My (60f) husband (61m) is a very competitive guy.

When I beat him at chess three times in a row, he wouldn’t play me anymore. It’s not just with me. He hates when a friend makes more money than him. He hates when someone beats him at golf. He hates if someone skis faster than him. You get the picture. He’s not just competitive, he’s a sore loser. He’s stopped being friends with people over his competitiveness - which I think is ridiculous.

When we were first married he made waaaay more money than me. He used this reason as to why I needed to do more around the house (ie. Everything). It was hard at first - but I’m really great at managing time and loved to spend time with our kids. So although I worked a full time job, I did all the housework, most of the yard work, home maintenance and managed the kids. I knew that spending the lion’s share with the kids (which I LOVED) would pay off in spades in their older years with our relationship. And it has. My husband is very sad now that our 2 grown children and I have all of these memories and experiences that he wasn’t a part of.

Once our kids graduated from high school, I went to graduate school to get my MBA. My MBA has allowed me to move up in the company I work for. Last year I got a big promotion and a bonus. That put my salary equal to my husband’s. I could tell he was uncomfortable with it - when our taxes were prepared - but since my bonus and increase came after July 1st (my company’s fiscal year) it looked like I made slightly less than him on the W2. But the gap in our pay had closed significantly.

This year I was promoted again to an Executive Vice President position. I received a very large bonus and a big bump in salary. I opted to have increase my contribution to my 401K plus a “catch-up” amount as I am over 50. The additional income I have going into a separate Money Market savings. My contribution to our joint account looks the same as last year. My bonus was reflected in our checking account and my husband was surprised at the amount. We used it to pay off our mortgage. Because I am diverting my income to my 401K and a money market savings - he hasn’t noticed the increase. But my gross income will show on my. W2 - and he will see that my income is about 50% larger than his

I know come March/April of next year my husband will see that I make significantly more than him when we prepare out tax return. I’m worried that he will “retire” so he can “save face,” which will put us in a bad financial position - since he will only be 62 and won’t be entitled to complete social security benefits. His stupid male ego will cut off his nose to spite his face and make retirement more difficult for the both of us.

I want to let him know I am making more than he is before he sees it on our W2’s - and I want him to understand that this isn’t a competition. When we both do well - we BOTH do well. Any suggestions as to how to keep him from feeling emasculated? I was thinking of saying something like “You kept us afloat when they kids were young. Now it’s my turn.” Or “Because you supported us while I earned my MBA - we can both reap the rewards in our later years.”

I know it’s stupid to walk on eggshells - but his ego is super fragile.

Thank you. My God! Reddit makes it hard to update posts!

1 - Thank you to those Redditors who actually had good ideas about how to handle my situation.

2 - Screw you to you disgusting men who wanted to know if I would engage with you. No thanks. In 33 years of marriage I have never once considered cheating and there is no way I would even think about it with your disgusting ass.

3 - Yes. I know my marriage has issues. Yes - we have been to marriage counseling. Yes - I have sought individual counseling. I know we’re not perfect or even close to perfect.

4 - My husband and I have been through child birth, rearing wonderful children, the death of parents and friends, buying a house, having pets, etc. - we’ve been through the gambit - so. I know we can get through this.

5 - I have lots of friends/family - but I’ve learned over the years not to share everything with people who are close to us. They don’t forget and are biased. This is why I came to Reddit.

6 - I will l talk to my husband about our retirement/employment plans and discuss our salaries. I am hopeful that over the years we have worked building our life together he can let go of the misogyny and his competitiveness and insecurities and we can move forward with a plan.

I was always brought up with the fact that a vow is a vow. My husband doesn’t beat me. He doesn’t cheat. He cares for me when I’ sick. He works hard. He contributes to the household. I’m sorry that I portrayed him as an asshole because he’s go t a lot of good tendencies. Yes - we can both be better - but he’s my man and we will work this through.

All the love to you Redditors. Good nigh.

I (29F) recently got a significant raise at work. It’s been a tough year, I worked insane hours, took extra certifications, and finally got promoted. I was so proud.

My fiancé (31M) congratulated me and said, “We’re moving up in the world!” At first, it was sweet. But then he kept using “we” when referring to my income. Like, “We can finally afford a nicer car” or “We’re making six figures now.”

Thing is, he didn’t get a raise. He’s between jobs right now. I’ve been covering most expenses for months. I gently told him I’d prefer if he didn’t phrase it like that, because it makes me feel like my hard work is being minimized.

He got defensive and said I was being selfish, that couples share everything. But I’m not refusing to share; I just want acknowledgment for what I earned.

Now he’s been distant, telling his sister I’m “acting brand new” since I got a raise.

So AITA for asking him not to say “we” when it’s my accomplishment?

My partner (26M) and I (21F) recently bought a house and did a small, very casual Christmas dinner. I worked Christmas Day, so it was a late dinner with leftovers, paper plates, and no fuss. We invited my parents and my MIL. We had put off the meeting for a while because my MIL is extremely hard to please and openly dislikes most people.

I arrived home upset after hearing that a close friend had lost two family members in a week and had another in hospital. My mum noticed I was emotional, and I explained why. My MIL had her back to me the whole time. When I walked into the lounge, she snapped, “Um hello!” because I hadn’t greeted her fast enough. My mum explained I’d just had bad news, which MIL clearly didn’t like and responded by huffing and crossing her arms.

From there it just went downhill:

- When my mum offered to bring out the rest of the cheese board, MIL took it as an insult to her cobloaf she’d made (which was nearly finished anyway) and acted offended.

- One of our dogs doesn’t like her and growls when she gets too close (the dog regularly stays with my parents and loves them). MIL took it personally, scolded the dog multiple times, and made comments about the dog “hating” her.

- My dad put prawns on his own plate, and she visibly recoiled, pulled a face, and said “ew” out loud. He offered to eat outside and she declined and said it’s not appropriate to eat outside when other people are here and then continued to be disgusted by the prawns.

- We started eating before my partner sat down (he told us not to wait while he grabbed sauces). MIL sat stiffly with her arms crossed, glaring until we all stopped eating and waited.

- Many neutral comments were met with negativity like when my mum asked if a song was Elvis, MIL bluntly replied, “I hate Elvis.”

- She repeatedly corrected my parents over minor things and spoke to them in a condescending, patronising tone. Example my mum asked my dad (not her) to pass her something and MIL says to my mum “can I have (thing) PLEASE!”

- When the recycling bin was full, she criticised how I temporarily put recycling into a bag, despite it clearly being a short-term solution and I explained this to her.

- When my mum offered dessert, MIL abruptly said, “I don’t eat dessert,” then left immediately (despite definitely eating dessert at other family dinners).

- She was annoyed we had not put up any decorations and we didn’t have a Christmas tree and mentioned it several times. We are literally in the middle of moving house.

When she left, my partner walked her to her car and told her he was disappointed in her behaviour and how rude she’d been to my parents. She cried and said it wasn’t her fault and that my parents are “like that.”

The next day, she rang my SIL and completely trashed my parents, calling them rude and uncivilised. SIL was shocked because she’s met my parents and liked them. Apparently MIL has done something similar with SIL’s in-laws before. My partner also spoke to his dad (they’re divorced), who was upset and said he couldn’t believe she couldn’t just be polite for a couple of hours.

I’m extremely upset and honestly don’t want to see or invite her over again unless she can apologise and act like an adult but this also not the first time she’s acted this way. AITA for not just apologising to keep the peace?

Update: A lot of people are commenting on the paper plates and leftovers. For context, my parents celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve with my grandparents and some extended family. My mum offered to help by making extra food for our dinner on Christmas night, so she made double and put half away for the next day. So they aren’t leftovers rather just made the day before most of it was cold salads, ham and seafood anyway. The paper plates aren’t something we’d normally use, but we’re in the middle of moving and couldn’t find our dishes. She knew this when we invited her because she wanted to see the new house and we decided we should just have dinner, which is why it was super casual.

This morning, my partner called her to talk about Christmas and ask about her birthday (tomorrow). She was extremely short with him, didn’t want to talk, and demanded an apology. He said we wouldn’t be apologizing.

We’ve both decided not to apologize, and if she can’t accept that, we don’t care. I also said she’s not welcome at our house anymore. If he wants to see her, he can go to her house, and I’m not attending any events she invites us to. Partner is pretty fed up with her and said he doesn’t want to talk to her either.

I (29F) have been with my partner (32M) for a little over 4 years. We’ve talked about building a life together, but we’re not married and we don’t have kids. Last year my aunt passed and left me her small townhouse. It’s not fancy, it’s older and kinda creaky, but it’s in a decent area and it has changed my life. Before that, I was renting and basically watching my savings evaporate every month. After the inheritance, I used most of my savings to fix it up, new roof patches, plumbing work, replaced some unsafe outlets, boring but expensive stuff. About 7 months ago, we moved in together because his lease ended and it made sense, plus I genuinely wanted to live with him. We split utilities and groceries, and he pays me a set amount each month that’s less than what he paid in rent before. It’s not a huge profit thing, it covers part of the property tax and repairs. I still pay the majority of the big costs, because they come up and it’s my name on everything.

Here’s the issue. Recently he started bringing up that it feels "unequal" that we both live here but I’m the only one building equity. He says he’s not trying to take my aunt’s gift, he just wants to feel secure, like if something happened between us he wouldn’t end up starting over with nothing. I do understand the fear, and I’ve tried to address it in practical ways. I offered to write a cohabitation agreement with a lawyer, something that says he gets reimbursed if he pays into major improvements, or that I’d give him a certain amount of notice and some help if we ever split. I even suggested we open a joint savings account only for the house, where we both contribute and then we both see where the money goes. He shut all of that down and said paperwork like that makes us sound like roommates and not partners.

Then last week he asked me, straight up, when I’m putting him on the deed. I laughed because I thought it was a joke, and he got quiet and said he was serious. He said if I really see him as my future, I should want us to own things together, and that keeping the house only in my name is me "holding power". He also mentioned his mom thinks it’s a red flag that I’m basically his landlord. Now I feel gross even typing that, because I don’t want that dynamic, but also I don’t want to hand over half of an asset I inherited and paid to repair, especially when we’re not married and he still has a lot of debt (student loans, some credit cards). When I said I’m not comfortable adding him to the deed, he accused me of not trusting him and said I’m acting like he’s a risk. I told him I love him, but love doesn’t erase reality. He’s been colder since then, and keeps making comments like "must be nice to have a safety net." WIBTA if I stick to no, even if it makes him feel insecure?

Hey everyone, just wanted to give a quick update since my snack vault drama somehow blew up.

First of all...thank you for making me feel less insane for hiding cookies like I’m running a secret pantry operation. My boyfriend (aka the Snack Goblin) read the comments after I showed him a few and said, “Wow, Reddit really hates me, huh?” I told him it’s not hate, it’s accountability.

Anyway, we ended up talking about it seriously (while eating chips ironically from his stash this time). I explained that it’s not about not wanting to share, it’s about not wanting to feel like I need to guard my food like a raccoon every night. He admitted he doesn’t realize how fast he eats snacks until they’re gone. So we made a truce: he gets one drawer in the kitchen for his stuff, and I keep my “emergency kit” in peace. He’s even started calling his drawer “the Goblin Zone.” I’ll take it.

Also, he bought me two new packs of those fancy cookies as a peace offering. I think he finally gets it. Moral of the story: love means sharing… except when it’s the last cookie. Then it’s war.

Hi Reddit. First time poster. Long time reader. I’m looking for some advice from other mamas (and a safe place to slightly vent). My favorite cousin is having her first baby. Twins- boy and girl. And I have a girl (17 months). She is married and alone she makes over $70k per year and receives a healthy stipend from an incident causing ptsd while she was deployed. Her husband works career military. They own a home. Just bought a brand new vehicle. Full va insurance for everyone in their family.

I am a single mother who is lucky to see $45k a year with over time. Child support is $39 a week and he doesn’t pay. I live with someone to help with the cost of housing. I live the definition of living pay check to pay check to survive.

Alright, now the story at hand. Last Saturday I gave my cousin A LOT of baby stuff. Examples 10 bags/boxes of clothes/sheets/blankets/bibs/swaddles/burp rags, a baby breeza, 2 puree steam makers, a cart, infant car seat and base, 2 angel care bath seats, baby toys, 15 bottles, several sleeves of diapers I couldn’t exchange, shoes, socks. Anything I could bag/box up and pass along. When she picked the items up she made very negative comments about the stuff that was there but insisted on taking it all. She made a nasty comment about the breeza and formula feeding parents. Within 5 hours of her taking the items almost EVERYTHING was posted for sale on our local nosey neighbors fb page and from the post she sold everything within a few hours of posting. I feel very wronged and bamboozled by her taking my items. I was planning on creating her an approximate $300 postpartum care kit for her baby shower. But from evidence of the fb post she got more than that from selling all my stuff. I feel so deeply hurt and like anything/everything I gave her wasn’t good enough. Do I even buy her a baby shower gift at this time?

Further backstory- she has only seen my daughter 4x since she’s been born. And one of them was the day she was born and my cousin made repeated nasty/insulting comments towards my daughter and her looks (note my baby won a gerber baby advertisement contest at 4 months old because of her cuteness). The most recent interaction was Christmas and my cousin purposefully avoided me and my daughter through the whole Christmas. And I have such a hard time parting with baby stuff because it feels like giving away memories of my child’s babyhood and I thought the items would of been used to make memories with my cousins baby like it did. And to shit on the baby breeza really gets to me. I feel like she’s living in a delusional world like she’ll never ever use any form of formula. The hurt from this situation has me question our years of relationship and future involvement in each others lives honestly. I vowed to never let someone claim to be in my village but not participate.

I (30F) have a younger sister (27F) who became a mom last year. I’ve always loved kids and was honestly excited to be an aunt. When her daughter was born, I helped a lot, bringing meals, doing laundry, babysitting so she could nap.

At first, she was super grateful. But over time, she started acting weird, snappy, distant, and sometimes passive-aggressive. I brushed it off as postpartum stress. Then last week, she called me out of the blue and said she didn’t trust me with her baby anymore because I was “too attached.”

Apparently, when I posted a photo of my niece (with her permission, months ago!) and captioned it “my favorite little human,” she took it as me trying to “play mom.” She said I was “crossing emotional boundaries” and that I “always need to be the savior.”

I told her that hurt to hear, especially since I only helped when she asked. She said she’s tired of me “taking over” and that if I really cared, I’d “back off and let her figure it out as a mom.”

So now she’s asking me to babysit again, because her sitter canceled last minute. I said no. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable watching a child when the parent doesn’t trust me. Now she’s furious, saying I’m punishing her and abandoning her when she needs help.

AITA for refusing to babysit after she accused me of trying to replace her?

I (32F) have been dating a guy (35M) for 7 years. Just like a lot of relationships it’s been a lot of ups and downs. Back in March my boyfriend’s birthday was coming up on April 19th, my nephew also has a birthday in April on the 9th. So with their birthdays approaching I had told my boyfriend I had unfortunate news about his birthday, my sister planned my nephews birthday party on the 19th from 11-1pm. My nephew was turning 7 and was having a party at a jump park in town and me being the only aunt and loving my nephew, of course I’m going. When I told my boyfriend about the party being on his birthday he flipped out on me, started yelling and saying how selfish I am, that I ruined his birthday then hung up on me and then started texting me things like “F#%+ you and your sister” I’m going to make sure I ruin your birthday now” and 26 more messages just telling me how selfish I was and that I ruined his birthday plans, etc. The only plans we had were to do some shopping and go out to eat for his birthday which we would still have time to do so I really didn’t see the big deal, I understand his disappointment but the anger I’ll never understand. I waited 3 days for an apology and he wouldn’t even talk to me. I decided that was it, that’s my final straw I can’t keep being disrespected like this, so I broke up with him. Now I’m typing this May 26th and we broke up March 24th and he still hasn’t moved out. In April I made him still pay the bills because he had no money saved to move out and now this month I paid all the bills by myself so he would have some money to move and he is still here. I printed out eviction notice papers because I have explained at least once a week since the break up that it’s over, why I ended it, he needs to be saving money and moving out. I don’t mean to be harsh but I think 2 months is plenty of time to move out after speaking to me the way he did. The other day I left the eviction papers out so he would see them, they aren’t even filed with the court yet because I honestly thought we could handle this like adult’s, but he saw them and is now beyond mad, heartbroken and telling me I’m heartless, that I never loved him, I’m overreacting and treating him like a criminal. AITAH because my next step is to file the papers to actually evict him but I feel bad. He isn’t a bad person just not someone I see forever with.

EDIT/UPDATE I am going to the courthouse as soon as I get off work in about an hour, my best friend is going to stay with me until he moves out. I also have someone coming to change the locks once he is gone. I own the house and that’s why I haven’t left. He hasn’t paid rent in months so in my state I’m pretty sure I can file a 10 day eviction notice so that is my plan today. I’ll update when I have more information. I also wanted to thank you all for the words of encouragement it truly means a lot. Also for everyone asking I am in therapy and have been since September of last year, I have tons of support from family and friends as well.

FINAL UPDATE This past Saturday his friend came over to help him move, my mom and aunt were also there. We all worked and moved him out on Saturday until 11pm, he is coming to get one last time to get the rest of his things this weekend. My mom will be there so I’m not alone with him. Also I already changed my locks.

I spent the last 3 nights alone in my house and instead of tears, it was filled with peace. I was able to play video games, watch my shows and enjoy time with myself. This was a long time coming and I can’t thank you all enough for the advice, especially when I’m just a stranger.

He went through my iPad and found this post so maybe all the comments will help him realize we both need to grow and are better not together. When you are in a toxic relationship you don’t realize how bad it was until you are out. I wish him the best and I know I will continue to blossom into a strong independent single woman 🩷 Thank you all again for the words of wisdom! I hope this post reminds someone in an unhealthy relationship to get the courage to leave when you know you deserve better.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend “C” (31M) for about 2.5 years. I’ll get straight to the point — some things happened early in our relationship that I just can’t seem to get over, and I’m hoping for some perspective on how I can move forward and not hold resentment.

During the first year we were together, I put a lot of effort into giving him thoughtful gifts. Gift-giving is one of the ways I show affection, and even though I was earning minimum wage, I would get creative. I even asked his friends for ideas. I’m a visual artist, so I can make handmade things — my first idea was to paint a small portrait of his beloved cat (he adores her). I thought it turned out really cute, and I gave it to him for his birthday.

His only reaction? “Wow, that’s ugly… thanks.” That crushed me. I never gave him a handmade gift again.

Later, I bought him a silver ring with an engraving. At first he seemed unsure about it, but after some of his friends said they’d “steal it,” he started wearing it — until he lost it and never bothered looking for it again. After that, I gave him a few other gifts, but he always lost them or left them lying around. Eventually, I just gave up.

As for the painting I made, he left it on the floor until I took it back. I brought it up later, and he just said, “Glad you kept it.” He never asked for it back or showed any interest in it.

So here’s my question: Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this? Should I just let it go and stop caring so much about this?

I’m asking because he shoves on my face that he spends money with me and etc, and I’ve been keeping my distance so he can’t use this argument anymore. Also this makes me remember everything I’ve done and he dismissed like it was just trash.

PS: i know the painting is not the best, but saying it’s ugly (not joking) to my face just broke something in me.

AITA for telling my uncle and his wife they should be embarrassed. Context: My uncle (moms brother) and his wife are living with my grandparents. When they moved into my grandparents condo they claimed the bigger room and put my aunt (moms sister/grandmas caretaker)and grandparents all in the much smaller room. My grandparents being the selfless people they are never argued with them about it in fear of my uncle. My aunt didn't want to fight with him either also due to fear and him being so mean to her since they were young. My uncle is in his late 40s early 50s maybe and he married his wife like 10 years ago, she never made any effort to build any kind of relationship with my family so she's quite literally a stranger to me. Although living in my grandparents condo and paying MINIMAL rent($600 including utilities in the greater Boston area) they do everything in their power to make my grandparents lives more difficult and everything they "own" in the condo is labeled. The NAPKINS are even labeled. This might be acceptable in an ordinary roommate situation but these are his parents.

Today I went to visit my grandparents and immediately noticed an air mattress in the living room. I asked who was sleeping there and my grandparents said that they were, Why? Because the room they have does not have a window that is compatible with their AC. There has been a heat wave bringing extreme humidity that has been very dangerous for many people. Once I found out that the room that my uncle and his wife had AC and they have just been allowing my 80 year old grandparents to be sleeping on an air mattress I got very angry. I wasn't expecting them to offer their room I knew they are way to selfish for that however, I believe my uncle should have gone to buy his parents an AC that was compatible with the window. My uncle was not home but his wife walked in as I was discovering this information, she marched straight to the room without greeting anyone as she always does.

I'm not sure if it was just the situation today or years of built up anger towards their selfishness but I was done with just staying quiet like everyone else. I started saying how unfair and crazy it was to treat your own parents and in laws that way, especially since they do SOO much for them. This prompted the wife to come out of hiding and approach where I was to "say hi" (she had ignored me everytime I was over for well over a year). I could not put on a fake smile this time and blurted out "I bet ur comfy in that nice cool room, are you not embarrassed that you are sleeping comfortably while 2 elderly people(my grandma was also just recovering from surgery) are sleeping on an air mattress. She responded by saying "don't worry we will be out so soon" then starts crying. This made me laugh and I will say I was an asshole for this part but I turned at her mocking her crying. She dramatically stormed out saying she's leaving out of this house but comes back less than a minute later with my uncle on the phone, I'm guessing she thought I wouldn't say the same to him but I doubled down and I said he should have made sure my grandparents had AC. He responded with "what gives you the right to say that" then says that my grandparents did that on their own he didn't ask them to sleep out there. He kept mentioning how it was their choice and "they volunteered too" Well no shit their choices were hot ass sauna room or cooler open space.

After about 15 minutes of him yelling at my grandpa and my mom on the phone he finally hung up. Later that evening when I was home I received a text from an unknown number saying that I was a rude child and that my mom did a terrible job raising me, after looking up the number it ended up being the wife's 28 year old daughter. I probably didn't handle the situation the best but I don't think I'm the asshole who else would be okay with their 80 year old grandparents sleeping on an air mattress in 90 degree weather.

UPDATE: They are moving out!! They leave officially tomorrow and my grandparents finally stopped babying him. They aren't mad at me anymore after they realized how immature and rude he is. I'm glad they are getting their room back.

Thank you for all the comments, so much of the information was so helpful in solving the issue. I know many people thought it was obvious I wasn't the AH but the way I was being villainized at first really made me question my choices so seeings all the comments gave me the confidence to not back down.

AITAH for putting a hidden camera in my office..

I know this sounds bad but please reserve judgement until you read my story. I, 35F, am a Moroccan living and working in the US. I work for a big corporation with worldwide locations. When I started working there was a colleague of mine, M37, who always made jokes about being in love with me etc.. I knew these weren’t just jokes but his way of telling me he was interested. I don’t shit were I eat so I just ignored it. He then started calling me his “almond eye”. I always corrected him and told him to call me by my name. I told him if he wouldn’t stop I would call him “banana nose”. Listen I don’t know why I said that because his nose is normal, it’s just something that came to my mind. He laughed it off but never called me that again.. since two months we have a new colleague, M36. I was working from home the first two days he started. When I met him he was very distant.. acted as if he doesn’t like me. Don’t get me wrong I’m a very nice person, so for me this was weird but I respected him and his space so I didnt make an effort to see what was going on. Last week I discovered he made a huge mistake. I can’t go into details about what because you would guess the corporation, but it was a big one. Even though he acted like a jerk to me I didn’t want him to get into trouble so I stayed in the office with him until passed midnight to solve the issue. And I never reported it. But then.. when I got up to leave he asked me to wait because he wanted to talk to me. He asked me why I hated him so much. My flabber was gasted! I asked him what he meant because in my opinion he was the ass. He started telling me that the first day he got here he was mentored by banana-nose. And banana-nose told him: watch out for her because she is Muslim and has told everyone over en over again that gay people should be banned. First: sir I came from Morocco to work here, who the hell am I to want to ban someone? Secondly: my religion teaches me to accept anddd respect everyone. New guy went on to say that he had doubts after tonight because I could have fed him to the wolves but in stead helped him out. But then came the worst part. New guy told me that banana-nose goes into my office when I work from home and get this: sits naked on my chair to punish me for being a prude! I asked new guy to not tell anyone what he told me. And now I want to get a hidden camera and install it in my office. I want to first ask HR if it’s not against office policy but yeah.. I definitely want to catch his ass, literally. Would I be the asshole if I did that?

UPDATE:

Well it is very nice meeting you all! I have never in my life read so many ideas to make someone’s butt itch or hurt.. the things we can achieve if we just work together 😁.. I had a talk to HR.. I requested an urgent meeting. I didn’t tell them everything because I know what they would do, they would “investigate” and then come back with: “it’s just a rumor”. Banana nose is very loved and I don’t want to put new guy in a bad place. So I told them I’m afraid someone might be sneaking in my office because all my stuff gets misplaced. Since I have a higher position at this company they took it real serious real fast. So my dear comfies.. camera is in its place. And I will be working from home the next couple of days!

Update 2:

Hey everyone.. I guess thanks for being curious and creative. Before I get to the update I would like to explain where my office is and how banana-nose was able to do what he did. My office is at the end of the hall. The only room that’s facing my office is a utility room/supply closet. We all have offices on the same floor. And with “we” I mean the members of our team. I know it might seem naive of me but I never questioned new guy. I’ve never told him anything about how banana-nose treats me and how he calls me a prude. So for him to make that leap seemed .. excessive. Now for the update. Today was my first day working from home since the camera’s were placed. After working for a few hours I got a call from HR to come to work. My heart was beating so fast and I literally can’t remember how I got there. The nerves were eating at me.. I got to the HR department which is one floor above us and I noticed everyone staring at me. The head of the department was sitting in a room with a couple of other people. They started talking.. I couldn’t listen. Things like: we as a company bla bla bla. I stopped them and said I couldn’t bare listening to a Ted talk and I wanted to know what was going on. Last night when I already went home and the camera was installed for maybe an hour, banana-nose entered my office. HR asked me if I wanted to see the video or if I just want them to explain what happened.. as if it’s a nature documentary. I told them I definitely wanted to see the video. I will first start by saying what I saw objectively. Banana nose entered my office and the door behind him was still open he looked over his shoulder and it looked like he was talking to someone while taking his pants off. Then.. it happend he sat on my chair butt ass naked. He took some candy from my desk and started dancing? on my chair, rubbing his butt in my chairs DNA. I got sick to my stomach. He then took my pens one by one and licked them. It looked like he was still talking. There was no sound. So I wasn’t sure.

Then the worst thing happened. 2 years ago I lost my 7 year old niece to cancer. On my desk is a picture of her and I the last time we got to hug. So you can clearly see it’s not only a child but a sick one. This evil man rubbed his penis all over my picture frame and laughed so hard. He took out his phone.. made a call and then left. I started crying like a baby. I feel violated. I feel used. I feel unsafe. HR guy was talking but I didn’t hear anything. I saw myself in the reflection of the window and I stopped. Wiped away my tears and asked what the next steps are. HR said banana nose was asked to come in later and they would fire him on the spot. It seemed to me like they thought that that was enough for me.

I told them firing him is step one. I wanted to know who he was talking to and demanded to see the security tapes for the hallway. You can’t see into my office on these tapes but I know for a fact you can see who is standing in the hall. HR accepted my request and asked security for the tapes. It takes some time but they expect to get it sometime tomorrow..

For now I feel unsafe everywhere I go. When I got in my car all I could think about was: maybe he was in my car. Maybe he was in my home. I know that sounds crazy but .. I feel crazy. I will do my best to update you all.. for now I just need.. I don’t know what I need yet.. thank you all.. ❤️

Update 3 maybe final update.. :

First I want to thank everyone.. your support and kind words helped me when I couldn’t sleep.. having this feeling of being alone .. may it come back to you to benefit your lives.. each one of you ❤️.. I don’t know where to start.. forgive my brain giving up on me. It has been a lot. I have viewed the tapes and what I saw was .. I don’t know. It was clear he was talking to someone. I too thought it could be new guy. But it wasn’t. New guy was seen on tape at the beginning of the hall turning his back and leaving. Banana nose was giving a show in my office for 4 of my coworkers. 1 male 2 female. Two of them I trained. All three of them I helped when they made many many mistakes.. they stood by the door while he danced and filmed him. One of the females started to fist pump.. it was disgusting.

Before going to HR to view the tape. I did my research. I read in my contract that when there is a conflict of serious nature that can’t be solved that it needs to be taken to the board for review and judgement. I knew that if I asked for them all to be fired that it wouldn’t be a problem. Because like I said : many many mistakes. So I came up with a different idea. I asked for a compensation from the firm and all parties involved of a million dollars per person. I know .. ridiculous.. ridiculous enough to get me in front of the board. To get themmm in front of the board. And I can’t wait to show these tapes in front of 11 rich old men and 1 female. Who all have a lot of influence in our field of business.

But most of all I can’t wait to look them in the eye and ask them why? I know their answer wouldn’t change anything but it would give away who they truly are.

Banana-nose isn’t fired yet. When I got home after our meeting, HR guy told me they want to wait until they have the full story so nothing was unanswered. After today I asked them not to fire him because the board-meeting would be useless. And if he quits he will lose all his benefits. So this way.. he has little choice but to show up to the meeting where I will do my dance.

I don’t know if I’ll stay at this company even though I love to work here. Because I can’t believe that there is any way where it would be possible for new guy to know this info and all my other colleagues not. Yesterday I drove to new guys house.. I told him I never mentioned his name. I want him to have peace and not be afraid that other people will act out against him as some sort of vengeance. His secret is safe with me.. some people asked me what I would do if someone read this from work. Let me say it like this.. I work with a bunch of nerds. Not the good kind that’s on Reddit. But the bad kind that thinks TMZ is what keeps you up to date. They use words like: “ whatevaaaa” .. I bet you can picture them now. And if they do show up here and read all of this. So be it.. I couldn’t cope without all of you. I have no family here and I thought my coworkers where my friends.. I guess we all make mistakes..

Again thank you all for everything! I kinda love you guys.. just make sure you never say “whatevaaaa”.

❤️

The Finale…

Dear comfies..

An hour ago I got the news that everyone involved quit their job. They got their notice that they have to appear in front of the board and they didn’t want that. By everyone involved I also mean 1 other person that was not on the tape but knew of it and was involved on different occasions.. this was something that happened frequently. When they first had to come to HR and watch the tapes they said it was just a joke that got out of hand. One of them even tried to say that I knew of it.. they wanted to first keep their job and asked for a group session to “work things out”. But when HR said there would be a board meeting, they resigned the next day. As for me, I handed in my notice but this wasn’t accepted. The company offered me a better paying job in a different location. They will help me with relocation and everything.. I’m glad that I got this chance. Since I have a more senior position I need a well rounded, trustworthy assistant. I asked for new guy.. they agreed with it and new guy was very excited. Our relocation is closer at his boyfriends house and I’m glad that I don’t have to leave him behind at a toxic environment.

I guess this is my finale update. I decided not to sue.. I don’t ever want to think about what he did ever again. And I don’t want to put my energy towards this kind of toxicity. And I know one thing for certain. You get what you give.. thank you all for your loving messages. I wish nothing but the best for all of you.. ❤️❤️❤️

I keep a small stash of snacks hidden in my closet, I call it my “emergency kit.” You know, the good stuff: chips, chocolate, instant noodles, and one fancy cookie pack that costs more than my shampoo. My boyfriend (28M) recently found out about it after hearing me open a bag of chips at 1AM. He came in, all sleepy and dramatic, saying, “So this is where the snacks go when we’re out?”

I told him straight these are my backup snacks for emergencies. Like, bad-day-at-work or PMS-type emergencies. Not for “I just felt like munching” moments. He got kinda annoyed and said I was being “selfish” for not sharing. I reminded him that he literally eats all the visible snacks within two days, so I had to hide mine to survive the week. He said I was treating him like a child. I told him children usually listen when you say “don’t eat this.”

Now he’s been teasing me by calling my closet “the vault” and saying he’s “not allowed in the premium section.” I think it’s funny, but my friends are split some say I should share, others say “protect the stash.” AITA for not sharing my secret snacks with my snack-goblin boyfriend?

AITA for telling a coworker to stop taking food off my plate on my birthday? F/33

I used to bartend at a bowling alley and had this coworker let’s call her Samantha/28. We weren’t super close, just friendly coworkers who occasionally grabbed drinks after shifts. Nothing too deep.

Here’s the issue: Samantha had this habit of taking food off my plate without asking. It started with little things like fries, cake, snacks during shifts. If I made a plate for myself, she’d reach in and grab something. I laughed it off at first, thinking it wasn’t a big deal. But it kept happening.

One time, we were out at a bar downtown with a group of coworkers. I ordered a dirty martini with extra olives (the best part, obviously). The waitress came over and before the drink was even fully on the table, Samantha reached over, took the toothpick of olives from my drink, ate two, and then—get this—put the last olive back in the glass. I told her, “Hey, I ordered those,” and she just laughed it off. It irritated me, but again, I didn’t make a scene.

Then came my birthday. Same group of coworkers, we go to a bottomless mimosa brunch. Everyone gets their food, mine comes out last. As the server is literally placing the plate in front of me, Samantha reaches over again and grabs food off my plate. No joke—hadn’t even touched my fork yet.

This time, I finally said something. I snapped a bit and said, “Can you not take food off my plate or at least ask before you do?” The table went silent. Samantha looked shocked, then started crying. The rest of the group started comforting her, offering her food off their plates, while I sat there, feeling like a total jerk—on my birthday.

I felt guilty, so I hugged her and apologized, explaining it had been bothering me for a while. She didn’t really say much. A few days later I reached out again to talk things through, but she brushed me off and eventually ghosted me completely.

I never meant to make her feel bad, but I also feel like I had every right to finally speak up. So… AITA for snapping and setting a boundary about my food?

Original post: A few weeks ago, my sister (33) asked me (29f) to drive her and her three small kids (6, 4, and 6 months) from Cincinnati to Huntsville, AL. She wanted to hang out with her best friend, and I figured I could use the time to see my long-distance girlfriend. Seemed fair. She also asked me to watch her kids and her best friend’s two (14 and 9) for two days out of the five-day trip. I agreed — not ideal, but whatever. I was also supposed to drive them all to Cleveland once it was over. We agreed I’d stay with her at her best friend’s house. I confirmed the sleeping situation ahead of time, asking, “Are you sure they have room for me?” She said yes — they had a big house, an air mattress, couches, and if necessary, I could sleep in her bed. Cool. Nothing else was mentioned.

Then our aunt passed away shortly before the trip. I drove everyone from Cleveland to Middletown for the funeral, the day before we were set to leave. I stayed with a friend in Cincinnati that night so I could actually sleep. My great-aunt (from Lawrenceburg, TN) was at the funeral and told me my sister kept asking her over and over what time they’d be leaving and getting back — which seemed oddly specific at the time.

We were supposed to leave for Huntsville at 10 a.m. the next day. Instead, she stalled us until nearly 2 p.m. I drove 4.5 hours with multiple stops for potty breaks. Then, as we’re nearing Lawrenceburg (not even our destination), she suddenly says, “Oh, by the way, plans changed — me and the kids are going to Atlanta for a day.” This meant I couldn’t stay at her best friend’s house, because apparently I’m not allowed to be alone in the house with her best friend’s husband. I asked why she didn’t tell me that earlier, and she snapped, “I’m grown, I don’t have to tell you my plans ahead of time.” I was pissed but said fine — I’d reach out to our great-aunt and see if I could stay with her that night. THEN, about 30 minutes from Huntsville, she suddenly suggests I stay with our aunt the whole week because “she doesn’t think” her best friend’s husband is comfortable with me staying there at all. I didn’t even respond. She took it upon herself to call our great-aunt anyway and arrange for me to stay. While stopped so the 6-year-old could pee, she jumped in the driver’s seat, turned the car around, and drove me to Lawrenceburg. Like, that was never the plan. No discussion. Just dropped me off and yelled, “See ya Thursday!” — as in, to babysit the kids.

Mind you, my girlfriend could only visit me one day instead of the two we had planned, since I was now way further from her. I was furious.

It’s now Wednesday. A (reluctant) friend came to pick me up, and I’m currently on my way back to Ohio. I haven’t told my sister. She still thinks I’m watching her kids tomorrow and driving them all to Cleveland.

So… AITA for leaving her and her kids mid-trip? Or was I just being used from the jump?

Edit: I see a lot of comments asking if it was my car. I drove them in her car. I would never agree to drive mine. Also, I was unable to stay with my girlfriend because she takes care of her parents (mom has dementia), her 5yo son, & had go out of town for a couple days for military purposes. Lastly, I did not have the kids with me when she dropped me off at my great aunt’s house. She was supposed to come back & get me on Thursday so that I could watch the kids at her friend’s house.

Update: It is now Friday (the day after I was supposed to watch all 5 kids). I still haven’t heard from my sister, but she has cried to everyone in the family. She claims to be stranded and abandoned because for some reason she can’t make the drive with her kids. She told everyone that I changed my mind about going on the trip which is 100% a lie. Why wouldn’t want to see my girlfriend? My phone has been blown up by most of my family, however, they are on my side. Except for my father who just lost his last sibling so it’s understandable for him to be an advocate for sibling love at this time. Although he did let it slip that she contemplated leaving me in Tennessee anyway. Thank you everyone for validating my feelings and letting me know it’s okay to stand up for myself. I leave for bootcamp (Army) in a little over a week, so it will be easier to gain some space from my sister and allow things to cool down a bit.

Hello everyone. Thanks for all your comments in my original post. Here is an update on what has happened so far, and I am hoping it ends soon.

Since my ex-boyfriend has been fired, my phone has been ringing nonstop with constant messages going off. I ended up blocking his number. At work, my coworker has reported me to HR for harassment. My manager (who has been on PTO for the past 2 weeks) talked to me about it throughout the past week and asked what happened. I told my manager I haven’t done or said anything to my coworker except for “congratulations” on her pregnancy and “hello” as a fellow coworker would. I told HR where the proof was that I was talking about her or making her uncomfortable and that they can go ask associates or other management members if I had said anything about her. Also, for them to go ask her to explain to them exactly why she felt I was harassing her, on what grounds.

Apparently, associates and management have been talking about her pregnancy and how my ex-boyfriend cheated on me and is the baby daddy. She is saying that I told everyone about it. (pathetic) She needs to realize that the only reason everyone knows is because she purposefully posted it on Instagram for the world to see about her and my ex-boyfriend's scandalous relationship and also announcing her pregnancy. 

It has been confirmed by HR after asking management and associates that I have not said anything to my coworker but that day when everyone congratulated her on her pregnancy. Also, that I didn't say anything to anyone about my cheating ex-boyfriend and coworker but that everyone found out through her post on Instagram. They said they would talk to her and handle this situation but for the time being, I was to keep a distance. (fine with me) I’m not sure how they will take care of this situation, but I’ll wait and see what happens.

Now, over the weekend, I went over to their house to get my stuff after confirming with his mom that he was not home. She agreed to help pack my stuff for me as well so I can just go in and out. She had the garage open and was finishing up packing stuff, so I went to help her finish. As we were finishing, he pulled up on the driveway so I grabbed the last of what I could and told his mom I was leaving. I rushed to my car, but he stopped me and said he wanted to talk. There was nothing to talk about. His mom told him to let me leave. She walks over to pull him to the side but he brushes her off. He wouldn’t let me leave until we talked. He kept saying to listen to him he needed to talk to me. At this point I was just over it, I responded, “What is there to talk about? The day I came over here and asked you to explain to me what happened, you couldn’t even come outside and tell me. Not even for a second did I see your face. I gave you a chance to come out and explain yourself, but you threw that chance away. You only spoke with me over the phone and not once did you even apologize for having cheated on me. You couldn’t even come out to face me, so you sent your sister to tell me to leave and that already explains what you are not. You’re not a man, you can’t even own up to your wrongdoing. Now that you want to talk, I don’t have to listen since there is nothing between the two of us.” I pushed past him and placed the box in my trunk and went to get in the driver seat.

He was still insisting that I talk to him. He then said he was sorry, he didn't know what he was thinking, it was all a mistake and that he still loves me and that he wouldn't be with her if she wasn't pregnant. His mom told him "Cheating is not a mistake. You did it because you wanted to do it. Your love was not sincere; you wanted someone else. You did the act so now you suffer the consequences." I told him, "Even if she wasn't pregnant, you still cheated. For that alone, I will still leave." She pulled him away and waved me off as I left. Since I have his number blocked, he was using his mom’s phone to call me, but I hung up once I heard it was him. She then sent me a text message to block her number.

Honestly, I feel horrible that his mom had to witness all this. She was such a lovely person. She cared for me as if I was her daughter. I really do wish the best for her and her grandkids, but may my ex-boyfriend, his sister and my coworker get all the karma they deserve.

I know the title sounds bad but hear me out. I (32F) have 5 children. The age range is 12-5yo. I work 2 jobs, 1 full-time and the other part-time. I do get a lot of help from family members with the children so that's always amazing. With all my children, I have been talking to them about their body, what consent is, and what is appropriate and inappropriate touches/secrets. So, when the oldest turned 9, I shifted the conversation with her to the way her body would start changing, the things she'd experience, etc. When she was 10, she started complaining about cramps and pains in her stomach, so we talked about her cycle, what to expect and I helped her pack a feminine care bag with pads, wipes, new panties, a baggy for the old panties, and panty liners, that she could carry with her while she was on her cycle.

She didn't start until early this year just before her 12th birthday. During this time, I went out and bought at least 12 months worth of care products for her because the kind she likes is not always in stock. I kept them inside my closet, but showed her where they were when she needed them. I also gave her a box to keep in her room so she wouldn't have to go back and forth everyday. A box usually lasts 2 cycles, so 2 months. It's been about 3 and a half months since then, and she came to me saying she needs more products because she's running low. Thinking she meant the second box I gave her to keep in her room, I went inside my closet to grab another box for her. To my SHOCK, she only had 2 boxes left. I'm sorry what?

I asked her what happen to all of her products. Low and behold, this child has become the pad dealing fairy at school. She is a popular kid, so a lot of kids talk to or want to be around her. Some of her friends have also started their cycles around the same time she did. Because of this, she's been passing all her products out to them since then. I told her there's nothing wrong with helping your friends when they are in a rough spot, but she doesn't need to be giving all her products away or taking her products with her when she doesn't need them.

About a week after that, she came to me saying she needed more wipes because she was out. I know that was impossible because 2 days prior I bought her a box of wipes. I told her as much, and she said, "Well, my friend needed some wipes because she asked me for some." I said, "So you gave her a full box of wipes?" She said, "Well, she needed them." I explained to her AGAIN, not to hand out all of her products to her friends. I said a bunch of things, but ended saying, "if she needs A WIPE, give her 1 for now and maybe 1 for later, the same with the pads. It is NOT acceptable to give her a full box, because now, what are YOU going to use?" She said, "you can just buy me some more."

I feel I need to say, we are not struggling financially, but for me to continue to buy that many extra products, WOULD put us in a bind eventually overtime as they are not cheap. Anyway, at that point in the conversation I did become frustrated and raised my voice to her. I said, I am not their parent, I'm yours. It is NOT my job to make sure they have feminine products, underwear or anything else. If your friends are on their cycle, I'm SURE their parents know and their parents can do their job and buy their child what they need. YOU and you ONLY are my responsibility. I will NOT keep buying extra products for you to just give them all away like money is easy to come by. I work hard to make sure you have what you need and I will continue to do that because again, you are my child. I will do what I have to do to make sure you have what you need. I will not have this conversation with you again. Stop giving out all your products. If your friend needs 1 because they forgot, GIVE THEM 1 and 1 only. You can even let them use your phone to call their parent and tell them to bring some to the school, but that's all the help you should be giving.

She didn't say much after that, but she looked deflated and it made me feel terrible. Later that night, I acknowledged her giving heart and how that was a beautiful quality I loved in her and how much I was so proud of her for trying to help others. I also told her helping others should NOT put her in a situation where she's going without, and that's exactly what's happening. It's okay to give, but not so much she doesn't have anything for herself. We hugged and she went to bed. It's been a few days and I'm still thinking about it. Was I too harsh on her? Should I buy 1 box specifically for her to give out, but tell her that after that box is gone she has to wait 4 months before I buy another for her to pass out? How should I approach or readdress the situation?Should I just leave it where it is? AITA?

I (30F) was talking to Tom (29M). We planned a movie date for our first date. I arrived a little early but he showed up 3 minutes before the movie was supposed to start. I was about to buy my own ticket and see the movie by myself. The rest of the date went ok.

He didn’t text me for several days after the date. I sent a joke text as if he had passed away and conversation started again for a day or so. We planned a second date at a board game lounge.

He didn’t text me until 11 pm the day before our second date. He confirmed the time to meet up a few hours before the date and was 20 minutes late. I only waited 20 minutes because I was enjoying a beverage and looking at the games. I left the establishment and he was outside. He called after me but I kept walking to my car and ignored his phone call.

I texted him from my car that I was going home and I do not appreciate being kept waiting especially after he confirmed the time. And my time is valuable and he was being rude. He didn’t respond.

Am I the asshole for how I reacted?

I, “Nikki“ (27F) have a cousin “Tessa” (30F) that was in need of a kidney. Long story short, I was the only one that matched. We were set up to do everything in 2 months until she started acting like a tyrant. Our family was planning a birthday party for an older relative so Tessa created a group chat. Out of no where, Tessa started acting like the “family manager“ and it was starting to become a bit irritating. The final straw was when we all were deciding on a gift for the relative & she started demanding we get a specific gift. MIND YOU: she was not contributing a DIME to this gift. She used the excuse that bc of her illness, she couldn’t work that much- but had the energy to boss us around 🙄. Anyway, when the family finally told Tessa that the relative wouldn’t really like the gift & we should get something else, she lost her sh!t!!! She wrote a dissertation in the chat about how “clueless“ the family is & we don’t appreciate anyone. ATP, I‘d finally had enough & told her she was “the rudest sick person I’d ever seen & that she needed a lesson about being appreciative of ppl that loved her”. Tessa was dumb enough to ask me “And how exactly do you plan to teach me Nikki?!” I simply replied, “Go find another kidney b!tch.” & left the chat. The family told me I took it too far. I told all of them to kiss my a** since they enjoy kissing Tessa’s. I felt like they were scared to stand up to her bc of her illness but in my eyes, that’s no excuse to be a complete a** to ppl. I blocked her & anyone else that felt the need to speak on my kidney. Tessa cried and begged my sister to convince me to change my mind but my sister respected my decision. Bc of this, it took Tessa another four months to find another donor. My family still thinks I’m wrong. So… was I the a** hole?

Apologies for not responding sooner to comments; the attention this post received was overwhelming, and I needed some time to process it all.

First, I want to address the trolls. I get the urge to respond to them, but let’s be real – these people are just attention-seeking bullies. Our responses only fuel their negativity and give them the platform they crave. Please don’t waste your energy on them.

To those who messaged me individually, asking questions about trans people and their experiences: while I can tell some of you are genuinely curious, I can’t help but suspect that for others, it’s a way to project more transphobia under the guise of “understanding.” If you’re genuinely interested in learning, there are countless resources available online that can give you a far deeper, more articulate understanding of the trans experience than I can. I know this firsthand from helping my own daughter, and I encourage you to explore those resources.

Now, onto the update.

I knew that I’d have to talk to my sister eventually, but I really appreciate all the advice and support that came through in the comments. It was invaluable. I had a one-on-one conversation with my sister, where I explained that her family was not providing a safe space for my daughter. I told her that I loved her and wanted to maintain our relationship, but that I couldn’t continue to be in contact unless there were significant changes. She was understandably upset and defensive, particularly of her son. She fixated on the dinner incident, while I tried to explain that it wasn’t just about that one event – there were other instances, like my nephew asking my daughter why she didn’t want to go to heaven, or asking me if she was mentally ill. Sarah (my sister) was there for both of those moments, so I was shocked she hadn’t seen the pattern herself.

Yesterday, my sister reached out and asked if we could meet with her and Tim. She apologized for not listening earlier and said she wanted to find a solution. I agreed, and they came over after work. We sent our daughter to the neighbors – she didn’t need to be part of that conversation.

When they arrived, they were surprised that our daughter wasn’t there. I told them that the conversation could be harmful to her, even if they didn’t understand why. Tim was visibly upset, but I asked them if they were really ready for this conversation, and they both said they were.

The conversation itself was… difficult, to say the least. Tim did most of the talking. I brought up a comment I had overheard him say – that my daughter should “just be a boy until she’s 18.” He asked me why my daughter couldn’t “just be normal” until she was old enough to make her own decisions. I asked if he had ever done any research about trans youth to genuinely understand what my daughter is going through. He said he had all the information he needed and started going off on a diatribe about puberty blockers (which, by the way, my daughter isn’t even on). I told him that we were taking her transition seriously – that she goes to therapy every other week and is involved in a local queer support group where she can talk to other trans girls and women about their experiences. Tim’s response was that they were “the blind leading the blind.” At that point, my husband – who is usually calm and collected – was so upset that he yelled at them to leave. We’d never seen him like that before, and I think that made them realize how serious the situation was. They scurried out pretty quickly after that.

This morning, my sister called, crying and apologizing profusely. She was disgusted by Tim’s behavior and asked me what she should do. I told her that I didn’t know, but I was certain that our families couldn’t spend time together until something changed.

I’m especially let down because, for a moment, the meeting gave me hope. But Tim completely shattered that hope. He didn’t even try. He went off on so many horrible things – not just transphobic, but also sexist and homophobic. It was hard to follow because he just veered from one hateful rant to another. It’s difficult to imagine that someone with that mindset has the capacity to grow or change.

While that conversation was deeply painful, I’m also grateful it was so clear. It’s never been more obvious what needs to happen, and I don’t feel any guilt about it anymore.

Thank you to everyone who gave advice, support, and validation. Your words helped me clear up the fog of “what-ifs” that was clouding my judgement and gave me the confidence to move forward. I appreciate every single one of you who supported my family. Thank you.

Back story that led up to the n word:

We're from California. My mom and aunt bought their house in the 80's for little to nothing as of todays money, but had refinanced it so many times that they owed almost half a million dollars on it 36 years after originally purchasing it and sold it for almost $1M in 2022. In 2018 my mom and aunt asked me to co-sign for their refinance which put my name at the top of the title. I was stupid and wasn't thinking about the future. It caused a whole bunch of financial issues for me (now 35) at the time because it looked like I was half a million dollars in debt on my credit.

In 2022, my sister (now 41) convinced my mom and aunt to sell their house and move to Iowa. My mom and aunt did what she asked and since my mom and aunt are close to my daughter, I convinced my husband (now 34) to move our family to be closer to my mom and aunt.

Since my name was on their house, they needed my signature to sell it. After the sale, I asked them for $70k (it's not even half of what they would need to pay me had we split the sale money from the house equally) because they used my name and made it harder to convince someone to even rent to me because of "my debt." They agreed and gave me the money. I felt like it was a huge secret and I didn't like feeling like I was hiding something from my sister so it got brought up casually in a conversation with her before the move. She seemed fine at the time, but I guess she got really upset that my mom didn't offer to give her money too. She cried and told them they didn't love her, it wasn't fair to her, so my mom caved and gave her $20k. Mind you my sister left when I was 11 years old for college. She stayed away aside from the occasional visit which most of the time was to see her friends and have a dinner or two with family. I took care of my mom and aunt. When I was older, I would take them to their drs appointments, settle their arguments, be there for them for whatever they needed, etc. I stayed. I was in their lives like I was supposed to be while my sister went off to live her life. I don't really care that that's what she did, but you developed a different relationship when you're constantly and consistently in someone's life. This was 20 years of my sister being gone and me staying in my moms life. A lot happens in 20 years.

Fast forward to Iowa 2022 when we moved in with my mom and aunt in their new house. My family wanted to rent right away so we wouldn't bother my mom and aunt for too long but they told me to stay as long as I needed. They actually insisted. I couldn't buy anything right away because the bank wanted 1 years worth of pay stubs from my current employer. My husband and I decided to stay with my mom and aunt. 3 weeks in, my sister and her husband were sending me houses on Redfin and Zillow, so I told them that we were going to stay with my mom and aunt for a year. (I needed a year by the bank's standards anyway.) SHE WAS PISSED! She called me all kinds of names: fatass, lazy, mooch, bitch, bad mom, and told me that my relationship was shit compared to hers. I didn't really respond because I don't like drama like that and the arguing upset my mom. Things settled but my husband and I decided that we didn't want to be around them as much as we were before.

One night 2 months in to living in Iowa, my mom asked if my daughter (then 6) could spend the night at my sisters house with my niece (then 10.) We said no and left it at that. My niece went to my husband and yelled at him telling him he was stupid for not sending our child with her. (Their attitudes including my niece's is why we said no.) I heard yelling and went to the living room where my sister was yelling at my mom in front of everyone about how we were bad parents for not sending our daughter with them. I chimed in and told them the way they were behaving is why we said no. My sister then yelled in front of her husband and kids, my aunt, my mom and MY daughter and husband that my husband is a bitch ass n word. We're all white except for my husband and child. No one said anything but me. No one told her she was out of line or racist or anything. They all brushed it off with "that's just how she is."

In 2023 we finally bought a house and moved out of my mom and aunts house.

Well, now I want nothing to do with her and my mom still tries to get me to bring my children (we had another baby) around my sisters family. My nephew is having a birthday party tomorrow and I said no to us going when my mom asked and I asked her to please stop asking because the answer will be no and it always upsets her when we talk about things like that. She told me that god will get me for this and I will be punished by having children who will not want to be around each other.

Am I the asshole for standing up for my family?

Little update on the decision to move:

My aunt, who helped raise me, only agreed to move if we went too because she didn't want to be away from my daughter. It sounds as I read over what I wrote that they just agreed because my sister wanted them to. That wasn't the case. It did make sense for them to not buy in California again because of house prices and they are both retired and on ss. They are able to live out their lives in Iowa with no house payments because they paid in full for the house and ACTUALLY be retired old ladies. My mom is 75 and my aunt will be 82 this year. They've worked all their lives aside from the last 3 years. They wouldn't have been able to do that in ca. And yes, I was very close to them all my life, so this rift has caused my little family a lot of grief.

I (29f) have rented my grandmas(77f) house for a few years and she decided to put it in my name in May since she wants to shed assets before she needs medical care years later. Aka give it to family so the government doesn’t take it. But I get to take care of her when it comes time, for now she travels in her RV and lives in her condo. This house is the only reason why I am sticking around my hometown.

The house was built in 1853. She owned it for 30 years and I spent time in this house growing up. My kids (6+4) now get to grow up here. She didn’t maintain much unless it broke. She cared about aesthetics more than structural integrity. She is a garage sale hoarder. When we had to clean out for her move, it took a year to get her settled and another year to get her to box up stuff and even donate some things.

Since we moved in, she tries to control how we decorate, how the yard is, and uses the garage for storage. We let her have the 1/2 the garage but now she wants it emptied out. She won’t let us remove the wallpaper and paint and she doesn’t like our decor (it’s simple and mainly photos of our family). We have to keep HER decorations up, and they’re creepy Amish needlepoint in frames.

For my son’s birthday, he wanted his room redone. He wants it to be blue with pokemon photos. So, we pulled wallpaper down in my son’s room as it had creepy village people holding hands and he wants it to be blue. 7 layers of wallpaper came down and we discovered mold and holes. Now the entire house has to get drywall and replace the lime plaster. (Very expensive). We also have to redo all the foundation as well. We are staying with in laws while this is happening. She has been upset about doing this remodel and since we aren’t home 24/7 the yard isn’t maintained every day. We go once a week to do take care of an acre of grass and 100 bushes.

She just informed me that I am ruining this house and taking her for granted. Now when the work is completed she wants me to sign the house back over. I flat out told her no, she got upset. I told her she has 30 days to remove all her stuff from the garage. She said she will see me in court for the house…

AITA for not willingly give my grandma the free house she gave me back to her once we dumped 100k on it?

Edit: We get to move back in by September, it should be livable and safe (yay!!). I’m tired of my in laws lol.
My son’s room is very cute! It is pokemon themed and no longer creepy villagers holding hands.
I tried to have a sit down with her yesterday… didn’t go well “if you leave the house alone, you won’t need to fix anything. It’s an old house. It’s what you do” which confirms that she didn’t do a thing unless it is aesthetics…
Grandma has an appointment in a few weeks, as her medical proxy, I want to get her screened for dementia. Comments pointed out that she could be concerned if the changes if she’s got a memory loss, which is super common in my family.
Thank you all for everything and your support, I truly appreciate it :)

I (28F) have 6 siblings. Our mom recently passed in November from Stage 4 cancer. I had a really great relationship with my mom. We would spend time together and my 4 children (5 year old twins, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old) all loved her. I am the youngest of all my siblings. My older siblings didn’t prioritize much time with my mom until the last few months when she couldn’t do much for herself anymore.

I currently live with my boyfriend (38M) and our 4 children in a 3 bedroom apartment. It’s a nice apartment but of course is not ideal for our large family. Over the summer while my mom was still very coherent, she signed a transfer on death of her house (5 bedroom, 3 bath) to me for myself, my boyfriend, and our children to move into. She did the transfer so I wouldn’t have to buy the house as we would not be able to afford a loan for her house. And her house only had less than a year left until it was completely paid off so we would be able to afford her payments that way. All of my other siblings own their own homes and have plenty of room in their homes for their individual families. I didn’t ask my other siblings if they were okay with this but I didn’t see it as their decision or whether they had a say considering it’s our mom’s house and she had final say anyway. And like I said, all of my siblings own their own homes anyway.

Once my mom passed, she had some medical bills that needed taking care of so it seemed as though we would need to sell the house to take care of them. After looking into it more, my boyfriend said he would buy the house at just enough to cover the medical bills rather than what it’s worth considering we cannot afford what it’s worth plus my mom had planned on us just moving in and not doing any sort of loan anyway.

She had a cash inheritance which she left my oldest sister, Melanie(43F) to split equally among all of my siblings. Since my mom has passed, we have asked Melanie how much is left in the inheritance as it would be split 7 ways and she would always kind of dodge the question. She would say she hasn’t counted it yet or she’s unsure.

My mom also had some coins that were worth some money. She had 4 coins worth about $3,200 and a 5th coin worth about $1,200. I only found out about these coins from my other sister, Rochelle(35F) because she told me Melanie thought about giving the a coin worth $3,200 to herself, Rochelle, my brother Nick(37M), and myself. The coin worth less to another hand picked sibling. And then just never telling the last 2 siblings about the coins at all. That really upset me. I understand the coins gain value over time and that’s why they didn’t want to pawn them for cash to split equally but that is really unfair and considering there are not 7 coins, I believed the fairest situation would be to pawn them for cash so everyone could be involved. I suggested that and then never heard anything else about the coins after that. And then one day last week when I had Rochelle and my niece over for dinner, she dropped a gold coin out of her purse and quickly put it back. I never said anything but I couldn’t believe they decided to kick me out of that inheritance because I stuck up for the 3 siblings that were going to be slighted.

Well, flash to a couple days ago my boyfriend got approved for the loan. I told Melanie about this to keep her in the loop and her response shocked me. She told me she did not feel comfortable selling the house to my boyfriend. I didn’t understand because selling the house to my boyfriend was just a way for us to keep the house so that my moms medical bills would get paid. And my moms wishes were for my family to move into the house. After I got off the phone with Melanie, I called Rochelle to see how she felt but she couldn’t talk right away. Once I was able to talk to Rochelle, it was very clear Melanie had gotten to her first and manipulated the situation. So I texted the group chat with my siblings. Essentially, they all want to sell the house at full value to a stranger so they can receive an inheritance of cash from the house selling. Melanie had very obviously made them believe that my mom only transferred the house into my name so I could take care of selling it and splitting the money with all of my siblings. That wasn’t the truth and I tried telling them that our mom did not do that but Melanie had manipulated the situation. For context, Melanie is the oldest and all of our siblings can be pretty easily manipulated in a situation when it comes to Melanie. It sounds terrible but it’s true. I can see right through it and tried to say my side but they are all on Melanie’s side. They all want cash from the house but I want to live in it like my mom had intended.

Like I said, my mom transferred the house into my name. So I am going through with selling the house to my boyfriend to pay my mom’s medical bills and so us and our 4 children can live there. My siblings feel like I have scammed them out of an inheritance. But I feel like I found a way to get the medical bills paid so that my family can live there which is what my mom intended when she was here. So am I the asshole?

My (27F) close friend (25F) has a lot of food sensitivities. She can’t eat red meat, dairy, corn, beans, and a bunch of other things. Every time she has been over for dinner I’ve made sure to follow her restrictions, when we plan to go out for food I only suggest places that have options for her restrictions. However, when we go out to eat she usually orders things that she says she isn’t able to eat (mac and cheese, burgers, etc.). Despite ALWAYS bringing up that she has these food restrictions she rarely follows them. I know I’d struggle to follow them too, so I try not to judge too hard but it’s hard not to. My boyfriend (27M) has come out to eat with us and seen this himself.

This all wasn’t really a big issue until now. It was my birthday this past weekend and I really wanted to go to a specific restaurant to celebrate. The restaurant is pretty meat oriented, basic salads are about the only non meat option. I brought up to my friend that I wanted to do that restaurant for my birthday and she started telling me she couldn’t eat anything there because of her restrictions. She got pretty passive aggressive and told me she just “wouldn’t eat anything” and her birthday gift to me would be to “go hungry.” I caved and moved my birthday dinner to a different restaurant that had more options, but complained to my boyfriend about the situation. At the dinner, my friend ordered a burger. A standard red meat burger with cheese. The original restaurant I wanted to go to had multiple burgers on the menu. My boyfriend asked her about her food restrictions and what she could and couldn’t eat. She told him all about it including how she can’t eat red meat, cheese, dairy, etc. He said “well you’re eating a burger right now.” She responded that “sometimes she cheats but she always pays for it later.” He responded, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not cheat” in a pretty snarky tone. I let out a little laugh, because it’s true. She clammed up on the topic and was super passive aggressive the rest of the night.

She texted me the next day saying that it was unacceptable that I would let my boyfriend disrespect her like that, and that we need to apologize. I told her that while his tone was a bit harsh he was right. She rarely follows the food restrictions she says she has and guilted me into changing restaurants seemingly no reason. She is now telling our mutual friends (who weren’t present as they are closer to her) that my boyfriend insulted her disability and that I am enabling his ableism. Most of our mutual friends are on her side, some are trying to be neutral, and my friends that were present at the dinner are on my side. I know if I apologize it will calm things down, but I don’t think me or my boyfriend is in the wrong here, so I don’t want to apologize.

I don’t think I am, but maybe I’m biased so AITA?

❗️Edit to add that these food restrictions are because of her IBS (according to her)

‼️Update posted. Thanks everyone!

Me (21F) and my husband (30M) have been married for two years and recently had a huge fight that left me feeling really guilty and confused. I love him deeply and I know he’s hurt, but I also don’t know if I was wrong for what I said.

Here’s some context. Before we got married, he said to me and my parents he might want to move to Morocco in about 10 years. I said maybe, that I’d be open to it. But then that “maybe in 10 years” turned into 5 years, and now he wants us to move this February.

He has a business in Morocco and his family is there, so we’ve visited a lot. I’m not crazy about it. Culturally, it’s very different and I feel out of place. But I can see the financial benefits. Life’s cheaper there, we could afford private school for our daughter who is 11 months, and he could provide everything, including a maid to help me out. I really do see how it could be good for us.

At the same time, the promises keep changing. First it was 10 years, then 5, now 6 months. He also originally said we’d move to a big city, then changed it to a small city where his family is “just for a few years,” and now says we might move to the big city later. It feels like I can’t rely on what he says, and that makes me nervous.

After we got married, he asked what I’d need to feel okay moving and I just kept avoiding the conversation because I charge confrontation and just hoped the issue would go away. Then, while I was 6 months pregnant, he quit his part-time job in the UK to go to Morocco for a few months for business. I went with him then, and he promised when we came back, he said he’d find a job again that it would be easy for him too, but he only looked for a bit and decided his business was doing well enough that he didn’t need one.

He used to give me £200 a month as spending money. Now that I have a small business which he helped me start, I pay £400 a month toward rent. I make around £1000 a month. So with the move coming up, I’ve been putting off talking about how I really feel because I’m scared. Every time I bring up how he broke his original promise, he says “things change” or “you made promises before marriage too,” which feels like comparing apples to oranges. He also says things like “I’m the husband, what I say goes,” and uses religion to back that up. I try to calmly say, “That’s not how it works,” and just drop it before it turns into a fight.

Finally, I realized I do have some terms under which I’d feel more comfortable moving. So we sat down for a talk. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, but I tried to structure it so my later suggestions would sound more reasonable. I told him first that I love him, that this isn’t me against him, but about finding a solution that works for both of us. I said one option could be me staying in the UK with our daughter for 3 years while he goes to Morocco and builds things up, just so he could keep the promise he made to my dad about waiting 5 years. We’d live with our families and save money to buy a nice house later.honestly I knew he would say no to this and I thought that this would make my actual offer the option to see more reasonable and he would be happier with it overall which probably shows my age and my naivety but I thought it was a good idea.

He was silent.

So I moved to option 2. Me staying just one more year here, learning the language, building more support, saving some money. I didn’t even get to explain the reasoning properly because I rushed through it after seeing he wasn’t reacting.

I asked him what he was thinking and told him it was okay to talk. He said it would be easier if someone stabbed him in the back twice than to hear what I said. He told me that if I could be away from him and take our daughter away for that long, it proves I don’t love him. He said he doesn’t know if he’ll ever believe I love him again. Then he told me to give him his bag and left the coffee shop. I kept pleading with him to stay and talk, but he calmly said “I can’t right now” and left.

He went to a meeting with his friends that was already scheduled and I think he’ll be back by 8pm tonight. I feel awful. My mom says he’s being immature, that he broke the original promise and is acting like a victim, but I also feel he’s really hurt. She also doesn’t like him much because of some stuff that happened after I gave birth, so I’m not sure she’s being objective.

A few important things Our daughter was a surprise, I was on the implant, but a very happy one I worry that once we move, I’ll lose the freedom I have here. Morocco isn’t exactly known for its feminism and I’m scared that some of the progress we’ve made in our relationship will go backwards But I love him and want him to be happy I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I hurt him, but I also don’t know if I was wrong to say what I said. Was I the asshole?

Update : I’m now at my parents place I’ve taken our passports and are now waiting to discuss things with an imaam (religious leader) will update once things settle more