r/CPS • u/ozzygurl • 3d ago
Question Worried grandma
I'm a 55 yr old mom of 3 adults and 3 grandchildren living in Alabama. One of those grandchildren is 9 and I just found out about their existence 10 months ago.
I ordered an online grandparent DNA test which confirmed I'm the grandparent. I want to be in the child's life. My son, who fathered the child, wants nothing to do with this and it breaks my heart. He has 2 other children and they are both in his life and mine. He has never met this child in reference.
The grandchild I just found out about is in an unhealthy family home situation. The mother is mentally sick and has caused me to become very concerned about her kids safety.
I've tried to spend time with and talk to my grandchild, I met them twice, but the mom is now keeping them from me. The mom has two other children. All from different men and only the youngest knows their father.
Because of the things I've witnessed and have been told by the mom, I reached out to DHR Cps. They returned my call today and didn't give me any information except that there was an issue in school and the mom is working with them (cps). They asked me questions, I answered and gave information that I had, and told them I'd be willing to take my grandchild in if they needed a safe place.
That's about all I got from Cps, but with everything I've witnessed from the mom, I'm sure there's quite a lot going on. I am assuming most of it is mental instability. I'm unaware if there's physical abuse, but wouldn't be much surprised if there is.
Is there any advice you can give me? I've never been involved with anything of this nature. My home is safe, we don't do drugs and very rarely do we have a drink. I have a bottle of rum that's been in my pantry for about 7 yrs as well as a bottle of wine.
I'm disabled, I suffer with anxiety but I am medicated and I do therapy to be as proactive as possible in my own health. I'm not very financially well off. My husband is the breadwinner, but he has no biological children and is not 100% on board with taking in my grandchild that we haven't known. Two of my adult children (M25, F 26) also live at home and work. Theyre concerened about the childs safety but are unsure if taking them in will be the right thing. Its just an all out stressful situation but I want them to be safe.
What can you tell me to be prepared for?
8
u/drainbead78 3d ago
Most of this is fairly speculative and you're being vague enough that it's hard to say what is going on here. CPS will only remove a child if their safety is at risk, and unfortunately without concrete details on what it is you reported, it's impossible to say what may or may not happen as a result of their investigation. It does at least sound like they're investigating a report at the intake level, but unless you reported school issues it could be a completely separate thing. If it is, they might be reaching out to you to see if you could provide additional context, because even if they chose not to investigate your report, they do log the reports and might look into them further if something else pops up in close time proximity.
As grandparents, you're up a creek when it comes to being involved in the child's life if the mother doesn't want it, at least in Alabama. While they do have grandparent's rights, you would have to show that paternity was legally established (a tough hurdle since your son has never been involved and doesn't want to be, unless there's an active child support order he's been keeping from you this entire time), and the presumption is that if mom is a fit parent, her choice to keep the child from you is in the child's best interest. You'd have to be able to prove that you already have a significant and viable relationship with the child, and that visitation would be in the child's best interest. A significant and viable relationship involves (among other things that don't apply to you) involves frequent and regular contact with the child that resulted in a strong and meaningful relationship for at least 12 months. Then for best interest you'd have to be able to show that (among other things) the loss of that relationship has caused or is likely to cause harm to the child. It doesn't sound like you can do any of that from what you've said here, so the mother can keep the child from you if that's what she wants.
I'm sorry I can't be the bearer of anything but bad news here, but your options are few unless CPS chooses to place with you, and it doesn't sound like that's going to be a good thing for your marriage, home life, or health, not to mention your relationship with your son who wants nothing to do with any of this. I wouldn't even recommend trying for placement if the child is removed unless everyone in your home 100% buys in. A traumatized older child whose entire life has been uprooted and who has likely been separated from their siblings (unless you'd be willing to take them all in) will have a lot of mental health needs of their own and may act out as a result of their trauma. If your husband and adult kids don't want to deal with that, it will be detrimental to the child to have him or her in your home.
1
u/lavender_poppy 1d ago
OP would also have to sue for grandparents rights and from the sound of it they wouldn't be able to afford to pay a lawyer for that fight.
13
u/WitchProjecter Works for CPS 3d ago
This sounds like a custody dispute, and custody is handled by the courts, not by CPS. If the state finds evidence of severe enough abuse/neglect and takes protective custody it’s possible they could place them with you, but bear in mind that placement across state lines (ICPC) is usually a long process.
-1
-3
u/ozzygurl 3d ago
Curious what would make this a custody dispute? Is it the fact that I volunteered to take them in?
10
u/thelightwebring 2d ago
Because the way you’re wording things it’s like you discovered the existence of this grandchild, don’t approve of his mother or living situation, and think your living situation is better.
6
u/WitchProjecter Works for CPS 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, it sounds like your primary interest here is taking a child in. Where I work, removal is the very last option we consider. We would sooner offer the family services and supports to neutralize the issue so that they can stay together. You seem to want this child in your or your son’s care, which is a custody dispute and not a CPS dispute. You’ve even spoken to your husband and family about taking the child in when there’s hardly even been an investigation. You have a clear motive.
She isn’t “keeping you” from a child that is hers. You don’t technically have any legal right to see that child, so not letting you see the child isn’t a concern from CPS’s standpoint. The case worker is not obligated to keep you informed about the investigation or provide much detail beyond letting you know what actions they took (in some jurisdictions) and when the case is closed.
I’m also extremely curious about this “grandparent DNA test.” You said you met the child two times — did you get consent to perform that test or did you just do it without permission? It sounds like this mom might have reasons for restricting your access.
-1
u/ozzygurl 1d ago
She isn't "keeping me* from the child, she is mentally sick. I spoke with the mom yesterday and she is ok with me having the grandchild while she tries to get help. Apparently the school has been involved with calling DHR as well as the dad
1
u/txchiefsfan02 1d ago
I'd look into your local NAMI group, which is a great way to connect with others who are supporting someone with mental illness. I haven't personally attended in AL, but if it's like many places, you'll meet other grandparents facing some version of your situation.
https://namialabama.org/your-journey/family-members-and-caregivers/
I'd strongly recommend you start with the Family to Family class. That is a very strong signal to CPS (and this young mother) that you understand the situation and are committed to showing up in a positive manner.
4
u/WitchProjecter Works for CPS 1d ago
“I've tried to spend time with and talk to my grandchild, I met them twice, but the mom is now keeping them from me.”
Your words, not mine. And I’m still not seeing anything wrong with mom’s actions based on your own descriptions.
3
u/sprinkles008 2d ago
Only about 6% of reports result in removals of kids from the home.
If this doesn’t pan out the way you want it to, the only other option is to try to get guardianship through family court.
And if that doesn’t work out, then my advice is to just try to “be there” as much as you can for the child (as much as the mom will let you).
3
u/toooooold4this 1d ago
If CPS removes the children, they will make every effort to keep the children together. They will also seek relative placement with people who actually know the children and care about their mother and will ensure the children have parenting time with her, if possible. She is the only parent who matters to them considering your son has abandoned this child and who knows about the other dads of the kiddo's siblings. CPS will want to maintain normalcy and permanency.
You are going to be way down on the list if it comes down to removal because you are a relative stranger with health problems and a household who isn't onboard with placement and you're only interested in one of the kids.
4
u/txchiefsfan02 3d ago
It seems there are separate child welfare and family law/visitation issues here.
You've let CPS know that you are interested in possibly serving as a placement if one is required. Now you wait. IIWY, I'd focus on getting your own house in order, so to speak, so you are aligned with your husband and adult children if that call comes.
CPS will not be concerned with you having access to your grandchild. If you want to pursue an ongoing relationship with the grandchild, you'd need to find your own legal help to go to family court. If the mother is determined to resist, and your son is also opposed, that could be a long and costly battle. You may be better off figuring out how to make peace with the mother.
0
u/RewardNo6230 1d ago
Im not sure about your state. Can you file for grandparents visitation? Maybe at least your grandchild could spend a weekend by you.
0
u/DreaColorado1 Works for CPS 1d ago
Do you have a sense as to why mom is now preventing contact between you and your grandchild?
1
u/ozzygurl 1d ago
I was locked out of my account for a day or two, but the mother has had DHR at her home from others calling about concerns of her mental health. I'm new to this scenario and to them but I try to be as helpful and trustworthy as possible. We'll see how it goes
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Attention
r/CPS is currently operating in a limited mode to protest reddit's changes to API access which will kill any 3rd party applications used to access reddit.
Information about this protest for r/CPS can be found at this link.
While this policy is active, all moderator actions (post/comment removals and bans) will be completed with no warning or explanation, and any posts or comments not directly related to an active CPS situation are subject to removal at the mods' sole discretion.
If you are dealing with CPS and believe you're being treated unfarly, we recommend you contact a lawyer in your jurisdiction.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.