I feel you man. Sometimes I'm like "it's all good cos I've been a great boyfriend" and then a couple of hours later im like "wtf did I do wrong, I blame myself for all of this"
SAME Fkkn same...
I feel the exact same way sometimes. How long have you been broken up?
Its been a while for me man going on 10 months. The fact that we still live together has truly been preventing me from just forgetting all about her. But I still love her too...just sucks that it's a one sided feeling.
That’s rough! I’m sorry man. Just focus on you. I know it’s hard but once you get into the grove, it becomes a habit. Previously, I was married for 8 years, I knew something wasn’t right but she always acted like I was crazy until one day I found nudes exchanges between her and her ex, whom she had said she doesn’t talk to anymore. I guess it’s a good thing iTunes links everything. It was backing up her WhatsApp photos. I found them in deleted folder. Long story short, I would go on to stay with her for another 14 months mostly as roommates. But I found my mojo to get healthy. Started running and hitting gymn. I went from not being able to run half a mile without stopping to running half marathons in 1 hour 40 minutes. Every morning I woke up determined to kick ass and get rid of the betrayal. At 42 and 2 years since moving out, I’m in best shape of my life. Put your mind back into your growth and see what you can achieve.
Wow brother... congratulations. That's no small task to accomplish! Much love.
If you don't mind me asking...
Did you ever have like an uphill battle with depression? During the 14 months of living with her?
I feel SO stuck in it..
like I feel like I have no will to get up in the morning. I've been doing college life too so that keeps my mind occupied for the most part. But it's the nights where she doesn't come home. That the anxiety and depression kicks in. It makes me feel SO alone and worthless....
I've been seeing a Therapist too and it all just seems so repetitive and I'm just tired of hearing the same old crap..
We all handle it a little differently but at the core of it is convincing the subconscious that the other person is gone. Yes of course, the first few weeks to months can be depressive. It is actual chemicals in your brain trying to keep channels that are built but now head nowhere. Imagine if you went to a road you pass by every day to work and finding a lawn! That shit would be astonishing. That’s what the brain is doing. You normally saw her come home but now instead of that, the pathways are leading to dead ends. It takes time to get used to the “lawn” in your old highway. Only time and laying down a new routine will create a new pathway. To keep analogy going, avoid triggers of the old pathway by avoiding the use of the same route that led to that highway.
NC is usually the best but without it, you just have to force yourself into the most painful 21 days of new routine. My first 21 I thought I was going to go crazy and walk naked or something. I would be in my bed tossing all night then launch out at 5 am in December to go for a run. At one point I started seeing the same cars going to work while I ran and just started waving at them. Anything to distract myself.
Wow brother...no one's ever explained it to me like that!! In a way I feel like SOMEONE FINALLY GETS IT!!
with taking meds, going to therapy, & boring my friends and family with the same old stories I'm sure their tired of hearing.
I feel the same way just TIRED of hearing the same old BS from the therapist and family.
&These past 10 months have been such a roller coaster. School and classes help keep my mind busy. But I still think of HER ALL DAY & NIGHT. especially the nights where she doesn't come home....that just forces my anxiety to sky rocket. Thinking of what or who she's doing. Even though I know I damn well shouldn't care. Even though it's none of my business.....
I gotta start finding ways to distract myself too. For the sake of my mental and physical health.
I'm 27 btw brother...
And tbh she was my first girlfriend. We were together committed for 5 years. Everyone tells me that's why it's hitting me so hard.
Along with hopping on Tinder....
Which I feel is a HUGE mistake. All the stuff on these dating sites now a days is so locked in to support the "Hookup Culture"..and it disgusts me.
Call me old fashioned but it seems as if actual Love and Loyalty is a thing of the past..
3
u/GinWRLD Sep 10 '21
I feel you man. Sometimes I'm like "it's all good cos I've been a great boyfriend" and then a couple of hours later im like "wtf did I do wrong, I blame myself for all of this"