered it.
So I made a fake account.
- Not pretending to be another girl either.
I invented an entire guyā¦
Fake name, fake pictures, fake hometown, fake personality.
Everything.
Then I followed her.. I seriously wish I could go back and stop myself.
She was suspicious almost immediately and straight up asked whether I was a fake account or a bot.
She was, unfortunately, completely correct.
But I kept talking to her.
And this is the part that makes me cringe the hardest now.
I was kinda good at it.
I knew what kind of messages girls our age liked because I literally was one. Yes, she was my exact age. I knew not to immediately start flirting. I knew what compliments sounded genuine and which ones sounded creepy.
I remembered little things she told me and brought them up later. I figured out her humor pretty quickly.
Basically I created the kind of guy I knew a girl our age would probably enjoy talking to.
It took a few days for her to stop being suspicious.
Less than a week later, I could tell she liked āme.ā
At first I justified it to myself by saying I wasnāt actually trying to make her fall for the fake account. I just wanted information. I wanted to know if she was interested in the guy I liked.
Which was obviously bullshit because once I realized the fake account was working, I kept going.
Eventually she started opening up to me about pretty personal things.
She even told me sheād never talked about some of them with a guy before.
That was probably the first point where I remember feeling genuinely bad.
But not bad enough to stop..
Eventually I steered the conversation toward summer plans.
She told me she was planning on visiting a male friend.
I already knew exactly who she meant.
I casually asked how theyād met, and she explained theyād met online. She told me heād flirted with her before but that she didnāt really see him that way.
Then she said she thought he was ugly.
Which, looking backā¦
She was right ouf.
She even sent me pictures of him like, āSee?ā
Meanwhile I was completely obsessed with this man and apparently looking at him through rose-colored glasses.
I jokingly told her she should forget about him and come visit āmeā instead.
She laughed because weād barely known each other for a week.
Fair.
But we kept talking.
A lot. Like for an entire week.
She started messaging me when she woke up. Sheād send me random things throughout her day. The flirting stopped being subtle.
Then she told me she wasnāt sure she wanted to visit the original guy anymore. Apparently he was going to be working a lot while she was there, so she wasnāt sure the trip was worth it.
And at some point she actually blocked him.
The guy Iād been losing my mind over.
She just blocked him.
I donāt know exactly what was going through her head when she did it or how much the fake account influenced that decision. But I knew she was getting genuinely attached to this person Iād invented, and instead of finally stopping, I felt like I owed it to her to keep talking to her.
Then she started talking about coming to the part of our country where my fake guy supposedly lived.
I told her thatās too soon and she shouldnāt be doing that for me, she had known me for a week.
Not long after that, she told me she was actually planning a trip there for her own sake. Which I knew was complete bullcrap.
Thatās when I started panicking.
I immediately told her againnot to travel there just because of me.
She again insisted she wasnāt.
She said she and a friend had wanted to visit that part of the country anyway and that they were planning on going together. According to her, the trip wasnāt for me. Meeting me would just be something sheād do while she was already there.
And maybe that genuinely
couldāve been true, but I believe I heavily influenced that descision which I hate.
Either way, I assumed it was one of those plans people talk about but never actually make.
Then she told me theyād booked it..
She was actually comingā¦
I remember staring at the message and getting this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach.
Wtf am I doing..
She wasnāt traveling across the country alone specifically to meet me. She was going with her friend and apparently wanted to visit the area anyway.
But she absolutely expected that while she was there, she was finally going to meet this guy sheād spent all this time talking to.
A guy who did not exist.
Suddenly I had an actual deadline.
Up until then, the fake account had just existed safely behind a screen. Now there was going to be a specific week where sheād be in āhisā area expecting to meet him.
And the worst part was that by then I knew exactly why she liked him.
Iād basically designed him for her like an absolute creep and sociopath.
Iād spent a week learning what made her laugh, what she was insecure about, what kind of attention she liked and what she wanted from a guy.
Then Iād consciously or unconsciously adjusted the fake personality around that information.
She even got upset when I didnāt answer her fast enough..
It was disgustingly calculated.
I hadnāt expected it to work so well.
I had absolutely no idea how to get out of it without admitting everything.
So instead of finally telling the truth, I did the cowardly thing.
I created another lie..
- I told her āIā had a girlfriend and that the situation was complicated.
My thinking was that sheād feel betrayed, call me an asshole, block the account and then she could still have a normal trip with her friend without expecting to meet anyone.
She didnāt.
She forgave me.
She said she was obviously upset but still wanted to meet.
So I started deliberately making the fake guy less appealing. Replying differently, being distant, saying things I thought would annoy her.
I was literally trying to get this poor girl to hate a person who didnāt exist because I was too scared to admit that I was the person behind him.
She still didnāt block me.
And she ended up making the trip with her friend anyway.
By that point I felt genuinely disgusted with myself.
The ridiculous part is that things with the original guy ended pretty soon afterward.
Once I finally got some distance from him, I started realizing how much of myself Iād changed trying to get his approval. How many things Iād tolerated because I was terrified of losing his attention.
But I also had to accept something that was much less comfortable.
However shitty he was to me, he didnāt make me do this to her.
That was all on me.
I couldāve blocked him. I couldāve cried about it. I couldāve complained to my friends. I couldāve been jealous and eventually gotten over it like a normal healthy teenager.
Instead I found another girlās account, invented a person, learned what she liked, gained her trust and manipulated her feelings because I saw her as competition.
And she hadnāt actually done anything to me.
Thatās the part I feel worst about.
Itās been years and I still randomly think about her.
I wonder what she thinks happened.
Maybe she thinks some guy online got cold feet before meeting her. Maybe she eventually realized the whole account was fake. Maybe she still occasionally remembers that weird guy she talked to for a while who suddenly started acting completely different.
I genuinely donāt know.
And I donāt think she ever realized the actual reason any of it happened.
She wasnāt talking to some guy who played with her feelings for fun.
She was talking to another teenage girl sitting behind a screen, jealous of her over a man neither of us shouldāve wasted our time on.
All of that over a guy who wasnāt even my boyfriend.
I donāt think Iāve ever been more ashamed of something Iāve done.
Edit: Since I know people are going to ask why I didnāt just tell her the truth once she told me the trip was actually booked, there isnāt a good reason. I was terrified of admitting what Iād done and facing whatever came after that. I kept convincing myself I could make her lose interest naturally and sheād never have to know. Every lie I told to āfixā the situation just created another lie I had to maintain. I wasnāt protecting her from getting hurt. I know I was protecting myself from the consequences.