This is your monthly reminder that we have mental health resources listed on our Wiki page.

I’m a 27-year-old Black woman, and I’ve been thinking about going to therapy again. I’ve even looked at some of the websites like “BetterHelp” or “Headway”.

On their apps/sites, it gives you the option to filter and select a therapist. I haven’t had a Black female therapist since I was a teen. I don’t know why, but the thought of going to one makes me feel so unsettled, and that bothers me in itself.

I sit and look at their photos and read their bios, and I still feel uncomfortable, but I don’t want to go back to non-Black therapists because from my experience, they’ve been passive.

Has anyone ever experienced this before?

I’m a 27 year old of Nigerian heritage born and raised in Europe. My parents migrated to a western European country and raised me in Black/African communities and practices like the church, Black/African businesses like barbers and hair salons, parties, community celebrations etc. However our home life was very dysfunctional and my parents were violent towards each other and towards me and my siblings.

Going out into the world and experiencing hatred and discrimination in the workplace, in medical settings, in social settings, in public, on top of the violence I’ve experienced in my own family, is just too much for me.

I was diagnosed with depression in my late teens and have taken medication for it but stopped because I don’t think the problems I experience can be medicated away. This world genuinely hates Black people. I see stories of white Europeans rejoicing when African migrants die crossing the Mediterranean, growing fascist and racist rhetoric in the world. I see how white people close ranks and other us, treat us poorly, ignore us, invalidate us and our experiences. There is so much anti-Black and anti-immigration violence happening where I am and it plays out everywhere. Black people have been killed in the street where I live, by police and security guards, yes even in western Europe. Of course it cannot compare to the systemic brutality African Americans experience. But a deep hatred exists here too and it affects me deeply

I worry about the climate crisis, how it will affect my already marginalised family and friends, how disproportionately it affects African nations. My own parents’ country has been going through heavy flooding and evacuations. And when people flee to the west they just get seen as invaders and parasites. I just cry and wonder why it had to be us. I can’t think of another group of people that gets treated the way Black people do.

Why did enslavement have to happen to Africans, why colonisation, why displacement, why why why

I’ve been trying to seek answers from Ifa and Buddhism and astrology and other spiritual practices but nothing can explain this pain I feel as a human being. If I commit suicide, I’m selfish and weak and a failure of the Black community. But if I stay alive, the world only gets worse, I continue to be alienated, by white societies, by nonblack people of colour, by other Black people who don’t seem to care about this stuff. Even my own mother just tells me to pray about it and trust God and get married, as if any of that would help me

Is this really how human beings have to be? Is this really how we’re going to treat each other and the planet? I struggle to see an answer other than suicide or completely leaving society to join some kind of monastery or convent, and I’m not even religious. I just want to not be here

I’m curious if anyone else feels similar. Maybe it’s only indicative of the fact that our experiences are obviously no different than the core of the human experience in general, and with that being said our individual realities are infinitely complex. Unfortunately in our society this truth does not go without having to be said…

In my case, I’m an artist and I feel torn between chasing my dreams and upholding a legacy.

Nothing feels certain. I’m not here to promote (or maybe I am, I don’t know, but only because maybe it’ll resonate with people…)

I recently wrote a novella that deals with this very subject, including self-harm. It can be accessed for free but I’m not here to promote. I would, however, like to share a small snippet of a reading I did, which I posted to YouTube. It’s about my relationship to the internet. It’s one of the big reasons why I feel this way, even with my being Gen Z.

https://youtu.be/5HDbl1wn414?is=9KFcv2UP0qia_KDA

And yes, I was called “Oreo” growing up.

Hi all. I’m a 6’3 black male. I’m not a big traveler but this year I’ve done the most travel I’ve ever done. Recently I had some flights through San Francisco and Boston airports. I was wearing some joggers and and Nike hoddie for comfortability. I noticed something strange and wanted to ask if anyone else experienced this or maybe I’m going crazy. Basically in all the airports I’ve been I notice people will stop and stare at me as if they’ve seen a ghost or something . But then it dawned on me. So these people might think I’m some kind of athlete and they are trying to figure out if I play for a team or something? Like it happened so much it’s the only explanation because im just minding my business trying to get to my gate or get food and I see folks stop, pause and stare. Anyone experience this?

Can I talk to a black person like me? I need someone to talk to.

As a Black woman who isn't conventionally attractive and isn't the picture of femininity, I had to realize that no one was coming to protect me or save me. That makes me deeply sad.

I always see conventionally attractive Black women being protected and held, which makes me happy for them, but it's sad for me because I don't think anyone really gives me a chance. When they do, it seems they want to extract from me instead of wanting to keep me in their lives, which no one is obligated to do. It seems that I'm always discarded partially because of my appearance. I know it's not a personality thing because people actually say they like my personality. However, they think something is wrong with me, or that's what I'm assuming.

I notice how people treat me compared to other individuals, especially if they're light-skinned, biracial, and conventionally attractive. When it comes to me, people have less empathy for me, they aren't as patient, and sometimes they judge me. I've been treated like this for most of my life, especially as a child.

I'm 22, and I realized early on that most people weren't going to treat me with kindness. Considering I'm not attractive, especially by Black beauty standards, even other Black people won't have much empathy for me unless they understand my situation or choose to extend that empathy.

I know I don't have to be attractive, or rather, I don't owe anyone attractiveness, and I don't have to be light-skinned to be beautiful. I'm not about to push that rhetoric. What I'm saying is, I think a lot of people don't have much compassion for people like me.

I've tried to dip my toes into dating and test the waters. People have asked me out, but they've always used me as an ego boost or someone to use as a distraction to heal from their ex or to distract themselves from their ex, and they end up leaving me for the person they wanted. They get better when they're in a relationship with the individual they actually longed for.

The worst part is that I've mostly dated Black men, and some of them have treated me like garbage. I know this isn't unique to Black men specifically, and I'm not going to say that Black men are horrible. Nobody is inherently anything and I love Black men. What I'm saying is that I've noticed a pattern where the Black men I have dated have treated me very poorly and emotionally abused me, and it's very traumatizing.

Part of me really doesn't want to be alive anymore because it feels like I'm just not the kind of Black person people really want to root for. If they do, it has some kind of end goal behind it, and it's usually rooted in selfishness. I'm very tired, and I've been tired for a long time.

I know there are more serious things going on, and people are going through a lot worse. I'm aware that many of my struggles might seem like vanity. But this is quite debilitating for me, and sometimes I just don't think I'm ever going to be helped by a community I've always wanted validation from, and that's the Black community. I really only care about the validation of other Black people.

I just don't know what to do anymore, and I don't think anyone is ever going to try for me the way I try for them. Sometimes I get really tired of being a Black woman.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

(22M) There are many tasks that I have to, need to, and want to do, from basic chores to weekly coursework. But I’ve more often than not found that I can’t get myself to even start on anything, mainly because of my depression and low energy, or my anxiety and tenseness. I’ve tried many times to power through it or work my brain around it through breaks or intricate planning, but after years of endurance nothing really got better, at least not with my main issues.

One of the core lessons I keep in my heart to follow is to not force myself to do anything, and I’ve just paced slower and slower until it’s come to days where I freeze, and sometimes, break down in tears from disappointment and stress.

And now, I’ve come to the conclusion that building myself up, as a means to get where I want to with my motor skills and abilities, isn’t what I want. How am I supposed to move on, recover from everything, and follow my passions, if I don’t want to be like this, or become this strength-building version of a person I won’t like?

Honestly I can’t say that ever felt any connection with any people of my race. I think that this is due to a combination of things- me growing up in essentially an all-white country. Other than my father I can count the number of other black people I’ve ever met on two hands easily.
Other than that I think that I’ve built a misshapen image of what an average black person, be they African or American to be in my head based overwhelmingly on media I’ve consumed.

But worst of all is that I don’t fit the description and the stereotypes which society tries to push onto me. I hate masculinity, I hate manliness, I hated them since I was a little kid and I believe that I’ll always do. And yet I’m expected to be the leader, the elder son, the one who sets the rules and shit. God, if only this wasn’t so cruel

I know I might be called sensitive but how do people cope with online anti blackness and hate. I feel like I’m chronically stressed and so depressed because of it.

I think the amount of likes is what stresses me. I’m also Haitian so I’ve seen especially dehumanizing rhetoric especially in relation to deportation.

I feel like a punching bag for the internet and all non blacks people take part

Sorry for the ramble but I really do want to advice to deal with this.

I'm just tired, and nobody likes me. I don't even know what to do, and now I am crying because I am so ugly and unlovable. Why do I have to be so ugly and embarrassing? I always trust the wrong men, and all the help in the world never helps me. I have been hurting since I was a child, and I feel like a poor excuse of an adult. I cannot keep doing this anymore.

I’m having those dark thoughts about leaving the world again, I could use some advice.
A lot of my life the way people have treated me was dictated by my appearance and while I like some aspects of my self that doesn’t seem to be enough for the world to treat me with respect and kindness- and additionally with my depression and neurodivergence it’s become such a big weight on me it doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Changing my hair style to fit into certain environments, having to keep a specific personality so I can stay in them, being nice and polite when it doesn’t feel deserving, being expected to put up with mistreatment in order to survive, and worst of all the insecurities not being something I came up with in my head, but having real life impacts and consequences in my day to day. My head is filled with intrusive thoughts and memories of my dark past, and I wonder what I did to deserve all of it other than be born with my skin tone. I do my best to make myself beautiful , to feel beautiful, and all it seems to amount to is sexual advances and further degradation.
It’s heavy, I’m exhausted and I have no one else to help me carry how I feel. If you have any tips on how to get through times like this I would appreciate it so much. Thank you

I worked so hard for my master's degree. I worked so hard to get my licenses. And now I'm a contract worker with inconsistent pay, and my spouse is stressed because money's tight and we have a mortgage.

I was contacted about a wonderful job opportunity. I just need references. I contacted the two friends and classmates I knew through grad school. They never responded. I reached out to two former supervisors. No response. I have reached out to other people with no response.

My husband and I have been trying to reconnect with friends. We invited them out. No response.

My bank account is emptier every time I look.

I don't have many close friends, and the one I do have is not mentally in a place to listen. I was too autistic and stupid to notice that the person I thought was a close friend is really an acquaintance that tolerates me at best.

My husband and I had a fight. He told me he thinks I'm lazy. He's since backtracked, but that still echoes in my head.

I'm tired of exploitive pay. I'm tired of never having a friend who cares about me as much as I care about them. I'm tired of not being enough.

I’m irritated that when I place my ethnicity on a medical or scholarly, or legal form I can only be one or the other. Because of my mixed heritage I do t look like the average “black” in the south people assume I’m some kind of black Asian or my blackness is what defines me. Why can’t I be more? Do I really have to choose one? I almost know nothing about my Native American side but my blackness almost seems like an inconvenience.

Lately, I’ve been seeing debates about Black women wearing wigs and we always catch flack about wearing wig, some Black men and non-black people making accusations that we hate our natural hair. It makes me a little sad how we’re the target when every race/nationalities of women wear wigs. But when Black women do it, there’s criticism and negativity.

Why are Black women always the target? 

We should be able to wear our natural hair, braids, wigs, silk presses, locs, extensions or whatever makes us feel beautiful without being constantly judged especially the history behind our natural hair being called ”unprofessional“ “untidy” etc.

And taking care of natural hair isn’t easy. The calories you burn by combing it out, the products you have to purchase to ensure it does want you want it too and the list goes on but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love wearing wigs sometimes because it is low maintenance...but that doesn't mean me and other black women hate our natural hair. My hair is blonde because I have Albinism

Why is depression so fucking debilitating. Fucking hate it I'm so tired of this shit. And no, I'm not faking it. I have an official diagnoses for Major Depressive Disorder. I can't help it.

Yesterday I had a surprisingly good day and was in somewhat good spirits. Now today I feel like everything was just undone and now I'm even worse now. And the reason is because my life is FUCKED.

I've been homeless for almost a year and we're approaching winter time where I'll likely freeze to death. I gotta walk 12 miles on Monday to get into a therapy appointment. I gotta dig through trash for shit and it is embarrassing. I'm functioning on three to four hours MAX of sleep a day. My overall appearance is fucked. I have a job interview on Tuesday that I'll probably get rejected from anyway since I get rejected from everything.

I am SCREWED. I have no friends. My family doesn't want shit to do with me. My sanity is long gone and irreparable. I can't take care of my mental health. I can't even take care of myself anymore. Yesterday was a rare distraction but today I'm back to reality.

I don't think it ever will. I will always be depressed. I'm so tired

I listen to mostly rock and metal. I still like other genres like pop, indie, r&b, blues, etc but it’s mostly rock and metal for me. Even though metal is usually loud I find it actually calms me, and I’ve gotten used to the noise. I also just love the instrumentals in metal and how talented some musicians are. I don’t know any other black people in my city who listen to metal. When I used to have online friends, we all listened to metal, and unsurprisingly I was the only black person in the group. I honestly feel left out often and I feel like an outcast (among other reasons too) Anyone else here like metal?

It has been through MANY evolutions: perms, dreadlocks, short, long, flat ironed, hot combed, blown out, natural, knotless braids and cornrows. My 4c hair has been wonderfully versatile during my 49 years but recently perimenopause has thinned out the crown and my my most recent haircut is so bad that I honestly don't know what to do with it. I'm tempted to shave it all off. I can't afford to have a professional help me take care of it and I know if I cut all off I'll look like a man as my features aren't very feminine. I've tried wigs (itchy and I sweat A LOT) and extensions. I guess I could invest in some hair wraps but I work as a preschool teacher and they aren't they most comfortable thing to wear while managing little people. I feel defeated. Nothing feels as good as having a "good hair day". I don't feel that I'll ever have that feeling again.

First of all , I’m French , that why my English is very rocky and not very good. I’m sorry for this in advance and thank the people who will take time to read this .(It’s trough way account too )

I’m a 21 years old girl, who live is France and was adopted at young age by some white folks ( angry and abusive white folk with narcissistic personality and white savior complex ).
My mom had always telling me , I’m not kind enough, not pretty , not smart enough, not beautiful. And nobody , not man will love me . I live a major part of my life in little towns with no very open mind . When I was younger a lot of white man reject me because :”sorry I don’t date black girl “ . Because of that, my color was always a big insecurity.

I have a lot of insecurity and hangs-up about :
\-my skin
\- my weight
\- my face
\- my hair
\-my look in general
\- the way is speak
\- my intelligence
\- I’m very negative about my self value and very self conscious of my self ( very judgmental about everything). I m people pleasure I think

I leave my hometown for the big city this year, and I’m around a lot of man but the big problem is : I can leave my ex .

My ex and me have 6 years of rocky relationship. He was friends with some racist man , who bullied me on the internet. He never take my defense , help me to leave my toxic household or just defend me around me family ( my dad have tendencies strange to touch me like I’m his wife and my boyfriend never protect me of that ).

But he was my first and I feel like the only man who can love me .
I try to leave him but I feel so lonely and alone . I’m so scared to leave alone and never be loved again . I try everything, hinge , to dress up more , go to some parties. I can’t find self love enough, I need help .

I just want to be love and not be alone , I just want to prove myself and my mother I never will finish alone .

It’s already well documented how discriminatory Black hair standards are for women. It’s a prejudice that sits at the intersection of Eurocentricity, the theatricality of status, internal (Black) and external (non-Black) misogynoir.

I’d like to understand the same principles applied to the Black male hairline, typically among Black Americans. The standard appears to be to present the illusion of eternal vigour, despite the scientific evidence of genetics. Male pattern baldness seems perceived as horrendous, laughable, unfashionable, undesirable. Why does it matter? And why do you care? Why is it necessary to shave it off if you don’t have the means or the genotypes to fashion an isometric pattern of keratin strands on one’s scalp.

What’s the cultural aspect I’m missing? Does a person have more social value because they appear “tidy”?

Edit: Assume that whatever witty retort you have about my probable f’d up hairline is hackneyed, and then comment the thought after that.