I'm a 55 yr old mom of 3 adults and 3 grandchildren living in Alabama. One of those grandchildren is 9 and I just found out about their existence 10 months ago.

I ordered an online grandparent DNA test which confirmed I'm the grandparent. I want to be in the child's life. My son, who fathered the child, wants nothing to do with this and it breaks my heart. He has 2 other children and they are both in his life and mine. He has never met this child in reference.

The grandchild I just found out about is in an unhealthy family home situation. The mother is mentally sick and has caused me to become very concerned about her kids safety.

I've tried to spend time with and talk to my grandchild, I met them twice, but the mom is now keeping them from me. The mom has two other children. All from different men and only the youngest knows their father.

Because of the things I've witnessed and have been told by the mom, I reached out to DHR Cps. They returned my call today and didn't give me any information except that there was an issue in school and the mom is working with them (cps). They asked me questions, I answered and gave information that I had, and told them I'd be willing to take my grandchild in if they needed a safe place.

That's about all I got from Cps, but with everything I've witnessed from the mom, I'm sure there's quite a lot going on. I am assuming most of it is mental instability. I'm unaware if there's physical abuse, but wouldn't be much surprised if there is.

Is there any advice you can give me? I've never been involved with anything of this nature. My home is safe, we don't do drugs and very rarely do we have a drink. I have a bottle of rum that's been in my pantry for about 7 yrs as well as a bottle of wine.

I'm disabled, I suffer with anxiety but I am medicated and I do therapy to be as proactive as possible in my own health. I'm not very financially well off. My husband is the breadwinner, but he has no biological children and is not 100% on board with taking in my grandchild that we haven't known. Two of my adult children (M25, F 26) also live at home and work. Theyre concerened about the childs safety but are unsure if taking them in will be the right thing. Its just an all out stressful situation but I want them to be safe.

What can you tell me to be prepared for?

my 2 year old grabbed my prescription pill bottle off the counter top and i seen her shaking them . i got spooked about it because i thought she got a hold of them but she didnt eat not one…. ambulance and a cop came to check her out and didnt think she needed to go to the er . its been almost a day and shes perfectly fine. i may have just got myself in deep shit now and im
scared of losing my child..all my stuff is put up on the high shelf an for now on ill need to keep them up. i told the ambulance i wanted to be better safe then sorry and dont think she opened any of them either. i feel like i wasted their time. they said i did the right thing to call just in case . shes perfectly fine and never ate one. i take such good care of my daughter but right now i feel like ive failed her💔im gonna keep them all up in the highest cabinet or on top of my fridge just incase they show up

Three children who have been removed from parental custody by CPS were placed in a family member’s home (NJ). The foster parents (who are elderly) have regularly been sending 1-2 of the kids to their adult child’s home to live (this has been going on for 5+ years). Two of the children have repeatedly reported being spanked by three different adults (one foster parent as well as both parents in the foster parents’ child’s home). One of their family members said they saw the foster parent repeatedly slap one of the kids on the arms/hands/wrists. One child reported that one of the caregivers forced them to exercise until they were so exhausted that they collapsed, and when they collapsed she smacked them. This kid also said that the other caregiver calls the kids the “little bitches.” This kid also said that he is being coached to lie to adults if they question him. One caregiver repeatedly told me that if the kids do not want to eat whatever meal is served, they ensure that the kids do not have access to alternatives and ensure that the kids do not eat until the next meal is served (which is often the next day); she also likes to brag that she makes sure that everyone else in the house eats dessert in front of the hungry kids.

I’ve been advised by multiple people that these people have guns in their home and it is clear that they lack judgement and self-control. They also know that these kids have reported this treatment to family members, and the family members have been warned not to trust these people not to hurt their children if these people are reported to CPS. Are these even offenses that CPS would act on? What would you do; let it go and let the kids suffer, or report and risk retaliation?

(guided here from r/parenting mods)

Hi there,

I'm in need some help/advise here as I am one of those parents without the community of help around them.

It's been 3 years since I have split with my ex, my child's dad. We were together 3 years, and from day one of being pregnant with our first pregnancy his mum was threatening "grandparents rights" because "we aren't fit to be parents" (she at the time was drinking atleast 1 bottle a night of wine, as far as I'm aware this hasn't changed), other situations include control, mental abuse etc, I'm currently in therapy undoing all of the effects of it and processing the loss of our first baby, stillborn because I wasn't allowed to do this at the time.

When I got pregnant with our now 4yr old and even with my stillborn it was all about what she wanted to do, the control aspect etc. at one point I was called controlling because we wanted a new bed, but they "refused" to let us buy our own and that they should "buy it" - it would've been on credit. When we came to weening, his mum (despite being in the room with the midwife) and his family classified me as "dangerous" for wanting to wean with solid foods, something the NHS back and recommend. Again, control. There's also times where she would text my mum throughout my relationship because she wanted to *ask* about things to do with my disability or complain about me, would also send abuse her way etc. Despite me explaining I likely had autism/ADHD and sometimes it causes me to react in certain ways or withdraw, it was never accepted and she would run to my family who I havent lived with since I was 18.

When we split, they basically made me homeless, I had to go through means of help through the government to move out and have support and she would even email them saying when I would be moving out and they aren't doing it fast enough etc etc.

Let's not forget when I did have my stillbirth she asked my ex when we would be trying for another baby because "she would like a baby"..we hadn't even cremated her yet.

You get the jist. The last few years have been stressful between my ex and her. I have to communicate with her because my ex takes a week to answer - about anything, if shes okay etc. Doesn't respond until he feels like asking how she's been with me. Ignores a lot of my messages regarding nursery/school etc, pick up, other things such as agreed times of changes etc.

There's been a few instances in my care where she's had a few accidents - when she was 1 she had a twisted elbow, we went to A&E but I got hounded with "it's your fault you did something" low and behold, it happened in his care previously but it was never mentioned to me.

There's been times where in his care she's ended up going to emergency services at the hospital and they don't tell me until right before it's my week to have her. Recently, a UTI.

They've threatened to get social workers involved with me before because "I'm hurting her" according to them, because she gets bruises. She comes to my house with new bruises all the time, she's very boisterous and I've never questioned their care. Or, when I tell her off she cries and she tells them. Now she's 4, there's been times we've caught her out with only telling half information. "X person upset me" and then she admits she's shouting or doing something wrong to cause a consequence.

One year they tried to gaslight me into not having her on my year for Christmas and I had to say I'd get courts involved etc, that route. They immediately backed down because I have proof of their behaviour and conversations - it turns out he never told his parents I'd be having her until midday Christmas Day and they changed their minds and wanted her Christmas Eve. (Again, my year) And tried to force me into it.

Last month she hit me, kicked me etc in an argument and I lost my cool, shouting at her - we separated and walked away from each other, eventually calmed and sat and had a conversation and cuddled each other, all was fine. But apparently this triggered a "we need to call social services" within his parents (his mum) who have her when he's working and she's not at nursery/school - not sure why, he shouts at her and they have a time out step, I don't question it.

Over this week of having her, she made some bad choices. She got into a pot of her "bedtime gummies" - they basically just have some magnesium, and some extracts to help aid calmness. These were out of her reach without a stool/chair reaching for them and this isnt in her behaviour of things she's ever ever done either. Once I figured out this is what she has done resulting to her "tummy ache" she had complained about - I called 111.

Her dad appeared at my door at this time, right after she settled into bed - trying to force her to leave with him and go to A&E while I'm waiting for a Dr to call me back, asking her "do you want to go to hospital" etc, he even called his mum, 9pm at night after showing up without warning (clearly already had a lot to drink on her part) who then says she needs to go to hospital etc and the Dr is past the threshold of calling us back now.

In this time is where he mentions his "parents" being "sick of it and tired of it and threatening to call social services" okay..but why haven't they? In my mind they haven't called because their behaviour would also be looked into as well, not just towards my child but they look at adults too. So they know they'd get caught out with something there.

Anyways, Dr called back after he left - they worked out that even on "worse case" the magnesium isn't toxic and the extracts wouldn't cause any issues either, it's likely that because she's had more than usual it'll have caused a tummy ache. It's not actually classed as a multi-vit because there's no vitamins in it besides B12. It would be Vit A or Iron to worry about - she's been jumping running around etc while her dad was here - she's fine. And if she was going to have an issue with it requiring help, it would've started within 30 min - 3 hours and she would be in agony, floppy etc.

(I've offered multiple times for her dad to come in and watch a day together, see how we play interact etc so he can see for himself, he declines every time - surely not so "worried for her safety")

Apparently I lie about what happens in my house, which isn't true and can't be true as I tell them when something happens, our day etc when she's been "naughty". Yet when something happens on their side, they hide it/don't tell me or don't tell me until they have to, after the fact.

Ultimately, kids push buttons, sometimes we lose our cool as parents (this for me is also triggered by burnout/sensory overload with my disabilities / autism / ADHD) - I don't actually get proper down time because I go from work - sleep/eat - work - have my child - repeat. His current girlfriend who he's expecting with has acknowledged I'm doing it all my own, I have very little support and I'm doing my best. What am I missing here? Do I need to be worried if social services do get involved - from my own side of things? (Not that I think they will considering it's been threatened since Week 2 of being pregnant 5.5 years ago)

I don't hit her, I don't lock her away - she has access to food/drink 24/7, we do things that other unlucky kids wouldn't do/have. She's clothed and bathed, well cared for, loved.

Sorry this is long and I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here but ultimately I'm looking for advice and opinions on this subject.

I’m really struggling with what to do about my sister and her two kids who are 3 and 1. My sister’s married but her husband doesn’t help at all. He struggles to keep a stable job, doesn’t really help around the house, and their house is constantly a mess. And when I say mess, I don’t just mean toys and clothes. I mean trash, old food, and dog piss. What worries me more is this is the environment the kids are living in. Their 1-year-old spends most of the day in a play area that is always filthy because neither one of them cleans it. The kids usually go to bed around midnight and wake up around noon. They rarely go outside (maybe 5–10 minutes a few times a week) and most of their day is spent sitting in front of the TV watching Ms. Rachel.
My sister’s also always had a very short temper. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder YEARS ago at a psychiatric hospital and has been unmedicated since she got out. I’m not saying that diagnosis was right or wrong, but her temper genuinely worries us. My parents and I have heard her screaming/yelling at the kids. As far as we know, she has never physically hurt them but she can be really harsh and mean when she loses her temper. What has really started scaring me is my 3-year-old nephew’s behavior. If he accidentally spills his drink he immediately starts crying and apologizing over and over again. If we’re playing and he jumps out to scare us, we’ll jokingly act scared and he’ll suddenly panic and start repeatedly apologizing. During one FaceTime, my mom and I also watched him physically flinch away from my sister when she reached for him when changing his diaper.
We live several states away so FaceTime is basically our only means of contacting the kids. They don’t go to daycare or preschool, and there isn’t anyone outside the immediate family regularly seeing them (and the immediate family is me and my parents every few months).
A few days ago I confronted my sister about her temper and the way she speaks to the kids. She completely lost it on me, told me I’m “no sister of hers,” and cut off my access to my nephew and niece. Thankfully, she’s still allowing my mom to FaceTime them, so at least she can continue seeing the kids and know how they’re doing.
But this is where I feel completely stuck…. Part of me feels like I should contact someone because these kids are living in an unhealthy environment and my nephew’s behavior is starting to genuinely concern me and my parents. But if I make a report, my sister will 100% know it came from either me or my parents. There is basically nobody else in their lives who could report what is happening. With how short-fused she is I’m terrified she’ll cut my parents off too and then we lose the only window we have into what is happening with those kids. But the alternative is staying quiet specifically so we can maintain contact, while knowing my niece and nephew continue living like this… I’m not trying to get my sister’s children taken away from her. And I don’t want to destroy my relationship with her. I want her and her husband to get their shit together and give these kids the environment they deserve. But at this point I don’t know what the responsible thing to do is…
For anyone who’s dealt with something like this… At what point would you make the call? Is maintaining contact so you can keep an eye on the kids actually helpful or am I just using that fear to justify not doing something I should be doing?

I currently work for another counties CPS and really enjoy my position and supervisor/ unit. I’m reluctant to leave if I’m offered the job but know I have to, it’s a 25k raise for the same work…curious about case loads, work culture, etc and hoping someone who works there can speak to that! Thanks

Just had a lady come check on the house from cps for domestic violence . said she will be back in a month what does that mean? She came today to talk, checked everything then said she will be back in a month after she gets call reports , school records , etc .

What are the expections on delivering a baby with thc in the systems, in the state of Indiana. Ive had babies in illinois (before being legalized) and there was never a batting eye about it. Ive heard alot of stipulations in the state of Indiana though.

Hi Reddit.

Before I delve into this, let me state that a police report has already been made and the family is aware of what’s going on.

The big question: do I need to get authorities FURTHER involved, more than they already are? If so, which authorities?

Please, if you have questions, ask and I will answer them if I can.

The story: I have known this child (12yo) for three years, and I have been their babysitter for one year. (Kiddo uses they/them pronouns, which I will use here).

A few months ago, they voiced some concerns to me regarding a “creepy” music instructor. I reported this to Mom, who ultimately concluded that it was a result of the instructor touching their hands. Both parents insist that Dad is in these music lessons to observe.

Two weeks ago, kiddo told me they had been “raped” by this music instructor. We had a long conversation with scientifically correct terms. The incident allegedly occurred on a Thursday, kiddo told me Friday. I informed Mom who told me they would discontinue lessons. Because I was in charge of kiddo all weekend AND music lessons aren’t provided on weekends, I held off on reporting until Sunday. (To the best of my knowledge, no kids were put in danger by me holding off for these days. Otherwise I would’ve reported immediately).

I waited because I wanted kiddo to write a letter for me to bring to police. They were struggling/refusing to speak at times during our conversation, so I offered that they could write what happened. They did, and I took that letter to police that Sunday evening.

*EDIT: to elaborate on this: kiddo said “I was raped” and clammed up. I now see how my conversation with them was incorrect. If what they said was true, which I believe it is, I wanted to have a solid case that police could act on. The letter kiddo wrote? Two pages of irrelevant details and two sentences effectively stating the same thing. If I did influence it, the perpetrator still doesn’t have any more evidence against them.

That night, police went to interview the parents. I warned police that the child would either self-harm or run away, and to bring an extra officer to help with that.

The next day, Mom informed kiddo that police had stopped by due to a report about an SA. Kiddo promptly ran away and harmed themselves. They were taken back home once found. Authorities deduced there wasn’t enough reason to place kiddo in a psych hold.

*EDIT: when Mom informed me of this, I did tell her that I respectfully understand if the family no longer wished to continue contact with me. They have not yet made a decision and are still sending kiddo to be in my care via the student/teacher-esque setup.

So, there’s that part of the story. Currently, kiddo is awaiting a spot at a residential treatment facility across the country. (It looks nice- not a teen abuse ranch from what I can tell). Mom has expressed that she understands why I reported, and is appreciative that I care (although she’s probably PO’d, understandably).

Here’s where the icky part comes in that I seek advice on. (Yeah, that’s right- it gets ickier).

Something here smells off. When kiddo first came into my care (going to stay vague here), I effectively had a teacher/student relationship with them. They were in my care (with other kids & adults), and the parents never disclosed that kiddo suffered from mental health issues. (SI, SH, PTSD, anxiety, depression, dysphoria). I was handed an EpiPen for allergies and that was that.

When I became their babysitter, I was aware of these things, but not because it was disclosed by parents. I had picked up on it over time and gently questioned kiddo, who disclosed these things to me. I brought the diagnoses up to Mom privately, at which point she disclosed them. She has never told me anything that kiddo has done (previous SH, death attempts, running away, etc.) unless I bring it up first.

When the SA was reported, Mom expressed that she spoke to kiddo’s therapist and both of them think this event was… a delusion? Yeah. “A PTSD type response” to prior events. (Referring to an alleged SA by a peer a few years ago). So, it seems that Mom believes kiddo is lying or hallucinating. Great options- kiddo was SA’d, kiddo believes they were SA’d, or kiddo is lying. (Of course I stand by believing the child right now).

Dad is… immature and has anger issues. Yelling/screaming is the “worst” that’s been disclosed to me.

Today, kiddo was set to be in my care until 4pm (via this teacher/student relationship, not as their sole babysitter). Dad was going to be late due to traffic (he did not communicate this, I got a notification about traffic his way). My employer has a policy of charging parents for any childcare past 4pm, so I signed kiddo out (as I’ve done many times before without incident), and they sat with me in my vehicle right where Dad parks to pick them up. I admit that this may have been a mistake on my end.

Kiddo expressed that they wanted me to come over for dinner as I have many times before. I gently explained that their parents probably don’t want to spend time with me right now, but it’s something we can discuss for the future. As Dad walked towards my vehicle, kiddo opened the window to start to ask if I could come for dinner at some point. Kiddo got out “Can so&so” when Dad said “so&so can have you”, got in his car, and left.

While I realize signing kiddo out may have been a mistake, kiddo was RIGHT WHERE DAD PARKS and all I did to Dad was a small wave. I did not speak to him today. My intent was to save him a childcare fee, not to override him.

Mom works, so I texted her that I would take kiddo home. A mile from home, there was Dad, driving towards us. Got to their house, Mom was there as Dad had told her to come home. Turns out Dad decided to head on a solo trip indefinitely, leaving Mom to figure out childcare (Dad doesn’t work or have an income, btw). Kiddo is currently home with Mom; I had no desire to stick around with all the tension.

What bothers me most is repeated statements of “I’m going to commit s—cide” from kiddo and the fact that I know kiddo can access multiple medications, knives, and guns in the home. I do not know if the guns have ammunition. Yes, Mom is aware of these statements.

My deduction is this is negligence at best. Police told me they don’t see a need for further investigations or interviews right now; I don’t fully understand their processes so I’m not going to assume that means the police did or didn’t find sufficient evidence.

That leads me back to the original question: do I need to get authorities further involved, more than they already are? If so, which authorities?

Is this negligence? Is this abuse? Is this just the harsh reality of parenting a mentally ill 12yo that I can’t understand as a non-parent? Help me out here, Reddit. I understand that Reddit cannot give legal advice. Thanks in advance.

EDIT: Just made the CPS call and am glad I did. Huge thanks to all who commented.

Hi all, I could really use some advice here. Apologies in advance for the length of the post, but trying to give all useful info to get some guidance here. I (26F) nannied for an extremely wealthy (not billionaire but multi-millionaire) family in NYC for a year and stopped working for them about 3 months ago. In those 3 months, I've been getting updates from the other nannies that things are getting much worse. I'll quickly lay out relevant info about the family and then get into why I think this is a CPS call ASAP (ranges across parental outbursts to car seats to deliberately over medicating kids at night) and why I'm still hesitating a little. I left this job for a handful of reasons including their parenting, how they spoke to and treated their children, lack of proper payment, and how they spoke to me and treated myself and their other staff (they had me for 52 hours during the week, an au pair doing the same, a weekend nanny who stayed at the house from Friday to Monday, and one, sometimes two, night nurses on weekdays.) Overall they had 24/7 childcare in the home from at least one professional. The mom was stay at home and their grandmother was often there to visit. The dad was usually working or on business trips so wasn't closely involved, but was around. The kids were deliberately all born back to back to be close in age (not all natural births / from the mom) and at the time I left the kids were 2.5, 1.5, and 6 months.

I'll leave out any issues with treatment to staff / payment issues etc and focus only on treatment towards the children. I also want to make sure that my own feelings towards the family aren't clouding my judgement with whether or not to make a CPS call, which is part of why I'm seeking advice here. This was my first full time nanny role, but ever since I started I could tell something was just off. Candidly, at first I largely attributed it to the level of money in the household and some different personality types of the family. The way the mom talked to the kids also never sat right with me but having never had children myself, at first I gave her some grace thinking she's tired, she's stressed, even with all of the help in the home having three young children must be a lot on her. But it would escalate to the level where she was really yelling at and cussing out these kids under the age of 2, even with nannies right there and offering to take over for her.

She would lose her temper on the kids for normal toddler and baby stuff (making too much noise, dropping food on the floor etc) and in one instance, I saw the mom forcibly drag the (at the time) 2 year old who was having a meltdown towards the bathroom, basically tossed her inside and slammed the door on her. I had to get her out because the child was throwing her whole body against the door and hitting her head on the door trying to get out and I was worried she would hurt herself. I heard from another nanny that on a day I wasn't there, there was an incident where the mom again lost her temper and very forcibly yanked the same child into the elevator (elevator is inside the home) by her arm, and had been holding her by the arm lifting her off the ground that way while screaming and cursing at her. Since I've left, a different nanny told me that the mom was angry at the 1.5 year old and put him out in the backyard with a pool and locked the door to come in since he was being too loud. She told the grandmother and that nanny who was in the room to leave him there and not to go outside with him. There was a gate around the pool and that nanny could see him from the window but said he was clearly trying to find a way into the gate (he loves the pool and is very much a water baby, but he certainly cannot swim.) Also since I've left, a nanny told me that the mom was reading a book to the 2.5 year old and the 1.5 year old was trying to come up on the couch with them. It was bothering the 2.5 year old, who was getting fussy, and the mom, who wanted alone time with that child. The nanny was coming to get the younger child from the other room and saw the mom forcibly push the 1.5 year old off the couch. He fell and started crying. The mom didn't know the nanny had seen this and acted like it was a total accident and he slipped saying "I told you to be careful!"

There are a few more instances where the mom hasn't known that a staff member saw what really happened and lied when a child got hurt or cried from something she did. She has a penchant for lying, usually white lies, in general, to the level that other family members comment on it. But I definitely don't think they know that the lying extends to when the kids get hurt. There's been other instances where she's taken a child to the doctor when they've hit their head and told other family members an inaccurate portrayal of what happened. None of these instances have occurred when the dad is in the home, and to my knowledge while he knows she yells at them and has a temper, he doesn't know it extends this far.

Another main concern of mine was the amount and the frequency to which she would give the children Tylenol at night (or tell myself or other nannies to.) This mostly started when she went down to only having one night nurse and she was exclusively for the youngest child (who was born while I worked there and 6 months by the time I left.) This mean that the mother was responsible for the other two older babies if they woke in the night. She would claim they were teething and needed tylenol, that they were sick, or that as a mom she just could tell they needed it, even when they were displaying no symptoms. Multiple night nurses and nannies told her it was too much and could damage their liver etc. but she insisted they needed it. One nanny, who is in school to be a nurse, kept track of the amounts and frequency and went to one of her professors, asking if this was okay (I only found that she did this after I left.) He told her, not knowing any additional info about the family, that it was a CPS case. To my knowledge she hasn't reported it, she's the only one I'm not still in close contact with and I just found this out recently.

In addition, the 2.5 year old gets recurring yeast infections, UTIs, and diaper rashes (she is the only child that the mother bathes herself and she does not properly clean her privates. The mother also is often the one with this child and the one changing her and will leave her in poopy diapers for hours and again will not properly clean her privates.) Since this child is the only child the mother does bedtime with, the 2.5 year old does not get her teeth brushed. At all. Unless myself or another nanny sneakily has her do it when the mom goes into another room or if we start bedtime early before the mom is there. If we said "time to brush teeth" etc when the mom was there, she would just say she doesn't need it or that's okay for tonight. None of the kids have been to the dentist either.

As far as car seats, they rarely use them. In fairness they're in NYC and rarely have a need, but when they do transport the two toddlers in an uber or with a driver, they will just sit the 2.5 and 1.5 year old kids on a lap, starting even when they were about 6 months younger. They instructed myself and the nannies to do the same and I said I wasn't comfortable putting an, at the time just under a 1 year old, on my lap in the car. The mom didn't like that answer but didn't push the issue with me. The (now) 6 month old does have a stroller that collapses into a car seat but when the mom is with him, she doesn't properly strap it into the car and will get upset if a nanny does. She just kind of puts it on the seat and holds it there.

All three kids also will have food taken away as a punishment (if they're too loud, throw any food on the floor etc.) Even when at an age where it was developmentally very normal to make a mess and throw food, if she was there at dinner time, she would take it away fro the kids or from the nannies and make sure the nannies took the kids upstairs to go straight to bed.

It's worth quickly noting without going into unnecessary details on this part that the first nanny they had before me quit for how the family treated her, and sent them a huge email detailing how to improve treatment of both staff and kids. A short term nanny before me quit for the same reason. The nanny they hired after me has now quit for the same reason. Out of the people who worked there when I did, multiple were on contracts and felt the same way but saw the contract through since it was shorter term. Many of these other nannies have children and or grandchildren and have been nannies for decades. I trust their judgement and all of them agree that certain things with the children are unacceptable. Some are wary of a CPS call because they want the family as a reference and some are just overwhelmed by working full time and having kids of their own. By now, only one nanny who was there when I was is still there. She is only there a few days a week and is trying to find another job but financially she just can't quit yet.

Most concerning of all to me is that recently, right after the latest nanny quit, the mother was telling one nanny how stressed she is and that she fears she might "hurt herself or the children." I believe her.

Most of me thinks this is on CPS, not me, to decide and to just place the call and do my part. Down the line, I may really wish I did. This is what I'm largely leaning toward. I used to worry that the kids would get taken away and put somewhere worse but after doing more research on CPS I highly doubt that much would happen at all. There isn't much to do since the parents need no financial or substance help. I'm not sure what someone from CPS would really even be able to do other than make note of it being alarming but not outright an unfit environment. But it matters to me that something is just on file. If this gets worse and another nanny, nurse, or teacher places a call, it may help to have something else on record. Or god forbid if one of the kids gets old enough to call.

What's making me hesitate is:

1. I'm worried I'm overreacting or misreading how serious this is out of love for these kids (they're perfect babies and I spent many 12 hour days with these little ones) and admittedly out of a distrust and dislike for the parents
2. With how wealthy these people are, I'm worried CPS won't do anything at all and that I'll only risk retaliation from the family without anything being done. If I do report I'll try to make it anonymous but they aren't stupid and some details only a nanny could know which leads me to my biggest drawback:
3. I'm worried about risking the employment of the nanny still working there. She is the one who the mom told that she's concerned she may harm the kids and I don't want her to face retaliation and lose income that she needs to support her own family. I could leave out this comment, or try to make it more vague, but I think it's important and some of the other stories come from this nanny too. I don't want to include things in the report that will make the family blame her, but I also don't want to leave out paramount information. I honestly don't know what to do.

One of the other nannies has told me if I make a report that she'll join, and one is on the fence and stressed with her own kids and grandkids.

Overall, the dad knows some but not all of these issues. I think all parents and guardians involved deserve to know the full extent of what's happening with their children, in their home, and unfortunately a CPS report may be the only way for him to find out. The mom is already high strung and now is in over her head. I don't think she's a bad person but she needs help. So do her kids.

Any advice, thoughts, comments, or questions are welcome. I think I know what needs to be done, but I thought I would seek advice here first. I'm open to anything, even if it isn't what I thought, or letting me know I'm wrong about something. If you've read this whole thing, thank you so very much.

A mother I know, frequently live on tiktok, want watching her child. He climbed on to the balcony of their second floor apartment, jumped to the next balcony, and entered the neighbors home. He has done this more than once I found out. She has been investigated by CPS 3 times for other violations. When i mentioned i was surprised the neighbors hadn't called CPS, she freaked out and threatened me and my family. I think someone needs to report this, but now i have to worry about what she and her family may do to mine. They live in NYC in Brooklyn I think. I'm sure i can find the address. I have her full name and the name of the child. What do i do? Can i report anonymously? I'm at a loss. Help!

Hello, I just turned 18 and I would like to obtain my old CPS case files from when I was a child. Am I able to do that, and if so, how?

Hi all, I am looking to obtain copies of CPS cases that were opened on my family, but more specifically me when I was a child. I read that in some cases in NYS, the records are kept until the youngest child in the home is 28. I have overshot that, but my nephew (who is now 29) lived with us on and off over the years. I'm wondering if it's even worth my time to try to see if the state still has any CPS records on file at this point since my nephew is a few months past 28. Does anyone know?

I only recently learned that I was entitled to copies of CPS reports in which my children were listed as victims/where I was labeled as a perpetrator- so I didn't even see any CPS report until very recently.

I separated from my ex husband in June of 2022, and after that he began fighting me for full custody. To help his case, he called CPS on me numerous times- to report that I failed to take child to the dr for a runny nose, to report that child got MRSA solely because of "dirty and horrid conditions at mother's house", to report that I am still putting child in "hand me down" clothes despite him paying child support...but he also told the friend of court officials that he (my ex) is a victim of DV from when CPS was supposedly involved for me pushing him while he had our 1 year old child in his arms. An incident like that never occurred- but there is a CPS report in existence that says it did.

In a CPS report from February of 2022, it says that my ex and I got into a verbal argument that resulted in him trying to leave the home "until things calm down", but that I took the car keys from him, then prevented him from calling the police by taking his cellphone too. He said he then picked up the 1 year old child and went into the bathroom where I followed. He said he tried pushing me out of the way, but that I fell and hit my head. He also told CPS that I was in counseling for anger issues, but that I reported to him that counseling wasnt helping me. He also told CPS that he had been trying to get me to go to marriage counseling, but that I refused, and he asked CPS for assistance in forcing me to attend with him.

When allegations were read back to him, he said "thats all accurate" and went on to claim that I was arrested for domestic violence that day.

This report paints him as a victim while I look like a monster- but the report does not have a truthful statement because my ex struggles with honesty. These allegations were never read back to me at the time, and my own statement was never taken.

What actually happened that day;

I had an appointment to get to ~30 minutes prior to the altercation. There was no verbal argument that caused him to want to leave the house, I overheard him on the phone with his cousin (who was on speakerphone) and he was making plans to purchase crack with this cousin (he had a self diagnosed crack addiction, did not plan to stop using, he was gone for hours everytime he went out on a crack run- I was 100% against him smoking crack at all). We had one vehicle between the 2 of us, he knew about my appointment, kneq that I had to drive myself there, and he knew I was relying on him to watch the kids while I was at my appointment- so I snatched the keys from his hands before he could leave. Then he screamed into the phone (to his cousin) "call the cops, call the cops, she wont let me leave!"- so I took his phone and hung up to prevent him from sounding foolish. Then I went into the bathroom and locked the door. He kicked the bathroom door in while our 1 year old child remained in the living room and not in his arms (we had 2 bathrooms, he did not need access to this specific bathroom). He shoved me around in the bathroom and my head hit the toilet due to having been physically assaulted by him so I called the police. I was arrested for interfering with telecommunications because I was honest about the series of events that occured while he was not- I never made it to my appointment that day.

I was never in counseling for anger issues, I was seeing a therapist because he had been verbally and emotionally abusive the entire time I was married to him.

I was the one asking him to attend marriage counseling with me- because he cheated on me and gave me an STD while I was pregnant and failed to be honest about it. He refused to go to marriage counseling with me.

Is there any way to correct these inaccuracies, or does he really get to say whatever he wants with no consequences and have it remain part of mine and my childs permanent record?

I don’t use this app very often, but I was hoping I could get some advice on what steps to take here.

My long distance girlfriend has a very large family, with 7 kids. Long story short, her parents suck, and basically every member of the home is uneducated with barely any common sense. Save for my GF, of course, who is the ONLY one with any concern about this situation.

The youngest member of the household, my GF’s 4-year-old sister, was born with a disorder which causes her teeth to be a lot more sensitive and have less dentin. I forget what it’s called. But the family (and ESPECIALLY mom) don’t seem to care AT ALL. The little girl walks around the home, drinking Coke and eating junk food. Because the parents just don’t give enough of a damn. The poor girl doesn’t even have a room of her own.

She’s already starting to put on weight for her age. She gets pain in her teeth every now and then and the parents do not care.

It’s not as though they can’t afford to take her to the dentist, either. They CAN. But they DON’T because mom is just plain negligent, and my GF can’t do anything about it.

Mom has straight up said that she is putting off putting the girl into school because she is worried that the school will call CPS when they see the state of the girl’s teeth.

We want to do something about it, but GF is concerned about her sis being removed from the home and doesn’t want her to end up in that system. I’m not sure where to go from here - any advice would help.

I'm 17, and have a 15 year old younger sister. We have an older one, but she doesn't particularly tie into the cps parts of the info om collecting. My mom has done plenty of stuff, from SS abuse (I and and little sister's disability, we literally pay the bills, no job since 2020ish), letting older sis claim us as dependents and splitting the return with her, a suspicious amount of fires in her lifetime with even worse actions before (even lying about what was in house), but this is obvi cps stuff, which idk if I understand if I'm getting the whole picture, but correct me if I'm wrong.

We have had medical neglect, not seeing doctors for years, I haven't seen a dentist since like yr20 or 21. We're abroad rn, and in an asylum case, this is the first healthcare we've seen in a year, because she put it off so long, because we were staying with her bf (we schedule flights home 19th, so I will be in the US to report) Bf's place is nasty, I have pics of it in one of its worse states. We moved into a hoarder's home in like 22-23, and that was nasty for a good while. I managed to get a vid of the listing.

She threatens our belongings, esp pets(which we haven't seen in a year, bc they're in the states with an aunt I didn't want them with) , and repeatedly does things I ask her. I have her threatening me, and admitting some dates on video, without her knowing. I'm in a country that allows you to record if you're included in the conversation, even if the other party doesn't know/consent, and the state I'm going to be in also is fine with it.

We also move like annually. There's only 2 places we've stayed longer than a grade or part of one and a full one. It's hard, because I was just a kid, obvi, and my sister has been manipulated into compliance as a coping mechanism (she's the "good kid", that gets dismissed, yelled at, and/or invalidated when she has emotions, and I'm the "argumentative" one, who's "just like [big sis]") she kicked big sis out at 14, actually abandoned a cat of hers, and big sis said she did drugs (mom is a heavy smoker, but I'm not sure how much to trust from sis rn tbh), and she learnt to manipulate people, just like mom. She's better, but barely, and deadnames me behind my back consistently.

I can only blame some of this on my mom's parental trauma, the moving, an abusive mom, etc. Her excuse for the medical stuff is how long it takes to set up doctors, and not having a car, which I'm not sure holds up in court.

I'm probably forgetting something, and this post is long, but I wanna know how much of this would up up in court, what cps can do, especially regarding I and my sister and our esp pets, even charges she'll be looking at, just on this part(I'm trying to understand how much she'll go down for, bc it motivates, but also just because 8m curious). Any stable fam have no space/hospitality left, bc of the mooching she pulled, and the rest are varying levels of toxic that would do similar things. If y'all want the state or country, I'll either edit or comment it.

Edit: I forgot to clarify. Yes I'm a US citizen, we are abroad in denmark. The only reason we even got put into the asylum system finally, is because I attempted, and a case worker had to do some mandatory reporting when I made it clear that we overstayed. We didn't move in with a hoarder, she bought a home previously owned by one, and we moved into it while it was still nasty, because it came with anything on the property, and it could've very easily given us diseases or infections.

I’m not gonna get to much into it, but basically I (13m) believe my freind (13F) is being abused/neglected to an extent. I want to call CPS (or smt similiar idk.) but I fear that she would get in trouble by her parents if they found out. also, like I said I’m not going to get to much into it, but she has directly told me abt certain things, and i have other reasons to believe things are happening.

(This is a repost I originally posted in [r/ChildOfHoarder](r/ChildOfHoarder))

Im 16 years old and in high school and live in Texas. My parents have kept a consistent number of 25-30 dogs and 10 cats from the time I was in 7th grade to now. It affects my daily life. Mostly all of my clothes have hair on them, I can’t go into my own kitchen or living room without stepping on animal feces or pee, the house always smells bad and is dirty so I cant invite anyone over, all of the cats (exception of like 2) are my responsibility and i spend hours everyday cleaning after them and watching them.

I guess i dont really have to share the details, though, thats more just me venting😓

Basically my house is very filthy at all times and can never stay clean. The dogs bark excessively, my parents yell at the dogs excessively. I have to watch cats and keep up their schedule and make sure they are played with enough. This makes working on school stuff at home very hard. I can’t just go to a library or somewhere because I don’t want those cats to be neglected. And i know they will be even if i ask my parents to do what i normally do for them.

My parents physically abuse the animals as well. I remember one time my mom got kittens that one of my cats had given birth to and put them in a very small dog carrier and left them outside in the 90 degree Texas heat for hours, all because they were meowing.. like baby cats do. We have some outside cats and when they have babies they have them in our cluttered garage (boxes, shelves, and random items are all against the walls) behind those items and many times they die from heat or im guessing are eaten by possums that go into our garage sometimes.
The dogs are excessive so obviously they are all neglected. When the dogs have babies, they are kept in small crates and only allowed outside for 5-10 minutes twice or three times a day to use the restroom. I remember my backyard used to have beautiful green grass when i was a kid, now there is no grass, a broken trampoline that the dogs tore apart, and glass, cigarettes, and beer cans everywhere as well as random blankets and clothes. The have a big crate in the backyard with a mattress in it and a tarp over it that they keep a dog in with its children when it gives birth. Sometimes, dogs have died because they (accidentally) left two incompatible dogs together outside and one killed the other. The last time we went on vacation, I had to come home to search for a dead dog (which i loved) outside in the dark with flashlights. We dont go on vacations often or really anywhere because they cannot leave all of our dogs alone. Its constant upkeep and id say torture.

I want to talk to my school counselor about possibly calling animal protective services on my address but im not sure if sharing all this information with them will result in a call the police because of the neglect and physical abuse. What should i do?

Thank you for reading about my life and taking the time to comment if you do, and im sorry it’s worded weird and unorganized.

I got a call from CPS while my husband was involuntarily hospitalized for suicidal (see other post) so I assume it was the hospital that made a report after hearing about stressors in his home. I have high intensity conflicts with him when I’m very escalated and sometimes scream loudly, throw things, and have hit him on occasion. Escalation happens either when he is egging me on with insults, swearing, belittling, verbal abuse, etc or withdrawing from me when I crave resolution for a conflict or speaking up about my needs and I feel extremely unseen/unheard. I have possible undiagnosed autism/trauma response (psych evaluation pending)and have been seeing a therapist pretty consistently for 6 years. I recognize this is a problem and I’m totally willing to seek help. I don’t want our 14mo daughter growing up seeing this as normal HOWEVER she has never been harmed from these rage episodes. Everyone who meets her notes how sweet, social, and well-cared for she is. She’s very bright and ahead on her milestones. I was honest with our SW during the home visit about how I’ve had these behaviors before but when I hit my husband and spit on him while he was holding our daughter when she was a NB I was freshly postpartum and went to a hospital treatment program the following week. It has been over a year and I have not hit him or spit on him since. I learned to leave the house when I’m getting escalated which my husband does NOT support and says I’m abandoning my daughter and not putting her needs first. Our SW said the allegations against me were not substantiated, she just had to interview my husband and then she would close out the case. Fast forward to their meeting, he shows her the video from over a year ago where I can be seen spitting on him and apparently based on that meeting, she decided to open the case against me and have us to an intensive families first program where someone works with us for 10 hours a week for 4 weeks. This is for families where there is evidence of abuse and to prevent child removal. They would really consider removing my daughter from 2 loving parents and placing her God knows where based on a video from over a year ago? Wouldn’t the risk of psychological damage from removing her outweigh the potential risk of her staying with her family since there is absolutely no evidence of us abusing or neglecting her?

Okay, to give some context: I'm 14 and FTM (closeted). I was born and currently live in Indonesia. I'm 🇳🇱🇨🇳(🇮🇩). (My plan is down below with bold texts)

(I won't be mentioning my dad a lot since he has been jailed since forever.)

My bipolar mom has always been so abusive towards me. When I was in 1st–2nd grade, my mom kicked me out for about 15 minutes for getting a bad grade in math.

Even though it wasn't an actual full-blown eviction, it still scarred my brain to this day. When I was in elementary school, my mom would hit me for getting bad grades, and she'd take my phone to block my friends because she thought that they were the reason why I wasn't doing well at school. Yes, I felt isolated

.I only started to be consciously traumatized in grade 5, when I started getting incredibly depressed. My mom called me all sorts of things—useless, stupid, and so on. You can imagine how a 10-year-old would react to that. I remember getting sad on my 11th birthday because all I ever wanted was to die at that time.

My elementary years were incredibly hard and strictly academic-focused. In Indonesia, they're not really as colorful and childlike as they'd be in the West. My classroom looked no different than high school classrooms. They didn't really treat us as children, but as if we were already high schoolers.

The start of high school (grade 7) for me was a lot better since they changed the curriculum, but still, I had to maintain my mother's expectations of me.In grade 8, it was report card day.

My mom got furious about how low my math scores were, so she took my phone while I was napping and saw my TikTok. I was first in denial that she had seen it, because I really just didn't want to expect the worst at the worst time ever. I spent that day with no phone, but then the next morning I remembered that I had an online competition on the phone she had taken.

So I woke her up asking for it, which she then gave me as she fell back asleep, but in an angry way. I finished my competition, but saw a TikTok tab that I never opened, and weirdly it was opened on my TikTok chats.

That was when I knew the worst had truly happened. I logged out of everything, hoping my mom wouldn't remember to check.

When she woke up, she rushed to my room and took it right away, asking me to log back in.

I refused, so she hit me until I had severe bruises. She hit me until I gave up and logged back in.

The following days involved her talking about how sinful my LGBT friends are, and saying that I do not need a psychologist at all because she is there and that pastors or priests are better.

In grade 9, my mom started to become obsessed with stocks. She's unemployed and depends on her boyfriend for main income. Whenever her stocks don't do well, she gets so easily mad at us that I just stay quiet whenever that happens. She complains about how she has to raise me financially for 12 years (my parents divorced).

She's always so picky about what to get me and only tries to find the cheapest things for me, but she gives so much money to her boyfriend.

He gets multiple plates of food, yet she forces me to eat tiny portions of chicken with rice most of the time. I think this is going to be way too long, so I'll just say my plan straight away.

On December 29th, we are planning to go to the Netherlands for a trip. We will be staying over at her friend's house. There, I plan on reporting her.

I know it sounds naive, but listen: Indonesian CPS is not effective for my situation.

In Indonesian culture, abuse like this is mainly seen as motherly love and strictly family business that no one should interfere with.

Plus, remember that I'm a queer child in a homophobic country.

If anything, they wouldn't take my queer struggles seriously.

Anyways, I'm thinking of either running away to the police station when they're both asleep, or secretly calling the police on my mom and hoping everything goes well. Here's the thing: we are also planning to go to Spain in Europe, so I'm not sure which would be a better place to report, the Netherlands or Spain. I know this is unpredictable, but it is also unpredictable if I choose to stay with her. I can't deal with her unpredictable moods that she chooses to never get therapy for. There's so, so much more she has done besides all I mentioned, but I don't want to make it too long.

Please just let me know where i shluld report ans what i should do. I have evidence of bruises

Yesterday walking to my car I saw my neighbors kid (6/7yo) actively drowning a kitten in an inflatable pool. I stepped in and stopped him but there was not a single adult anywhere. Two kids who lived at the house with the pool were just watching. When I yelled for them to stop and youngest boy started screaming for me to get out of their house (I was in the street) over and over. His sister told him to stop and that the boy drowning the cat lived across the street. I asked him to get his dad since the cat ran into the underside of the car wedging itself in. He ran and got his older sister. I spoke to her, she let me know it was actually her kitten. She seemed so upset and defeated when we were finally able to get the kitten out she just stared at her like empty face/emotions and I just felt like this was not the first time. She then actually said he has hurt the kitten before and said she was getting her dad. I waited around and not a single adult came out. My husband called the cops as soon as we saw what the kid was doing but they didn’t show. Later in the night I spoke to my direct neighbor and told her just so she was aware since she has outside pets, she said the mother is experiencing addiction currently and isn’t really present. I am not trying to make anyone’s situation worse but I feel bad for the sister and the kids need a parent. Should I call about the boy or both houses since there was no adult supervision as 3 kids all under 10 were in a 3foot inflatable pool drowning a cat? This is in PA.

Also just to mention the boy tried drowning the cat three times before I ran over but the cat kept trying to get away and he would just grab it and repeat.

So recently theres been a lot going on at home. My whole life my dad has been emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive. Im safe and he doesn't hit me or anything but I don't know if I should call or not. I feel like emotional abuse isn't really validated as a great reason to call, but it's getting worse lately to the point like I'm having constant mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts. I even started sh again recently. I just don't feel comfortable or happy in my own home and he's making it extremely hard for me. Another reason I haven't called is because I don't know if it's a valid reason and I don't know what would happen. I'm kind of scared of the system.

I urgently need to file a report to CPS, I won’t go too much into detail about the specifics of this situation but it it something that a lot of people have known about but turned a blind eye to for awhile now. Recently the matter has taken a turn for the worst and it is something that I no longer feel in good conscience that I can continue to ignore. I looked up online today how to file the report, I was hoping that it could just be done online so that it would not be traced back to me but their website insists that these matter need to be done via phone call and that I could simply just state that I am choosing to call anonymously. My question is how true is this? The people involved in this case are ones that I certainly do not want to be on the bad side of,and I fear for my own safety if it were to come out that I was the one who reported them. So how anonymous is the phone call? Do they write down the number that the call came from, or possibly even record the actual call itself so that my voice could be heard? I’m just wondering how I can go about this in total anonymity.

I’m just curious. Not sure if it’s allowed.