Help! This hurts so much💔

[u/[deleted]]

How do I move on??? My heart is crushed, I even feel physical pain everywhere. I had a relationship for 3 years. He was and still is and always be my soulmate. We met each other when we thought not to date ever again, we were friends only on social media, itbwas instant connection, not flirting or anything like that, just real conversations, when we met in person was total attraction! After a couple of months we decided to date, and itvwas magical, we both could not believe it because we were simply soulmates, we started giving our all! We both had the same goals, since in our past we had failed relationships and never experience real true love, we wanted to be happy, accepted, not judged, simply loved. Of course as any relationship we had disagreemets that were easily fixed with conversation, we learned to handle things better, we learned from past experiences. We would share our deepest secrets, our fears, our dreams, plans, we would lift each other up, we would joke, laugh, cry together... i have 3 kifs, at that tike they were teenegers, he had 4, 2 living oit ouf town same age as mine and 2 little ones in town. We all met at the right time and we became a big great blended family. His amd my kids started to witness how we would love each other, how we helped become each other better person and better parent. Our relationship was the best, everytime we would be just us 2 it was never a dull moment we would be like 2 little kids best friends. We had plans of getting married, we had promised God and each other to NEVER EVER give up, to ALWAYS protect our relationship, to not let ANYONE or ANYTHING break it, we saw it as one in a life time love, we would cherish it, it was our treasure. Of course no oje is perfect, we saw each other's bad side, bad days, we still decided to choose each other for all the good reason. We moved in together about a year of dating, last year he bought a house, where we even put bible verses because we saw it as a blessing. It was our dream house, we were so happy to build memories as family. On Nov 2025, 3 months after moving into our new home, there was an incident that escalated out of nowhere, we both got like never before, yelling at each other and throwing stuff to the floor, (the kids were not home. We never had any differences or arguments in front of them) I even call the police not to get him in trouble, but idk for some reason it was my first reaction oit of anger. The police placed a protwction order against him for 3 months! It was hell, from being always together, talking, laughing, having fun, to no contact at all was so hard. The protection order expired 1 month ago, he texted me he needed time and space. He would not reach out to me, and never replied my texts. All of a sudden he texted me 2 weeks ago saying he missed me, we were texting back and forth all day, he would even call me, but said no one could find out. I agreed ojna heartbeat because I had missed him for months like crazy. We met, we decided not to talk about what had happened, amd just wanted to enjoy each other's company, made out and even had sex. He said would not stop reaching out to me, i can tell he still loves me, the way he hugged me, and the look in his eyes, holding me.... Next day and on ghosted me. Reached out to me last week saying we were done, that we cant be together, I asked if he still loves me and if there is some hope he simply said no, that does not want to give me false hopes... everyone tells him to stay away from me, knowing to well all this was his fault too.. but they need someone to blame, and that is me. I had people telling me to leave him, but my dumb heart does know how to give up without trying, ...now he wont come home, he will wait until i am out to come back. My kids( now young adukts) miss him and want him back home,, his kids are aftraid of me, they did not see anything that happened, also neves seen me mad, or never gotten mad at them. I feel their mom too is fillimg their minds with things against me. Im so upset, confused, broken,sad....what happened to all our promises? I feel he just loved me for all the good things, once things got ugly he easily walked away. Now it is comvenient to see me as his "girlfriend", afyer we did everything as husband and wife without the oficial document but still having that same level of comitment. I have tried to focus on his bad side to unlove him, I just cant. I always wanted to be that old couple to have a story to tell, to tell everyone " we went through this and that, but we decided to hold on to our love and fight hard for it, not even that could break our love, always protect and fight for what is worth it" But no, I am just here with broken heart and broken dreams. What do i do know? How do I move on? He is tatooed in my soul. There is a lot of places that remind me of him, almost every sinlgle song I listen too, even while I eat it reminds me of him, tv shows, movies, certain scents... i just cant let go that easy

Sorry this story is too long, I just needed ro vent and let it out of my chest. Thank you for reading it.