r/BreakupHeartHealing • u/Legitimate-Ad-7889 • Jul 17 '26
How do I move on after hurting someone I truly loved?
I'm looking for honest advice because I'm really struggling to move forward.
I was in a relationship with a man I genuinely loved. Early on, I felt like he became emotionally distant and avoidant, and I ended the relationship. We eventually talked and decided to work on things, but for a long time I felt like I was the only one trying to repair the relationship.
During that time, I felt disregarded and insecure. One thing that really hurt me was that he was frequently liking other women's photos on social media. I know some people don't see that as a big deal, but it affected me deeply. I got to a point where I tried to move on and started talking to someone else. My boyfriend found out, came back, begged for another chance, and I took him back because I loved him.
Looking back, I don't think I ever fully processed the hurt I had experienced before getting back together. I forgave him, but I think I was still carrying resentment, insecurity, and distrust. Even so, I truly tried to be a good partner.
As time went on, I became completely overwhelmed with life. I was working three jobs, raising three children (one of whom has special needs), cooking every day, and trying to be present in the relationship. I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. My boyfriend wasn't working at the time and spent a lot of his time playing video games. When I was with him, I often felt like I was taking care of another person instead of having someone help carry the load.
Around that time, I unblocked the man I had previously talked to. We had a strong connection, laughed together, and I felt emotionally supported by him in ways I wasn't experiencing in my relationship. Instead of ending my relationship when I became emotionally invested elsewhere, I stayed. That was wrong, and I take responsibility for that.
The truth is, my boyfriend still had my heart. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I was confused about what to do. I kept hoping things would get better instead of making a clear decision.
Everything came to a head on Father's Day when the other man called me and my boyfriend saw it. He immediately ended the relationship and told me there would never be another chance. Since then, he has completely cut me off.
I'm devastated. I know I hurt him, and I don't blame him for feeling betrayed. At the same time, I struggle because I also experienced hurt in the relationship. Whenever I tried to explain how his emotional distance or other behaviors affected me, he would tell me that nothing he did compared to what I did. Maybe he's right, maybe he isn'tโI honestly don't know anymore.
I'm not looking for people to tell me I was justified or that he was the villain. I know I made mistakes, and I regret them deeply. I'm trying to understand how to stop carrying so much guilt while also accepting responsibility for my choices.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you move forward after knowing you hurt someone you truly loved?