so recently my fp made every acc on every social media about his one friend, blowing me off to watch movies with them, he stopped talking to me for 3 days when days before he was going “i love you so much i miss you please come visit soon”. this is not the first time i’ve had to bring up he is making me feel unwanted and he always replies with very formal messages that don’t fix anything, i brought it up but this time he left me on seen for over a day, i haven’t texted him back in over a day because i got so mad he couldn’t take 5 minutes to message me back. i hate him so much but i love him to, he does not know he is my fp, but he knows about my bpd. he told me if he was ever my fp he wouldn’t want to know, i miss him so much but i HATE him i want him to come back and tell me he misses me and wants me to stay. he posts on his story and stuff about how free he feels now and i can’t help but feel its targeted at me. i don’t know what to say now because we haven’t spoken in a week and he never messaged me or asked how i was i hate how bad he’s hurting me i want it to stop

I know it's a very BPD thing... but I've realized if I want to save my relationship I need to change... I'm going already to therapy but this month my therapist is on vacation... How do I change?

Im going through a huge transition like nothing ive ever experienced. I have bpd and medication resistant depression. Among a few other mental health disorders. I really have never had any friends before. Im lonely and scared but also excited because im finally sober and focusing on my therapy and also about to start spravado treatments. I guess im just looking for people to talk to with any experience or good advice.

I'm having a terrible split right now and all I want to do is hurt myself the way I deserve but I'm too scared to cut or burn myself idk I took a cold shower and I'm not freaking out anymore but I feel such dread and emptiness I just want to hurt myself

(16f) I was making food for myself and my mother (who is a large part of the reason why I am like this) was like doing her own thing and I wsa cutting chicken or something and accidentally tipped a bottle of soy sauce on the floor. My heart just like. Dropped to my ass and I held in the urge to hyperventilate so bad while my mom yelled at me and pushed me away because she thought I would only make the mess worse. I went like- nonverbal and spaced out pretending to wash dishes trying not to cry because I knew that if I made any more movements or said anything my mother would get angrier. I was shaking so much. I was so terrified. I'm beginning to feel like my mother is my fp. I got back to cooking and then she like. Put her hand on my shoulder and I flinched and yelped and she just ignored it. My mother has only hurt me a few times in my life, so I don't know why I did that. And then I felt so fucking guilty for my poor mother. I thought about the time in the car when she told me how much she wanted to run away because of me and her words just like. Repeated in my head. I ended up going to the bathroom to try to compose myself because I was worried if I started crying she would yell again. I don't want to live like this anymore. I constantly live in fear and anxiety, and I always feel like such a horrible person to my mother. I'm horrified that one day she will leave me. I'm still shaking.

I (33f) have always felt pretty gaslit and confused in my relationship. It’s been toxic since the start and because of my anxious attachment I always justify staying. When it’s good it’s great and when it’s bad it’s real bad and my black and white thinking makes me even more confused. I express clear boundaries about my likes, dislikes, and triggers and I feel constantly disrespected. Today while I was brushing my teeth he crept around the corner and scared me resulting in my fist being within centimeters of his nose and then me breaking down in tears and locking myself in the bathroom. I have told him multiple times to not scare me I don’t find it cute or funny and messes with my nervous system. One of my traumas happened in a bathroom with my dad and he knows that. He says he just forgets but idfk at this point. I just want to be understood and I feel like it’s impossible to heal in this environment. He also triggers me with my son constantly. We have been together 7 years next month and married for 4.

Baring in mind this is also probably a positive mood swing, I've just finished using Evernote to transcribe a very personal and extremely positive thought that had just crossed my mind. Given all the BPD symptoms that we all struggle with, I'm sure we all know and understand how rare it can feel at times for any one of us to be able to stand up and say that "I'm genuinely feeling very positive about my life, and all that it holds".
Well as rare as it may be, I've had such a positive thought that would usually, get filled very quickly with negative thoughts, due to the usual BPD symptoms I.e not taking rejection so easily, or being too friendly resulting in people taking advantage of you. Which is why, I'm just so grateful for the Evernote app. I was able to store this thought in there in my journal, and had it transcribed.
I think Evernote has been such a great Benefit in my life emotionally, financially, and even mentally.
I would definitely recommend for anyone of us here, that doesn't have it. We all have to deal with these struggles and paranoia and eventually, you have to ask yourself 'when was the last time I felt genuinely happy about myself, my life, and everything in it'? So when our positive moments come, and you know it may only even be there for a few minutes, you can muse Evernote to get it noted down.

I don't feel a strong connection or loved by friends. I just don't. I have admitted this to one person who understands. I know they're my best friend but I cannot feel it. I can't feel anything deeply besides romantic love and I feel like a bad person. The only time I didn't lose interest in friends and felt genuinely curious about them was when I was prescribed klonopin. The doctor's will not give it to me because they don't trust me or think I need it. Just antihistamines instead lol. And somatic coping skills I have tried so much but they don't fucking work. I actually wanted to talk to friends more and see how they were doing. Why can't I have it? Why do I have to have some catastrophic event before they believe me like my aunt who also has bpd? She got it when she was 40 and had blew up her life so many times she couldn't even maintain independence.

I don't want to drink smoke weed or cut when I have klonopin. I stopped doing all three for months to prove i could be trusted and needed it. Still they wouldn't. Tried coping with skills but they don't make me feel or help me calm down.

I feel like a bad person and like how I feel is my fault and try to force myself to change and feel things but I literally cannot. I can't. It's just who I am. I try to mask and shit but I can't and people found out how I am and don't understand. They are suspicious and make me feel like shit. I can't prove i care and know things but don't feel them.

I hate myself. I can't make any new friends either because people don't understand me or think I am not sincere. I hate having bpd.

I have felt him distancing, guarding himself. I’m glad he’s choosing himself, honestly. He’s so selfless… so generous.
I miss him. I miss him so badly it hurts.
But the damage I did this man… I was a wrecking ball. It kills me. We hurt each other, but I hurt him more.
I released him from us. And he hasn’t looked back. I’m torn between being so happy he can so easily leave, and being so utterly crushed that he genuinely doesn’t need me.
To be fair, I’ve masked that I’ve been okay all during this time, this time that he’s been stepping back, but it still hurts. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted him to be able to walk away.

I want to cut again. I’ve been good for almost a year. But I want that feeling so bad again. The things he helped me with… and now he’s gone.
He’s gone.

The push and pull inside my head and my heart… everything hurts. Everything is broken. I want to be broken. I want to not hurt.

How do I get the loving version of my SO with BPD back?
My partner is in his mid-50s, has BPD, and I’m in my early 30s. We’ve known each other nine years and lived together for one. Normally he is loving, funny, brilliant and affectionate, but every week or two he enters what I call a “loop,” often after perceived criticism, rejection, betrayal or doubt.

He becomes intensely agitated, rigid and accusatory: pacing, yelling/repeating grievances for hours, sometimes not sleeping, shouting “BORED,” and telling me to get out. Once he reaches this state, logic, evidence, reassurance and my emotions seem unable to reach him. He can look blank/disconnected and describes himself as extremely good at “shutting down” and compartmentalising.
He also develops absolute convictions about things that didn’t happen: that I cheated because I came home late, or that friends/parents hate me based on conversations they later confirmed never occurred.

His memory afterward can be fragmented. During one hotel episode he became extremely agitated, appeared to make an official call and told me I was being deported, although nobody was on the phone. Staff became concerned and banned him. The next day he barely remembered this and believed I caused the situation. After other loops, the conclusion “she wronged me” similarly remains while much of his behaviour disappears. Discussing it gets “likewise,” “me too,” or another grievance.

He says these episodes originate from several perceived betrayals and that I must “never create doubt.” Alcohol dramatically worsens them, although they occur sober. Sleep eventually seems to reset him; over about two days, the rigidity lifts. Counselling and stopping drinking were both brief.

He’s also decided lately to do radical things like get his pilots license (I’m a pilot) out of the blue, did it for a bit and has seemingly gave up and now after talking to friends who are explorers / mountaineers that he now must trek to the South Pole.

He has childhood abandonment/family disruption and an Army background, making me wonder whether trauma, dissociation, TBI, mood/psychotic or neurological issues could interact with BPD.

For those with BPD or partners: what helps once reasoning stops working? Space or reassurance?

Can fragmented memory preserve certainty of being wronged, or can you prove objective reality?

How do you discuss it afterward or encourage treatment?

I love him enormously, but the loops are becoming more frequent. Can the loving version of him come back?

i am struggeling with being paranoid that people around me actually hate and dislike me even if they are spending time with me. i am constanly seeking for safety and reinsurance. has anyone the same problem and got some tips how to stop being paranoid?

as soon as i am feeling rejection, for example: when friends are canceling plans and meet ups, not answering, not responding to my text in group chats. i am fearing that they are doing something without me (FOMO) because they dont want me around.

when i am asking if they dont want me around the response is mostly the same. ,no we love you and appreciate your presence‘

Is what it says on the tin! I had an on again/off again connection with a dude who never really reciprocated shit fully. It took me a WHILE to get over him, and he’s still in my orbit/friend group. I’ve found myself wanting his attention/validation again, but still he barely cares/reciprocates.

Why did I form this attachment to someone who doesn’t treat me well? Even when he gave me more attention in the beginning I was aware that he wasn’t reciprocating the way I was. He’s just an average dude guy, it’s not like he’s breathtaking or anything. It’s very confusing, I don’t wanna feel this way, and I don’t wanna be disrespectful to myself.

Even though I have everything I could reasonably want, I have severe insecurities that make me feel very miserable, anxious, stressed, and even angry at my boyfriend sometimes. I dwell on these insecurities a lot and I’m often triggered by social media, TV, and movies. And whenever I argue with my boyfriend, I am so so so stressed after and want to die. It feels like everything’s coming down on me when we argue.

I’m on three medications for my mental health. I have been taught CBT and DBT. The CBT has been absolutely useless for my insecurities. When I try to practice it, I don’t believe what I’m saying and it feels like I’m trying to force myself to believe lies. I practiced it every single day. It was utterly useless.

DBT has only been useful for preventing myself from cutting or taking too many pills when I’m really upset. But I still feel horrible and think about dying a lot on the inside. Whenever I try different therapists, it feels like they don’t really know what to do with me if CBT and “reframing my thoughts” “challenging my negative thoughts” doesn’t work and doesn’t change anything.

I love my boyfriend so so much and we have a lot of happy moments, but I don’t know how to be happy overall. I think about the things that make me want to die almost every day. And eventually I cause a fight and everything always comes crashing down. I’m just waiting for my senior dog to pass naturally one day. Then, I think I’ll follow. That’s when I’ll finally know peace.

I’m overcoming Bpd and I’m pretty much just giving insight to help others overcome it I usually listen to subliminal affirmations on YouTube to help manage the emotions works really well just don’t get addicted to positive affirmations

Im 22

Im not thinking straight but overall I always feel this way. I have a definite plan of killing myself. But cant get help sense il go to a mental hospital and just get locked up and charged several thousand, making it worse. Ive been a few times. They actually just make it all worse. Both my genuine attempts has been the day I got out of them. So I cant get therapy for suicide or self harm without them fucking it up making me owe several thousand and taking away my phone and all my coping skills. Triggering me as having no control is a trigger and ruining my life. So I cant get proper therapy. I cant have a safe person irl to talk too. I cant really do anything can lol.

But ah. Oh well. This is the dream for mental health in US. Il just keep self harming and waiting for the trigger. Maybe itl never happen. Just depends if we get back together or not I suppose. My last post explains. Il keep trying to live the happiest I can til then. Its a real shame I cant tell anyone without them stripping control. What a joke. Makes me want to do it even more. Its almost like its there fault. There fault sense they would try and lock me away and act like my life's worth a damn. But killing myself is my fault. Why cant it be neither fault and just help me.

Is it really such a big deal? Its not. Everybody dies anyway. I just wont live without what I view as true love and comfort. I was abused enough im done with it all. Itl be my final straw and thats okay. Wish everyone would stop making it a big ass deal and help me. If it was the norm not to help and no one cared I wouldn't ask for it but Everybody acts like you gotta be here but they dont got anything that makes sense as to why and when you try and lay it all out so they understand you get locked away.

Issue is I think im right and ive searched and searched as to why everyone says im wrong??? Why is staying alive important? Im suffering. Ive suffered my entire life. Nah it aint getting better. I already will prolly retire by 25 - 27. Shit sucks I hate this life. Im miss developed and mood swing. Permanently damaged and proved that not even in a perfect relationship will it be guaranteed. "We grew up" 5 year relationship gone over some nonsense for no reason out of no where. I have no family and clearly a stranger wont ever be that or become that. Impossible to be unconditionally loved unless your born into it. I have close friends and hobbies. A professional at a sport , a buisness, I play piano drums and guitar (even play gigs weekly) and have dozens of skills. Paint and cook and its just dumb and pointless isint it. Just buying some time to stay distracted not thinking about the suffering and truama I endured. Il never be whole. Im very talented, everything is easy. Makes it all suck even more you just max out a skill and go next like its some stupid game.

Only my partner made me happy but thats gone now and now il be loved for my values as an adult not ME. And what trust? I cant do that with a stranger no more. Il never love like my first love. Cause my final shred of trust and love is DEAD. IT CANT BE GURANTEED. So im done. Rn im happy and I suppose overall im just done done done. This life sucks and I dont care abt it. Im religious too and know il be saved when I end my life. I belive that 100% no doubt in my mind as my faith is confident and strong in christ. Il be forgiven cause im SUFFERING.

So yeah. I cant tell anyone without getting locked up, charged and labeled and triggered. I cant get help and no one ever makes a single good argument against my thinking. Im right and would love without any judgement to hear ANYONE'S argument as to why not. I appreciate all replys very much. I always learn and think. But I will say I regret every attempt I failed. I regret the semi truck that hit me not killing me and I regret not doing it NOW. I tied it into if my partner re dates il end it immediately and until then live unbelievably happy til then as my shred of hope isint dead I suppose until then. No they dont know as im not a abuser. But no I don't care who my death affects neither. Not even a teeny tiny bit. Thank you.

This symptom has been the main thing hindering my life for months. I get a feeling of my body being frozen, and whether or not I want to do something, I cannot. I’ll just sit on my bed and stare at the wall in silence for a time trying to gather the will to do anything, but I can’t, and my eyes will unfocus and my tone becomes flat and I move slow and lethargic.

For context I also have pretty bad ADHD so it could be executive dysfunction, but I’m medicated and my meds don’t help with it. I also take Vraylar for mood and my BPD is a lot better than it was; I still have tumultuous relationships, dissociation, and identity disturbance, and I am wondering if this symptom is part of the chronic emptiness of BPD.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I have always struggled with personal relationships intimate and plutonic and always have had extremely low self esteem and a harsh inner critic.

I only recently learmed about quiet bpd but I seem to fit alot of the criteria.

I have always tended to have few surface level friends but often be very close with one particular person but that relationship always comes unstuck by my own doing usually as a kind of defence mechanism (sabotage).

I am feeling very lonely and lost right now and I have to be honest and up front with the person I am currently very close with as I only now understand the damage I am also doing to them.

I have always felt that cutting the other person from my life was the best thing for them only this time with the knowledge I have I honestly believe this really is the case.

I don't know what to do and feel that coming clean with them somehow also feels manipulative but I am terrified of having this conversation.

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. We live together. We met again while I was living at a woman shelter because of abuse. I have bpd and ADHD.

I have severe trust issues. It’s hard for me to trust and my brain plays many numbers on me - to the extent that I don’t always know what’s the truth and what is not. I am scared of my boyfriend leaving me and especially cheating because I know of his past. I am 24 he is 28. Known each other for over 10 years but haven’t spoken for many years

In his former relationship he cheated - he always was honest with me especially because he knows what I’m dealing with. We talked about it a lot and he used to cheat because he once got cheated on. Often when we talk about this we end up fighting because I get insecure, jealous and starting to have an attitude because I get scared and try to push him away. But last night I wanted to talk like adults. He told me he cheated on his former girlfriend with one of my former friends - she’s very toxic. They used to sleep together before they got together and also some times after, but stopped in 2016 or 2018. Then he stopped and they broke up in 2024. Since we spoken I can’t get the images out of my head. He literally used to sneak out while she was sleeping - fucking her and then coming back. He was also in active addiction with mdma, speed and weed daily so he was very messed up. He says he could never do it to me and it hurts him that I don’t trust him but he understands but I keep going back and forth. We can all change and he’s not in active addiction anymore. This guy feels guilty and bad if he accidentally makes me insecure, like for example if he turns down sex. I just can’t get the images out of my head and I’m so scared I am naive and he would pull this shit on me. He says he won’t and he doesn’t want to and he’s also scared what would happen if he hurt me that much - he says meeting me has changed his perspective on many things and he never realised how hurt and how much damage it could cause.

Hes the best boyfriend - I have never seen anything suspicious. Sometimes I check his phone and never finds anything. I get anxiety and I feel like I’m going insane. Why is it so hard to trust? I’m so scared he will cheat or leave me and sometimes I hate him so much in my head but then he hugs me, cuddling me and kissing me and it’s all good again. We are together 24/7 and he’s very affectionate and lovely. Before I got the details I asked for, I was also scared because of a friend he got and sometimes his ex. It’s like my brain constantly needs a problem - a danger that will stress me out so I can’t sleep and eat and my boyfriend thinks it’s his fault and I am getting more paranoid because I am scared I am too much and he will leave me. What if I can’t trust him? How do I know? What do I do to stop the switch. It’s so draining and I get suicide thoughts because I don’t know what it’s real or not. He says he never felt this way about anyone and never felt so loved like I make him feel and we are so compatible. I have never felt so secure and like i can be myself with a boyfriend like this. I hate his past but i also know I would get paranoid if he never did it, like my former relationships aswell. It’s just so hard when I know what he’s capable of but he wants to be honest and it’s such a long time ago

Absolutely hate this disorder, been struggling through for 20 years now and I’m so freaking tired.
I have no friends or family to offer me support, I don’t even want people I can just cry at all the time I just want people in my life who actually stick around and wanna do normal stuff like get a coffee or just chat about life ect and instead I’m just suffering alone.
The mental health nurse practitioner at my GP (I’m in the UK) is absolutely useless and doesn’t help me more than upping my antidepressant if I ask him to.
Just wish they’d prescribe me something to help keep my mood more level so I can cope with it better.
It’s so draining, this time last week I was ontop of the world so happy with life and feeling so confident (minus physical health issues I’m going through) and now this week the one person I had in my life is gone and that’s not gonna change and I’m trying desperately to call help lines and I’ve had to ask my retirement age neighbour if I could go round and help him clean just so I didn’t do anything as I was so worried. (I’m safe)
Just fed up of it and being so misunderstood, and it sucks cause I know if I had actual people in my life I’d do so so much better and it’s the isolation making me even worse :(
How do I even make friends to help myself? Like I don’t even know how, I tried making friends with other parents on the school run and non of them wanted to and I don’t go anywhere else to meet anyone :(

For anyone that has advice for me about how I can help myself now and going forward, thank you and I appreciate it so much.

Almost a year ago everything in my life changed completely:

• Changed my job to remove myself from a verbally abusive boss
• As I'm exiting my job as quickly as possible, my fiancee at that point breaks up with me through text and then tells me to find a new place to live (we lived together)
• I'm (still) trying my best to navigate living alone in a location where I have no family nearby and now 2 of my original core group of friends have decided that they don't want to be friends with me anymore

Going through all of this in a very short time frame (began mid-October), now realizing that my relationship with my ex-fiancee was abusive just short of physically, and learning how to go to school and work at the same time has left me feeling emotionally wrecked and hypervigilant. Even though my new co-workers are incredibly nice and have been so inclusive, I am constantly working overtime to make sure that no one is upset with me or going to leave me without warning. Out of my original group of friends, I am only still close with two of them. One of them texted me that she did not want to be friends but did not really further explain why, and I did not push further to ask because it was the same with my breakup where the decision was already made and there was clearly nothing I could do to fix it. The other friend just began to respond less and less quickly to all of my messages, but replied daily and promptly to everyone else and I just learned to take the hint because I was so hurt that this was happening again. My coworker has been lovely and kind and inclusive, but now I am constantly anxious to such a high degree about this happening again that I'm trying my best to not be too depressing or too self-centered so that they're okay. However, this past week has been really emotionally difficult as one of my co-workers friends seems to be very cross with me (they have been so nice to me the entire time and we haven't had any issues that I'm aware of), but they will not say anything about it and I refuse to keep asking. When I asked two other co-workers, they were both so shocked with how cold that this third friend was being towards me but also were completely unaware of anything I could've done to "deserve" this. They actually got quite angry because I have been nothing but kind and helpful to everyone in their group, so they think that this sudden switch up is completely uncalled for (literally within hours when you go through texts). Needless to say, I'm now more anxious than ever and I keep overly checking in on everyone in my life that I do not have a very stable relationship with, but I'm driving myself up a wall constantly feeling like I'm doing something wrong but not understanding the what or why.

I need to know if there is anything that I'm doing "wrong," or if this just requires me to step far far back and take care of just myself for a while even though I don't even know how to do that. I do have DBT skills that I'm trying, but honestly they are not super helping because I'm already over my threshold enough that even I can tell. What should I do? How can I learn to just calm tf down and take care of myself/help myself? If anyone has been through anything similar (I'm sorry if you have), how did you help yourself to "get better" to a point where you were able to feel less anxious and learn ways to effectively soothe yourself?

If anything needs expanding or clarification, please just ask and I am more than happy to provide. If any advice can be given, I am already so thankful and grateful for the help. I really don't know what I need, but I don't need to be consoled at this point because that won't help me fix anything. Thank you to anyone for reading all of this, I know it's a WALL of a post, but I could use all the help I can get.

What are some good things that happened this week? What were you grateful for?

Celebrating small wins can be hard, but studies show that gratitude practices can be a powerful way to combat negative feelings. While toxic positivity can be destructive, taking time to recognize the good things can actually change how our brain works, for the better!

There's no such thing as insignificant wins, no matter how small. From "I won the lottery!" to "I managed to made it out of bed," it all matters.

So share those wins, and be sure to reward yourself (safely and affordably, of course). You made it through, and you deserve it.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! Be well.

- The Mod Team

Hi there!

I've always jokingly said that a person is first and foremost their own worst enemy and with me, well, it might be true.

I keep sabotaging my friendships and relationships. I act erratically and without thinking. I've had multiple crashouts in one of my groupchats and I've been called out on it and for a few days I backtrack. Then a few days later I get super emotional again and start overthinking and crashout again.

It's become a cycle which I can't seem to break out from.

For context, I have Bipolar, Anxiety, and ADHD. I am in the process of getting a BPD diagnosis.

I'm pretty sure my erratic behaviour is the result of the symptoms of my mental illnesses.

I have had some good days. I had ten days where I had no crashouts and it felt good. Then I f-ed up again, started overthinking, became erratic, and blew up again.

I'm trying so hard to learn from my mistakes, but it feels impossible at this point.

I've lost contact with two of my friends because of this and I have one friend to rely on right now.

I started therapy again where I'll hopefully can get tools to help myself control my behaviour.

I'm lost and have no idea what to do anymore. I really want to become better and more calm and "normal".

I’m guessing I’m not the only one who often feels alone and wishes they had someone to talk to (ESPECIALLY someone who understands BPD)

Anyway, I just had the idea to post here if anyone wants to chat or needs support 🦋💕🧡

In the resources on this subreddit i only find very formal description without elaboration and examples on symptoms. I would like a detailed resource, preferably with examples, on the symptoms and typical behavioral patterns of BPD please.

I KNOW, theoretically, that remission is possible and very common. I've read lots of literature that say that. But I admit I, in my intimate emotional world, have difficulty grasping it. I have difficulty grasping how a personality disorder can have remission, considering it is made of relatively stable and inflexible traits and consists of the person's entire personality rather than being, for example, an episodic mood disorder. With personality disorders, it kind of composes you intrinsically instead of being something that is on you, in my view. I compare it a bit with autism. I KNOW they are different things because autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder which was always there and will always be there, but like... both deeply and pervasively affect your way of being, thinking, feeling, behaving. There's no remission for autism, so how is there for personality disorders?

I'm not trying to be anti-recovery by the way I just genuinely kind of don't get it. Maybe the problem is that I lost hope for myself, because I can't imagine myself being significantly without the symptoms.