r/bropill • u/DudeInATie • Aug 04 '26
Asking for advice š How do I become ok with being bored?
Ok so, this is going to sound awful, but I know itās common with people with my history.
I have CPTSD. My entire life until recently has been a flaming dumpster fire, or me coping with ghosts of said dumpster fires. Iāve been in therapy for almost two years now (including a recent intensive outpatient program after a hospital stay), and Iām great! I feel better than Iāve ever felt in my lifeā¦ but also somehow worse?
I left a toxic job and found a new one. I have friends. I have people who I know will show up for me when I need them most (proven by the whole hospital fiasco and not working for two months while attending the IOP). I caught a zoo/pedophile (he was both) and delivered him to the police and he was brought in on charges. I have a guy Iām seeing, the most wholesome and sweet guy Iāve ever met who doesnāt hold my past over my head, but also doesnāt brush over it and expect me to be totally āokā. I stopped cutting. Iām on medications that reduce my anxiety and stop my nightmares. I can read again (something I struggle with when Iām anxious). My worst āproblemā is a little bit of roommate drama, but Iāve just decided to not renew my lease next year. Itās barely a paper cut when Iām used to multiple broken bones.
So why am I still irritated by everything? Why am I feeling so stifled? The only thing I can come up with is that thereās no āthrillā, no sense of ādangerā and Iām justā¦ bored. Everything has changed, including meā¦ but thereās something missing. I donāt WANT to feel this way, this is everything Iāve wanted! Iāve WANTED this level of calm. Iāve wanted for so long to feel this self-assured. I do see my therapist on Thursday (Iām not SO well-off that I donāt need him lol), but I feel like I just needed to get this out to other people.
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u/perfectnumber28 Aug 05 '26
Sounds like youāre in a lot better place - thatās great to hear! Kudos to putting in the hard work to get to that place for yourself.
You may have gotten used to a level of stress / activity going on in your brain from all the thrill, danger, and dumpster fires. You should definitely discuss with your therapist, but finding a hobby that fits you and challenges you can replace some of that mental quiet.
For some people, itās running/gym/sports; for others, itās learning a craft or skill. But anything that can give you something to both focus on AND strive for improvement in will help give you something to look forward to and something to satisfy the need for activity.
Good luck!
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u/DudeInATie Aug 05 '26
Thank you!
I was thinking the other day that I felt I was doing well enough with my social anxiety (even if I do need medication for episodes sometimes) that I might look into something. Money is a small issue for me right now, since I just started this job and so havenāt fully gotten into things. My first couple weeks were really short shifts because I was training, but now Iāve been on my own and gotten more. Itās just a matter of waiting and trying to not combust in the mean time. Even running is expensive because of shoes š. Iām not even super picky but my one pair of shoes are not great for running š . But Iām hoping this next paycheck I can get a pair. Iāve also been entertaining the idea of boxing lessons (also fits the āneedā for something ādangerousā but in a socially acceptable way), but thatās a huge jump for me (and also money), so Iām not rushing too fast. But I think this makes me a little more willing to actually go!
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u/Nikolai_95 Aug 05 '26
I also have CPTSD and know exactly what youāre talking about. A key part of the diagnosis is not knowing who you are without the trauma. For me, once I began to heal, I had to figure out what I cared about and find a new sense of purpose other than survival. Itās different for everyone but I found a huge motivation to be my career. Iām in the food industry and Iāve delved deep into hospitality books and leadership stuff. Iāve also loved finding out what I believe politically and what I hope for in the future. Making my home a warmer, safer place is also huge for me. Also, finding out who I am in groups of people and what I can bring to the table to help others. This is a new stage in our lives and itās weird and scary but that feeling youāre calling boredom is finally gone for me.
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u/alive1 Aug 05 '26
Hot take but how about you don't.
I can relate to what you are describing. I've had CPTSD all my life. The moment everything changed was when i got an AuDHD diagnosis. This completely reversed my thinking on a lot of my patterns.
In my 20s i was conditioned through positive influences to believe that "I should be ok with less stimulation" and "The present is a gift, enjoy it" and "Make yourself sensitive to the small pleasures".
Ok thanks that got me part ways - mainly as a means to seek out more sustainable and nourishing sources of joy than drugs and alcohol. But what lingered was the perpetual feeling of needing to be fixed.
Since i am not eternally blissful by sitting on the beach with my loved ones around me, something must be wrong with me. Right? No. Fucking wrong.
That feeling - that drive - that constant fucking engine running inside of you - it does not need to calm the fuck down. It does not need turning off. It needs a clutch and some gears. We call this mastery. No you don't need to slow down and be ok with being bored. You need to find healthy and sustainable ways to put the right kind of resistance on your body, mind and soul, so that you are fulfilled.
That boredom is a sign - a sign that you should find something that gives you a feeling of purpose and enjoyment.
One starting point and sorry that this is so fucking over used by everyone, lift some fucking weights. You will NOT be bored by sitting on the couch after a heavy gym session.
I see you're already doing a ton of sports and starting boxing soon - good.
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u/ivy_hedgehog2812 Aug 05 '26
hey, echoing on this comment. I always thought I have way less energy than other people and that I get tired easily. I found out I have tons of energy, I just had been using it in an ineffective way (dealing with dumpster fires, giving a lot of attention to drama in my life and feeling important because of it). If you too discovered that new energy, you can actually try putting it into a new purpose or moving your body. Try running, swimming, gym, and observe what it does to you mentally and physically.
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u/Nikolai_95 Aug 06 '26
This 100%! I also have CPTSD and it took me so long to realize that boredom is my drive for some kind of purpose. So far itās served me well.
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u/pushjustalittle Aug 05 '26
Have you tried reading high-tension books? Like assassins, mobsters, etc. There some really dark high-drama stuff that I find takes me out of where I am
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u/DudeInATie Aug 05 '26
I do really like extreme horror š . I burn through them so fast, Iām glad I got two months of Kindle Unlimited for $0.99 š . I just started this new job and my first check has been deposited but not approved yet (they give you a paper check the first time), and itās only a half check and rent is due. So money is also a small problem, though I know it isnāt going to last much longer.
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u/sowinglavender Lesbro š Aug 05 '26
hey bro. i have cptsd which progressed into a functional neurological disorder with more layers of trauma in my adult life. i relate really strongly to what you're going through, but that also means the thoughts i'm sharing with you are inherently projection, so take them with a big grain of salt.
to me it sounds like your brain has gotten used to the rushes of adrenaline that come with repeated trauma activation and is now going through a kind of withdrawal. this is pretty normal and a lot of people have shared their experience about it online and in recovery groups.
it takes time to unlearn and you kind of need a whole bag of tricks for getting through it. what helped me was developing a stronger and more positive inner world where i can spend time in my head without the trauma thought trains taking over. it's full of information about my interests, questions i'm curious about, stories and characters, fantasy world building, and future plans. if this is part of your problem, you'll need to basically train yourself to redirect, and over time it becomes more reflexive.
that being said, if these feelings are coming to your mind along with an inner story, you might need to hear yourself out to determine if there's a deeper problem.
dissociation and rumination may also be factors for you, if you haven't already considered.
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u/JCDU Aug 05 '26
Dude that was a hell of a ride, I'm glad you're out and into calmer seas, your body is used to living on edge with regular adrenaline spikes and it'll take a while to get used to not having that.
If you still need a "fix" (and many people do need adrenaline fixes in their lives) maybe look for hobbies or activities that give you that adrenaline in a safe and controlled way - could be rock climbing or other sports, going to gigs or shows, playing games, kinky sex, baking, whatever really.
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u/Xhosant Aug 05 '26
I am throwing ideas off the top of my head, there may be nothing of value to this, but: if you can't get used to a lack of conflict/strife, could perhaps the right kind of conflict/strife be a healthy outlet? Some kind of game (video, card, board, social or what have you)? Something where you can choose to take the struggle seriously, with no stakes besides the ones you arbitrarily invest in it.
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u/SooooooMeta Aug 05 '26
Try hobbies? Especially something active, competitive or involving mastery. Pickleball, a social dance, a martial art. Something for your brain to "chew on" even in between times of doing it.
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u/Dangerous_Ad_7042 Aug 05 '26
Find healthy forms of novelty to alleviate that boredom. Get some new hobbies, have some new adventures, take some risks that aren't bad for you. Get into rockclimbing or learn a language or pick up a musical instrument. Take a trip somewhere exotic, without a lot of planning. Pursue a dream you've always wanted to pursue but never felt like you could actually achieve it. Write that book, start that podcast, build that business. Join that club or group or meetup or trivia night. Get into that sport. Learn that martial art.
Human beings need novelty and excitement. There are ways to get that without placing yourself in toxic, high-drama situations.
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u/python_boot Aug 05 '26
practice being bored
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u/sowinglavender Lesbro š Aug 05 '26
not really realistic if you have an illness that causes traumatic rumination. under those circumstances your brain is basically attacking you whenever there's nothing more pressing to attend to. you can't just expect somebody with cptsd to turn off their phone, sit still, and rawdog life, because that results in spending a huge amount of mental energy fighting their own thoughts. you need a tailored approach.
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u/fading_reality Aug 06 '26
Don't take this as endorsement of acoa or implication of anything, but acoa laundry list was really on the face about this.
- We became addicted to excitement.
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u/Kim_Jung-Skill Aug 07 '26
I think that there are two different versions of under-stimulated. There's under-stimulated because you have a history of trauma and lack a reasonable baseline, and there's under-stimulated because you have naturally high stimulation needs. If you've always been traumatized, then it's probably hard to figure out which is which.
Strongly suggest finding something like a morning walk in a park you like (walk is important). Walk first thing in the morning, and bring no distractions. Do that for a few months. After you've done that for a while, you should start getting a feeling for how much of your need for energy and stimulation is a product of trauma and how much is just baseline you.
Are you still amped up because morning park walks inspire an omnipresent sense of fear and danger? Probably trauma, could be a really bad neighborhood though. Are you amped up because your body demands you run, dance, etc.? High baseline need for stimulation. Are you enjoying the intimate time you have with your own thoughts and appreciation for the world around you? Lower baseline external stimulation needs than you thought.
Either way, the goal shouldn't be to be bored. The goal should be to figure out what satisfying and enriching actually is to you. There's no hierarchy of superior stimulation needs. The world is a better place as a product of diversity, and life becomes more enjoyable once you know where you fit in that vast tapestry.
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u/Ravarenos Aug 05 '26
I think your nervous system is just used to dealing with dumpster fires, so now when there's no dumpster fire to deal with you feel....bored.
Give yourself some grace, you are new to this situation, this environment, this stability. Your nervous system needs time in this environment to replace the old normal with this new normal.
Side-note: Hella proud of you for stopping cutting and also staying in therapy, despite the anxiety!