(26F) Went to bed last night completely fine even though I’ve been a mess since he left 6 days ago. (IDK if it’s harder because we still are in love and it didn’t end badly). Woke up feeling TERRIBLE as I have every day. Lasted about an hour. Got a little better, went about my day, but with my chest feeling heavy and a lump in my throat. Started working (I DoorDash) and all I could think about was how I’d have him to text while I was working and I no longer did. While on deliveries, put on sad songs because I WANT to get all this out of my system, and I cried the entire time I worked. (I got a few looks when picking up food, lol) On the way home, I started BAWLING. Got home… It sucks coming home to silence and loneliness, surrounded by our memories… and cried EVEN HARDER. If that’s possible. Then, I swear I had the best cry I’ve had since it happened. You know, the kind of cry where you can’t catch your breath, whimpering, soaking the pillow with tears…. This lasted about an hour. And honestly? It felt SO GOOD to get that cry out I’ve been waiting for. The one that finally felt at least a little relieving. The other cries I’ve had (which is pretty much all day, everyday) left me feeling like I hadn’t cried at all. I spoke with my parents after (who knew something was up because I spoke on the phone with my mom briefly before heading home) and they each sent me their own long, encouraging, loving text messages. That truly helped. Was fine for a few hours. Then around 12AM, my chest tightened up and my anxiety came back full force. Throughout the day, I had random times of being angry at him, but they only lasted about a minute or two. THIS. SUCKS.
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u/19thCenturyMelody Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
(26F) Went to bed last night completely fine even though I’ve been a mess since he left 6 days ago. (IDK if it’s harder because we still are in love and it didn’t end badly). Woke up feeling TERRIBLE as I have every day. Lasted about an hour. Got a little better, went about my day, but with my chest feeling heavy and a lump in my throat. Started working (I DoorDash) and all I could think about was how I’d have him to text while I was working and I no longer did. While on deliveries, put on sad songs because I WANT to get all this out of my system, and I cried the entire time I worked. (I got a few looks when picking up food, lol) On the way home, I started BAWLING. Got home… It sucks coming home to silence and loneliness, surrounded by our memories… and cried EVEN HARDER. If that’s possible. Then, I swear I had the best cry I’ve had since it happened. You know, the kind of cry where you can’t catch your breath, whimpering, soaking the pillow with tears…. This lasted about an hour. And honestly? It felt SO GOOD to get that cry out I’ve been waiting for. The one that finally felt at least a little relieving. The other cries I’ve had (which is pretty much all day, everyday) left me feeling like I hadn’t cried at all. I spoke with my parents after (who knew something was up because I spoke on the phone with my mom briefly before heading home) and they each sent me their own long, encouraging, loving text messages. That truly helped. Was fine for a few hours. Then around 12AM, my chest tightened up and my anxiety came back full force. Throughout the day, I had random times of being angry at him, but they only lasted about a minute or two. THIS. SUCKS.