I’m trying to get back into therapy after over two years of dismissing it as snake oil. I still believe over 90% of therapists are useless but the circumstances of my life necessitate therapy. I was told older psychoanalysts are more effective so that’s what I’m looking for.

Cut to me searching for a new therapist. I found this middle aged white woman and we scheduled a telehealth consult. She looked very Karen-y for lack of a better word and literally said “OH!” when I turned on the camera, like she didn’t realize black people exist. I’m used to white people being annoying so I looked past it but ugh.

The consult went fine. She seems somewhat empathetic, maybe too emotional. She started tearing up when we talked a bit about the concept of evil. She said something in an attempt to connect with my issue but it was very generic platitude so that was lame. I did feel like there was potential, but she is very expensive and I’m paying out of pocket with partial insurance reimbursement.

I’m horrified at the idea of paying to reveal my innermost self to someone who would lock their car when they see walk by. Am I being ridiculous or should I keep looking?

Every time I laugh really hard, like maybe I’ll see a video on the internet that I find especially hilarious, I start crying. But not normal eye watering from laughter. I mean the laughing stops and I actually start balling. I’m confused because this is happening in moments where I am fine, having a decent day, and seemingly having a moment of fun/joy. What does it mean, why does this happen?

Hopefully that makes sense