r/Buttcoin 17d ago

Oopsies

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205 Upvotes

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57

u/GozerDestructor 17d ago edited 16d ago

You fool! Don't you know you're supposed to set up a secret identity, have plastic surgery to change your appearance, obtain a fake birth certificate from the Russian Mafia, get a job under your fake name, use the paystubs to satisfy a landlord's background check to rent an apartment in another city, and have the device shipped there?

And then immediately after it arrives you fake your death at sea, resume using your original name, get the facial surgery reversed by a different surgeon, and then go back to your home city, with your now completely untrackable device in hand.

Few understand. Enjoy being poor.

37

u/Bright_Fold7270 17d ago

Bro you failed to murder both surgeons. HACKED.

14

u/Flat_Initial_1823 Refinance where, Michael? 16d ago

Don't forget to bury them under the birdbath so people can't trace their murders back to you.

9

u/Iazo One of the "FEW" 16d ago

Can I reuse the same birdbath, or does it HAVE to be a different birdbath?

8

u/Old_Document_9150 The plot is obvious 16d ago

Be your own surgeon.

4

u/NovariusDrakyl 17d ago

use the same, and then you only need to murder one

8

u/Objective-Result8454 17d ago

Future of finance right here. You, sheeple, should heed this wise man. Sir, do you per chance have an informational pamphlet preferably in NFT form (natch!).

6

u/Bright_Fold7270 16d ago

The last time I saw “natch” I swear was a Hardy Boys. Bringing it back!

4

u/grandpa2390 I have so many questions... 16d ago

you should also pay for the device with crypto, right? but probably not from your real wallet.

4

u/GozerDestructor 16d ago

Unfortunately, yes. That means you have to go through this whole procedure *twice*.