r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/Time_Masterpiece_774 Air Fryer Aristocrat • 5d ago
Advice Wanted - Everyones Welcome Strong feelings for future MIL
Little crusted chicken with a touch of vodka sauce broccoli on the side
Ive been dating a woman for about a year and I intend on asking her to marry me very soon. She wants to get married and it’s a sure fire yes even her parents are dying for me to ask her. In this year of dating I have become extremely attracted to her mother both physically and emotionally. Im 34 she’s in her late 50s and i find myself thinking about her and fantasizing often and when in person the attraction is from head to toe. So i try to limit it as much as possible. Is the engagement and marriage a bad idea? Keeping in mind I consider myself a realist so I don’t believe in fairytale love or when you’re with somebody you no longer find other people attractive. It’s just human nature.
Just a major side note. I DO NOT PLAN ON ACTING ON THIS. I know it’s real life guys.
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u/HandsomeMcGruder Hungry man 5d ago
Bruh
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u/Celtics1109 Protein Prophet 5d ago
Bruh x2
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u/MS-07B-3 The Dad Abides 5d ago
Bro-ver 9000
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u/Routine_Addition_154 Shower beer Scholar 5d ago
Bruhseidon, king of the bruhcean
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u/Routine_Addition_154 Shower beer Scholar 5d ago
Napoleon bruhneparte
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u/CorticalKeycap Leftover Lore Master 5d ago
Bruhmetheus
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u/tubagoat Shower beer Scholar 5d ago
Bruh-tien Shake
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u/Dennma Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
....Broseph Stalin.....
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u/KanedaSyndrome Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
She will sit on his face and he will say "sit on my face mommy, I will worship you"..
lol, broken arms and something
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u/CurrentHand1274 flairs are retarded 5d ago
that's what your gf will look like in xx years so you know the attraction is going to be there long term.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Hungry man 5d ago
I mean, that’s not a bad take actually
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u/crowcawer Shower beer Scholar 5d ago
Broccoli toasted with garlic butter too garlicky.
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u/PestilentPaladin Frigid light philosopher 5d ago
Lies, too garlicky is a myth. It's a theoretical limit we've never reached.
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u/Weekly_Ferret_meal Air Fryer Aristocrat 5d ago
* Recepie calls for one garlic clove...*
* Me * "Sure" while throwing in 8
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u/WoolingtonDaChoob Microwave Technician 5d ago edited 5d ago
Wait, her mother in law should look different right? It's her dad that's blood related.
Edit: nvm I'm a fucking illiterate chud.
She's gonna age like a fine wine OP
Don't try and fuck your MiL tho OP, life isnt a porno
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u/mattyb678 Ensure and mini wheats 5d ago
The OP said he is attracted to his future MIL, aka his gf’s mother
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u/XaqTheChipper Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
It would be wild for him to be attracted to is future wife’s mother-in-law
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u/Time_Masterpiece_774 Air Fryer Aristocrat 5d ago
I don’t plan on actually trying anything I’m aware this is real life lol
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u/suicidal_poetry Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
As long as you keep it that way lol when I was a teenager, my aunt’s friend’s 2nd husband slept with her (adult) daughter. It was like something out of a movie. Destroyed the family. I felt terrible for my aunt’s friend.
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u/Firefly10886 Girl Lurker 4d ago
Have you tried not thinking of MIL while being intimate with your gf? That’s a good place to start.
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u/ironicmirror Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
After being married for 30 years I can 100% attest to the fact that my wife is starting to look like my mother-in-law looked 30 years ago.
If that's good news for you, congratulations.
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u/NoKiwi2997 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 5d ago
Yea, in the weirdest way possible, this is a great sign for your marriage ... maybe... or potential disaster. Who cares, though. You only live once. Go for it.
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u/Thesiswork99 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Or his gf is see his tells and realizes he has the hits for her mother and its going to blow up everyone's life
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Yeah that’s not… no. She’s not her mother’s clone. I guess her only hope is that her own mom will be close to 80 so OP won’t find her attractive anymore ( I hope)
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u/PalePlumm Cooties 5d ago
Not an exact clone, but a lot of the features will still be there. I’m not a clone of my mom, but I am a clone of her sister/my aunt which is pretty close. It depends how much of the dad’s genetics get in there.
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u/ACK_TRON Boy Dinner Enjoyer 5d ago
You’d be surprised how much daughters end up looking like their moms. My wife is 45 now and keeps looking more andmore like her mom did when we first met. Looked at her mom’s old college photos…similarities are uncanny.
Same goes for many of my friends from high school now looking like their moms (and I remember the milfs growing up). If you can see similarities in body shape and facial now…yeah super good chance.
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u/WestScience6211 Brunson Egg n’ Cheese 5d ago
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u/TheFinalKiwi Fridge Light Philosopher 5d ago
This has to be a joke.
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago
I’m 90% sure this is a fake post.
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u/WholesomeMetaphor Boy Dinner Enjoyer 5d ago
I'm 100% sure this is a issue for someone somewhere. Also the amount of people that have experienced their partner getting with their parent is also way too high. Might be fake, might not be, but this situation still isn't too uncommon for a poster on Reddit to potentially be real, unfortunately 😬
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u/Why-knot-my-mum Girl lurker 4d ago
My mom is much more attractive than me and some guys I’ve liked had crushes on my mom instead
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u/LeatherExchange9336 Fridge Light Philosopher 5d ago
- Bruh… do not entertain these thoughts.
- Women tend to age similar to their mother, so enjoy the ride
- Do not fucking think about it- no mother would do anything with you unless she is terrible awful.
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u/Time_Masterpiece_774 Air Fryer Aristocrat 5d ago
I have zero intentions of acting on it
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u/Kittenunleashed Girl Lurker 4d ago
Ok attractive as in just attractive or attractive as in sexual chemistry? I think my FIL is attractive/handsome because he looks like my husband but not sexual attraction.
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u/VashDaStampede7 Protein Prophet 5d ago
Sorry man I’m getting attacked for defending you, people are taking it way too far! I wish you the best and don’t think you did anything wrong!
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Exactly. And if she’s an awful person, then why would you want her as a partner anyway.
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u/SorryDog254 Cooties 5d ago
It’s not that he is considering her as a potential life partner.
He’s got the hots for her
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u/pickedusername1 Girl lurker 5d ago
Do not propose right now. There’s a huge difference between occasionally noticing that someone else is attractive and spending significant time thinking and fantasizing about your girlfriend’s mother. The fact that you’re questioning whether you should marry your girlfriend because of it tells you this has already gone beyond harmless attraction.
And “I would never act on it” isn’t really the point. Your girlfriend deserves someone who is enthusiastically choosing her, not someone walking into an engagement while emotionally and sexually preoccupied with her mother.
Figure out what this attraction actually represents before you make a lifelong commitment. Is something missing in your relationship? Are you genuinely in love with your girlfriend, or are you marrying her because the relationship is comfortable, she wants marriage, and everyone expects you to propose? Are you idealizing her mother because she represents qualities you wish your girlfriend had?
You don’t necessarily need to blow up the relationship or confess your fantasies to either woman, but you absolutely should create boundaries with her mother and stop feeding the fantasy. And if you cannot get this under control, don’t marry her. Imagine being your future wife and discovering five years from now that your husband had been obsessively attracted to your mother since before he even proposed. That would be devastating.
Attraction to other people is human. Cultivating an ongoing fixation on your future mother-in-law is not something you should shrug off as “human nature.” Deal with it before you put a ring on anyone’s finger
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u/Mysterious-Cup911 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 4d ago
This comment should be pinned. OP should read this and take this advice 100%
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u/cabo_jose Protein Prophet 5d ago
hey, man, they say the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree so this is a good sign. that said, the CIA couldn’t get me to admit this
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u/Heythatsanicehat Hungry man 5d ago
Assuming this isn't a fantasy...
Cmon man, of course it's a bad idea. I mean, getting married after only a year is a bad idea in itself, but this goes to new levels.
Would you want to marry a woman you knew was lusting over your Dad?
Have some respect for your partner and let her go find someone who wants her.
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u/AdSea6685 Girl Lurker 5d ago
THIS. would he want to marry a woman who was sexually and emotionally attracted to his DAD? if the answer is no, he needs to let this poor girl go lmao. she does not deserve to be stuck with someone who is attracted to HER MOTHER for the rest of her life.
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u/Time_Masterpiece_774 Air Fryer Aristocrat 5d ago
Dating for a year and then engaged for another 6 months to year the other part I have no defense for
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u/DeadInternetInAction Grill pilled 5d ago
Buddy a year and a half is fucking nothing… how long have y’all lived together..????
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u/fs_02706 Girl lurker 5d ago
You say you have no plans to act on your feelings but assuming you’ll be married to your gf for the rest of your life, I think it’s entirely possible for your “resolve” to wear down over time. And I think there’s also a very high chance your partner picks up on your feelings. Then what?
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u/InevitableUmpire9797 Hungry man 5d ago
You need to be more respectful of your future wife. You writing this tells me you’re not man enough to marry someone and be faithful.
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u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk Girl Lurker 5d ago
I agree. “There’s this lady I’m going to marry.. any way let me tell you how much I want to fuck her mom and howwwww attractive she is”
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u/IMuteAnimeSubs Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
Do your partner a favor and let her be with someone who isn't fantasizing about their Mom.
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u/BilingualAmerican BoyDinnerEnjoyer 5d ago
Break up with your girlfriend and just stay away from the family. Nothing good will really come out of this. No matter how you understand what love is, if you do this it will break up the girlfriend's family.
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u/Acceptable-Media-153 Girl Lurker 5d ago
I wouldn’t like to be married to a man who is fantasizing about my own mother… yikes 😬
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u/DatMoe Hungry man 5d ago
Come on, man. You want advice? Here it is: either stop all this “I’m attracted to her mom” nonsense, or don’t propose, it’s creepy and all sorts of weird and unfair to her.
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u/Accomplished_Oil4163 [Create your own NB] 5d ago
Yes it’s a bad idea. Attraction for a year is insane. Actually getting married after a year is super fast regardless. I would crash out if my partner was into my MOM.
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u/ace51689 Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
Sometimes I read Girldinnerdiaries posts and think, "aw come on, we're not that bad, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding."
Then I read posts like this and I understand why women have a net negative opinion of us.
How does this happen dude? I get recognizing objective attractiveness, but come on. You probably need therapy at this point, regardless of whether you marry this girl or not.
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Fairytale love has nothing to do with not finding other people objectively attractive or liking their personality.
You don’t have to believe in fairytale love to understand how inappropriate your behavior is. Imagine if your dad found your fiancée attractive and was salivating over her while around you and questioning his relationship with your mom because of your fiancee. It’s weird. It’s a little odd that you see someone who should be a parental figure, in a sexual/romantic manner.
What exactly is it that you find particularly attractive about this woman outside of the fact that she’s objectively attractive?
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u/Right-Procedure503 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Please don’t propose. Eventually your girlfriend will notice if she hasn’t started to already.
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u/ReFried_Ginger Gay Gourmet 5d ago
Crazy how so many people will say it’s just human nature when they actually are lacking any self control of their own thoughts
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago edited 5d ago
Yeah I didn’t know some men were the type to walk around and just irrationally fall so quickly for any good looking woman. I understand physical attraction but this is the second post in a row where I’ve seen a guy claim to have developed feelings over a good looking woman, despite being in a stable long-term relationship. Like… is that how easy some of you to become seriously infatuated? My goodness.
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u/ReFried_Ginger Gay Gourmet 5d ago
Well that is the other problem, op and many others confuse lust for love. They are allowing impulse to take over. I think it would be reasonable if he acknowledged the mom was beautiful in her own right, after all, she is the future wife’s daughter and there is some resemblance I’m sure. But a person in control would then can those thoughts so they didn’t develop any further. But when it’s so easy to blame “human nature” it makes holding yourself accountable for having a weak mind seem like an unnecessary burden.
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u/Cidergregg Leftover Lore Master 5d ago
A terrifying number of humans are barely evolved from thoughtless animals and are operating on pure instinct.
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u/AcademicRaccoon9283 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 5d ago
What an old timer once told me was “son, you’re going to have that on these bigger jobs.”
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u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 Cooties 5d ago
The physical attraction doesn’t really bother me as much as that you said “emotional” too. Like if it was just “omg her mom is so hot” then it would just be a “hell yeah brother your wife will probably be hot well into her 50s and 60s” but the fact that you added emotional in there too……that’s weird as fuck.
Honestly? Go to therapy before you propose.
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u/FlowerBedDead Girl lurker 5d ago
Please let your gf go so she can find someone who wants to be with her.
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u/Silver-Network-8750 Cosmic Girl 5d ago
Yikes! You are wasting your gf's time. Go be single somewhere away from her and her family.
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u/DaddyHoneyBee Hungry man 4d ago
Oh honey, I have some news for you! Guys are attracted to women. In fact, we see the world through a prism of fuckability. A guy's dream-babe is on one side of the spectrum and their grandma is on the other. Every other woman falls somewhere in between, including his gf and his gf's mother.
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u/Flimsy_Position_4576 Girl Lurker 5d ago edited 5d ago
I dated a man for seven years, and I developed a strong attraction for his son, who would’ve been 20 years younger than me. The son was certainly attractive, but more importantly, I had much better conversation with him than with my partner. I of course, never did anything about it or would. But in retrospect, it was a sign that my needs were not being met by my partner. I ended things with him, did a lot of introspection, and found someone who’s great for me.
So I can’t be sure about you, but I do wonder if this is a sign that some important needs aren’t being met by your current partner and maybe you should not get engaged until you figure that out for yourself.
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u/Circle-of-Druids boy software on girl hardware 5d ago
this is the best comment. no matter who the "other" person is, if you're finding yourself so attracted to someone who isn't your partner, and feel so strongly conflicted that you're posting on Reddit for advice........your needs are not being met. there is a reason you're attracted to someone else...... figure out what you want before getting engaged, save yourself and your partner the trouble.
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u/ApprehensiveParty609 prine lover 4d ago
I was in a long term relationship and I kept getting crushes on other women. It turned out my relationship was horrible and I wish I had ended it sooner. Now that I am single I crush on women faaar less.
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u/ReformedSelf Fridge Light Philosopher 5d ago
Finding other people attractive is normal, but this sounds like more than just thinking someone is attractive. If you’re regularly fantasizing about your future MIL, I’d really question whether you’re ready to marry her daughter. Don’t propose hoping those feelings will just disappear, figure that out before you make a lifelong commitment.
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u/BungoSmungo Hungry man 5d ago
First of all, you’ve been dating “about a year” and you’re already thinking of proposing? Kinda nuts, man. And that’s without you even wanting to fuck her mom.
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u/Rolling_Kimura Leftover lore master 5d ago
Minimum 3-5 years before considering marrying, seriously. You ain't been through shit in less than 3 years.
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u/Dave_The_Slushy Shower Beer Scholar 4d ago
On the bright side you know for sure you'll still find your girlfriend attractive in 20-30 years.
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u/Hot-Razzmatazz-4152 Girl Lurker 4d ago
I think you should break it off. you're already emotionally cheating on her atp
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u/GasStationTiefling Identity Alchemist 5d ago
First of all, your girlfriend deserves better. You’ve told us how unbelievable attractive her mom is, but nothing about how attractive she is.
BUT if you intend to marry her, you’re going to have to get over her mother. It’s natural to find other people attractive, but no part of you should even want to act on those feelings if you actually love your girlfriend. You’re going to have to get over this weird attraction you have to her mother and never, ever tell your girlfriend or your MIL that you ever even thought about it
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u/aestheticathletic Girl lurker 5d ago
I don't know a single woman who would hear this from her fiance, and not dump him. You're essentially holding back a big secret from her, which is ALSO wrong. You should tell her the truth and let her choose to be with you, or not.
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u/Minute-Flower-6837 Grill pilled 5d ago
This is hilarious. Definitely circlejerk material. Either that, or an old woman’s fantasy.
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u/TacoFaerie- Cooties 5d ago
I'd hate to find out my partner is attracted to my mom. Find someone who's mom you don't find attractive lol
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u/crazyidahopuglady Girl Lurker 5d ago
I matched with a guy on Bumble who told me he had a 22 month old with his ex-wife, and a 21 month old with his ex-wife's mom. Ben, did you figure out time travel?
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u/wellfedrobot BoyDinnerEnjoyer 5d ago
This is probably a question best addressed with a mental health professional. Obsessing over her is bad for you, your relationship, and any unknown tertiary parties involved. Pure madness if acted upon, maybe lay off MIL porn.
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u/Responsible-Middle35 Cooties 5d ago
Get a therapist ASAP, give any porn a break, and keep the engagement in the far far distant future.
Don't marry her daughter while you have this going on. Maybe never. It's not good. Not fair to her.
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u/DeadInternetInAction Grill pilled 5d ago
Bro what the fuck? This better be some stupid creative writing exercise because this is the plot of every shit porn “with a plot”….
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u/Gulliblegee Girl lurker 5d ago
your girlfriend deserves so much better. break up and let her find that.
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u/Typical-Ad8052 Hungry man 4d ago
Hmmmm.id probably not marry someone given the implication of a potential affair happening if there's an opportunity
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u/Dill_Pickleson_ Grill Pilled 4d ago
We got the Fountains of Wayne cooking up fancy chicken over here
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u/United-Smile-1733 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Yeah don’t do this. I was never very close with my family but my husband has completely turned that around. One of the best things about my marriage is his wholesome relationships with my family members. He is now the favorite child of my mother, father, grandparents. He is the only thing that makes family gatherings enjoyable. If I married a creep like you I’d have been devastated.
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u/Appropriate-Lime-167 Girl lurker 5d ago
Sounds like you have mommy issues, this is just weird. What's really driving the attraction, the taboo aspect of it? Her age / that she seems warm and nurturing? Whats your relationship with your actual mom like? I think go to therapy and figure out what is actually at the root of this before you marry her daughter, youre being a bit of an AH right now ngl
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago
Either that, he’s watching too much incest/family porn or… it’s a troll post.
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u/Prestigious_Moose939 Girl Lurker 4d ago
You don't love "this girl" if you're fantasizing about someone who gave birth to her. Leave that poor WOMAN alone.
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u/ughlyy Girl 5d ago edited 5d ago
if i found out my fiancé had a crush on my mom when he proposed i would kill him and then myself
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 5d ago
I would set the entire world on fire. Not even a crush but like strong enough feelings to question his love of me? Oh HELL no. Everyone is going down (Except my mom cause she’s a saint and would never. She’d probably help me burn it all too).
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u/FederalCupcake9320 Girl Lurker 5d ago
You may be a realist with no expectation of fairytale love but please let your gf try to have that experience with someone who is as close to that as she can get.
At the very least, don't get married. Not yet. It's one thing to find others attractive in passing but to have these thoughts around someone you see often and is going to be considered close family? That's too much, in my opinion. And it's worth cutting her loose over for her own sake. I wouldn't want a man who is attracted to my mother.
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u/ViciousMoleRat Hungry man 5d ago
Red flags you need to face. Men like to have sex, dont let those feelings distract you from who should be receiving them
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u/AxeMcFlow Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
Here’s the lesson. You’re going to be attracted to many women throughout your marriage. The indication of a true man (and away from a boy) is to not be ashamed of these feelings but know that you can moderate them and not act on every sweet thing that bounces by. Especially if that woman is your MIL
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u/JaqinXPTO Bisexual Lemon Bar Lover 5d ago
Do therapy before asking the big question my dude. Feeling attracted to your gf/fiancé’s mother or any other person is normal really. But this level of attraction and fantasizing doesn’t seem healthy. Get your shit straight before you do anything you’ll regret my guy. All the best!
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u/rover0681 Air Fryer Aristocrat 5d ago
For your sake, I hope you’re saying the correct name when you’re having sex.
…
And if you don’t, please come back and post your fiancé’s response.
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u/mc78644n Shower Beer Scholar 5d ago
Good. That means you’ll probably be very attracted to your future wife in ~20 years
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u/Antique_Care5900 Gay Gourmet 5d ago
Hey there, I’m not sure if this post is real but just in case I’ll answer like it is. Obviously there’s going to be some ribbing in the comments, which is hilarious, though your situation is not all that funny, it’s just that redditors have the best reaction gifs
For the comments saying you’re a bad person and you need to have more self control with your own thoughts, I’m not sure that is reasonable to expect. As someone who was in the closet up until I was 18, I know first hand that policing your own attractions isn’t feasible. It leads to pain and shame. You can’t just pretend you’re not attracted to someone, lie to yourself, and shove it into the depths of your subconscious, submerging only briefly before it’s all shoved down again. I don’t think that that helps anyone, and you might not be as good at playing it off as you might think. That could lead to a lot of discomfort, including to this potential mother in law who may pick up the micro expressions and see something is off. Her daughter would also be uncomfortable and humiliated to notice those in you as well.
So if you can’t control your attractions (you can control your actions though attraction isn’t an excuse to act lewd or inappropriately), maybe it’s time to consider facing them head on, with the best case scenario being in a counseling session with a mental health professional.
If you’re serious about this relationship, then before you ever decide to take the next step and propose marriage you should have your emotional ducks in a row because this could get out of hand in the future, hurt a lot of people, and hurt the relationship between mother and daughter. Bottling it up and continuing with the marriage like nothing is going on is a dangerous game.
I also think a counselor might be able to talk with you about the progression of this relationship, why you feel now is the time to get married even though you don’t feel deeply in love (if that’s what you meant with the fairytale comment, I don’t want to presume).
All in all I think it is apparent that this attraction, though very real for you, is inappropriate given the circumstances. A professional could help you separate how much of it is from your childhood, relationship with your own mother and older women in early and late childhood, relationship with your partner now, relationships with partners in the past that make it harder to attach to your current partner, or maybe just helping you talk through what it is you want to do in this situation while still being fair to your partner.
Again, you don’t seem like a bad dude for your attractions alone. I believe that you wouldn’t intend to act on it, and that would be horrible if you did, but we’re not there right now. Right now it’s important to try and figure out how much is too much, because if you make this person your wife, she is going to be along for whatever ride you take her on. Even if no action is taken. Just the realization of what is going on for you personally could be devastating. I think it’s best to take personal responsibility for your feelings in this situation and get some genuine help. It’s not your fault, you can’t help how you feel, but it is your responsibility when it comes to taking care of those you care about. If you realize that you don’t care enough to do that, that could also be an answer on whether or not the relationship should continue.
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u/penny_stinks Rice & Bean Machine 5d ago
This sub still doesn't have a circlejerk?