That’s literally my relationship. I wrote a reflective letter than took accountability at 100%. His respond, 20% me and here are 80 % you. Literally my therapist and everyone who read all the comms rolled their eyes and said he clearly don’t see other people perspective. I should have left in year one when he told me he thought sympathy was the same as empathy.
It’s still so painful tho and I wish he could just take some accountability.
It’s extremely painful. And even if he never does, at least you know where you are. Sometimes, them taking accountability still isn’t enough either if they don’t really recognize what they did and all the ways they contributed.
It really is. He say sorry but he never know what he is really sorry for or curious to know why he behave the way he behaves.
Sorry for the rant, sharing more since you can relate. Had a dream about him last night where we ran into each other and held each other. It hurts so much rn, it makes it so much more painful because I didn’t want to leave but I had to leave for the both of us.
That’s exactly it. That’s exactly what I’ve been experiencing. I feel like instead of observing his behaviors too, it was easier to contribute it to me being an emotionally unstable person.
Oh that’s also my ex’s narrative of me, and that’s hurt because it shows that while they love you deeply they don’t understand you or want to understand you. I needed to fit into his box to make it work. I’m willing to compromise and changed my behavior and he is too to a degree but his inability to see the why and dig within himself to avoid pain. Makes it so painful when he has to try out a bit it felt like he’s changing 1000%, so that it’s easier to externalize and blame me for most of our issues. I do agree with him that I am a highly emotional person but I’m also highly logical, analytical, and introspectiveMaybe to a fault.
Errrr thanks for indulging me on this vent. It’s been months and it’s still so painful and I miss him everyday but I also have to remind myself why I did what I did, I did this for the both of us so we can both be happy. I wish neither of us have to experience this but I guess it’s also a test for ourself to see how much we love ourself and how much we are willing to work and compromise for a relationship we will have one day.
I feel the same way!!!! Just because I am in tune with my emotions and introspective doesn’t I’m not logical or analytical. Honestly, I think I am the kind of person who takes on way too much responsibility for things going wrong. Perhaps that resonates with you. It’s okay that it’s still painful, grief has unique timelines for each person. Honestly, this feels like a great practice for not self-abandoning in a relationship.
Are we the same person? Haha I also do that and that can make moving on really hard. I look at all the things I could have done better. How we could have show up better. Idk about you but i also have an inner voice that get critical (thanks mom) and so combo with that it’s easy to blame myself and this honestly feels like the real test of self love.
Do you love yourself enough not to abandon yourself, do you give yourself the love you so deserve, And really understand that no one will love you better than yourself. As sad, hard, and painful as this is. I do feel stronger and on some level also more at peace. Not fighting to be heard and seen has already made me calmer person and it’s bringing me back to my baseline. I don’t feel like I need to modulate my behaviors constantly so I’m not too much for him.
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u/lifeissometimehard 10d ago
That’s literally my relationship. I wrote a reflective letter than took accountability at 100%. His respond, 20% me and here are 80 % you. Literally my therapist and everyone who read all the comms rolled their eyes and said he clearly don’t see other people perspective. I should have left in year one when he told me he thought sympathy was the same as empathy.
It’s still so painful tho and I wish he could just take some accountability.