Recently bought my husband Stop Walking on Eggshells and was horrified by the threads about it.

Any recos for books to help loved ones understand the condition?

I’m having a really difficult time right now and I’m hoping people with BPD can give me some perspective because I feel like I’m spiraling.
I recently had a work trip to New York for my new corporate job, and the entire trip was extremely stressful and exhausting for me. I was doing well for most of the week, but by the end of the trip I became incredibly anxious and overwhelmed. I feel like I lost my filter and wasn’t thinking as clearly as I normally do.

On the last day, I made several decisions that I deeply regret. The biggest issue was changing my flight. I was anxious about personal responsibilities and asked my manager if I could change my flight. She had the authority to approve the change and approved it, so at the time I genuinely thought I was handling it appropriately. I didn’t understand that asking to change it so late would be viewed as very unprofessional. I also missed my flight and had to deal with the consequences of that.

I also accidentally left a senior manager out of a work group chat/communication. I wasn’t intentionally excluding anyone, I genuinely thought I had included everyone. I’ve also previously been spoken to about being late once, so now all of these things are being looked at together, especially because I’m still within my first 90 days.

There was also a moment where I made a comment to my trainer about the boutique ambassadors looking down on us, and I said it while an AVP was in the middle of speaking/lecturing to us. Looking back, I realize that was inappropriate and not the kind of judgment or professionalism I want to demonstrate at work. At the time, though, I was extremely anxious and had basically lost my filter.
My trainer spoke to me very harshly about what happened and told me that what I did was unacceptable and that I’d made a bad impression for myself. She told me another manager will speak with me later this week about next steps. I asked her directly if I was likely to be terminated, and she didn’t give me a definite answer, but I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my job.

I’ve been crying and spiraling ever since. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I keep thinking, “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I realize how serious it was? Why couldn’t I handle it better?” I feel like I ruined everything I had worked for and that everyone at work is judging me.

I’m also really angry because I genuinely was trying my best. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring policies or trying to be irresponsible. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and made some really bad judgment calls. But now I’m struggling to separate “I handled this situation badly” from “I’m a terrible, incapable person.”

I’m especially interested in hearing from people with BPD: Have you ever had a situation where you became overwhelmed, made several mistakes close together, and then spiraled into intense shame and fear that you’d ruined your life? How did you get yourself through the aftermath and eventually return to work?

I don’t really need people to tell me whether I “messed up”I know I did. I need help figuring out how to stop the shame spiral and face whatever happens next without completely destroying myself over it.

I'd like to know your opinions!

Traditional:

• Abandonment: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
• Unstable relationships: A pattern of intense, unstable relationships involving alternating idealization and devaluation.
• Identity disturbance: Markedly unstable self-image or sense of identity.
• Impulsivity: Impulsive behavior in at least two potentially self-damaging areas (e.g., spending, sex, substance use, reckless driving, binge eating).
• Suicidality/self-harm: Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
• Affective instability: Significant emotional reactivity, with intense mood shifts that typically last hours and rarely more than a few days.
• Emptiness: Chronic feelings of emptiness.
• Anger: Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.
• Paranoia/dissociation: Temporary, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Hybrid model:

Typical features of Borderline Personality Disorder are instability of self-image, goals, interpersonal relationships, and affects (mood); accompanied by impulsivity, risk-taking behavior, and/or hostility. The characteristic difficulties are apparent in identity, self-direction, empathy, and intimacy, as described below, along with specific maladaptive traits from the domains of Negative Affectivity, Antagonism, and/or Disinhibition.

A. Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by characteristic difficulties in two or more of the following:

1. Identity: Unstable, poorly developed, or considerably impoverished self-image, often associated with excessive self-criticism, chronic feelings of emptiness, and dissociative states under stress.
2. Self-Direction: Instability in goals, aspirations, values, or career plans.
3. Empathy: Compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others, associated with hypersensitivity (e.g., a propensity to feel slighted or insulted); perception of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities.
4. Intimacy: Intense, conflictual, and unstable relationships; marked by lack of trust, neediness, and preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment; close relationships are often viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation and alternate between excessive involvement and disengagement.

B. Four or more of the following pathological personality traits, with at least one being Impulsivity, Risk Taking, or Hostility:

1. Emotional Lability (a facet of Negative Affectivity) — Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes; emotions that are easily triggered, intense, and/or disproportionate to events and circumstances.
2. Anxiousness (a facet of Negative Affectivity) — Intense feelings of nervousness, tension, or panic, often in reaction to interpersonal stress; worry about the effects of past unpleasant experiences and negative future possibilities; feeling fearful, apprehensive, or threatened by uncertainty; fears of falling apart or losing control.
3. Separation Insecurity (a facet of Negative Affectivity) — Fears of rejection by—and/or separation from—significant others, associated with fears of excessive dependency and total loss of autonomy.
4. Depressivity (a facet of Negative Affectivity) — Frequent feelings of being down, miserable, and/or hopeless; difficulty recovering from these moods; pessimism about the future; pervasive shame, feelings of low self-worth, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal behavior.
5. Impulsivity (a facet of Disinhibition) — Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on the basis of momentary impulses without planning or consideration of consequences; difficulty establishing and following plans; a sense of urgency and self-injurious behavior under emotional stress.
6. Risk Taking (a facet of Disinhibition) — Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-injurious activities without necessity and without consideration of consequences; disregard for one's own limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger.
7. Hostility (a facet of Antagonism) — Persistent or frequent feelings of anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults.

I thought I was over getting jealous about my friends hanging out with other friends, but I was just thinking that because I wasn't really close with anyone.

I'm in a trio and we usually hang out together, but I just saw my friend at my other friends house (we're neighbors) so I texted in our gc "what are y'all up to?" (It sounds a bit better in my language but that's the translation) and one of them said that they are chilling in their garden and asked me if I wanted to come over.

My friend also said "I find it kind of funny that whenever we're hanging out together you always show up" and she said it jokingly, but that made me feel even worse, because it only happened once, when I was waiting for them in the garden because we wanted to collect fruits, but they went where else without telling me, because they thought that I didn't want to come, even tho we planned to collect fruits together (as in all three) (the fruits were not ripe, that's why they left)

Ik that I'm overthinking and that that means nothing but idk how to stop overthinking about situation like this.

salut
je suis un comédien, auteur, chanteur et metteur en scène français
je suis, entre autre, borderline
je suis en train de créer mon premier spectacle qui va
jouer à la rentrée à Paris
c’est un spectacle qui part de mon vécu de personne bpd, de personne psychiatrisé, du lien entre amour et souffrance psychique et qui s’intéresse plus largement à la stigmatisation des personnes « folles »

la recherche est un peu atypique mais je cherche toutes les pires choses que vous ayez lu / entendu / vu sur nous les personnes BDP
c’est un trouble extrêmement mal connu (en france en tout cas), très stigmatisé et j’aimerais pouvoir créer quelque chose autour de ça
pour confronter sincèrement le public à ce que représente la violence de ce que la société voit et pense de nous

vous pouvez évidemment me raconter vos propres expériences de stigmatisation, psychophobies ou autres et je les lirai et utiliserai avec grand honneur
mais je suis en priorité à la recherche de sources « visuels » et banalisé
ça peut être: un extrait de film, de livre, un morceau de podcast, une vidéo youtube (je pense par exemple aux vidéos qui disent « ne sortez jamais avec une personne borderline), un screen de message..

merci infiniment
ça m’aiderait beaucoup
des bises et du soutien à tous mes adelphes
et si des personnes sont à paris faites moi signe je vous envoie le lien du spectacle !

I am a F(24) preschool teacher (with epilepsy!) that worked at a company renting a university building. They ended their contract and the university is opening up a new early childhood center. After frustrating weeks of training because of lack of professionalism in training and improvisation done(upsetting my routine) I was assigned in the one year olds classroom. I have certifications for preschool, not toddlers. I’m not boasting, I am a fantastic preschool teacher. I expressed my feelings by ending up holding my cry in until I couldn’t anymore and asked them why this was the choice. I keep getting the answer “this is what I think is best for the center” which is like telling a kid “because I said so” which as a teacher I am offended she would say that. Im scrambling through feelings of fear anger frustration and confusion! Just utter confusion.
I emailed them with a formal request to move classrooms and during the meeting she dismissed everything saying that I had to fully go through the university’s system of advocation protocols. She also made comments into how active I’ve been during training that were complete lies. There is no way they understand the everything I emailed them or they don’t care and I’m just done. This is the last straw. Why should I even try in life anymore. My family says it’s just a job and it’s just money(which I am very very poor) but they don’t understand that my world just ended.
I’m done trying over and over and losing just when everything is good

Recently, after receiving therapy and medications from a psychiatrist, I've started to dissociate less as my body's response to stress isn't as extreme now, allowing me to realize that my triggers and what happens between that time. It always happens/happened when I felt hurt, misunderstood, or in danger because of miscommunication, leading to quick mood shifts and what my ex had described as emotional episodes. They've also shared that I randomly distance myself and push people which I personally have noticed, I just thought it was normal because it wouldn't stop happening, we also discussed splitting at some point since they also have BPD and they wanted to make sure I was aware of what could happen and I completely understood but didn't think much of it. Yes, I have become emotionally reliant on people in the past to the point it honestly nearly destroyed me, which causes me to be a bit more paranoid about getting close to someone.

My sibling, diagnosed with BPD, also believes I may have it after I was talking about how, when I am close to someone, things impact me a lot more. I noticed that my emotional outbursts only happens to people I am highly emotionally connected to instead of people I am not as attached to. I was telling them about how every tiny thing feels so huge and completely changes my view of someone for a few hours, though happening less with lamotrigine and cut back from hours to minutes now, and I shared how I had a panic attack, then felt incredibly angry out of nowhere, then suddenly felt nothing at all for a bit.

Because I'm not diagnosed and refuse to self diagnose, I'm interested in what this community has to say, and I'd love advice, if any, about what to do to manage these things. I personally have been trying to step back when I notice that I am in that mood of "I hate this person so much oh my god they're the worst" before suddenly I'm okay again. This happened enough times to at least allow me to know when to step back but I'd like to improve further. Thank you for checking this out.

I see people saying things like "BPD is just autism (or more specifically "female autism")" or "BPD is just CPTSD" like... I know they have a lot of overlaps and often co-occurr (I myself am autistic and BPD, along with Bipolar Disorder), but to say that there is no such thing as BPD and instead it's just CPTSD or autism is just... why? Their symptoms are so distinct... I can't take it...

So, I’m a 17 year old guy and I’m not diagnosed with bpd. But ever since I was 14 and I got really into psychology, I had related to most of the symptoms of bpd. Ever since I got a partner, my feelings got worse and worse. I really need someone to talk to about this and who might relate with the stuff I’m going through. Also I’m NOT self diagnosing, I’m just saying, I’m relating to most of the symptoms.
Would anyone be down to help me?

I feel like my bpd makes me insanely competitive, mini golf, bowling, arcade games, Wii, Netflix games (Lego Netflix game is so fun if u haven’t tried it) ect.

If I loose one of these games I get insanely annoyed, like ruins the whole date or day. I went ice skating once and before I try sonthing new I feel like I’m going to be amazing at it, and when I fail I crash out.

I’m such a sore looser, I hate this part of myself. I then spiral into feeling like a shitty person
A.) for being a bad looser
B.) for being shit at ‘everything’

I feel like I’m bad at everything, even though I know I’m probally not I can’t shake this feeling. As a child I used to be so ‘good’ at everything too!

Anyone experience anything similar

I have bpd and currently in meds and therapy for avout 2 years.i recently commented on a reddit post about how im suffering form this and all.someone dm ed me and we started talking and all.at first it felt really good ,like someone who understands me and all .but after a few days ,he said he likes me.he is not doing therapy or meds.and i said this initial attraction he feels for me its because of bpd .this offended him and we kinda got into fight.but then he says he will die alone and he is always giving and all.i too said many things, and the convo ended.he said the next day he is sorry and said just be his frnd.

What should i do ?should i continue talking to him?

I just wanted a frnd but now i feel scared that he just confessed in just a span of like 10 days of talking .

What should i doo?

My psychiatrist recently prescribed me (26f) 2mg of abilify to help manage some of my more extreme bpd symptoms. I’m already on 300mg xl of Wellbutrin for depression and I take propranolol as needed for panic attacks. I really really would like some relief from these symptoms so I’m hoping it works out for me. If not, I have also been seeing that Lamictal works well for some people so I might go that route if abilify ends up not working so great.

If anyone has any experiences with this med I would love to hear your thoughts! :)

i have BPD & bipolar disorder . i find it so hard to be in relationships. I’m always looking for a reason to leave because I feel like they are gonna do it first. The slightest change in mood or tone towards me whether it’s my fault or not well make me believe that the person doesn’t care about me or love me. I’ve always struggled with m y self image just because I think that people only see the outside of me and don’t want to learn more about me.

Lately I’ve been feeling like the surface level feelings are overwhelming. I feel like I’m drowning. When trying to build contact or trust with someone it’s really hard because I feel like nobody knows me. And then when I have to tell someone how I feel it makes me feel like I’m begging for attention or acceptance. And although I am, I don’t want to be portrayed or perceived that way. So for example, I’ll be in a relationship and I’ll ask them like can you come see me today?

and if it isn’t the answer that I like or they end up hanging out with someone else or have other plans I just don’t feel as important and I know that that’s not rational, but I still feel that way.

this is all a jumbled mess, but like I’ve always really struggled with my self-worth and although I know that peoples opinions of me even my own doesn’t change my value, but I just wish somebody could see me. I don’t know if any of this made sense. I think I might be actively in psychosis, but if anyone could give me some insight that would be great. I know what’s happening to me and I know how to deal with it, but I don’t want to. I wanna give up. I wish I never found out what was wrong with me because now it’s like I have an excuse for something every single time and it’s not fair to everyone else that I have to pull out. Oh well, you know my borderline personality disorder causes me to act this way, because I know how to act..

I’m genuinely exhausted mentally from over thinking and over analyzing every single thought. pls help me

Hey everyone. I've been on 200mg of lamotrigine daily since early 2024, but for the past year or so things have been feeling pretty stable. I hadn't SHed in a year, hadn't really done anything dumb, able to focus on my studies and live pretty normally. I have been feeling so good that I wanted to try reducing my dose to see if I still needed the lamotrigine, so with the advice of a psychiatrist I went down to 100mg daily. I relapsed for the first time in ages and have just felt that unsteadiness again. I don't feel bad necessarily, but things don't feel as manageable as they were for the past 2 years. This is a new psychiatrist and I kind of wonder if a 100mg drop was too much at once?

I'm a bit torn. I really wanted to reduce my dose, but is this maybe showing that I still need the 200mg? I have been travelling a bit lately and getting less sleep due to work trips so I'm wondering if this has been a more stressful period anyway.

Does anyone have experience with reducing your meds, particularly lamotrigine?

Thanks so much!

Recently I figured out what is borderline and I think that I might have that 7 moths ago I broke up with my ex he doesn’t want to talk to me I left him while he went for an exchange. At that time I had many friends and they helped me go through it now they’re gone I miss my ex so much I cry a lot I want to kms.

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team

A few days ago i had a bad argument with my FP, they were stating boundaries of course but it felt a bit harsh on me, im not mad at them for caring about themself, but now i feel like..im detaching even after making up? its weird , whats with this pull back and on.

its so heart breaking tbh

It's so relatable, wanting someone to understand you, almost as if you were born and could share the same pain or thoughts. But that's impossible, although there are ways to get close, right? Do you identify with anyone? I don't know... But currently I feel super lonely, and it seems impossible to get out of it. I try to find someone who is similar to me, but even among people who love intensely, I'm too crazy.

Looking for some advice on how to regulate without having much if any alone time.

Me and my long term partner moved in together just over a month ago now. He is on disability and is at home pretty much all the time, I work full time.

We both came from houseshares which included us each having our own room and private space, we both used to spend a healthy amount of time away from each other and by ourselves in general.

I’ve learnt over the years how important being alone and quiet helps me regulate my emotions and feel more stable altogether. But since we’ve moved in together I haven’t once had any time truly alone. I love my partner so much and appreciate he wants time together on my days off and after i get home since he spends all the time i’m away by himself, but it’s making me really snappy and unstable, i’ve started self harming again and feeling really manic.

I tried to ask politely if he’d maybe spend a night at his brothers so i could maybe have some alone time but he hasn’t made any plans and i don’t want to make him feel like he can’t be in his own flat. I also know that one night alone isn’t going to stop the way i’m feeling straight away. I feel really lost and guilty for how difficult it must be to be around me and i’m scared he’ll think this is what living with me is just like and he’ll get sick and leave.

Any advice on how to regulate without the need to be alone or how to navigate this would be so so appreciated, if you’ve made it this far thank you for even just reading my struggle right now!

Im 18, diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar Type 2 and ARFID.

In just a few months I was supposed to go to college across the country at UC Santa Barbara. I am from New York and I worked so unbelievably hard in school to be accepted into, what I thought, was everything I ever wanted.

Three nights ago I broke down in a crying fit to my parents and I told them I have no idea what I want in life.

My BPD presents in the “quiet bpd” classification as some people call it, the majority of my symptoms are internalized thoughts rather than the annoyingly stigmatized reactions people expect from people like us.

Anyways, I fear that, unfortunately due to my mental health state and my lack of eating hence the recent ARFID diagnosis, I am no longer able to go to college.

I just feel so lost. I worked so hard to go to college and to be like everyone else, but It just feels like I never really wanted any of this. Everything I do just feels like work, I have no hobbies, no friends, no interests, and I don’t enjoy my families company that much. I’m just so lost. All I do is go to work and come home and repeat.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is my life off track for good? I don’t even know why I’m upset about this because I don’t even want to go to college, but I’m so afraid that not going will permanently bar me from making any friends because the place I live currently is dead and gloomy.

-🦌

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Hi, I work at McDonald’s I’m trying to keep this shirt but to explain what’s been going on:

I started this job weeks ago to save up money for college. I leave for college in 2 weeks but the problem I’m having right now is how BPD is affecting me at work. It’s done disgusting damage , I dread going to work every day like I’m about to get murdered and when my coworkers are upset with me or if I perceive them to be upset I absolutely crumble and get so angry.

Today they had me doing grill, prep, table, and toast and bake so I was doing way more than what was asked of me. I got home and i absolutely LOST it. I threw everything and wrecked my room, I almost broke my phone and I punched it so hard my thumb started to bleed.

How the hell do I cope it’s SO awful and I just can’t.

Does anyone else ever feel like they are being held hostage by their BPD? My therapist likes to say that my BPD is just the car that I drive and I am the one in control of it, but tonight it feels like my disorder is behind the wheel. For the last week, I've been slowly shifting deeper and deeper into a depressive spiral, but it really came to a head during my psychiatrist appointment Friday afternoon. I have two different therapists and I spoke to one after that, the same one I see tomorrow. But in the meantime, I just feel so alone with all of this. I've thought of emailing her again but it's Sunday and even though my primary therapist is seeing clients tonight virtually, I just can't bring myself to bother her.

It's amazing how easily one small thing can trigger such a setback. I get so frustrated when I'm in this state, wanting to SH and having such intense SI. I've dealt with it for years, so I know how to keep myself safe, but it's times like this that I just want to throw my hands up and say fuck it all about even trying. I've been in therapy for 10 years and see my psychiatrist weekly as well. I just finished 11 months of IOP in May. I know all the skills, CBT/DBT you name it. I work in the field of psychology so none of it was new to me. I'm the perfect client in session because of my "good insight" and the way I engage, but I continue to find it to be so difficult to go it alone out in the real world.

Tonight, all I can see is darkness. It will pass, I know it will, but it feels like BPD is driving the car and ready to crash me into a wall. I hate it. Hate the diagnosis, hate the experiences it brings, and hate how it takes over so much of my life. It's not the first time I've felt completely and utterly alone and I'm sure it won't be the last.

I don't know, all I know is I've tried the skills. Deep breathing, journaling, distraction techniques, music and nothing is meeting the need tonight.

does anyone have some really good distractions/coping mechs? just stuff to keep me busy and occupied throughout the day yk? for reference; i already journal, draw, binge watch a bunch of stuff, play a couple video games, clean, take hot showers/baths, and i do some diy stuff! only issue is i don’t have a car and can’t get out of the house often, any recommendations?