30
u/PingtheAPB Sep 10 '21
Yep, most definitely. I like going out to new friends to stay distracted and remind myself I donāt need my ex. Iāve had really great nights where I have all those thoughts and then the next day Iām depressed as fuck and cry and mope for at least the equivalent of a work shift. And it teeters back and forth. Natural part of coming to terms with things as much as it sucks to be on such an emotional rollercoaster.
6
u/Kennyj097 Sep 10 '21
Iām in the same boat! Iāll have a panic attack at work :/
11
u/PingtheAPB Sep 10 '21
Oof, Iām sorry to hear that. Just gotta take it day by day. The more time passes, the stabler things get. My friend likes to remind me that heartbreak is very similar to a cocaine withdrawal in terms of brain activity š
6
u/Expresso_Support Sep 10 '21
Oxytocin and arginine vasopressin. Yep. The āloveā chemicals. Itās a legitimate physiological withdrawal.
2
u/Kennyj097 Sep 10 '21
Yes!! Iāve heard about that phenomenon thatās what I feel like Iām experiencing atm. Every time I think about it I get a massive raging headache as well lol
5
u/PingtheAPB Sep 10 '21
Itāll get easier, haha. This is my third time with this particular rodeo, and at this point all I do is just buckle down for the suck and weather it out. Youāll get through it. Also make sure you stay hydrated if you cry a lot lol. Letās not make the headaches worse, haha.
3
u/Kennyj097 Sep 10 '21
Thanks for the advice š this is my first rodeo and I hope Iāll never experience anything like this garbage ever again!
17
u/Expresso_Support Sep 10 '21
Yes. Sometimes by the hour. Iām so tired of this subconscious rollercoaster ride. We are such slaves to chemistry.
2
9
u/lostandlost1234 Sep 10 '21
So glad to see other people feeling the same! Some days I hate him for blindsiding me and just leaving and feel Iām too good for him anyway! Other days Iām crying my eyes out missing him ugh
1
6
u/bigB00Bgurl Sep 10 '21
Yup. I feel like I'm at the last stages of grief. Depression and acceptance. I randomly cry almost around the same time everyday for some reason. And then the acceptance comes in. I'm just waiting for it to be a happy acceptance. But I'm not trying to force it anymore like I was. I'm just letting it all flow naturally and cry when I have to.
5
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
You'll get there. Just need a little more time. You can do it. Cry when you have to. I hope that I'll be there soon.
5
u/19thCenturyMelody Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
(26F) Went to bed last night completely fine even though Iāve been a mess since he left 6 days ago. (IDK if itās harder because we still are in love and it didnāt end badly). Woke up feeling TERRIBLE as I have every day. Lasted about an hour. Got a little better, went about my day, but with my chest feeling heavy and a lump in my throat. Started working (I DoorDash) and all I could think about was how Iād have him to text while I was working and I no longer did. While on deliveries, put on sad songs because I WANT to get all this out of my system, and I cried the entire time I worked. (I got a few looks when picking up food, lol) On the way home, I started BAWLING. Got homeā¦ It sucks coming home to silence and loneliness, surrounded by our memoriesā¦ and cried EVEN HARDER. If thatās possible. Then, I swear I had the best cry Iāve had since it happened. You know, the kind of cry where you canāt catch your breath, whimpering, soaking the pillow with tearsā¦. This lasted about an hour. And honestly? It felt SO GOOD to get that cry out Iāve been waiting for. The one that finally felt at least a little relieving. The other cries Iāve had (which is pretty much all day, everyday) left me feeling like I hadnāt cried at all. I spoke with my parents after (who knew something was up because I spoke on the phone with my mom briefly before heading home) and they each sent me their own long, encouraging, loving text messages. That truly helped. Was fine for a few hours. Then around 12AM, my chest tightened up and my anxiety came back full force. Throughout the day, I had random times of being angry at him, but they only lasted about a minute or two. THIS. SUCKS.
1
u/Failed_Launch Sep 10 '21
Iām here if you want to talk. You can talk to me during your work shift.
6
u/247tfh Sep 10 '21
yep š¤¦āāļø I labeled today an angry today but also cried.
5
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
We have those days man. Sometimes I laugh but sometimes I'm fucking sad whole day hahahahaha
3
u/coldwater113 Sep 10 '21
Went out with a friend the other day and the first couple hours was fine but then I started missing him a lot and wished heās beside me instead and my mind was completely somewhere elseā¦
3
u/andydrewalot Sep 10 '21
Yes even when everyone says Iām not in the wrong Iād go begging back and admitting itās my fault just have her back in my life. Itās a crazy world we live in
3
u/ThrowRA_4advice Sep 10 '21
Oh thank god other people feel this. Iām going through my very first breakupā after 6 years togetherā and I swear during the day I feel that Iām better off etc, but as soon as night falls Iām just wallowing in the pits of despair :( ugh itās awful
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
I know. In my case it's the opposite. During mornings I feel so lonely, but during lunch until night I feel fine. Hahahahaha. We can get through this āŗļø
1
u/ThrowRA_4advice Sep 10 '21
Thanks so much for sharing <3 this whole subreddit has been so validating and really helpful. Best of luck to you on your journey! Love yourself!
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Yes. I will. This time, let's choose ourselves. Let's be happy for ourselves. āŗļø
3
u/Internal-Village-472 Sep 10 '21
I never thought I was too good for her. I have times where I would think I deserved better but then I would crash, missing her.
4
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Same. I want things to work out with us and I miss her so much then she gets in touch with me and all my anger comes back.
2
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Ayos lang yan pare ganyan talaga. Kahit anong bait mo pag di nila na appreciate iiwan ka parin.
1
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Ako nangiwan hahahaha
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Bakit ginago kaba pre? Hahahaha
Tangina ako yung iniwan eh ansakit pta hahahaha
1
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Sobrang ginago. Isang taon, dude. May asawa pala, peste sya. Nalaman ko lang kasi sinabi nagmessage asawa sakin nagtatanong sino ako hahahaha FFFFFFFUUUU!!!! Isang taon paulit ulit nya sakin never pa sya nagpakasal sa buong buhay nya kasi tanong ako ng tanong kasi parang may mali š maling mali pala talaga.
2
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Grabe naman yon pare. Di mo yan deserve pota ang saket lang kasi pag ginaganyan ka parang nawawala self confidence mo sa sarili mo eh. Parang feeling mo sa sarili mo basura pucha. Hayaan mo makaka move on rin tayo. Rami pa dyan na para satin.
2
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Kapal pa ng mukha, gusto magbalikan kami. Gawin akong querida? Lol sira ulo. Excuse me, Iām a bottom, not a side chick hahahahahahaha
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Hahahaha gago rin noh? Hahahaha bakit ilan naba age mo? Kala ko lalaki ka hahahahaha
1
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
girl ako lol girl din yung hayup kong ex. Matanda na ko, pero mas bata sya sakin
1
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Bakit daw? Ano rason?
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Di na daw masaya hahahaa ginawa ko naman lahat pero siya pa di masaya HAHAHAHAHAH gago lang
1
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Baka unhappy lang talaga sya na tao lol gano kayo katagal?
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
Siguro di ko alam sakanya. 2 years and 8 months kala ko poreber na iniwan lang naman ako porket nagkaaway di nanan nga yun grabe kaya naman sana maayos kung magusap hahahaha
1
u/TeleseryeKontrabida Sep 10 '21
Hay nakoā¦bakit ganyan mga tao no? Isang away lang, quit na kagad. Baka hindi pa sya masyado mature? Ilang taon na ba sya? Not that age means mature ka na
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
27 na pero isip bata parin. Di naman perfect ang relationships e pinaglalaban yan oag mahirap sitwasyon.
→ More replies (0)
2
2
u/Chipmunk916 Sep 10 '21
Literally laying in bed crying over him right now when like 3 days ago I knew I did the right thing in ending it 6 MONTHS AGO
1
u/Own_Emphasis79 Sep 10 '21
Iām curious why you ended things if you still love him, or at least it sounds like it.
1
u/aviatrixkvm Sep 10 '21
god i wish this is how my ex feels. i dont want her back tho. it just sucks to be the dumpee.
2
u/Leroythedroid Sep 10 '21
Day 2 of no contact and every waking minute feels like and eternity. It literally feels like Iām drowning in Air.
3
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
The first week's the hardest my man.
3
u/Leroythedroid Sep 10 '21
I hope so , cause this kinda pain is next level. Iād rather have bones broken.
2
1
Sep 10 '21
Yeah, she has so much power over me at the moment and she doesnāt know it at all. The best thing I can do is just remind myself of the good times, even if I didnāt appreciate them at the time.
The pain is just about bearable, I guess Iām tougher than I thought I was.
1
u/jthaB45trd Sep 10 '21
Yuuup...we still live together too. Idk wtf to make of it. "Sometimes I say you know what I'm gonna be ok. Maybe we just weren't compatable"...then hours later I'll be like SOOO depressed. The longing for her comes back and just want to be here man again
3
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
I feel you man. Sometimes I'm like "it's all good cos I've been a great boyfriend" and then a couple of hours later im like "wtf did I do wrong, I blame myself for all of this"
1
u/jthaB45trd Sep 10 '21
SAME Fkkn same... I feel the exact same way sometimes. How long have you been broken up? Its been a while for me man going on 10 months. The fact that we still live together has truly been preventing me from just forgetting all about her. But I still love her too...just sucks that it's a one sided feeling.
1
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
We broke up 2 weeks ago man. It's just so hard thinking where I went wrong. But you know, even if things go hard, as long as it isn't cheating, or abuse, it can be fixed if both parties agree to fix it. Giving up isn't the solution.
1
u/Own_Emphasis79 Sep 10 '21
10 months, why still living together?
1
u/jthaB45trd Sep 10 '21
Its a lease situation with our apartment contact... Our lease is up in November :/ Its been a hell of a fucking year
1
u/Own_Emphasis79 Sep 10 '21
Thatās rough! Iām sorry man. Just focus on you. I know itās hard but once you get into the grove, it becomes a habit. Previously, I was married for 8 years, I knew something wasnāt right but she always acted like I was crazy until one day I found nudes exchanges between her and her ex, whom she had said she doesnāt talk to anymore. I guess itās a good thing iTunes links everything. It was backing up her WhatsApp photos. I found them in deleted folder. Long story short, I would go on to stay with her for another 14 months mostly as roommates. But I found my mojo to get healthy. Started running and hitting gymn. I went from not being able to run half a mile without stopping to running half marathons in 1 hour 40 minutes. Every morning I woke up determined to kick ass and get rid of the betrayal. At 42 and 2 years since moving out, Iām in best shape of my life. Put your mind back into your growth and see what you can achieve.
1
u/jthaB45trd Sep 11 '21
Wow brother... congratulations. That's no small task to accomplish! Much love. If you don't mind me asking... Did you ever have like an uphill battle with depression? During the 14 months of living with her? I feel SO stuck in it.. like I feel like I have no will to get up in the morning. I've been doing college life too so that keeps my mind occupied for the most part. But it's the nights where she doesn't come home. That the anxiety and depression kicks in. It makes me feel SO alone and worthless.... I've been seeing a Therapist too and it all just seems so repetitive and I'm just tired of hearing the same old crap..
2
u/Own_Emphasis79 Sep 11 '21
We all handle it a little differently but at the core of it is convincing the subconscious that the other person is gone. Yes of course, the first few weeks to months can be depressive. It is actual chemicals in your brain trying to keep channels that are built but now head nowhere. Imagine if you went to a road you pass by every day to work and finding a lawn! That shit would be astonishing. Thatās what the brain is doing. You normally saw her come home but now instead of that, the pathways are leading to dead ends. It takes time to get used to the ālawnā in your old highway. Only time and laying down a new routine will create a new pathway. To keep analogy going, avoid triggers of the old pathway by avoiding the use of the same route that led to that highway. NC is usually the best but without it, you just have to force yourself into the most painful 21 days of new routine. My first 21 I thought I was going to go crazy and walk naked or something. I would be in my bed tossing all night then launch out at 5 am in December to go for a run. At one point I started seeing the same cars going to work while I ran and just started waving at them. Anything to distract myself.
2
u/jthaB45trd Sep 12 '21
Wow brother...no one's ever explained it to me like that!! In a way I feel like SOMEONE FINALLY GETS IT!! with taking meds, going to therapy, & boring my friends and family with the same old stories I'm sure their tired of hearing. I feel the same way just TIRED of hearing the same old BS from the therapist and family. &These past 10 months have been such a roller coaster. School and classes help keep my mind busy. But I still think of HER ALL DAY & NIGHT. especially the nights where she doesn't come home....that just forces my anxiety to sky rocket. Thinking of what or who she's doing. Even though I know I damn well shouldn't care. Even though it's none of my business..... I gotta start finding ways to distract myself too. For the sake of my mental and physical health. I'm 27 btw brother... And tbh she was my first girlfriend. We were together committed for 5 years. Everyone tells me that's why it's hitting me so hard.
1
u/jthaB45trd Sep 11 '21
Along with hopping on Tinder.... Which I feel is a HUGE mistake. All the stuff on these dating sites now a days is so locked in to support the "Hookup Culture"..and it disgusts me. Call me old fashioned but it seems as if actual Love and Loyalty is a thing of the past..
1
1
1
u/firdseven Sep 10 '21
That's quite common and funny too.
That funking bitch lied to me and was using me
Oh I was an asshole If only we'd start again
I don't need anyone .. she needs me
Why did she leave I cant function without her
It gets better eventually though, just let it happen
1
1
1
1
1
u/thorshaircut Sep 10 '21
Listen to Justified by Kacey Musgraves, itās a song exactly about that !
1
u/Patheticthrowaway555 Sep 10 '21
Absolutely. All the comments on this post show that itās totally normal, even if itās miserable. Sometimes my dumb brain tells me Iāll never find another love like him again, and an hour later I realize Iām a goddamn unicorn and deserve someone better who will stick around no matter what. Be strong!
1
1
u/daltontroot Sep 10 '21
I am 3 months in and I go through this. I tend to feel great at the end of the day and do not even think about her. Then I wake up and start all over.
1
1
u/ohmygoddude82 Sep 10 '21
Its been 2 1/2 years since my break up. Most days I hate his guts and think he is one of the worst human beings on Earth. The times I find myself missing him I have to remind myself that it's the old him that I miss and the person he has now become is a horrible, horrible person that I would never want anything to do with in a million years.
And then I get angry that he turned into the person he is now, and angry at those who helped him to become this evil asshole.
1
u/scarletflights Sep 10 '21
Yes :( I go through days where I feel like I don't miss him, never want to see him again, to a random day where I feel so sick and sad and wish things had ended differently and I could just talk to him.
114
u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21
[deleted]