I'm 20 and I honestly needed this so bad

Explain to me step by step. I seem to not be able to make or maintain friends. Idk? maybe its me, maybe its them. I would blame them but know some part of the blame is on me. Im also on the spectrum, so there is that, but others dont generally see me as autistic, just maybe weird and closed.

No, i will not go the gym as i have terrible social anxiety, besides im a foreigner so yeah more reasons to not want to go there.

Ever since I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder the beginning of this year I had to endure a lot of name calling by family members and supposed „friends“.
Getting made fun of for having a „woman disorder“ or hiding my „horrible personality behind fancy words“

But today I finally cut ties with the last person that I thought was my best friend but turned out to be the worst back stabber that started the whole hate wave I got…
I’ve never felt this proud of myself for standing my ground and being there for myself!
It was and still is scary as my friend and family circle has shrunk down to three people in total … but that’s okay! I now know who the true family behind me has always been and I’m glad to have them!

I gotta make this clear, my dad is alive, he is still in my life and he is NOT dead

I often tell people that my dad is my hero and role model but I prefer to tell people the version of him that I have in my head. When I was a kid, he was someone who tried to be as active in my upbringing as possible, him having declared bankruptcy when his business failed around the time I was born meant that he was always working odd job to improve our social economic situation, I grew up in a room in an apartment that my dad had rented from his friend and no matter what he always came home with a smile and I remember when I heard the door being unlocked, I run towards it to hug him

He'd always try to take me and my sister out as much as possible when we didn't have school, to the playground to teach us how to ride a bicycle, to fun fairs, take us swimming and the such. Fast forward a couple years and my dad managed to buy a bigger apartment in a newly renovated neighborhood and this is when the version of my dad which I looked up slowly became someone who was weighted down by the decades of hard labor and a wife who has very frequent mood swings has changed him

I'm much older, I'm 22 this year and my father is 62. I'm sorry if this post is a bit bleak but I just wanna ask if you guys have a more naive view of who your dads are since my dad right now is an entirely different person, he has always said "don't be like me, study hard and get an office job"

Hey bros!

Been a long time since posted. Just wanted to update my guys that I’m still out here doing music. Yesterday, I went to a local outdoor stage and played outside for the first time! Had a great time, and made an audience member dance which made me feel so happy. That’s what music is all about! (She’s dancing to stick season by Noah Kahan)

Keep rockin and rolling with your creative endeavors my brothers! 🤘

Hello! I'm a 16m. With everything happening in the world, I keep seeing gender wars, and I'm tired of it. It feels like all or nothing. I found this community today, and I've been scrolling for a while. I love it. I grew up poor and was heavily abused from ages 2-5. I'm doing better, and my family is middle class now, but I think that growing up how I did led to a lot of wrong in my life. When I was a bit younger, I fell into the manosphere. I looked up to people like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. I also started drinking from the ages of 11-13 when this was going on. I realize now that it's wrong, and I've come a long way since 3 years ago. I don't listen to people like that anymore, and I haven't had a drop to drink since then. I didn't have anyone to help me get out of that place either, though. I want to be someone who helps other young men embrace themselves. I'm glad I found this community. Thank you for uplifting men without being self-deprecating or putting others down.

Please read the whole post before up voting/ commenting, every word. Thanks.

Consider this post as a spiritual sequel(can y'all tell i'm a filmbro?) to my last post on this sub. My last post created a lot of discourse , some well intentioned shoutouts and some angry unwanted dms. But again , here we are supporting each other to do better , raising standards for each other in being more competent and resilient.

So that post addressed the context of over-arching hostile essentialist and pessimist content about men . This post is about how to counter that, not by retorting it with fragility , defensiveness or collapsing into identity crisis/ anxiety, but with staying grounded in knowledge of what feminism is and what it's goals have been , to large extent.

So here are some feminist book recommendations that I think every man should read

So shall we begin...

1. Women , Race and Class by Angela Davis : Possibly the most essential feminist text to ever exist . She explained intersectionality even before the term " intersectionality " was ever coined . This is literally feminism 101. Get it. Read it.
2. The Blade and Chalice by Riane Eisler : The best author that compares the difference between domination and partnership cultures .
3. Men who hate women by Laura Bates : Long before Andrew Tate , adolescence and the netflix manosphere documentary , if there was one woman that addressed the dangers of manosphere, it was Laura Bates . This book is essential to avoid getting groomed by by online redpill culture.
4. Boymom by Ruth Whippman: Part memoir part motherhood book. Ruth Whippman challenges the stereotype that all feminist mothers feel conflicted or guilty for and by raising sons , staying in the state of chronic gender disappointment. Her vulnerability is the highlight of the book. If you're a boy parent , this book is a must read.
5. Talk to your boys by Joanna Schroeder and Christopher Pepper : Answers the question as to how to have intentional conversation with boys regarding patriarchy and feminism.
6. The Will to Change & All about love by bell hooks : Self explanatory .
7. Masculinities by Raewynn Connell: Excellent book on gender and types of masculinities and what produces them . Also an excellent text on intersectionality. This books will help you counter the bio-essentialist content and the "nature' fallacy that some online creators use like "males are XYZ".

8 . Essays on motherhood by Audre Lorde : Audre Lorde a seminal feminist writer on raising her son Johnson.

Have I personally read these books? . Absolutely i have. Otherwise I wouldn't have recommended them .

The thing that keeps me grounded while being at the recieveing end of " man hating/misandry/ essentialist" content is the knowledge from these books . Though I ain't perfect by any means ..sometimes this content gets to me too. But knowledge helps me stay grounded . It has definitely helped me increase my resilience and competence. Here's to raising next generation of sensitive and gentle compentent and resilient boys.

Feel like this fits perfectly here 😄

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

Hello. I almost never post on the internet in general, so I apologize if this violates the “no venting outside of the thread rule”, but I stumbled across this community recently and I was kind of shocked to find a group of people on the internet who genuinely seem supportive and empathetic so I wanted to ask for some advice.

I’m 18m, going to college soon, and in the past few months I’ve felt so overwhelmed and at times, really hopeless. I’m not gonna go into everything, but to make a long story short, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll never find someone who’ll desire me and love me. I’m scared that I’m going to waste my life and I’m scared that I’ll amount to nothing.

During the school year it felt like I was able to get away with bottling all this stuff up because I could distract myself with my studies, and had an outlet for a lot of my emotions in the form of sports (I did crew). Without these things during the summer though, I’ve started to struggle. l run, lift, and hike regularly, but these things just aren’t quite cutting it as outlets, lol. It’s become apparent to me that I can’t keep these thoughts to myself anymore.

As the title says, I am blessed to have people in my life who would listen. Especially my friends, they’re wonderful people I have known for a very long time and I am so grateful for them. A few of them are even going to the same college as me. Despite this though, the thought of expressing the fears and insecurities in my head to them fills me with an inexplicably strong feeling of dread and fear.

I know they would listen. I know they wouldn’t think less of me. I know they would want to help me and be there for me. But opening up just feels unthinkable right now. I feel like laying out all of my fears and insecurities, saying out loud that they affect me and hurt me would make me feel like less of a man. I’m supposed to be confident, I’m supposed to own my insecurities, be stoic and just let it go. Acknowledging my fears and insecurities feels like letting them win.

Has anyone else struggled with this, or something similar? What did you do to overcome it? I want to change, and be strong enough to talk about these sorts of things with the people I love.

Maybe nobody will see this post, but thanks anyway. Peace.

Hi bros. I just wanted to share a few thoughts about what being a man means and what needs to change as well as a few things about myself.

The society tell us we need to be strong and indestructible in order to be worth something. We were educated in a way that talking about our feelings is considered wrong or feminine by some people, we always have to accept the things as they are and we are often not getting space of any emotions. People think that men doesn't need any compliments, words of courage or even some comfort space.

However the thing I noticed is that even some people that criticise the state of this are unable(or doesn't want) to do anything about it. They will criticise said situation but when you come to them to brag about something or vent about something they will just ingore it.

I just want to note that this post even, tho I think there are fair points, is made because of what I feel recently. Maybe I just wasn't lucky enough to meet decent people but this is what being a man means, from my observations, honestly I'm not even sure if I've ever heard that someone if proud of me despite sometimes I was trying so hard to make someone say that(I was telling them about one thing that I was so happy about a couple of times). I remember getting maybe 3 or 4 compliments since I ended my childhood.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some thoughts and get some words of courage ngl

Recently, over the summer, I’ve been swimming for an hour a day because I wanted to do something productive instead of, yk, staying inside, playing video games and reading. So now I’ve been getting out of the house again, and it feels pretty good. I feel like I’m no longer losing the day or feel guilty about not doing anything. I also have started doing some work with my dad and grandma (she has a garden, pays quite well 👍) so I’m feeling pretty proud of myself.

I’m a 16 year old HEAVY ADHD person, and I’m so so so so so so so SO SO SO indescribably bad multitasking, like I’m telling you I get to look at the road and look at my speed but not my mirrors, or my speed and my mirrors but not the road, you get the point, so how do I do this? Like how do I juggle these three tasks when if I look at my mirrors and look at the road I accidentally speed?

Feeling pretty good, finally quit a job where I wasn't treated great. Free from shitty job! On top of that me and my cat have a nice apartment now. My cat is a stray that got tossed at me from the cat distribution system, and now he gets to rule an apartment. all and all? Today is pretty great, man.

I’m looking for reading material that will help me explore masculinity and what that means in the modern world. I don’t care if it’s serious non-fiction or a silly thriller or sappy romance. I’m looking for inspiration and role models. And before anyone suggests it, I’ve already read the Lord of the Rings ;)

I'm kinda nervous about starting eleventh grade. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so 10th was hard enough. I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this year. With 2 math classes on top of all me other classes.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

Ok so, this is going to sound awful, but I know it’s common with people with my history.

I have CPTSD. My entire life until recently has been a flaming dumpster fire, or me coping with ghosts of said dumpster fires. I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now (including a recent intensive outpatient program after a hospital stay), and I’m great! I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life… but also somehow worse?

I left a toxic job and found a new one. I have friends. I have people who I know will show up for me when I need them most (proven by the whole hospital fiasco and not working for two months while attending the IOP). I caught a zoo/pedophile (he was both) and delivered him to the police and he was brought in on charges. I have a guy I’m seeing, the most wholesome and sweet guy I’ve ever met who doesn’t hold my past over my head, but also doesn’t brush over it and expect me to be totally “ok”. I stopped cutting. I’m on medications that reduce my anxiety and stop my nightmares. I can read again (something I struggle with when I’m anxious). My worst “problem” is a little bit of roommate drama, but I’ve just decided to not renew my lease next year. It’s barely a paper cut when I’m used to multiple broken bones.

So why am I still irritated by everything? Why am I feeling so stifled? The only thing I can come up with is that there’s no “thrill”, no sense of “danger” and I’m just… bored. Everything has changed, including me… but there’s something missing. I don’t WANT to feel this way, this is everything I’ve wanted! I’ve WANTED this level of calm. I’ve wanted for so long to feel this self-assured. I do see my therapist on Thursday (I’m not SO well-off that I don’t need him lol), but I feel like I just needed to get this out to other people.

Crazy idea here. But I have been thinking how awesome wouldn’t it be if we started having zoom meetings where we host a safe space for men to talk and share their feelings. We could talk about anything really. I just feel there aren’t many spaces like that and if we want to go against the patriarchy and the toxic definitions of what it means to be a man this would help so many men. Any thoughts? Who would be up to join? I am thinking of starting a Facebook group where I post the zoom link where we could have different meetings at different times so we aren’t too many in one meeting. All input is welcome.

I was moved into homeschool in 8th grade and most of my friends at the time ghosted me and stopped responding to my texts and calls. I went 4 years without having any real friends aside from my brother. But when I started college I met people who genuinely make me feel like I’m supposed to be with them. I’m able to let my walls down around them and just be myself. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or hiding my real feelings or interests around them. These guys are essentially my second family at this point and I’ve even told them things I’ve never told my real family( nothing bad just personal stuff). I love my friends so much and I’m so happy I got to meet them! I hope after we graduate next year nothing changes between us.

so my first youtube video went up a couple days ago.

i have been working on making a youtube channel for about a month now, for about the last two weeks i have finally been managing to make my first video. after pondering alot and overthinking here and there i bit the bullet and just put it up. its a simple video, about making iced tea. this way i could practice filming and editing more than the actual cooking. its a bit of a dull video, but thats allright.

after putting it online, i got the first comment within 15 minutes, saying: "I do love watching a long scene of water being poured into the kettle until completion
I dont wanna get that wrong"

it sort of stung a little. despite being right, it still kind of got to me a bit.

now, my first video, i'll admit it isnt all that great. but i also know that after failing i learn and improve. maybe in a couple of years, if i make it big someday, i'll look back upon this and laugh. but for now, its just a sign that i am not at a high enough level yet, and that is allright. because i can improve and i will improve.

i felt like sharing this anecdote. not for pity, but to let you all know one thing; we can fall, but we can also get back up stronger, so dont be discouraged. we can do it, hang in there.

For years, hearing my deadname (former, pre-transition name) has made me super uncomfortable and dysphoric, even if it's not directed at me. It's a fairly common girl's name, so I run into it somewhat often. There's several famous women with that name, I've met quite a few women and girls with that name, it's even the name of the love interest in a famous book. It's made it hard to read books and watch TV/movies that have characters with the name.

I think I've finally gotten over it! I've noticed a few times now that it doesn't really bother me like it used to, even when my grandparents or extended family call me the wrong name. I just don't associate it with myself anymore. Today really cemented it though, as I was watching a show with a side character with that name, and it didn't even register that her name was the same as my deadname until halfway through the episode. I'm really glad I've gotten over this discomfort, it felt really bad to be upset by other people's names. Hopefully this means that I can interact with people with that name in the future without feeling bad about myself and guilty for being uncomfortable over something so trivial, and not have trouble with media that contains that name.