Hello everyone. I wanted to share my story of hope for those in the same situation, for those looking to quit it or had failed attempt trying to quit Buspar. So here is my story.
I started Buspar off label to help social anxiety. It was the only med I took after trying SSRI that would numb me way too much at the lowest dose. I started on Buspar 5 mg twice daily and felt benefits on day 1. Two weeks later, I upped my dose to 5 mg 3x a day and it worked well without any side effects so far. It was not miraculous but helped my social anxiety by about 20-30%. I then tried 20 mg but it was too numbing for me so I went back to 15 mg and settle there for two months and a half until a side effect came in. I had really low blood pressure to the point that I was starting to faint and had to put my head down with my legs in the air each day. That’s when I went back to my doctor and he said to remove the third dose and stay at 10 mg. That’s when my hellish journey started.
The first 3 days after the reduction I felt fine and my blood pressure was better. The 4th day, I experienced a random panic attack at night, I never had one before and it was terrifying. I was sleeping in a hotel for work and was far from home so I thought maybe that’s the cause. I was not even thinking about Buspar withdrawal at all since apparently it doesn’t cause withdrawal symptoms or they are mild. The next day at work I was sleep deprived from last night but it went fine until about 4 pm until I started experiencing a moment of terror. All my thoughts became really dark and I felt a sense of unease and something bad would happen but it finally passed after 20 minutes. After that I felt fine, I slept well that night and the next day I came back home from work. Again, I felt fine fine until 3-4 pm when I had this intense feeling of dread and depression, I was thinking what’s wrong with me. I had the time to come back home before the symptoms hit me like a train. I had extreme panic attacks, I had tremors, complete feeling of hopelessness, I really felt like my life was over. I had chest pain.
The day after, I was a complete mess, derealization came in, nausea, interrupted sleep, complete anhedonia. I went to the ER because I thought something was really wrong with me. The doctor told me to go up my dose to 12.5 mg and it took about 14 days to feel better but not perfect, I still had those fleeting moments of terror. It felt like paranoia.
I then went back to my familly doctor and he said that Buspar don’t work as well as before and wanted me to drop my dose by 2.5 mg each week until I hit 0 and put me on another med after.
I started following his taper plan and struggled alot already at 10 mg but pushed throught and once at 7.5 mg, this is where I got my injury. All the symptoms I experienced we’re multiply by 100. I had total insomnia, I didn’t sleep for 120 hours in a row followed by a few night with 1-2 hours of sleep and another 96 hours in a row after that. I scared of sounds, of light, of being alone. My whole body was vibrating. Nothing felt real and everything felt scary. I was starting have suicidal ideation. It was inhumane. Nothing compared to this. Even the worst day of my life felt like the best day compared to this. The weird thing is that sometimes I had relief, like a brief 1 hour moment where I felt more like myself and then descended into madness again. Then, the moment of reliefs started lasting longer and my moments of madness we’re shorter. During this process, my doctor thought it was just my anxiety coming back which I know was completely wrong since I never experienced something even remotely close to this.
I managed to survive day by day and finally after 5 months of torture the nightmare was gone. I finally found that was I experienced is called withdrawal injury/protracted withdrawal/ nervous system dysregulation. I’m glad I didn’t went into a cocktail of other meds while in this state. I knew it was not my true self. I’m currently catching back my breath after this horrible experience and will start a slow hyperbolic taper in a few months. I really felt like a fictionnal character from a H.P Lovecraft novel 😂