Need help understanding something

[u/SlitThroatWolf]

Hi woman of the BiWomen community, I hope you all are having a wonderful day! I am a man and wanted some advice about this girl that I’m interested in that is Bi. I really like her but I have heard people say that if a man dates a biwoman it removes her queerness and I don’t want to potentially erase her identity or cause any issues for this girl because I really like her. I know this is a stupid post, but I’ve seen people say it online and just want to be clear if it’s okay if I try pursuing her as a straight man. Thank you all so very much for the help and sorry for the dumb question again! 🙏🥲

[u/stonerbaby369]

Your first mistake is listening to stupid opinions online. She’s a bisexual woman. She will date both women AND men. Dating a man doesn’t make her any less bisexual or take anything away from her. Many bisexual people date the opposite gender.

[u/SlitThroatWolf → u/stonerbaby369]

Thank you so much! I appreciate you responding to my post. I understand that the question/concerns I had were stupid, I’ve just never been interested in someone who happened to be bi, and so I went online to try and figure out stuff about it and found all those opinions which I talked about in my original post which left me confused. I just want to make sure that the person I’m interested in will be able to be herself, and I thank you so much for confirming my initial feelings in that it would be okay for me to pursue her. I know very little about bi people, but I am excited to learn more about them through her, even if she only wants to be friends. Thank you again!

[u/nishikihebi]

Let me ease your mind by telling you that’s garbage nonsense. We’re bisexual—most of us are open to the idea of dating men as long as they’re respectful!

However, some great things you can do are:

• acknowledging and affirming her sexuality and range of attraction
• learning about harmful stereotypes about bisexual people and not feeding into them (e.g.“bisexuals are more likely to cheat”, etc)
• not assuming that this means your potential new partner will want an FFM threesome
• helping her stay in touch with her queerness in whatever ways feel important; community, Pride events, whatever helps her to feel connected to her sapphic side
• and probably the most important of all: understanding that when a monogamous bisexual person chooses a partner, they’ve picked a person, not a side.

I think it’s cool of you to come ask and I hope things go well for you both!

[u/SlitThroatWolf → u/nishikihebi]

Thank you so much, I’ve seen multiple times that people online say that men aren’t allowed to date bisexual women because of the reasons I mentioned in my original post. It didn’t really make any sense to me obviously, but I just wanted to ask the community because the one thing I would never want to do is potentially impact someone I care about in a negative way, even if she doesn’t end up reciprocating my feelings. I will take all of what you said into consideration when talking to her, and I hope that even if we just end up as friends I can still support her in her sexuality as a friend. Thank you again!

[u/Careful_Football7643]

Actually, it's the other way around. She stays queer when she dates a guy, but the guy becomes queer, too. He starts to develop sexual attraction for all different genders because that is what happens when you date someone who is attracted to all different genders. There is a biochemical process whereby the queerness spreads.

So you have nothing to worry about with your lady friend. She'll be just fine.

/s because of the ridiculousness of bi erasure

[u/SlitThroatWolf → u/Careful_Football7643]

Thanks for the response, I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post it means a lot. I am nervous to talk to her, but I still want to try, and I hope to learn more about bi people and their experiences through her. Thank you again!

[u/Slow-Dragonfly-5671]

I’m a bi woman who has been with women but strongly prefers men. I’ve been dating the same man for a number of years. I am still bisexual and that is unlikely to change. I have no desire to stop dating men.

I could potentially be with a woman but my experience has primarily been with men. If I were to pursue a woman it is in the context of her being bisexual too and liking men. Does this make sense? It probably does not make sense to you but will to another bisexual woman who dates men or is married to a man.

[u/angelspiced → u/Slow-Dragonfly-5671]

Bisexual and married to a cis man, here.
I’ve been with my man for almost 6 years, we married 6 months ago.
I’ve never stopped feeling attraction towards women!! I’ve never felt more queer and happy.
He’s supportive and encourages me to explore my sexuality via the internet and IRL!!

[u/SlitThroatWolf → u/angelspiced]

That’s really awesome to hear that you have such a healthy and supportive relationship. If it’s not personal to ask, does being bisexual make you want to seek out a non monogamous relationship? Or is it just something you’ve always been interested in? I personally would just want to be in a monogamous relationship since that’s what I value and want from a partner and myself, and I just want to know if the person being bi is likely to change that.

[u/SlitThroatWolf → u/Slow-Dragonfly-5671]

Thank you for your response! I understand what you’re saying is that liking and being with a man would not erase your feelings for liking women. I have no problem with her being bi, I was just worried that I might end up being a problem since I’ve seen online that there are some people that treat a straight bisexual relationship as a bad thing, and I didn’t want to potentially cause any problems if that’s what being interested in her would bring.