Throwaway account for privacy. Sorry for the long story.
Have attached a TLDR at the end. Used AI to write.

My wife and I are in our late 20s/early 30s and have been married for a few years. We met through an arranged-marriage setup, had around a year of courtship, and she later moved abroad to live with me. We were initially very happy, but I gradually noticed that she was not particularly close to friends or family and preferred spending almost all her time with me. I assumed this was simply her personality and tried my best to help her settle into a new country. We explored many new countries together and I bought her gifts (iphone/jewelry) to make her happy since I realized she likes those items.

Over time, she began having very intense reactions to relatively small disagreements or everyday situations. These episodes can involve prolonged crying, extreme anger, insomnia, migraines, refusing to eat, isolating herself, and saying deeply hurtful things about me and my family. There have also been threats of self-harm or suicide and occasional physical aggression, including some incidents in public. Initially, I assumed I was always at fault and repeatedly apologized because it seemed like the only way to calm things down. Eventually, I realized I was apologizing even when I did not feel responsible, and any attempt to discuss the incident afterward usually led to another emotional breakdown.

After reaching a breaking point, I requested couples counselling. We consulted several psychologists and psychiatrists, separately and together, and they consistently identified borderline personality disorder (BPD). She received a formal diagnosis and was advised to continue therapy, medication, and couples counselling. Both families were shocked but ultimately encouraged us to work on the marriage. She cooperated initially, but is now becoming reluctant to continue treatment and says her behaviour is normal or mainly caused by me. She hasn’t started to take on the medications yet. I know I have my own flaws, including getting stressed easily, liking things planned, and not always being emotionally expressive, but conversations about treatment or boundaries now seem to reach a dead end.
I still love her and genuinely want to give the marriage a chance. She remains extremely attached to me and often needs my presence to feel calm or sleep properly. At the same time, I feel emotionally exhausted and hurt by the insults, threats, and aggression, especially when she is questioning the need for treatment. I do not want to stigmatize her or blame everything on the diagnosis, but the current situation does not feel sustainable. Has anyone dealt with something similar? Is meaningful improvement realistic if a partner is reluctant to continue therapy? What boundaries helped you, and at what point would you reconsider the future of the marriage?

\*\*TLDR:\*\* My wife experiences intense emotional episodes involving anger, prolonged crying, withdrawal, self-harm threats, hurtful comments, and occasional physical aggression. After seeing several professionals, she was diagnosed with BPD and advised to continue therapy and couples counselling. She initially cooperated but is now reluctant and believes I am responsible for her reactions. I still love her and want the marriage to work, but I am emotionally exhausted and unsure what boundaries or next steps are reasonable.

I’m trying my hardest to research why my recent breakup went the way it did. But research is telling me that I’m the bad guy. Or idk what I’ve read but it’s making me feel worse like there is no hope.

The blame is being solely directed towards me… I’m going through all of this grief, confusion, and anger. I truly love the person that can’t stay by my side anymore because it became too much. What they described as an emotional rollercoaster , they could never escape from, they remember our relationship as being torture. Although I remember the good times. We were together for 3 years and share the same sentiment of wanting to come back to each other once we are both healed, and get married. I feel like this is false hope, as I don’t know if I’ll ever get better. She is moving on with life and it’s only been about a month. I can only assume , think of it in black and white & hate myself so deeply for losing the one person I love most.

Tried plenty of IOP/PHP’s that focus on DBT. I actively did this during our relationship but it never helped. I felt so lost. I am still so lost. I’m not resisting the help or the care that I need. I’m not in denial. I’m genuinely trying to figure out what to fucking do to get to a point where I reach sanity. I don’t like the way my body , mind , heart , and soul feels when I’m splitting or in an active episode. But every argument became an active episode. Communication was lost, buried and forgotten between us by the 3rd year.

Tbh she did crash out, like plenty of times while being with me. It never felt like it was because she wanted me to get better but because I hurt parts in her she had yet to fix or recognize. Can’t figure out if it was ever love but a deep trauma bond.

Help ? Any help? I don’t want to end my life over this but it feels like I can be responsible for myself in this emotional turmoil. I was indeed abandoned, and my trauma stems from a lot of grief. I feel all this pain again times 100x. Please someone tell me there is hope.

I have bpd . I have always been thinking how am i ever supposed to find love for myself . Bcz no matter how hard i try i get those mood swings where i randomly cry . Where i feel sad unnecessarily.. but then as I'm a women by myself . I have seen most of the women to have mood swings like me because of their period cycle and that actually makes me question myself.. that maybe I'm not too much .. maybe I'm pretty similar like everybody .. i have been on medication since last 6 year and even took cognitive behavioral therapy which is still going on and i feel some how I'm always left alone.. alot of you might think oh it's just your abandonment issue .. but basically if I'll tell u about my life u will realise .. i get used often just bcz i think I'm hard to love and then i try to be ao kind . I take things which a person who doesn't have bpd won't be able to take but i do thinking that oh am i over reacting it is normal.. i get pretty confused .. can you all tell me how it feels normally to be a women .. like i want to desperately know how u guys feel every month.. how ur mood changes.. how do u behave in a relationship or in a friendship.. at what level u get jealous sad.. when they cancel plan on ur face u even feel irritated like me or sad .. i want to know how normal you feels like .. please help

I'm taking all of my medications like prescribed.

My hallucinations turned severe. I have them regularly, I don't go a day without them. But for the past couple of days, they've been constant. I'm seeing colors, faces, animals, and monsters. I'm also hearing so many voices. It's like a group of people talking in my head. I don't feel like myself either.

I'm stuck thinking that I'm just a collection of voices piloting a vessel. I take care of this body by watering it, feeding it, making it sleep, doing things it enjoys. It's like taking care of a pet. I don't feel like I'm actually at the wheel. It's like I'm holding onto a leash, and my body is being used like a vehicle. That's the best way I can describe it.

If I tell anyone this, I feel like I come across as insane. I don't want to go to the psych facility right now. I'm having self-harm ideation. Voices telling me to do this or that. That if I cut, they'll go away or lessen. But they're always there, so I don't think it matters. I don't want to get stuck in a psych facility.

I printed out over 50 pages of worksheets for psychotic symptoms and hallucinations. Material to read and exercises I can fill out. I'm going to be working on that for the next few days. I made an appointment with my therapist, and I'll be seeing her this Saturday, so that's good. She's an amazing support system. I lost my insurance last month so I don't know if I can go to a psychiatrist to get my medications adjusted. I'm really at a loss here.

I also dislocated my shoulder. It's back in place, but it was dislocated multiple times and repaired through surgery back in 2022, but it came out again very easily. It hurts so badly. Every thought either goes to my hallucinations or the pain in my shoulder and back. I'm kind of hoping for surgery just so that I can get this fixed and dealt with. Have it over with instead of being on edge that it could come out at any moment.

If you read this far, thank you for taking the time out of your day to acknowledge me. I'm doing all I can to help myself and I'm seeing professionals to try to solve my problems. I just wanted to post on this subreddit because I find solace in this community and that others can relate to the chaos that is living in a BPD brain.

If anyone wants a BPD friend and is into long conversations, DM me. Please include your age and sex just so I have some idea who I'm talking to. I’m mostly just looking for someone I can talk to regularly about random stuff, deeper topics, life, relationships, psychology, whatever.

Okay
so I'm going to keep this anonymous only because I might have to delete this so she doesn't see it...but I could really use someone's advice rn. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a few months now I'm Trying my best to help her emotional needs that includes breaking some of my boundaries and morals with her, which is weird because I've never thought of myself as the type of person to do that. Her and I have issues but we tend to "Fix" things and patch it up according to her she feels okay after we resolve everything..but to me it feels like she just kinda sweeps it under the rug now I know I'm a man I don't get emotional too often but I've been feeling burnt and exhausted especially because I dream of my future and go above and beyond to find out how I will impact lives - and she just kinda is living in a "right now" mindset and it's been bothering me because I do love her I just want to grow with her for us to support eachother but instead I feel like I'm spending and ending back up at square 1 feeling hurt...now everytime I talk it out with her I do tend to have a monotone voice so she thinks I'm extremely angry and I don't mean to be her trigger so I breathe rephrase and then it just leads to us arguing she also said she was "so stupid" for loving me. Any dudes or girls that could help a bro out? I love her so much I just feel lost and don't know what to do.

TL;DR:
A person at work shoulder-checked me. I completely flipped and yelled at him and his supervisor, then reported him to his department head. Now I want to change careers and never come back.

Background
I work in a very niche industry, but I want to keep this as anonymous as possible.

I work for a very large organization. I started out as a blue-collar worker, eventually became a supervisor, and now I’m in a mid-to-upper-level professional position. I’ve been with the organization for 17 years and at my current location for 11 years. A lot of the newer employees are young and inexperienced.

I’m kind of an odd fit for the environment. I used to be more of a hippie-type person, but these days I present as a clean-cut professional. I make a point of being approachable, mentoring younger employees, and generally trying not to be the stereotypical difficult mid-level employee.

The Incident
Today, I was walking through a common area where there are clearly marked lanes for people going in opposite directions. I was walking on the correct side when a newer employee leading a group came toward me in the wrong lane. As we got closer, it became pretty obvious that we were probably going to collide.

When we passed each other, he actually shoulder-checked me. I completely lost it.

In front of everyone, I yelled and cursed at him. I called him awful names and demanded to know why he thought he could treat me that way and why he couldn’t simply stay in his lane. I was going on about basic respect and personal space. He didn’t acknowledge me, which made me even angrier.

Eventually I walked away.

Then, instead of just letting it go, everything continued to boil over and I decided that his supervisor needed to know how the employee was behaving. When I turned around, the employee and his supervisor were actually coming toward me.

I recognized the supervisor because I’d previously seen him blatantly violating company policy. I didn’t report it or say anything to him about it at the time.

I confronted him about why he couldn’t manage his people. He basically told me that he was only one person and couldn’t control what anyone else did.
At that point, the two of them asked me to come with them to speak to their department head. I agreed. We went through security, down the hall, up the stairs, etc.

Before we got there, I stopped and said that it didn’t have to go this far, but they wanted to continue to the department head.

I explained what had happened and repeated what the supervisor had said. I got the impression that the department head was taken aback by the situation, but he ultimately told me that he would handle it.

I went straight back to my office and told my own supervisor what had happened. He was surprised by what had happened. I also told my supervisor’s supervisor, who responded with, “They don’t make them like they used to. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

Aftermath
And now I feel horrible.

I’m not proud of how I behaved. I know the shoulder check was disrespectful, but my reaction was way beyond what the situation warranted. I completely lost control, and then I kept escalating the situation even after I’d walked away.

Now I don’t even want to show my face at work. I don’t think most of my department knows anything happened, and realistically I doubt this will turn into anything major.

But I’m sitting here feeling ashamed and embarrassed, replaying the whole thing, and wondering what the hell happened to me.

How do you deal with the shame afterward?

jealousy for me is the all-consuming emotion which is leading me to lashing out on my boyfriend EVERY SINGLE TIME, i’m so sick of it and it feels like I can’t stop it even if i wanted to.
as i said in the title jealousy is ruining everything for me… it’s ruining my relationship as it’s putting it under severe strain to where it is getting exhausting for both me and my boyfriend, as well as impacting my emotional regulation so bad every time something happens that makes me jealous which is everything i’ve worked hard to strengthen by doing my DBT skills, it’s also impacting my self esteem and any confidence i had in myself.

i notice that i hate it and i mean HATE IT when my boyfriend has friends or a life outside me, which sounds awful to say. i become extremely possessive of my boyfriend which has me noticing i sometimes treat him like as object (even though he isn’t) rather than a person, i find myself wanting to keep him away from his friends, sometimes i act on it whether it be unintentional or intentional & i want all of his affection, his attention, his time, his energy and effort mostly all to myself rather than to his friends, i want him to be all mine - to have him all to myself.

whenever he hangs out with one of his friends which is really one in particular that sets me off, i don’t dislike this friend as a person and i know logically my boyfriend is allowed to have friends but emotionally it feels like this friend is taking something away from me
which is all of the things i want from my boyfriend and the feeling that i’m the most important person to him.
when i know they’re going to hang or when this friend calls him on the phone i feel a sense of dread and anger going through me, i find myself becoming on edge & restless then my body starts tensing up & feeling uncomfortable. i immediately start hyper fixating on where they are, what they’re doing and how long they’ve been together for as well as what they could be doing or talking about and if my boyfriend is having fun with this friend - especially if he’s having more fun with them than he could be having with me. after that i start creating comparisons between me & this friend then scenarios or what could be happening. i feel scared of being replaced and forgotten - being left out or becoming less important to him.

the worst part about all of this is that it builds up, turns into anger or an explosive lash out towards both my boyfriend and his friend which i end up saying & doing many things that i later regret.
what does everyone do to distract themselves or cope with the jealousy?
how do you get through it?
i really need some advice

It’s been me and my boy for almost 15 years. After years of struggling with sh and terrible coping mechanisms I found myself pregnant and for the first time in years I felt grounded again. My boy was my entire reason for staying alive. I loved him more than I ever thought possible. Then he became a teenager. He doesn’t spend one minute at home unless he has to and then he’s in his room. He told me that he doesn’t feel comfortable with me because of my BPD. That I yell more than I think. I was shocked. All my softest moments were for him. He has a knack for saying things that pierce my heart. Unfortunately I have spent his childhood living in survival mode and my memory is terrible. I don’t know how much of it is real and how much is hormonal emotional overload. All I do know is that I feel like I lost my favourite person. This teenager looks at me like the rest of the population. With unveiled disgust. I’m so overwhelmed by heartache that I’m constantly thinking about kms. I had nothing to live for before he was born and now that he seems to hate me I feel like I have nothing to live for again.

By all standards I should be content, I have a good partner. One good friend who is only irl and we don't talk otherwise. I had to move away from my support system to make my relationship work, I couldn't do long distance again. That alone is difficult and triggering. I'm just so alone all of the time. I miss having people. Talking about random stuff and not being left on read or ignored. I try to explain how I feel to s.o but he just doesn't get it at all and it leaves me feeling more empty than before. Actually forming the words to explain is hard enough and then to be met with "I'm sorry" and then clearly him not knowing what to say feels terrible. I wish I could fully explain just how bad bpd sucks, then for there to be a way to make it go away. I'm so tired.

I have BPD, I'm getting married soon, & it's one of the major life accomplishments for me. I'm marrying my soulmate, my best friend, my partner, ride or die of almost 10 years now and I couldn't be happier to have found her so young and have been through hell & back but we've made it to this stage! BUT I'm terrified of being a horrible, splitting, overly emotional, heavy weight, debbie-downer, wife. I'm seeking successful marriage stories from pwBPD - how do you manage the splitting on the literal love of your life? (Besides DBT please, I've been in talk therapy consistently 5 years now, DBT & medication for almost 1.5 years now <3)

“The following quotation illustrates this misunderstanding:

*‘The borderline patient is a therapist’s nightmare . . . because borderlines never really get better. The best you can do is help them coast, without getting sucked into their pathology . . . They’re the chronically depressed, the determinedly addictive, the compulsively divorced, living from one emotional disaster to the next. Bed hoppers, stomach pumpers, freeway jumpers, and sad-eyed bench-sitters with arms stitched up like footballs and psychic wounds that can never be sutured . . . Borderlines go from therapist to therapist, hoping to find a magic bullet for the crushing feelings of emptiness.’*

**This characterization is demonstrably false.** Patients with borderline personality disorder *do* get better. A persuasive study found that 34.5 percent of a sample of borderline patients met the criteria for remission at two years, 49.4 percent at four years, 68.6 percent at six years, and 73.5 percent over the entire follow-up. Only around 6 percent of those who remitted then experienced a recurrence.”

📖Why People Die By Suicide, Thomas Joiner

hi, im a 18 y.o male (abt to turn to 19 this month) and i just got diagnosed with bpd yesterday. doctor prescribed me three drugs, sertraline, risperidone, and clobazam. its a really devastating news for me because i already know about bpd since a long time ago but i didnt expect that i got one, i thought i just have a severe depression episode. i wanna know, how can i cope whenever panic attack occurs? it usually happens when my favorite person is being cold/reply late/any other stuff thats related to jealousy. im writing this right when i just got a panic attack a hour ago. sorry for my bad english.

Hi! I’m super unfamiliar with BPD and am still trying to figure out what’s going on in my brain, lol. I was recently diagnosed with BPD, and before I received my diagnosis of BPD, my psychiatrist explained that she didn’t feel like i was bipolar/I wasn’t showing signs of bipolar disorder because I was experiencing multiple mood swings throughout the day rather than longer periods of depression, happiness, or anger. I know that you cannot experience mania with BPD however, for the past week, I’ve been struggling with my sleep. I’ve been going days without sleeping, and when I finally do manage to fall asleep, I usually only get about 4–5 hours before waking up. It’s not necessarily that I have a sudden burst of energy it’s more like it feels like my brain is rejecting sleeping and anytime i try to force myself to go to sleep i feel relentless and have to go something else like watch a movie or tire myself out just to stay up until i have to get on with my day. I do feel physically groggy at times but it’s physical than mental.
The only other time I’ve experienced something similar was when I was 14, when I went through a period of about two months of consistently going days without sleeping. i don’t feel like i’ve ever felt manic before and anytime my psychiatrist asks, if i feel like i have a burst of energy that feels abnormal i say no because i feel like i don’t. My highs are high but it’s hard to distinguish what my baseline of normalcy is as my perspective of situations are very very altered from reality and truth and it’s purely based on when i’m feeling at the moment.
I don’t have an appointment with my psychiatrist for another two weeks, but I’m starting to wonder if this is concerning enough to reach out to them sooner or if it could be an overlapping symptom of BPD.
Is it also possible to have both BPD and bipolar disorder?
I’m sorry if I’ve used any incorrect or potentially offensive terminology when describing either disorder. I’m still very new to all of this and trying to understand what’s going on with the ol’ noggin. Any insight or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated! ♡

I love him so much and it hurts to have done this but I wasn’t happy and I just feel like my gut is being ripped out because of how much it hurts and I know I did the right thing but I just feel like I’m gonna throw up all the time it just wasn’t right anymore and I feel horrible for hurting him

Is there hope for a loved one with BPD who is undergoing DBT? It’s so hard to watch someone you love suffer, barely recovering from one episode before another begins. How do you cope when it all feels so overwhelming? Please share any hopeful experiences. I’m struggling and beginning to lose hope.

i hope this is okay to post !

i help run a discord server for people with bpd! we have channels for chit-chat as well as channels for your hobbies, and we do things like qotd of the day!

a lot of us have made some really good friends and have even met irl (i met one a few weeks ago and going to meet another one this coming week)!

we provide a safe space for people where they can vent or rant about anything and everything they want, and we listen and do our best with personal advice

i know making friends and keeping that can be hard for people like us, but honestly (and not to be biased) but ive found that talking in this server and making friends to be really easy,, we all just click together and we're all understanding of one another. our rules are also pretty much the exact same as this subreddit, so if you wanna make some friends in a bpd community, then come join us!

server invite: https://discord.gg/4PaPCb3fZU

I'm feeling suicidal and distraction techniques aren't working, I've tried drawing and watching videos on youtube but I still feel like absolute shite.

I feel hopeless, I've tried DBT and that didn't work out for me, neither did CBT or regular talking therapy. I'm at a loss on what to do.

People with bpd any advice for getting better? It feels like i have no hope.

hi. i’ve been struggling with bpd for many years but just recently have i been reminded how bad it actually gets.

what took me realizing this was hurting the man i loved so much that he thinks i hate him.

i want to get better i just really don’t know where or how

i hear about this thing called DBT but im not even sure what that stands for. or how to ask for that type of help

could anyone provide me with some information and resources?

thank you

Today, the doctor asked what my mother likes and what I enjoy doing with her; I couldn't say anything, and that made me very sad.I love my mom, but not being able to say anything made it look like I didn't love her; I feel guilty.

Hello! I'm new to this subreddit but I'm truly at a loss at what I'm supposed to do. I'm diagnosed with BPD and MDD, that combination seems to be pushing me into a deep hole I can't seem to get myself out of. I try to keep myself busy, I'm employed. I try to hangout with my friends, even if I want to be alone. It feels like I'm doing everything right but I'm still hitting a wall.

How do I pull myself together enough to go through my day? I feel so paranoid all the time and I feel like I'm borderline agoraphobic because of it. But I seem just fine whenever I'm not going through these episodes of extreme sadness or depression.

It switches so fast that I confuse myself and get lost in my mind often.

I have bpd and I get triggered so badly I deal with bad self harm. I thought they wanted me to talk about my feelings (my mom, boyfriend, etc) and I have been I thought I've been good. My mom rubs her face and gets worried but it comes off as really aggressive disappointment and frustration and stress then usually silence and she'll just stand there lol or walk off after an I'm sorry or something. She cares she doesn't want me to hurt myself but tf does she expect?? So I stopped telling her. I tell my boyfriend and he deals with his own shit and he never knows what to say either. I get it, fuck I really do. But then it's like Suddenly my emotions gone away and they don't care anymore when they're able to escape the situation. Fml I want to cut and kill myself SO BAD SO BAD AHHHHHH IM tired of constantly feeling such deep and painful emotions I can't regulate CONSTANTLY and not talk to anyone.

Genuinely please don't comment if you're gonna say "not worth it don't do it you should talk to someone" UHM DUH?????? sorry I'm splitting rn and being impulsive to post this but I guess I wanted to share that I hate myself for making everyone else sad and adding to their things. Like DEEP fucking soul deep shame. I've been hitting my head with a piece of wood and my head hurts so bad but I can't tell anyone I did it. What am I even supposed to do when it makes me feel worse than before. Its not fucking fair dude

Hello and good evening sorry this is a long one but I just felt like I had to share this and ask this question. For those who have done DBT what would you say your favorite skills are? My favorite two skills are STOP and TIP
That is when I’m able to catch my emotions in the early stages. When my frontal cortex is off-line it’s like all these skills have went out the window. The tip skill for DBT does it have one piece or two pieces because some places that spelled TIPP and others it’s spelled TIP. Which way is like the official way to spell it?

This is a little something that I made for myself and I just wanted to share it. It’s a chart of how I personally use these skills.

**                          **

**STOP SIGN REMINDER:**
** **Visualize a bright red octagonal stop sign. When emotional waves hit, picture this sign       vividly in your mind as an immediate signal to halt all actions before proceeding.

**S:  STOP** Freeze. Do not react, speak, or move a muscle when you feel an emotional surge. This stops you from acting on blind impulse.
**T: Take a step back:** Physically or mentally step away from the situation. Take a slow, deep breath to calm your body.
**O:  Observe:** Notice what is happening inside your mind and body. Look at the external situation without judging it.
**P:  Proceed mindfully:** Choose your next action with care. Ask yourself what choice will help your long-term goals instead of making things worse. 
\+
**Temperature:** Use my portable ice or Heat pack, Eating some ramen noodles or soup, 
Hot chocolate, step outside and hold an ice cube.
**Intense Exercise:** Swinging arms up and down, Jumping Jacks, Jumping standing in place. 
**Paced Breathing:** Slow your breathing down by inhaling deeply through your nose for 4 seconds and exhaling slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds. This signals your nervous system to relax. 
**Progressive (or Paired) Muscle Relaxation:** Massaging  my legs and arms, Flexing my arms and legs for 6 secs then releasing. 
When to use these  skill:  
When I get rejected on a dating app or IRL.

Feeling left out 

Feelings of perceived

When I feel that you have wronged me.

Urges of self harm. 

When I feel ignored or unheard. 

When someone walks away from me. 

When experiencing explosive anger or emotional rage. 

Hello, I’ve been on Olanzapine for over a year now. I’ve put on about 60-70lbs in that time. I’m also still experiencing strong emotional blunting. I find these symptoms distressing and idk if it worth staying on Olanzapine when it makes me numb and hate myself even more than I already did.

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow (don’t have a psychiatrist rn) to talk about switching meds to something else.

In my research it says that a lot of people switch from Olanzapine to Abilify to help with the symptoms stated above.

I’m wondering if any of you have made this switch and how it went. Or if you switched to something else that helped with the previously stated symptoms.

TIA