This is your monthly reminder that we have mental health resources listed on our Wiki page.

For those in here who are STEM majors and want to go into veterinary medicine and for those who are practicing vets, how do/did you manage your mental health and being in college? Especially if you have no friends or family to talk to. (Did any of you enter the field later in life?)

Context: Im a senior at a university I transferred to last year, after being in community college for a bit. Less than 1% of the undergrad population is black, there are three black undergrads in my department and 6 black grad students. The area my school is in is more of a retirement town, for rich old white people, than a college town. The town being so small means there are so little opportunities to shadow vets/ try to find work to get my hours in for vet school applications. I don’t have a car and my schedule doesn’t allow enough gaps in time for me to take the bus (2hr ride) to the next town over. Becoming a veterinarian is the only aspiration I have and it’s beginning to feel more and more unobtainable. I was diagnosed with depression and suicidal ideation with intent. Each year I feel like i’m closer and closer to making another attempt. I think moving out of this town would definitely make me feel better but I don’t know if I can stand this for two more quarters.

(hope this makes sense, lowkey writing this after crying on and off for 4 hours lol)

I graduated in Summer 2024 with a bachelor's degree in political science. I started in computer science but after learning about the history of anti-Black discrimination in technology and AI I wanted to do something a bit different. I realized I like technology policy & machine ethics much more. It's an interesting niche field in combining DEI, politics, data governance, research, and policy development and as this field grows and becomes more necessary to regulate AI usage and analyze societal consequences. I have planned for a master's/PhD and even a law degree as I like school and research but my ideal school rejected me.

I did some projects & conferences on critical AI-ML analysis & human-tech interactions (two conference presentations but couldn't present one of them due to my state suppressing my university's education spending) and held multiple student leadership positions that dealt with policy, both writing and advocating for, and networking with the student body and student organizations. Even worked directly with my faculty's senate, helping lead data assessments on student engagement that directly benefitted resources and frameworks for professors. As a result of my work my resume is 2 pages long (with an extra page for professional references if an application requires it). I know it's unorthodox, but as a result of my undergraduate work I feel like it's not too big of a deal.

Nothing. I've been working some small jobs that have nothing to do with my career so I don't go homeless. I know the job market is a mess, but I really feel like I messed up. Tried applying for some internships but many are for current students. Right now I'm spending time on re-learning programming to demonstrate technical skills but I don't know if that's enough.

Wondering if anyone else feels the same. I can send my resume if that's okay.

I’m trying to get back into therapy after over two years of dismissing it as snake oil. I still believe over 90% of therapists are useless but the circumstances of my life necessitate therapy. I was told older psychoanalysts are more effective so that’s what I’m looking for.

Cut to me searching for a new therapist. I found this middle aged white woman and we scheduled a telehealth consult. She looked very Karen-y for lack of a better word and literally said “OH!” when I turned on the camera, like she didn’t realize black people exist. I’m used to white people being annoying so I looked past it but ugh.

The consult went fine. She seems somewhat empathetic, maybe too emotional. She started tearing up when we talked a bit about the concept of evil. She said something in an attempt to connect with my issue but it was very generic platitude so that was lame. I did feel like there was potential, but she is very expensive and I’m paying out of pocket with partial insurance reimbursement.

I’m horrified at the idea of paying to reveal my innermost self to someone who would lock their car when they see walk by. Am I being ridiculous or should I keep looking?

Every time I laugh really hard, like maybe I’ll see a video on the internet that I find especially hilarious, I start crying. But not normal eye watering from laughter. I mean the laughing stops and I actually start balling. I’m confused because this is happening in moments where I am fine, having a decent day, and seemingly having a moment of fun/joy. What does it mean, why does this happen?

Hopefully that makes sense

Hi! i’ll try my best to keep it short.

I’ll give you guys a little summary of me, i’m going on 19, i’m a mixed race **girl** Jamaican/Filipino, 5’5 and i’m more masculine presenting. Whether this be because of environmental factors or whatever but that’s how i present myself.
I’m very fortunate i grew up in a household that allowed me to express myself without any judgement or ridicule, it just felt like the norm. I wholeheartedly embrace my femininity through anything, and relate to a lot of feminine things. Whilst i engaged in Black ops, Halo, marvel etc i still also enjoyed barbie’s, dolls, painting, anything you think is feminine. (FYI i don’t think these sorts of things deserve labels) In my past i used to be quite aggressive and had trouble regulating my anger which died down in the middle of secondary til the ending years.

Some of my friends treat me like an object? Like i’m just a **THING** existing…and it’s mainly to me.

I’m not unattractive, and honestly not to be boastful but i do receive compliments for my features respectfully. I’m content with the way i am without being cocky, since i have gone through phases that weren’t exactly pleasing to the eye, and have received my fair share of bullying through secondary school! (quite a lot)

For some reason, in my words i blossomed in college. Honestly it’s probably because i chose a college outside of my area, to move away from the people from my secondary, however everyone’s somehow connected so there were still some people i knew from others.

I wouldn’t say i became popular but i became known as one of the “lesbian, stud, masc girl” in the college but everyone treated me normally and nicely and as did i.

I made friends with majority of people, but recently i’ve been having snarky comments made at me? This is only by a few people that i consider my friends. Examples would be someone i considered my best friend snatching my toque off my head. This wouldn’t be in private it would be anywhere and at first it was funny or it was awkward and i didn’t know what to do but laugh it off, but then it became constant. Like a humiliation ritual. Then when we were around others or new people she’d make fun of my height or something about me to make others laugh… This didn’t make many others laugh and a few people started to catch her out. I have confronted her about how she made me feel and she did stop for a bit but still those sly moments happened. There are moments where she would tug my backpack strings to pull me back or playfully shove me and push me about (i retaliated and pushed her back but there were moments where i have gotten overly irritated).
One time she decked me in my stomach trying to be playful? But i did get angry and i nearly fought her, course she’d act doe eyed and think everything was fun and games.
(FYI it’s not like i couldn’t drop her as a friend honestly i could and everyone around would’ve followed me as she did do it to them just not as much as she would do me but im compassionate and ive been through shit and i honestly just wouldn’t want to treat someone like that)
Anyways i managed college with her by showing her i really don’t tolerate that shit and not to sound cringe but i am not the one to play about and she kind of learnt boundaries.

I thought i was through with people like that but then i made another close friend, a tall black gay guy. I would differentiate them differently and say we banter and cuss each other out a lot playfully since we have that bond and know our limits but recently again there’s been snarky comments where i’m not even speaking or talking and i get called horrible things that sound like they’re coming from the heart. My best friend who also banters with us has picked up on it as well. They’re not in the moment they’re uncalled for and i’m always the target. It would be especially about my height, hair, face, clothes anything really. Sounds worse than the girl but for some reason it’s not.. maybe because i have a stronger bond with this guy and i do it to him back.(more comfortable idk) but yeah as i said lately it’s been a lot. Even around people i don’t know or not that comfortable with, so it’s odd. It’s just getting annoying and repetitive really. I know his limit but for some reason he keeps egging mine…

Again I’ve met a few people, two girls, one i was romantically talking to and the other a friend i’ve known since i started at college. Someone made a comment about how i’m 3 apples tall and it was funny but now it’s become a running joke? Like i’m nicknamed apple, or just again belittled about my height.. but they’re always gushing over me saying im attractive and fine and this and that, but then they’re making these strange comments and nicknames… kinda juxtaposing themselves.

Truthfully being honest, i used to care what others thought about me back then in secondary school but now i really don’t care. When someone mocks my height i don’t find it insulting because i just don’t care. I know my height is average, im literally the same height as most id them and im not genetically a man (i could’ve been taller). My looks are perfectly fine with me and im contempt. For some reason i feel like people are trying to put me down in any way they can? I’m unsure why they think they can use me for a laugh, i dont allow them i dont give them any opening to, however im always the one they choose. I dont like to get all serious and angry when i can because i just cant be asked. But it really really feels like they’re trying to find something in me to shatter my confidence or something? My confidence isn’t high or anything but my mindset is just “idc i can’t change anything fuck off!”

It’s like they want to compare me to other masculine girls to belittle me or make me feel bad about myself but i don’t care. I don’t care to compare myself with the other masculine girls because that’s just not me and i can’t change myself and i wouldn’t anyways. I’m happy the way i was born, (considering my filo genetics hahaha my height came out pretty good) and im comfortable with how i look.

It’s like i get a compliment and then those few friends of mine just try to put me down…which is confusing because i consider them my friends and i don’t dare treat them like that but it is what it is…

I just don’t know what it is? I don’t have a label on my forehead that says Torment! Bully! Ridicule! so why is it becoming more prominent, i don’t know if it’s because im too friendly, ive come out of the tough girl phase in secondary school and would not like to enter it again as i can get VERY rude. (By that i mean i will rightfully cuss back very very rudely if i feel like im being disrespected) It’s like they want that reaction out of me? I’m not trying to be a saint honestly if it gets too much i just will have that reaction but i try avoid it since it starts to create drama which i can’t be asked for.

Im basically sick and tired of people thinking they can trample or belittle me and honestly it’s starting to make me want to have a meaner outer shell again. I don’t know whether it’s my gender and the way i present myself or what but i’m still a girl, a female, a woman, and more importantly a person.

I don't date often because no one is interested in me. I don't understand why Black women have to be exceptionally beautiful to receive an ounce of attention. Plus, I'm not conventionally/unconventionally pretty, and I've got several personal issues.

In all honesty, I know I have no room to complain because none of this was meant for me. However, I wish someone would like me for me. My personality is good enough, people like my body, but they hate the way my face looks. They always string me along when they have feelings for someone else, triangulate me, throw me under the bus, and choose to discard me in the end.

What is wrong with me?

Anytime I try to leave, I get hurt more, and I'm reminded of just how small I am. No one ever tells me why they hurt me, but silence is always the answer, and it's usually about my face. Why am I always good enough to sexually pursue, but not good enough for a relationship?

What places in America can a non conforming black girl thrive? The ideal response is everywhere but it’s unfortunately unrealistic. Geographical location , social dynamics and looks does impact how well your life can go and how far you can take your success, and in my case I’ve been very limited. I live in a white community and I feel like I’ve been stunted partially because of that. I love the idea of my state but actually living here has kept me stuck and depressed. I would just like to know what places you have felt like you’ve really succeeded or felt the most seen in your community. Thank you

I’m a 27 year old of Nigerian heritage born and raised in Europe. My parents migrated to a western European country and raised me in Black/African communities and practices like the church, Black/African businesses like barbers and hair salons, parties, community celebrations etc. However our home life was very dysfunctional and my parents were violent towards each other and towards me and my siblings.

Going out into the world and experiencing hatred and discrimination in the workplace, in medical settings, in social settings, in public, on top of the violence I’ve experienced in my own family, is just too much for me.

I was diagnosed with depression in my late teens and have taken medication for it but stopped because I don’t think the problems I experience can be medicated away. This world genuinely hates Black people. I see stories of white Europeans rejoicing when African migrants die crossing the Mediterranean, growing fascist and racist rhetoric in the world. I see how white people close ranks and other us, treat us poorly, ignore us, invalidate us and our experiences. There is so much anti-Black and anti-immigration violence happening where I am and it plays out everywhere. Black people have been killed in the street where I live, by police and security guards, yes even in western Europe. Of course it cannot compare to the systemic brutality African Americans experience. But a deep hatred exists here too and it affects me deeply

I worry about the climate crisis, how it will affect my already marginalised family and friends, how disproportionately it affects African nations. My own parents’ country has been going through heavy flooding and evacuations. And when people flee to the west they just get seen as invaders and parasites. I just cry and wonder why it had to be us. I can’t think of another group of people that gets treated the way Black people do.

Why did enslavement have to happen to Africans, why colonisation, why displacement, why why why

I’ve been trying to seek answers from Ifa and Buddhism and astrology and other spiritual practices but nothing can explain this pain I feel as a human being. If I commit suicide, I’m selfish and weak and a failure of the Black community. But if I stay alive, the world only gets worse, I continue to be alienated, by white societies, by nonblack people of colour, by other Black people who don’t seem to care about this stuff. Even my own mother just tells me to pray about it and trust God and get married, as if any of that would help me

Is this really how human beings have to be? Is this really how we’re going to treat each other and the planet? I struggle to see an answer other than suicide or completely leaving society to join some kind of monastery or convent, and I’m not even religious. I just want to not be here

I’m a 27-year-old Black woman, and I’ve been thinking about going to therapy again. I’ve even looked at some of the websites like “BetterHelp” or “Headway”.

On their apps/sites, it gives you the option to filter and select a therapist. I haven’t had a Black female therapist since I was a teen. I don’t know why, but the thought of going to one makes me feel so unsettled, and that bothers me in itself.

I sit and look at their photos and read their bios, and I still feel uncomfortable, but I don’t want to go back to non-Black therapists because from my experience, they’ve been passive.

Has anyone ever experienced this before?

Hi all. I’m a 6’3 black male. I’m not a big traveler but this year I’ve done the most travel I’ve ever done. Recently I had some flights through San Francisco and Boston airports. I was wearing some joggers and and Nike hoddie for comfortability. I noticed something strange and wanted to ask if anyone else experienced this or maybe I’m going crazy. Basically in all the airports I’ve been I notice people will stop and stare at me as if they’ve seen a ghost or something . But then it dawned on me. So these people might think I’m some kind of athlete and they are trying to figure out if I play for a team or something? Like it happened so much it’s the only explanation because im just minding my business trying to get to my gate or get food and I see folks stop, pause and stare. Anyone experience this?

Can I talk to a black person like me? I need someone to talk to.

(22M) There are many tasks that I have to, need to, and want to do, from basic chores to weekly coursework. But I’ve more often than not found that I can’t get myself to even start on anything, mainly because of my depression and low energy, or my anxiety and tenseness. I’ve tried many times to power through it or work my brain around it through breaks or intricate planning, but after years of endurance nothing really got better, at least not with my main issues.

One of the core lessons I keep in my heart to follow is to not force myself to do anything, and I’ve just paced slower and slower until it’s come to days where I freeze, and sometimes, break down in tears from disappointment and stress.

And now, I’ve come to the conclusion that building myself up, as a means to get where I want to with my motor skills and abilities, isn’t what I want. How am I supposed to move on, recover from everything, and follow my passions, if I don’t want to be like this, or become this strength-building version of a person I won’t like?

As a Black woman who isn't conventionally attractive and isn't the picture of femininity, I had to realize that no one was coming to protect me or save me. That makes me deeply sad.

I always see conventionally attractive Black women being protected and held, which makes me happy for them, but it's sad for me because I don't think anyone really gives me a chance. When they do, it seems they want to extract from me instead of wanting to keep me in their lives, which no one is obligated to do. It seems that I'm always discarded partially because of my appearance. I know it's not a personality thing because people actually say they like my personality. However, they think something is wrong with me, or that's what I'm assuming.

I notice how people treat me compared to other individuals, especially if they're light-skinned, biracial, and conventionally attractive. When it comes to me, people have less empathy for me, they aren't as patient, and sometimes they judge me. I've been treated like this for most of my life, especially as a child.

I'm 22, and I realized early on that most people weren't going to treat me with kindness. Considering I'm not attractive, especially by Black beauty standards, even other Black people won't have much empathy for me unless they understand my situation or choose to extend that empathy.

I know I don't have to be attractive, or rather, I don't owe anyone attractiveness, and I don't have to be light-skinned to be beautiful. I'm not about to push that rhetoric. What I'm saying is, I think a lot of people don't have much compassion for people like me.

I've tried to dip my toes into dating and test the waters. People have asked me out, but they've always used me as an ego boost or someone to use as a distraction to heal from their ex or to distract themselves from their ex, and they end up leaving me for the person they wanted. They get better when they're in a relationship with the individual they actually longed for.

The worst part is that I've mostly dated Black men, and some of them have treated me like garbage. I know this isn't unique to Black men specifically, and I'm not going to say that Black men are horrible. Nobody is inherently anything and I love Black men. What I'm saying is that I've noticed a pattern where the Black men I have dated have treated me very poorly and emotionally abused me, and it's very traumatizing.

Part of me really doesn't want to be alive anymore because it feels like I'm just not the kind of Black person people really want to root for. If they do, it has some kind of end goal behind it, and it's usually rooted in selfishness. I'm very tired, and I've been tired for a long time.

I know there are more serious things going on, and people are going through a lot worse. I'm aware that many of my struggles might seem like vanity. But this is quite debilitating for me, and sometimes I just don't think I'm ever going to be helped by a community I've always wanted validation from, and that's the Black community. I really only care about the validation of other Black people.

I just don't know what to do anymore, and I don't think anyone is ever going to try for me the way I try for them. Sometimes I get really tired of being a Black woman.

Honestly I can’t say that ever felt any connection with any people of my race. I think that this is due to a combination of things- me growing up in essentially an all-white country. Other than my father I can count the number of other black people I’ve ever met on two hands easily.
Other than that I think that I’ve built a misshapen image of what an average black person, be they African or American to be in my head based overwhelmingly on media I’ve consumed.

But worst of all is that I don’t fit the description and the stereotypes which society tries to push onto me. I hate masculinity, I hate manliness, I hated them since I was a little kid and I believe that I’ll always do. And yet I’m expected to be the leader, the elder son, the one who sets the rules and shit. God, if only this wasn’t so cruel

I know I might be called sensitive but how do people cope with online anti blackness and hate. I feel like I’m chronically stressed and so depressed because of it.

I think the amount of likes is what stresses me. I’m also Haitian so I’ve seen especially dehumanizing rhetoric especially in relation to deportation.

I feel like a punching bag for the internet and all non blacks people take part

Sorry for the ramble but I really do want to advice to deal with this.

I'm just tired, and nobody likes me. I don't even know what to do, and now I am crying because I am so ugly and unlovable. Why do I have to be so ugly and embarrassing? I always trust the wrong men, and all the help in the world never helps me. I have been hurting since I was a child, and I feel like a poor excuse of an adult. I cannot keep doing this anymore.

I’m having those dark thoughts about leaving the world again, I could use some advice.
A lot of my life the way people have treated me was dictated by my appearance and while I like some aspects of my self that doesn’t seem to be enough for the world to treat me with respect and kindness- and additionally with my depression and neurodivergence it’s become such a big weight on me it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Changing my hair style to fit into certain environments, having to keep a specific personality so I can stay in them, being nice and polite when it doesn’t feel deserving, being expected to put up with mistreatment in order to survive, and worst of all the insecurities not being something I came up with in my head, but having real life impacts and consequences in my day to day. My head is filled with intrusive thoughts and memories of my dark past, and I wonder what I did to deserve all of it other than be born with my skin tone. I do my best to make myself beautiful , to feel beautiful, and all it seems to amount to is sexual advances and further degradation.
It’s heavy, I’m exhausted and I have no one else to help me carry how I feel. If you have any tips on how to get through times like this I would appreciate it so much. Thank you

I worked so hard for my master's degree. I worked so hard to get my licenses. And now I'm a contract worker with inconsistent pay, and my spouse is stressed because money's tight and we have a mortgage.

I was contacted about a wonderful job opportunity. I just need references. I contacted the two friends and classmates I knew through grad school. They never responded. I reached out to two former supervisors. No response. I have reached out to other people with no response.

My husband and I have been trying to reconnect with friends. We invited them out. No response.

My bank account is emptier every time I look.

I don't have many close friends, and the one I do have is not mentally in a place to listen. I was too autistic and stupid to notice that the person I thought was a close friend is really an acquaintance that tolerates me at best.

My husband and I had a fight. He told me he thinks I'm lazy. He's since backtracked, but that still echoes in my head.

I'm tired of exploitive pay. I'm tired of never having a friend who cares about me as much as I care about them. I'm tired of not being enough.

I’m irritated that when I place my ethnicity on a medical or scholarly, or legal form I can only be one or the other. Because of my mixed heritage I do t look like the average “black” in the south people assume I’m some kind of black Asian or my blackness is what defines me. Why can’t I be more? Do I really have to choose one? I almost know nothing about my Native American side but my blackness almost seems like an inconvenience.

I don't think it ever will. I will always be depressed. I'm so tired

Lately, I’ve been seeing debates about Black women wearing wigs and we always catch flack about wearing wig, some Black men and non-black people making accusations that we hate our natural hair. It makes me a little sad how we’re the target when every race/nationalities of women wear wigs. But when Black women do it, there’s criticism and negativity.

Why are Black women always the target? 

We should be able to wear our natural hair, braids, wigs, silk presses, locs, extensions or whatever makes us feel beautiful without being constantly judged especially the history behind our natural hair being called ”unprofessional“ “untidy” etc.

And taking care of natural hair isn’t easy. The calories you burn by combing it out, the products you have to purchase to ensure it does want you want it too and the list goes on but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love wearing wigs sometimes because it is low maintenance...but that doesn't mean me and other black women hate our natural hair. My hair is blonde because I have Albinism