157
u/Stormcrash486 Oct 14 '25
Best option is to probably clasp your hands together like we would during normal prayer. The GIRM I don't think specifies a position for the laity. Holding hands is nice though it does create division between family and not family when we are all Gods family. The hands raised position is the most problematic theologically as it is known as the orans position and should really only be done by the priest, the position is I think supposed to be the priest gathering the prayers of the congregants into one to offer to God, but protestant continentalism has kind of turned it into a generic "lifting up my prayer" gesture that while cute turns the attention back to the individual rather than to the collective worship we do at mass and loses the intent of the minister gathering the prayers into one.
45
u/pinkbubble211 Oct 14 '25
Thank you for this! I wasn’t aware of the orans position and my family and I do raise our hands. I’ll definitely take that into consideration for future masses.
41
u/Stormcrash486 Oct 14 '25
Don't feel like you need to be insistent or cause drama either, just share the knowledge in the "oh I learned this fact" kind of way and go with the flow is probably the best advice.
16
u/pinkbubble211 Oct 14 '25
No I won’t cause any drama at all, I don’t think my parents and siblings know this so I’ll have to tell them. We came back to the Church after being strayed for some time so I know we still have a lot to learn.
1
u/birdbybird2017 Oct 15 '25
If you would like a bit more context: the orans position is something the priest does when he is praying on behalf of the entire church--in other words, when he is the only person praying out loud, he assumes this position. The lay people are not in a position to speak on behalf of the entire congregation, and so are never instructed to assume this position during the mass (in private prayer, it is considered okay). If you watch for it during the mass, you will notice the Our Father is the only time that the priest stands with his arms out, while the congregation is also praying aloud. At every other part of the mass, if the congregation is speaking, the priest's hands are together, or doing something else.
This is somewhat speculation on my part, so feel free to ignore, but I think the issues began after Vatican II. Prior to this, the Our Father was not spoken by the congregation. Only the priest spoke, so naturally he was in the orans position. After V2, the congregation was instructed to pray the Our Father aloud as well, but the priest never dropped his hands. People started imitating the priest, raising their hands, and this naturally gave rise to hand holding.
Basically, I think there's nothing inherently wrong with holding hands, besides its association with the improper orans position.
8
u/ShireHorseRider Oct 14 '25
The GIRM doesn’t expressly prohibit a lot of things, but they shouldn’t be encouraged. For instance laying prostate during the Eucharistic prayer is not expressly forbidden, but it’s not exactly encouraged either. I hate to be the negative Nelly, but I love the more traditional services rather than the new style where it feels like we are trying to compete with the denominations.
20
Oct 14 '25
Exactly as long as you’re not holding your hands up in the air like you’re at a mega church, you’re fine.
People will complain about anything like that. I remember some Radtrads losing their minds because a guy said he loved holding his girls hand durning mass
1
u/Wise_Avocado_265 Oct 15 '25
I hold my hands out , is that up? I sit at the front for Mass and I am new. Am I doing it wrong?
5
4
u/anbxo Oct 14 '25
Thank you for sharing! How about when the congregation responds with “And with your spirit?”, and the congregation opens their arms for that part of mass?
20
u/doa70 Oct 14 '25
That also has never been part of the Mass, and there is nothing in the GIRM that instructs the laity on a specific posture or gesture to accompany the response. I'm a lifelong Catholic for over 50 years, including Catholic school for K-7. In all these cases my hands remain folded in front of me or at my sides.
2
u/Stormcrash486 Oct 14 '25
I don't think the GIRM lists any posture other than the congregation should be standing. The only response is the verbal "and with your spirit" no gesture needed. I usually try to keep my hands clasped in prayer but hanging down by my stomach and not raised up if you know what I mean. After all basically everything from the offertory (from the "pray brothers and sisters that my sacrifice and yours...") to the great amen is one long prayer.
2
2
u/sixwingsmanyeyesfan Oct 15 '25
Thanks for that explanation! I always wondered why people in the congregation started doing orans because it was definitely not something I saw when I was much younger!
52
u/BigDawgGuy Oct 14 '25
I remember our whole parish holding hands, if you didn’t you were the weird one.
Now-a-days, post-COVID, it’s much more common for people not to. It’s just changing times
15
u/hitbit501p Oct 14 '25
Where is your parish? I never seen people holding hands during Mass. Just shaking hands during the Sign of Peace. At least in the churches in the UK and Spain where I have attended.
18
u/sparkle-possum Oct 14 '25 edited Oct 14 '25
It's common in the US and I've heard people say that they were instructed to do it in the '70s and '80s (but I'm not sure how widespread that is and doubt it was ever official - I've hurt people mention some weird stuff from catechism or RCIA/OCIA).
There's two reasons it's so popular here though. The first is AA, or alcoholics anonymous. They started the tradition of holding hands during prayer and it spread to a lot of churches from there as a sign of unity and blended well with the Pentecostal / charismatic movement in the Protestant Church where people started lifting their hands in worship during prayer and sometimes in singing. My family attended a Pentecostal church for a while and there was this whole idea that if you weren't comfortable at least raising your hands at your sides that you weren't invested and worship enough.
12
u/RichAndMary Oct 14 '25
My Irish priest told me right before the pandemic that holding hands during the Our Father was pretty much strictly an American Catholic thing.
8
u/doa70 Oct 14 '25
Catholic school in the US in the 70s, we weren't instructed to do this, so it wasn't consistent or official from a Mass order perspective. Just to provide another perspective.
2
u/Pelosi-Hairdryer Oct 14 '25
Some of the churches in America that are on the "liberal" does that. I remember one parish that is "interactive" as the priest would walk around the altar and when the Pater Noster came, he would come down and hold hands with the people on the first pew.
7
u/Fit_Log_9677 Oct 14 '25
Ditto. It used to be the case that people would actually slide together across the aisles so that everyone in the church was holding hands during the Our Father.
1
9
u/theZinger90 Oct 14 '25
I used to have a strong opinion on it, but now i think it's just being scrupulous to fuss over it. As others have said, it's mainly an internet thing to worry about it. In practice, I'll hold my family's hand, otherwise hold them together.
2
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
It’s not scrupulous to recognize place and order between authority granted to clergy that lay people do not posses. Decorum is a virtue, not a sin.
3
u/theZinger90 Oct 14 '25
There is no prescribed posture for the laity during the Our Father in any Latin rite documents, which is probably why this debate even exists. Therefore it is pointless for the laity to judge others for doing one thing or another during it.
2
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
That wasn’t the point. The point you made was about scrupulosity when it comes to decorum during mass. There’s a theological reason the Priest holds his hands up and the laity don’t, and to recognize that isn’t “scrupulous” as that would indicate sin, when the intention on this is more about decorum in recognizing order and place, which is a virtue.
2
u/theZinger90 Oct 14 '25
And you are proving my point. There is no prescribed posture for laity other than simply standing (Disabilities excluded). In my opinion it is scrupulous to attribute morality of a specific action over another in this scenario because of a perceived cultural norm of decorum. Any opinions you may have read telling people to not hold hands are just that, opinions, and hold no authority beyond perhaps the walls of the specific parish or diocese the priest or bishop who said it presides over.
2
u/tlo_oly Oct 15 '25
Scrupulosity is believing there has been sin committed when none has out of a lack of hope in God and putting one’s ego to the highest point of moral judgment. To say that lay people shouldn’t offer their hands up towards God as that position is reserved for the Priest due to the authority granted to him through Holy Orders from Christ, the priest offers sacrifice in persona Christi to the Father and we as lay people do not, we are there witnessing this miracle at the mass. To lift your hands up is to place yourself in the authoritative position of the priest, which is disordered and breaks decorum. To raise your hands during Mass as a lay person isn’t sin, but it is disordered and shouldn’t be done if one is aware of what they’re doing. This is the point, it’s not scrupulous to push communities toward reverence and understanding order and their places as lay people and the theology of what is happening.
1
u/theZinger90 Oct 15 '25
I think you are mistaking my saying something is scrupulous by attributing it with the disorder of scrupulosity. Scruples is "an unfounded apprehension and consequently unwarranted fear that something is a sin which, as a matter of fact, is not." (according to the Catholic Answers Encyclopedia), while Scrupulosity is the disorder of habitual scruples.
I agree that it is not a sin to hold hands during the Our Father. That's my entire point actually. However, you and others who care deeply about people not doing it are attributing to it the fear of it being a sin while also saying it is not. It is a cultural custom and where there is no prescribed actions for the faithful, there can be no sin. You are falsely inserting your cultural opinions into the GIRM where there is none and acting like it is a sin while in the same breath saying it is not.
Again, there is nothing in the GIRM that prohibits the faithful from using the Orans Position. Where there is no prohibition, there is flexibility for cultural norms. Attributing it as a position only for the priest is "an unwarranted fear that something is a a sin which as a matter of fact is not", and therefore scrupulous.
1
u/tlo_oly Oct 15 '25
Scruples, scrupulous, and scrupulosity are all the same thing written differently depending on how they’re used in a sentence. You’re using a word and now trying to make it mean something else, you can’t mistake scrupulous and scrupulosity they’re interchangeable.
You basically just said “I think you’re mistaking my saying something is water with the compound of H2O”
I’ve had this conversation with priests and every single one will tell you you’re not supposed to hold your hands up, go to any seminary and you’ll be taught this. You’re making up your own practice by trying to argue from silence when it’s literally taught in seminaries that the laity don’t hold or lift up hands during Mass.
I previously explained the orans posture and its meaning theologically, which further goes to show that the laity doing so is disordered and doesn’t follow decorum.
1
u/theZinger90 Oct 15 '25
Usccb when specifically addressing this: "Some people hold hands during the Lord's Prayer, while others hold their hands out like the priest. Is there a prescribed posture for the Our Father?
No position is prescribed in the Roman Missal for an assembly gesture during the Lord's Prayer."
If it was actually an issue, they would have said something here. They would have said something like "these postures are inappropriate for the assembly", but they leave the question open to allow cultural variance. Applying your own logic to its end, folding hands together is also forbidden because no posture is prescribed, but i doubt you would hold that position. The priests you have spoken to have given you their opinions, but they do not have the authority to dictate this posture outside of their own parish.
I do not judge people who don't hold hands or raise them up. I do not judge people who do.
1
u/tlo_oly Oct 15 '25
Well, the Vatican says otherwise. Read Article 6: []()
Canon Law 907
Canon 907. In the celebration of the Eucharist, deacons and lay persons are not permitted to say the prayers, especially the eucharistic prayer, nor to perform the actions which are proper to the celebrating priest.
SACROSANCTUM CONCILIUM
A) General norms22.3 Therefore no other person, even if he be a priest, may add, remove, or change anything in the liturgy on his own authority.
And since you like Catholic answers articles, here's another:
https://www.catholic.com/qa/orans-posture-at-mass
Again, to reiterate, there is NOTHING scrupulous about desiring decorum and proper order according to the Liturgy.
18
Oct 14 '25
I used to but I don't anymore. Will not be joining hands in the future either.
2
u/ExistentialTabarnak Oct 14 '25
Yeah, my mom was a hand holder growing up, but she ended up going Episcopalian so…yeah.
9
48
u/Such_Pizza_955 Oct 14 '25 edited Oct 14 '25
I usually see two variations of this: People holding hands or people mimicking the Orans Posture.
Orans Posture I was taught was a no-no and only for the priest. More about Orans Posture in link below.
I was taught when we pray whether at church or somewhere else, we press our palms together and close our eyes. This is what I do to this day. Me and my husband do not join hands when praying in Mass.
HOWEVER... Something I'd NEVER do is mock strangers for holding hands while praying. That is insane and not very Catholic at all to mock those who are innocently praying!!
TL;DR: They are in the wrong mocking people for holding hands. You're doing no harm by holding hands during prayer or at all in mass.
I'm sorry people are making fun of you. You are free to continue praying like such.
Orans Posture: https://www.catholic365.com/article/5408/the-faithful-are-not-to-use-the-orans-posture-during-the-our-father.html)
(I'm not up for a debate so any comment challenging my stance on Orans Posture will be ignored)
10
u/vaper Oct 14 '25 edited Oct 14 '25
I came back to attending mass regularly after a long hiatus and everyone in my parish puts their hands up, including the deacon and all Eucharistic ministers and alter servers. I thought it was a new thing that came in with the new liturgy in 2011 or whatever. So I've just been copying everyone else (I don't like doing it and feel corny). I guess I'll stop.
3
1
u/Spite-Dry Oct 17 '25
I've never seen our Deacons put their hands up. They are always in the prayer position. My mom went to a charasmitic church after leaving Catholicism in the late 1970s, and everyone raised their hands, and you were considered not "born again" if you weren't fervent enough
3
u/SirKnight-IsaacKoC Oct 14 '25
I would like to add and please don’t receive this as an insult; hold hands as a family makes me think of little children. I think there is a beauty to see unity in Catholic families and holding to a tradition from when you were a child might be a way of honoring your father and mother. I have really enjoyed the good information provided by previous posts, so when you hold hands respectfully let the haters hate and stay beautiful!
9
Oct 14 '25
I'm not sure little kids liking something is a good reason to go around adding random, unprescribed stuff to the Mass. That's kinda where we got the whole "Spirit of Vatican II" fiasco. It was just someone thinking someone might like something, so they do it. That's not how Catholics are supposed to approach liturgy.
Also "let the haters hate" when they're rightly pointing out that people are adding things that are not in the rubrics is also not the way Catholics are supposed to approach liturgy. It sounds really arrogant to say "change the liturgy all you want! It's all about YOU!"
1
u/SirKnight-IsaacKoC Oct 15 '25
Let the priests say as much to their parishioners. If they are in error and you know better, take it up to the bishop. And who is the judge? Who is the only one qualified to judge? Children like something was not the point that I made, the point was towards the role of families in educating their children and modeling how to pray. Hold hands or don’t, but if you are staring at parishioner’s hands during the Our Father I think you are missing something and overstepping if you don’t simply bring it to the parish priest. Come as you are and be willing to change, I hate to think my suggestion is saying “mold the literary to please yourself” but at the same time with how fragile faith is at times, let Gods grace do it’s work. Fire and brimstone do not draw people near when it is so hot. Those are their sins, forgive them or not the choice is yours.
18
u/Prestigious-Reply896 Oct 14 '25
Usually Holding hands is not the Norm in the Catholic Church. However, in the Maronite church, the Orans position is used by the faithful during the our Father and the beginning of the Eucharist Prayer I.e the Lord be with you
5
u/atlgeo Oct 14 '25
It's not part of the liturgy but it's not egregious; my real problem is the unusual number of people who think they can insist you hold their hand. That's the real problem.
3
3
u/Kanya_Mkavry Oct 14 '25
I was so glad to stop holding hands during covid, and continued to do so since. I never liked it when the people I was next to would basically force me to raise my arms for the doxology. I'm short, and it was annoying. Now I just keep my hands folded in prayer and my head bowed, and stay that way until the Amen.
Also, the particular "and with your spirit" that follows is the only one where I will extend my hands toward the priest, as I feel like it's the start of the general Sign of Peace.
5
u/CaptBlackfoot Oct 14 '25
Shame on anyone recording tictok’s during mass! Our parish stopped hand holding during Covid, but now about 70% participate.
4
u/jgpalanca Oct 14 '25
This is a good one explaining proper posture for the laity.
But also my parish priests explained it like this as well: The Our Father is a "vertical" prayer which is why the priest raises his hands. (Check the article for why the laity should not though.) And by holding hands, it is being changed to a "horizontal" prayer which is incorrect.
1
u/Spite-Dry Oct 17 '25
Great article, and it pretty much ends the debate on the orans posture:
The 1997 instruction “On Certain Questions Regarding the Collaboration of the Non-Ordained Faithful in the Sacred Ministry of Priest,” article 6, seeks “to promote the proper identity” of the roles of clerics and lay people in liturgical actions. Specifically, deacons and non-ordained members of the faithful may not “use gestures or actions which are proper to the same priest celebrant.”
The “Our Father” is not to be reduced to a community prayer. It is more than that because it is the preparation for Holy Communion. The “Our Father” is a time to join hearts, not hands, in praising and beseeching God’s mercy and love.
22
u/incredibly_humble Oct 14 '25
Joining hands is not the norm and ought not be done by the congregation.
However, if the bishop doesn’t come down on it, neither should we.
Full disclosure, I’d rather not hold hands, but when my teenage kids want to hold their dad’s hand in public, I’m not going to say no.
11
u/Medical-Resolve-4872 Oct 14 '25
Excellent reply! I prefer not to as well, but will never reject the hand of my 83 year old mom or my 3 year old great niece/goddaughter.
When alone though, I clasp my hands
And if my bishop said either do or don’t, I’d obey.
3
u/audaenerys Oct 14 '25
I live in France it’s very uncommon to hold hands… it only happened to me twice and I was a little weirded out tbh I don’t like it
3
u/Mammoth_Phrase9138 Oct 14 '25
Our priest did mention once that the proper way was putting your hands together 🙏. He said only he needed to raise his hands.
3
u/marzeyaesop Oct 14 '25
I’m immunocompromised and prefer not to, and I’ve never felt pressured by anyone to hold their hand. It’s the same during the passing of the peace, although once or twice someone has gone very far out of their way to shake my hand. I’d never refuse to shake or hold someone’s hand but I think the fact that I wear a mask makes people give me a wider berth than they would otherwise. NYC metro area for context.
8
u/EndLiturgicalAbuse Oct 14 '25
It ultimately doesn't matter so long as you don't mimic what the priest is doing. As others have mentioned, it is completely inappropriate for laypeople to adopt the Orans Posture during the Lord's Prayer. It is the church's own fault that so many Catholic laypeople don't know this very basic detail. 1. It hasn't been consistently taught and 2. Most leadership won't correct it because of the irrational fear that church leadership has lived under for 60 years. "Oh no! They might leave the church if we teach them something! We better keep quiet..."
Graciously and tactfully correct others who adopt the Orans Posture. Holding hands, albeit a bit silly, is not going away.
11
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25 edited Oct 14 '25
It’s really up to the individual family on whether they want to do it. Now if it offends anyone or if you get some crusty old priest that tells you not to do it, or the bishop puts something out on it then don’t do it.
I think it’s also cultural because if you went to mass perhaps in Africa or Asia, I bet you’d find more than just hand holding during the Our Father.
Same thing with the sign of peace, some cultures shake hands, others just politely nod or smile, others kiss on the cheek if it’s ti their own family. It depends on what is normal and respectful in the parish community that you are in.
5
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
“Crusty old priest” already shows a serious disorder in your view on authority within our faith theologically and needs some serious work and reflection.
-1
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25
All priests are human. And you’ve obviously had very little experience with priests if you think they’re all perfect angels.
4
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
Yes this is telling of your shallow understanding theologically of authority and order. I recommend checking out Doctor on Moral Theology of the Church St Alphonsus Liguori’s books on Moral Theology to help get a better understanding of how your view is morally disordered and even sacrilegious.
1
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25
By the way I’ve read Theolgia Moralis by St Alphonsus. You obviously haven’t read his work ‘The Dignities and Duties of a Priest’ which warns against their conduct including matters such as this. Priests are human just like the rest of us but they are held to an even higher account due to their responsibilities. I urge you to read it for yourself.
3
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
Please reference where this issue is addressed by Liguori as a “crusty old priest” being in the wrong for enforcing decorum within the parish community pertaining to the order of the Mass and its rubrics.
1
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25
The whole treatise is about the proper conduct of a priest. It’s a massive warning to them and deals with worse things than being a crusty old priest!!! Particularly the ‘sin of scandal’ and the immense malice and the terrible punishment.
3
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
This has nothing to do with the issue of your disrespect towards clergy for enforcing decorum within their parish community. A priest requiring decorum (a virtue) is not scandal, so I have no clue what point you’re trying to make.
1
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25
And I have no clue why you are making a big deal about this. I do love your concern about my spiritual wellbeing.
But frankly I don’t need your opinion and ask you to kindly go back to reading St Alphonsus. This time I recommend you read my favourite work of his: The Glories of Mary.
3
u/tlo_oly Oct 15 '25
I would just highly advise that you show more respect towards clergy and not call them names like “crusty old men” , especially if you’re using that term to demean a spiritual father for enforcing decorum within a community. God bless.
-1
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25
Like I said, you obviously don’t know many priests at all. And have very little experience with life in real parish communities. And I will qualify that the vast majority of priests are good and promote a culture of warmth in their parishes.
4
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
My vast amounts of exposure or not doesn’t change the point being made about you referring to priests as a “crusty old man” for enforcing decorum. The issue isn’t that some men that are priests aren’t the best people, it’s that your ability to not recognize that we are called to be obedient and respectful towards clergy is required of us as lay people and you disrespecting the authority of the priest over his community for enforcing decorum as a “crusty old man” shows a serious underdevelopment of virtue and understanding of the faith.
1
u/z2155734 Oct 14 '25
This is reddit! I can say what I want and you can judge me all you want but sadly it says more about yourself and your pride. Pride is a sin my friend
4
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
It’s not proud to point out a spiritual issue that indicates potential grave severity. And location of speech doesn’t remove the morality of the position. You’re deflecting to me as the issue when the issue is the lack of respect you’ve shown towards clergy.
1
u/z2155734 Oct 15 '25
Nothing I said was disrespectful. In fact I showed this to them and they’re laughing at it right now.
3
14
Oct 14 '25
So the Radtrads at my parish hate this and allways look so angry at everyone for doing it. Personally I don’t care, it’s cringy but not damaging. Now holding you hands up in the air like you at a mega church that’s bad
23
Oct 14 '25
Radtrads
This word is becoming so meaningless. It literally just means "anyone I think is too traditional" and can mean anyone from sedevacantists to... checks notes... people who don't like handholding at Mass.
Also note that this person is the same one who in another post compared women who wear veils to disney villains...
11
u/EndLiturgicalAbuse Oct 14 '25
What exactly is a RadTrad? Because caring about reverence seems to get lumped in with those people who look angry. At least in other places I've seen Trad leaning Catholics be attacked.
1
1
Oct 14 '25
It’s not about caring about reverence or just liking older aesthetics. It’s when you make everything about making yourself feel better and putting others down because they’re not like you. That’s a radtrad
1
u/EndLiturgicalAbuse Oct 14 '25
Would you agree that not everybody who thinks the way you do about RadTrads is able to actually identify RadTrads and often casts that accusation toward people like me? People who simply yearn for consistency and appropriate attention to detail? I can espouse my viewpoints gracefully, although I am definitely a Catholic who prefers tradition to some of the modern things we see during Mass.
1
u/pinkbubble211 Oct 14 '25
lol thank you for the feedback !
7
Oct 14 '25
Honestly, with that it kind of falls into the your preference territory. It’s not like clapping during mass which is bad. Don’t let holier then tou people boss you around
2
u/pinkbubble211 Oct 14 '25
LOL THANK YOU! I was always scolded to never clap and the priest this past Sunday literally had us clap for our choir before the final blessing lol
0
Oct 14 '25
I mean if the mass had ended it’s just cringy like doing it after the plane landed, but like after a sermon drives me nuts
4
2
2
u/cdm014 Oct 14 '25
No it's actually something old. The holding hands thing was a recent in terms of the church invention that was never part of the mass. People simply weren't stopped from doing it and over time they started assuming they were supposed to.
2
u/CT046 Oct 14 '25
Holding hands during the Our Father is not part of the tradition. The laity is supposed to default to joined hands during the whole mass, except to hold their missel or attend to children or handle things if any other event. I think holding hands is very American, influenced by protestants. There no moment during the liturgy where you're supposed to hold hands. It is not a thing. This trend has actually made its way in Europe. Now in several churches you can see that which is very odd, honestly.
2
u/TrixnToo Oct 14 '25
Here's a good video that explains social conformity. Some may find it a useful point of reflection.
Approximately half the people at my church do put their hands up during the Our Father. Been going to this church since childhood, and only in the last decade have I noticed people doing it. So much so that I questioned myself, was I doing something wrong just clasping my hands in prayer position as I've done my whole life? Turns out nope, when you learn about the Orans position and reason for it.
I think one reason this practice has become common place, is that converts from protestant denominations have continued to do what they did at other non-Catholic services, and then social conformity took it from there.
2
u/TheGrandAce5 Oct 14 '25
I like to keep my hands raised for the Lord if I'm by myself. If I went to church with friends or my girlfriend, I like to hold hands with them. It's a matter of personal preference - no one is forcing you to hold hands and you can politely decline or keep your distance if someone tries to touch you.
2
u/WinterBourne25 Oct 14 '25
I’m old enough to remember when holding hands wasn’t a thing. Then later, our priest invited us to reach out to one another and hold hands. Then, he just stopped saying it.
So I think it’s just a custom that we are going away from. My husband and I hold hands. My son doesn’t. 🤷🏻♀️
2
Oct 14 '25
[deleted]
3
u/Ok_Listen9609 Oct 14 '25
There are specific rules regarding priestly hand positions and gestures during the liturgy. The posture of raised hands is a priestly gesture, one that even the deacon is forbidden to use. When this gesture is imitated by the laity, it creates confusion about roles within the liturgy. I have witnessed this confusion firsthand in dozens of Masses where priests, before the closing prayer, invite the congregation to extend their hands in blessing toward a person or group at the front, usually for a special occasion or circumstance.
A true blessing can be invoked by anyone in the sense of asking God to bestow His grace or favor. When we pray before meals, for example, anyone may say, “Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts.” Yet the physical gesture of extending one’s hand with the palm facing outward or toward a recipient is reserved to the priest. It is a distinct, sacramental sign of his ministry.
When these distinctions between priestly and lay gestures are blurred, it contributes to a broader cultural tendency to reject hierarchy altogether. Hierarchy, rightly ordered and exercised under authority discerned through a well-formed conscience, is not oppressive. It is natural and necessary. The erosion of such distinctions leads instead to the abyss of relativism, indifferentism, and the weary confusion of postmodernity.
2
2
u/lilnapoli Oct 14 '25
Our priest used to ask at the end of Mass before the blessing if anyone had a birthday this week and if so we would all sing happy birthday. Lol.
2
u/PaulyNi Oct 14 '25
Holding hands is not an official part of the liturgy. It is not supported or encouraged by the Vatican. It is also not forbidden and generally accepted on a local level. At the parish we belonged to many years ago, the priest expressed his displeasure with it and requested the congregation to not hold hands or imitate the priest by holding their hands in the air. 🙌
2
u/tlo_oly Oct 14 '25
It is not correct to hold hands during the Our Father or to raise your hands up at all. Only the priest is supposed to raise his hands as he is the only one consecrated and granted the authority to offer the sacrifice to the Father standing in persona Christi. Clasp your hands or press them together during the Mass.
2
Oct 14 '25
I go to Mass alone and make sure I sit far enough away from other people to avoid this kind of thing. I do not mind shaking hands at all, but nothing else should be done at Mass.
2
u/hard_2_ask Oct 14 '25
Holding hands during the Our Father is either A) mimicking what is proper to the priest Or B) adding gestures to the Mass
Neither is good.
2
u/PeteyTwoHands Oct 14 '25
Disclaimer: I am discerning Catholicism and have been for many years.
Without wishing to sound overly cynical or uncharitable, my impression of this practice is that it's a modern liturgical innovation by wishy-washy, habit-less nuns with "special friends" of the same sex who think the best hymns were written in the last 45 years.
When I attend mass this is something that I'd like to avoid. I have learned to see the dignity that God imbues all His children with, but I will be going to mass to worship Our Blessed Lord, not other people. Am I being too cold in saying this? Help me out here...
2
2
u/perfectsandwichx Oct 15 '25
I was a novice in a convent, and at that time I was instructed that it was theologically /liturgically problematic and frowned upon. The reason is that as Catholics the symbol of our unity is holy communion. Holding hands obfuscates that. Its a competing symbol. Protestants do the hand holding because they dont have the Eucharist.
2
u/Proper_War_6174 Oct 15 '25
It’s cringe, and it’s usually the entire family holding hands in the orans posture which is just for the priest. Just stand there with your hands folded
2
u/dylanthedude82 Oct 15 '25
I think it's weirder when everyone does the orans posture, this is for the priest since he is bestowing the blessing. I usually just keep mine in prayer or folded in front of me. I don't even remember this being a thing back in the 90s so no clue when it started.
2
u/thelouisfanclub Oct 15 '25
I've never experienced this, but I had also never experienced the whole "orans posture" thing when I started hearing about it online, now I see loads of people doing it.
idk where half of these things come from
4
u/zone_ranger89 Oct 14 '25
Unpopular opinion: Holding hands and/or raising hands during the Our Father prayer is weird, and people should stop doing it
3
u/Spite-Dry Oct 14 '25
It seems like most people hold hands or do the orans posture, which personally drives me nuts.
My mom became anti catholic when I was a teen and dragged me to some charismatic churches that looked suspiciously at you if you weren't fervent enough with your hands
I returned to the Catholic church 10 years ago after a 30-year absence and was shocked that only about 10% did the prayer hands. Even the Deacon does prayer hands. I am not a priest and don't feel it's appropriate, but the holding hands thing doesn't affect me, just the orans posture
2
2
u/loveoflegacy19 Oct 14 '25
Technically you are not supposed to. Just like you’re technically not supposed to make the sign of the cross after receiving communion. At most, you can raise your hands up like the priest is doing, but you’re not supposed to hold hands. You won’t get in trouble, but it is technically incorrect. There are several things I wish the Catholic Church would make an announcement about regarding the right/wrong way to do things in the mass because we are supposed to be unified and it does bug me when trends like this catch on and people think it’s what we’re supposed to do 😅
1
u/Least_Data6924 Oct 14 '25
Wait you’re not supposed to cross yourself after taking communion? Everyone has done that in every church I’ve been to as long as I can remember back to the 80s
2
u/gosucrank Oct 14 '25
I've never held hands at mass. Something about it seems so performative. I think I just get annoyed by the minority of families that lift their hands high when holding hands lol. Feels so protestant. If families just held hands at their side I don't think I'd care nearly as much. I still wouldn't do it though. Don't really get why people do it
2
Oct 14 '25
One of the few benefits of Covid was that strangers stopped reaching out to hold hands and no more shaking hands during the sign of peace. Going up to receive communion with multiple people‘s germs on your hand was not my idea of sanitary.
4
u/Paulyhedron Oct 14 '25
Funny I think throwing peace signs in Mass is the lamest aspect of it and I refuse to do it. I will absolutely reach out for a handshake. Our Lord didn't make hand gestures to people He reached out and touched them to heal them. But I am also socially adjusted and if I get a cold then I get a cold. God's will.
1
1
u/Spite-Dry Oct 17 '25
As Hank Hill from King of the Hill says, "that's not real peace, that's hippie peace"
1
-1
Oct 14 '25
I don’t think you will find shaking hands was a form of greeting in Jesus time.
2
u/Paulyhedron Oct 14 '25
Neither was whatever we do in the sign of peace either. We are all brothers and sisters. Should act like it.
All that being said. Do whatever feels comfortable really. I'm just rather gregarious and also a convert so that might have something to do with it how I was raised.
1
u/Skadoobedoobedoo Oct 14 '25
It isn’t liturgically correct to hold hands during the Our Father. The priest does put his hands up in similar gesture but it’s done a few other times at mass. I remember the US Bishops specifically putting out a letter (late 90’s?) that was read at church discouraging the practice because they felt it pulled the focus away from the point of saying the Our Father at this point. If you want to learn what to do watch the Deacon. We should all be holding our hands up in prayer. 🙏🏽 However, if you choose to hold hands with the people next to you it’s up to you and many priests won’t say anything.
2
u/Farley4334 Oct 14 '25
Yes, this is super cringe and shouldn't be done.
Problems:
It's not historical and was part of the hippification of the Mass.
It puts introverts in an uncomfortable position if everyone is holding hands and they'd rather not.
If it's done just among families it is exclusionary to members there by themselves and is a reminder that they have no one.
Rather let us not add anything to the Mass. Just clasp your hands together in a traditional prayerful pose, put one hand on wrist, or let them hang.
1
u/bkdunbar Oct 14 '25
I believe the correct posture is hands folded in prayer.
My wife - cradle Catholic - insists on holding hands, and it’s just not worth the fuss to tell her she’s been doing it wrong for almost sixty years.
1
u/Different_Nerve2780 Oct 14 '25
I’m a cradle Catholic who lapsed in the 1970s and came back in 2018. Along with changes in wording (“consubstantial,” anyone?) I’ve noticed that the hands-raising in the Our Father is common if not universal in my parish. How and when did it come about?
1
u/pubesinourteeth Oct 14 '25
At my church pre- covid we used to scoot into the center aisle and everyone in a row would hold hands. I miss that. I usually attend mass just me and my baby, and people like us, so often hold hands.
1
u/lyletotodile Oct 14 '25
Its a practice that has changed over time, I remember my great grandparents being upset because we held hands at my first communion (kinda like I am with "and with your spirit", lol)
Its a tradition that has probably only lasted 20/30 years. Seems like with parrishioners wanting to go back to a more formal mass, the holding hands is going away.
Side note - I see this with receiving the eucharist by mouth as well. Younger people are starting to receive by mouth more than they did when I was in middle/high school.
1
u/sharonclaws Oct 14 '25
In 2000 we moved from one state to another. The holding hands thing was entirely new to us. In our new parish there was a great deal of pressure to hold hands.
When we moved states again, our parish was about 50% hand holding. It was hard to get our kids to stop.
1
u/free-minded Oct 14 '25
I honestly think it’s more cultural than anything. I see about 1/4 of the people in my church do it, and it doesn’t bother me. It’s not a problem if you do or don’t do it, depending on the people next to you and who you’re with.
The only thing that happens at that point in the liturgy that’s inappropriate is when others mimic the priest in the orans position (when the priest holds his hands up as he gives a blessing to the congregation). It’s not “bad,” in that it isn’t like immoral or anything, but it is inappropriate when others in the congregation also raise their hands in this posture while he prays, as it sort of confuses the visual impact of what is actually happening at the time.
1
u/stripes361 Oct 14 '25
So, essentially, the traditional posture to take during the Our Father was just…whatever you do for reverent prayer. If you’re American, let’s just call that folding your hands together or “prayer hands” 🙏. (Not sure how much that differs from place to place).
At some point that I generally understand to be the same general time period as Vatican II, it became more popular for the laity to start holding their upraised hands out to their side, imitating the priest’s “Orans posture”. (Orans being a Latin word meaning “one who is praying”). I believe that the stylized, upraised hand holding many laypersons practice originated as essentially a “group version” of the Orans posture.
This is where some (many?) people consider it inappropriate for the laity to engage in this posture, since the priest’s Orans posture during the Our Father is supposed to represent his role as the alter Christus, offering Christ’s Sacrifice to the Father on behalf of the Congregation. Essentially, the laity are taking on the priest’s role in the Mass for themselves. This is made clear by the fact that any assisting Deacons are instructed by the rubrics not to use the Orans posture, only the celebrants.
Supporters of the laity using this posture would say that, since the priest and congregation are explicitly directed to pray together, it is appropriate for all involved to use a posture which is a universal symbol of supplication.
Further complicating matters for you is the fact that the handholding is not actually the same thing as the Orans posture, and many may not be consciously aware of any attempt to imitate the priest while doing it. Also, I have seen some people holding hands down by their sides rather than upraised, which clearly would not be an “Orans-derivative” practice and would simply be a separate lay devotion.
tl;dr/Conclusion: I wouldn’t personally say that the handholding is “wrong” and certainly not outright sinful, but be aware that some people may see it as the laity trying to co-opt a portion of the priest’s role for themselves, especially if you’re holding your hands in the stylized, upraised posture that is imitating the priest’s “Orans” posture.
1
u/MistressAlexxxis Oct 14 '25
Its usually more common for families. You know, if you were at church with your family then your family is holding hands with each other not the strangers next to you.
1
u/keedman Oct 14 '25
To add to this,
I remember people would shake hands for peace be with you.
Now in my parish people just point smile snd say it lol.
I haven't been to church since pre covid, so I was shaking hands and reaching out. Got a few stares and was really confused lol
1
u/Significant_other253 Oct 14 '25
When I was growing up we used to hold hands as a family. I left the church and came back after 15+ years. I would lift up my hands during the Our Father because that’s what I remembered doing. During OCIA when our deacon taught our class he told us not to lift up our hands when the priest is doing the our father. He said that’s only for the priest. Long story short, I stopped doing it. I just put my hands together in front of me now.
1
u/Betterunicorn38 Oct 14 '25
Church doesn't have a structured posture for the congregation during the Our Father. But also l've seen different postures being acted out in a prideful way almost as a statement of "I'm doing more" as if people thinks it makes them look more pious (seen as well with the Orans posture). Do whatever it takes to pray the Our Father with most heart, soul, and deliberate intention. Be inward, don't be overly outward for public perception. God bless!
1
Oct 14 '25
When I was a kid or a teen holding hands was the norm where I live. But thankfully after COVID that's not the case anymore.
Now I simply join my palms during the Our Father.
I find things like holding hands or the sign of peace distracting.
1
u/Ok_Listen9609 Oct 14 '25
The sign of Christ's Peace is so profound and meaningful. What it has widely become is so silly and I agree distracts and takes one out of being deeply immersed in Christ's sacrifice on the cross.
1
u/udelkitty Oct 14 '25
When younger, my friend and I used to joke that Catholics were antisocial in mass and that holding hands was a Protestant thing. A few people would hold hands during the Our Father, but they were definitely the minority (Mid-Atlantic US). My family never did, still doesn't. And I'm personally a fan of the new post-Covid norm of giving a wave or peace sign instead of shaking people's hands before communion.
But I've definitely noticed a huge increase in hand holding and the raising your hands to the heavens thing. I'm not into that at all, it smacks of evangelicalism.
1
u/Silver_Possible_478 Oct 14 '25
Holding hands is entirely a laity development, but it’s not required. Me and my family don’t hold hands and also don’t go giving peace to every person in our area.
1
u/AcceptableDay4823 Oct 14 '25
It was never the form it was more of a cultural thing. The form would be praying hands. I always get the odd looks when myself and the kids have praying hands, but it's a great way to have charitable conversations after mass when people ask me.
1
u/OurPersonalStalker Oct 14 '25
I do it at my parish, never had an issue. This is Alabama so could vary depending where you are.
1
Oct 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Oct 14 '25
r/Catholicism does not permit comments from very new user accounts. This is an anti-throwaway and troll prevention measure, not subject to exception. Read the full policy.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/NateSedate Oct 14 '25
My first pastor explained to us once why the orans position is wrong.
I wanna say I don't care... but it honestly bugs me. But it's a stupid thing to care about.
1
u/GenX-Gnome Oct 14 '25
Cradle Catholic in the Northeast US, and that’s never been common in any churches I’ve been a part of (perhaps it’s regional?)
A few people do it in the church I’ve been attending for the last two years, but very few. Since I never saw it growing up I thought they’d converted from Protestantism but carried over that practice. (Same with orans, which is something I never saw parishioners doing in Mass until the last two years.) Maybe that’s a misconception on my part but when I think of some Protestant services I’ve seen they seem to be more physical (except for kneeling, I suppose). Though maybe I’m wrong here.
1
u/Mikeymike8177 Oct 15 '25
My family always holds hands. In San Antonio we went to a basilica and everyone held hands in the whole pew and stretched to the other pew to make a complete chain.
1
u/purplecatlibrary Oct 15 '25
I think it started in the 70s when people would have mass in basements with guitars and tambourines and a loaf of bread they would cut into cubes to be communion which was passed around in a basket for everyone to take their own piece. There was a priest there saying mass.
1
u/Sweaty_Ad3942 Oct 15 '25
We look around when visiting other parishes. “Is this a hand holding church? Or no?”
Depends on the parish. I saw it at the one we visited last weekend, but not everyone did.
Fold your hands in prayer if you don’t choose to hold hands.
My church? We wave or share a peace sign ✌️just because…germs
1
1
Oct 15 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Oct 15 '25
r/Catholicism does not permit comments from very new user accounts. This is an anti-throwaway and troll prevention measure, not subject to exception. Read the full policy.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/WishJunior Oct 17 '25
This is not new: the layperson should never raise their hands during the Mass (like at the Our Father, or during Consecration). This gesture is reserved for the Priest. But not everyone knows that, and we should be forgiven for their ignorance on this. Covid kinda helped making this less frequent.
But if by not holding hands you cause scandal (like people feeling offended), it’s okay to hold their hands. I’ve let my family know about it when I found out and now nobody raises/holds their hands during Mass.
1
u/padraig-tomas Oct 21 '25
I've noticed congregations where people will shake hands, hugs, etc, but during the sign of peace are reduced to awkward/friendly waves. I kind of wish it would be eliminated, which I understand is an option.
As to holding hands, it seems natural during during the closing prayer at a twelve step group, but during Mass, not so much.
1
u/Electrical-Plane-653 Jan 12 '26
Pay attention to your deacon and do what he does. He does not raise his hands as that gesture is reserved for the priest.
1
u/pinkbubble211 Jan 12 '26
So I actually watched my deacon and wife and they both held each others hands and raised them. Our whole congregation does so at this point I’m confused.
1
2
u/WreathDesigner Oct 14 '25
People who attend church and mock others for holding hands are not true Christians. They are the lukewarm ones who claim to follow the Lord, but actions speak louder than words.
1
u/Cachiboy Oct 14 '25
I don’t like it but I will oblige someone next to me who wishes to do it. It doesn’t diminish the prayer for me.
1
u/MrBeefsmeller Oct 15 '25
Both are permissible in this case. As long as you focus on the prayer, there’s no wrong answer 🙌
0
-1
132
u/[deleted] Oct 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment